Nephew update: he's suspended from school (last post)

[yoda]

Oh my...

I hope he returns safe and sound.

[Lindaloo]

Danielle, now is the time for that boot camp.

[TexasStooge]

Danielle, now is the time for that boot camp.

Well said.

[LAwxrgal]

Hello all, thanks for the prayers and support. He is home safely. He called his mother apparently from one of his so-called "friend"'s houses last night, and she sent someone to go pick him up. According to her, he offered no explanation as to where he was, why he left, or anything. She says he went to school this morning, grouchy as ever.

[tropicana]

He certainly seems to be going through some kind of personal turmoil in his life. I hope he gets some help soon.

[TexasStooge]

I hope he gets some help soon.

Same here.

[brunota2003]

Isn't there boot camps for teens, not the "your in trouble with the police" ones though, the ones for unruly teens...hey, you can send him over here...he will straighten up in this house hold real quick...I hope you find something that will straighten him out...and what he is doing does sound like he is experimenting with drugs/alcohol...giving his "friend" his expense shoes for no reason? no reason my butt...there is a reason, he just doesnt want to say why...his mother should be figuring out why...but according to you, couldnt give a rats rear end about it...I would strongly suggest, such as everyone else here has, finding a local bootcamp and dragging him by his ear to it...or maybe military school? would that work? my prayers are out to your family in finding the right solution to these problems...

[LAwxrgal]

And the beat goes on...

When he was here last weekend, we tried to talk to him and tell him to stop doing what he's doing. It doesn't seem to have helped.

We heard just yesterday afternoon (from my sister herself) that he stole $20 from a family friend's wallet. His mother found the money underneath the front steps. She says he was the only one that went outside, and therefore he was the only one who could have put the money there.

This incident seems to have shaken her up a little bit, definitely more so than the "runaway" episode last week.

I know $20 isn't much, but heavens, when they start stealing those amounts, they'll progress to larger amounts... geez, he has no reason to steal! I've spoken again to the teacher and his behavior at school has not improved. I know for sure that he's hanging with a bad crowd, he wouldn't be doing what he's doing if he weren't. But he doesn't listen to me, my mother, or anyone else at this point.

I'm afraid there are no easy answers, and the more this goes on, the more drastic the measures have to be to stop this.

His birthday is Monday, he'll be 14. At this rate he won't make it to 15.

[HurricaneGirl]

LAwxgal,

You have prayers coming for you mom and nephew from Jacksonville too. I pray that things turn around for him soon and he realizes what he's putting you all through without something bad happening to him first. Hang in there girl.

[coriolis]

I have a son who has been in a lot of trouble. Your nephew might have to hit bottom first before he decides to turn around. In cases like this, getting arrested can be the best thing for him, believe it or not.

Sending a kid to boot camp on your own is extremely expensive. It's like $100 a DAY. That's probably beyond the means for most parents, especially a single mom.

My son has been in and out of trouble for about 5 years now. Deep down he's a good kid, but made a series of bad choices, basically because it's fun. He gets caught up in the moment and doesn't think that he'll get caught. We went through all those things with him, staying out late, skipping school, stealing, etc. too. We had to call the police to the house many times. Once when he came home drunk and we had the police give him a breathalyzer right in his own room. Over the years he's been in foster homes, special schools, etc. He's coming home from boot camp in two weeks. While I have to pay child support ($340 is taken out my pay every two weeks) it's still a lot cheaper than doing it on your own. He is coming home from boot camp in about two weeks.

Kids like this will not respond to being talked to. Just like several of his cousins who didn't wise up until they were in his 20's, about all we can do is "manage" him so that hopefully he'll survive that long and there's no permanant damage. You reach a point where you realize that he's not going to accept your discipline and that he's going to make his own choices. What I see is that they still have the values deep inside, but they rationalize, justify, and make excuses for their behavior. It can take a long time for them to wake up.

I've seen parents who beat their kid down and try to restrict or even imprison them, thinking that they are going to "win." You can't imprison someone's mind, and you're not going to "win" a knockdown, dragout battle. If you do that, these kids are either going to run away or turn violent towards their parents. The parent has to work smart with these kids. You can't whine, plead, or belittle them. You have to pick battles that you can win decisively. You might have to buy a safe to keep your valuables. I'm not going to walk through the bad part of town counting my money. Likewise, I'm not going to leave my wallet sitting on top of my dresser.

Fortunately my son won't be able to get a driver's license until several years past 16 because of truancies from school. Once he's home, he'll be going to a special school with less freedom. I think that the boot camp was good for him. Right now he's the model of self discipline and we get a good report every time. There's some kids that even screw up bootcamp! He has it in him, but it's going to be up to him.

My stepdaughter went through the same thing. Now that she's 22 she has her head on straight and is doing well.

The most important thing is to preserve a relationship and let them know that you don't hate them. When they do wise up they won't hate you either. This isn't coddling them. It's being smart and realistic. From what you describe, your sister is just shutting him out.

Our other three boys are great. Like most parents, we've done some things right and some things wrong. Some kids just have hard heads and have to learn the hard way.

[GalvestonDuck]

She says he went to school this morning, grouchy as ever.

we tried to talk to him and tell him to stop doing what he's doing...

Clearly, there's a deeper rooted problem that's leading to his running away and stealing. Besides talking to him and telling him to stop, someone needs to try to get him to open up and talk himself...and whoever that is needs to listen. It will take some patience and probably pulling teeth to break down whatever wall is keeping him from letting you guys in to know what the real problem is....why he's acting out...why he's seeking the wrong kind of attention. He might not talk to you, or his mother, or his counselor. But he needs to talk to someone who can peel away the layers and get to the core of what's causing his behavior.

[alicia-w]

Sending a kid to boot camp on your own is extremely expensive. It's like $100 a DAY. That's probably beyond the means for most parents, especially a single mom.

If that had been the case for our middle son, we would GLADLY have done that, however $100 a day is CHEAP. Most of these brat camps run about $10000 or more. Boot camp is usually a punishment imposed by a judge. These private intervention camps or residential tretment programs are exorbitantly expensive.

[JenBayles]

Good job Coriolis.

[LAwxrgal]

My apologies for the lack of updates in the last two weeks, I have been busy at work, and nothing really has changed, my nephew is still out of control.

As I type right now he's suspended from school. I asked him when I saw him yesterday why he was suspended, he gave me this curt little response like, "I was talking in class."

So I called the school again, and asked the teacher why he was suspended. The way she tells it, he "was disruptive." I asked, in what way, because when I was going to school, kids weren't suspended merely for "being disruptive." Needless to say, I was dissatisfied with her response. She ssems like one of those teachers who just likes getting paid.

I've also been grabbing his assignments from the school's website.

I've been spending some online time investigating boot camps for him, at fourteen something needs to be done before he gets any worse. I want my sweet little nephew back...

[TexasStooge]

Wishing you the best and hoping your nephew gets all the help he needs to get back on the straight and narrow.

[LAwxrgal]

The reason I'm doing this is because it's not like his mom is getting better. I thought initially after David ran away that she was showing some concern but I think she's still in denial. The teacher said that he only had to do one more thing to be kicked out for the entire year. I can't handle my 14 year old nephew being out of school for an entire year!

P.S. He's in the seventh grade. He was born in October, so that's one year. He lost another year because he had had problems in school and his mom was too wrapped up in her relationship (with the youngest boy's father) to see to him.

P.P.S. I could probably do a reality show about my family but it would be so far beyond the reaches of belief that nobody would buy it.

[Tstormwatcher]

Since your sis doesn't care that much about her child then maybe social services needs to be invloved. Maybe that will wake her up.

[Lindaloo]

Try Camp Shelby. I know a few teens who are going there now.

[TexasStooge]

P.P.S. I could probably do a reality show about my family but it would be so far beyond the reaches of belief that nobody would buy it. [/i][/size]

E! Entertainment already took care of that, they're airing a family reality show called "House Of Carters".

[Ptarmigan]

I am sorry to hear that. Your sister really needs to change for her son's sake. I feel sorry for your nephew.