"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Scandal brews over tea-for-urine switch

BEIJING (Reuters) - A group of Chinese reporters came up with a novel idea to test how greedy local hospitals were -- pass off tea as urine samples and submit the drink for tests.

The results: six out of 10 hospitals in Hangzhou, the capital of the rich coastal province of Zhejiang, visited by the reporters over a two-day period this month concluded that the patients' urinal tracts were infected.

Five of the hospitals prescribed medication costing up to 400 yuan ($50), the online edition of the semi-official China News Service (http://www.chinanews.com) said in a report seen on Wednesday. Of the hospitals, four were state-owned.

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And I thought the current VA hospital in Dallas was bad.

Staying on the urine topic...
[hr]
Boy puts urine in teacher's coffee pot

MUNCIE, Ind. - An eighth-grader faces expulsion after admitting he put urine in a teacher's coffee pot, officials said. The Wilson Middle School teacher noticed that the coffee had an unusual odor Friday and reported it to the principal, Muncie Community Schools officials said. A student who overheard classmates discussing it also reported the incident to officials.

Urine was found in the locker of the eighth-grade boy, who admitted to putting some in the coffee, authorities said.

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You're in (urine) deep trouble, mister.

Staying on the smelly topic...
[hr]
13-year-old wins rotten sneaker contest

By JOHN CURRAN, Associated Press Writer

MONTPELIER, Vt. - Thirteen-year-old Katharine Tuck's sneakers are equal opportunity offenders. They smell as bad as they look. Now, the Utah seventh grader is $2,500 richer because of it: On Tuesday, she out-ranked six other children to win the 32nd annual National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest, stinking up the joint with a pair of well-worn 1 1/2-year-old Nikes so noxious they had the judges wincing.

"I'm so proud of the little stinker," said her mother, Paula Tuck.

Ah, the foul smell of success.

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One whiff and
[hr]
Opera star wins "underwear throwing" case

SYDNEY (Reuters) - New Zealand opera star Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, who refused to perform with an Australian singer because his female fans threw underwear at him, on Wednesday won a lawsuit against her for pulling out of the concert.

The New Zealand soprano pulled out of a series of concerts with Australian rock singer John Farnham in 2005 after watching a DVD in which female fans threw underwear at him on stage.

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Next, see her throw more underwear in the new musical, "Diarrhea".[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]God-fearing villagers snub "satanic" bar codes

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A hundred residents of a Russian village have refused to switch to new passports because they believe the documents' bar codes contain satanic symbols, state television reported Wednesday.

"We believe these new passports are sinful," Valentina Yepifanova, an elderly resident of the village Bogolyubovo, told Rossiya television as she clutched an old, tattered passport she said she wanted to keep.

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I'm not even sure what's goin' on there.
[hr]
Another cop show called "Monk?"

COLOMBO (Reuters) - A Buddhist monk who applied to join Sri Lanka's police force and carry a gun has been turned down -- because he wouldn't give up his saffron robes.

The monk applied for a job as assistant superintendent of police, a rank to which sidearms are issued. It was not immediately clear why the monk wanted the policing job in the first place, but many monks take on jobs as teachers, lecturers and ayurvedic doctors.

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This monk wants to take a risk.
[hr]
Man gets probation for dead deer sex

SUPERIOR, Wis. (AP) - A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of ****** ***ual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn.

"The state believes that particular place is the best to provide treatment for the individual," Assistant District Attorney Jim Boughner said.

Hathaway's probation will be served at the same time as a nine-month jail sentence he received in February for violating his extended supervision.

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OK, now that man has sunk to a new low.
[hr]
Dad says 2-year-old son shot him in arm

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) - Minneapolis police are trying to find out how a 2-year-old boy allegedly ended up with a gun and shot his father. The 24-year-old man walked into Abbott Northwestern Hospital last Saturday with a gunshot wound to his arm. The man told police that his 2-year-old son had taken the gun from his mother's purse and fired it at him.

"I cannot think of the last time a 2-year-old was involved in a shooting," Lt. Amelia Huffman, a police spokeswoman, said Tuesday. "It's a pretty rare thing, thankfully."

Huffman said the 22-year-old mother was home but not in the room at the time. A 4-year-old child also was in the house, but there was no other witness to the shooting.

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Well heck, some parents leave their weapons out in the open.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Declaration nets lucky owner huge profit

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - A rare 1823 copy of the Declaration of Independence sold at auction for $477,650 by a man who found it last year in a Nashville thrift store for $2.48.

Michael Sparks, a music equipment technician, sold the document Thursday at Raynors' Historical Collectible Auctions in Burlington, N.C.

Six bidders contended for the document, most by phone or Internet, when bidding opened at $125,000. The identity of the winner was not disclosed.

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Years from now, he'll end up on "Antiques Roadshow".
[hr]
Woman buys over $1K in tainted pet food

BEAUFORT, S.C. (AP) - A woman said she was so worried about reports of tainted pet food she spent more than $1,000 buying all the product she could find at her local Wal-Mart. Margaret Trask said she filled a shopping cart full of canned pet food made by Canadian company Menu Foods at the Beaufort Wal-Mart after hearing about the recall Friday.

She returned Wednesday morning to buy more food and came back that night to buy even more, but Trask said store officials asked her to leave. She said store employees were taking some of the food off the shelves.

Trask plans to throw the food away so no animals eat it. She figures she spent more than $1,000.

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She could've saved the $1,000.
[hr]
N.J. baker gets jumbo-sized bread order

By WAYNE PARRY, Associated Press Writer

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. - Frank Formica's task is bigger than a loaf of bread but smaller than an elephant. Actually, it IS a loaf of bread for an elephant. Make that 300 loaves of bread for a half-dozen elephants.

His business, Formica Brothers, has a contract with Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus to bake 300 jumbo-sized loaves of special-recipe whole wheat bread for the elephants who'll be performing through the weekend at the city's Boardwalk Hall.

The high-fiber, two-foot long loaves weigh three pounds each and are designed to help the elephants with their digestion. The first shipment was to be delivered Friday.

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Frank also ordered 100 boxes of hamwinkies as well.
[hr]
Arkansas students' balloon lands in N.C.

TARBORO, N.C. (AP) - Twenty-two years ago, Mahlon Webb Jr. wrote a note, put it in a bottle and tossed it into the ocean at a North Carolina Beach. Five years ago, he got a call from a woman on Grand Cayman Island saying she'd found the bottle.

Last week, Webb made the same type of call, this time to an Arkansas school where children sent a balloon aloft with a note attached.

Webb, 34, is a golf course superintendent in Tarboro and found the balloon March 12 as he rode around the course checking on its condition.

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What are the chances of that?[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Love in the air for one lucky couple

LONDON (Reuters) - Love will literally be in the air for one lucky couple as a local English radio station offers a chance to join the mile high club over America.

Big L radio in the sleepy English coastal town of Frinton, some 60 miles northeast of London, is inviting couples for the next week to go on air and describe how they are growing old in a suitably disgraceful manner.

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LOve is in the air. Get it?
[hr]
Pizza boxes carry deadbeat mug shots

By LISA CORNWELL, Associated Press Writer

CINCINNATI - Customers at some suburban pizza parlors are getting something extra with their pepperoni and mushrooms — wanted posters for parents accused of failing to pay child support.

The idea came to Cynthia Brown, executive director of the Butler County Child Enforcement Agency, while she was ordering pizza.

"It suddenly dawned on me that most people running from the law don't eat out, they order pizza," said Brown, whose county is north of Cincinnati.

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Of course, some deadbeat dad may do something stupid like enter a pizza parlor.
[hr]
Schoolgirls find there's no C in Ribena

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - Global drugs giant GlaxoSmithKline faces a court case on Tuesday for misleading advertising after two 14-year-olds found its popular blackcurrant drink Ribena contained almost no vitamin C.

High school students Anna Devathasan and Jenny Suo tested the children's drink against advertising claims that "the blackcurrants in Ribena have four times the vitamin C of oranges" in 2004.

Instead, the two found the syrup-based drink contained almost no trace of vitamin C.

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Uh-oh! Looks like we have some deadbeat pharmacists.
[hr]
Panda poop to do double duty in China

BEIJING (AP) - There's a new Chinese saying: When life hands you panda poop, make paper. Researchers at a giant panda reserve in southern China are looking for paper mills to process their surplus of fiber-rich panda excrement into high quality paper.

Liao Jun, a researcher at the Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base in Sichuan province, said the idea came to them after a visit to Thailand last year where they found paper made from elephant dung. They thought panda poop would produce an even finer quality paper, he said.

The base is currently in talks with several paper mills on how to turn the droppings of Jing Jing, Ke Bi, Ya Ya and dozens of other pandas at the base into reams of office paper and rolls of wrapping paper, said Liao.

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That's ome kind of paper I'm not writing on.
[hr]
Lap-dancers must pay tax, court says

LONDON (Reuters) - Lap-dancers at one of Britain's biggest strip clubs must pay their own value added tax (VAT) bills, a senior judge ruled on Friday.

In a High Court ruling that could affect dancers at other venues, Mr Justice Mann said it was the women and not their club, Spearmint Rhino, who should foot the bill.

He backed the chain's argument that the self-employed dancers provide the entertainment on offer, rather than the club.

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Maybe next time some ladies will think before becoming strippers.
[hr]
Psychic chat drives fire marshal to quit

MIDDLETON, Wis. (AP) - A fire marshal who admitted consulting online psychics at work didn't need a crystal ball to tell him it was time to resign.

Tom Weber, a 22-year fire veteran, was put on administrative leave nine months ago after he was accused of asking an online psychic on a department computer whether he and others would be successful in getting rid of Middleton's fire chief.

Fire Chief Aaron Harris discovered the query, and said Weber had exchanged e-mails with other people seeking to remove the chief.

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So you're telling me they're gonna do a "Caesar"-like situation?[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Group finds toad the size of a small dog

DARWIN, Australia (AP) - An environmental group said Tuesday it had captured a "monster" toad the size of a small dog.

With a body the size of a football and weighing nearly 2 pounds, the toad is among the largest specimens ever captured in Australia, according to Frogwatch coordinator Graeme Sawyer.

"It's huge, to put it mildly," he said. "The biggest toads are usually females but this one was a rampant male ... I would hate to meet his big sister."

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Ain't that a "croak".
[hr]
$1 parking ticket from 1980 paid off

WAUKESHA, Wis. (AP) - A $1 parking ticket from 1980 has been paid off, after the offender sent the payment along with a $3 late fee to police — without giving a name.

"It's kind of cool that someone took the time to take care of their obligation after 26 years," police Capt. Mike Babe told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel for a story posted online Monday. "Maybe their conscience got to them."

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If only it were that easy with other tickets.
[hr]
NY bus converted into oven for matzos

By JIM FITZGERALD, Associated Press Writer

SPRING VALLEY, N.Y. - It wasn't your typical fire. When police responded to a report that something smelled of smoke in the middle of the night, they found an old school bus that had been converted into a supersized oven for Passover matzos — complete with a smokestack, exhaust fans and working fire.

A building inspector said that while the bakery bus wasn't nearly up to code, it was "very creative."

The derelict red-and-white bus, connected by a plywood passageway to a single-family house, was out of sight of casual passers-by in a Hasidic Jewish neighborhood and had apparently escaped the notice of authorities.

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That's something new.......for any of us anyways.Might as well call it a catering van.
[hr]
Dogs to herd geese from Central Park

NEW YORK (AP) - City officials will use border collies to drive geese away from Central Park's lawns and meadows next month.

A Howell, N.J., company, Geese Police Inc., employs dog handlers who are educated on the behavior of Canada geese and their migratory, nesting and breeding habits. The collies, bred to herd sheep, have a natural instinct to round up geese.

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'Atta boy!!
[hr]
"Runningman" makes it into record books at last

By Paul Hughes

LONDON (Reuters) - More than three years after he finished an epic journey across six continents, Briton Robert Garside has been officially recognised as the first person to run around the world.

Garside, 40, who during his quest called himself the Runningman, on Monday received the approval of Guinness World Records for a 30,000-mile (48,000-km) six-year trek.

"It feels very, very good indeed," Garside told Reuters shortly after hearing the news.

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That's step 1. Step 2: How to avoid the paparazzi.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Owner says dog saved her with 'Heimlich'

CALVERT, Md. (AP) - Toby, a 2-year-old golden retriever, saw his owner choking on a piece of fruit and began jumping up and down on the woman's chest. The dog's owner believes the dog was trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver and saved her life.

Debbie Parkhurst, 45, of Calvert told the Cecil Whig she was eating an apple at her home Friday when a piece lodged in her throat. She attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver on herself but it didn't work. After she began beating on her chest, she said Toby noticed and got involved.

"The next think I know, Toby's up on his hind feet and he's got his front paws on my shoulders," she recalled. "He pushed me to the ground, and once I was on my back, he began jumping up and down on my chest."

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Another year, another miracle pet.
[hr]
World's tallest man marries

BEIJING (AP) - The world's tallest man has married a woman who is more than 2 feet shorter than him, a Chinese newspaper reported Wednesday.

Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-9 herdsman from Inner Mongolia, married 5-foot-6 saleswoman Xia Shujian several days ago, the Beijing New reported.

Bao's 28-year-old bride is half his age and hailed from his hometown of Chifeng even though marriage advertisements were sent around the world, it said.

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It's all about the love, not about the height.
[hr]
110 parakeets looking for a home

SEATTLE (AP) - After receiving complaints from neighbors, Seattle Animal Shelter staffers found 110 parakeets Tuesday in a cage in the living room of a one-bedroom apartment.

"You could hear the noise from the street," animal control officer Neil Deruyter said.

The birds were being kept in unsanitary conditions and were surrendered by their owner, an unidentified man in his 50s who had been collecting them for about five years.

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The birds will be offered to qualified adopters, the Seattle Animal Shelter said. Those wanting to adopt must complete an application and arrive with a bird cage at least 20 inches by 12 inches by 18 inches to adopt one bird, or roughly twice that size to take two.

That's good news...if you're willing to travel to Seattle.
[hr]
Man: Ex' sex change should end alimony

By PHIL DAVIS, Associated Press Writer

CLEARWATER, Fla. - Lawrence Roach agreed to pay alimony to the woman he divorced, not the man she became after a sex change, his lawyers argued Tuesday in an effort to end the payments. But the ex-wife's attorneys said the operation doesn't alter the agreement.

The lawyers and Circuit Judge Jack R. St. Arnold agreed the case delves into relatively unchartered legal territory. They found only a 2004 Ohio case that addressed whether or not a transsexual could still collect alimony after a sex change.

"There is not a lot out there to help us," St. Arnold said.

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Some'll do anything to get out of alimony.
[hr]
Mont. town uses snowplows for tumbleweed

BOZEMAN, Mont. (AP) - Montana residents are used to digging themselves out after heavy snowstorms, but residents of one neighborhood had to put a snowplow to different use: clearing mounds of tumbleweed from their driveways.

Winds flooded a Springhill-area neighborhood with tumbleweed Tuesday, covering sheds, burying mailboxes and blocking a street and driveways.

Residents of Shooting Star Lane were forced to use snowplows and pitchforks to clear the debris.

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I've never heard of a...Tumbleweed Storm.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]No hash matzos?

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Marijuana is not kosher for Passover, a pro-cannabis advocacy group says, advising Jews who observe the week-long holiday's special dietary laws to take a break from smoking the weed.

The Green Leaf Party announced Wednesday that products of the cannabis plant have been grouped by rabbis within a family of foods such as peas, beans and lentils that is off-limits to Jews of European descent during Passover.

The Green Leaf Party, which has made several unsuccessful attempts to win election to parliament on a platform urging marijuana's legalisation, said it was issuing its advisory as a service to Jews who don't want to break ritual law.

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Well good! Smoking Marijuana is bad for our health anyways.
[hr]
Cuban athlete names are ... unusual

By ANNE-MARIE GARCIA and WILL WEISSERT, Associated Press Writers

HAVANA - Major League Baseball gave us Van Lingle Mungo, Mickey Klutts, Urban Shocker and Calvin Coolidge Julius Caesar Tuskahoma McLish. Many a big leaguer has been known as much for his screwball name as his prowess on the diamond.

But in the World Series of weird baseball names, Cuba is a real contender.

Never mind nicknames like that of the Mets' Orlando Hernandez — "El Duque" or "The Duke." This competition is among the names given to players like Danger Guerrero and Vicyohandri Odelin by their own parents.

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Well, it's better than saying "Who's on First, What's on Second, and I Don't Know is on Third".
[hr]
Daredevil condemned for escalator stunt

LONDON (Reuters) - A man who filmed himself skiing down the longest escalator on London's underground rail network was branded "dangerous, stupid and irresponsible" Wednesday.

The man hurtled down nearly 200 feet at Angel tube station with a camera strapped to his head and posted the video on the YouTube Web site.

The 60-second film shows the man climb the escalator, clip on his skis at the top and begin his high-speed descent as onlookers shout out behind him.

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We got another "jacka**" wannabe.
[hr]
Frog-jumping contests duel in Calif.

ANGELS CAMP, Calif. (AP) - A quarrel between the organizers of the Calaveras County Fair and its annual Jumping Frog Jubilee has led to plans for dueling frog-hopping contests this year.

Citing losses due to low turnout at last year's fair, organizers said they couldn't pay the Angels Camp Boosters Club to oversee this year's frog jumping contest. The club has judged the jubilee since its inception in 1928.

Organizers invited boosters to judge this year's contest without pay, but the club decided to organize its own jumping frog contest that could compete with the fair's, said club member Bill Proctor.

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Now, who's gonna croak first?
[hr]
Australian judge faces fraud over speeding ticket

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A former Australian judge, who blamed a dead woman for a speeding offence in his car, has been charged by police and could face a hefty jail sentence over his attempts to avoid a A$77 ($62) traffic fine.

After a long-running investigation that has attracted nationwide publicity, police laid 13 separate charges of perjury, perverting the course of justice and other offences against former judge and human rights advocate Marcus Einfeld.

A Sydney newspaper last year sparked the massive police investigation into the use of statutory declarations to avoid speeding fines after revealing a woman blamed for driving Einfeld's car had died three years before the offence. "It will be alleged that the offences relate to four separate camera detection infringement notices," chief police investigator Colin Dyson told reporters.

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A unicorn made me swerve off the road! I was attacked by monkey's! Uhh... I was abducted by aliens from outer space! Uhh...[/font]

[TexasStooge]

Politician rapped over latex glove pose

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German politician who helped to topple Bavarian premier Edmund Stoiber has been attacked by her colleagues for posing in latex gloves for a magazine.

Gabriele Pauli, a 49-year-old local politician in the Bavaria-based Christian Social Union (CSU), is featured in Park Avenue magazine wearing the long, black gloves.

Her outfit is otherwise conservative but it did not stop extensive German media coverage on Wednesday of the photo shoot.

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And the Devil Wears Prada...
[hr]
Minn. lawmaker lobbies for Tilt-A-Whirl

ST. PAUL (AP) - State Rep. Patti Fritz, DFL-Faribault, has introduced a bill designating the Tilt-A-Whirl the official amusement ride in Minnesota.

Fritz said she's taking up the cause of 52 kindergarten students from her district who say it deserves special attention because it was invented in their town.

"I represent children too," Fritz said, adding, "Minnesotans like to have fun, and it's a fun thing to do."

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Just make sure you don't eat a big breakfast or lunch before ridin' that thing.
[hr]
"Weekender" Cialis promises China marital bliss

By Kirby Chien and Jerker Hellstrom

BEIJING/SHANGHAI (Reuters) - Eli Lilly & Co., maker of impotence drug Cialis, hopes that Chinese couples who might resort to traditional aphrodisiacs or divorce court to resolve sexual problems will seek marital bliss with its own remedy.

The U.S. drugmaker launched a marketing campaign for Cialis in the world's most populous country on Thursday with the release of a survey showing that 45 percent of middle-aged Chinese couples had experienced erectile dysfunction problems.

Since only one-third of those couples had thought about seeking treatment, Lilly believes that efforts to boost awareness of the problem would increase sales of Cialis, whose long-lasting effects have given it the nickname "the weekender."

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If the pill does what it should and you have a certain side effect for 4 hours or more, you should go see a doctor.
[hr]
Revealing jail shower turns case around

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (AP) - A statutory rape case against a 42-year-old charged as a man took on a different look after a jail shower revealed the defendant is actually a woman.

The female victim and several prisoners at the Hamilton County Jail were among those surprised to discover that the person booked in the case as Alexander David Cross is a woman also known as Elaine Ann Cross.

Cross had been in jail awaiting a court appearance Wednesday, where she pleaded guilty to an aggravated statutory rape charge as part of a deal with prosecutors. The charge stems from a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl.

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Oh, my........................

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Green light for visits to red-light district

By Alexandra Hudson

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Amsterdam's sex workers came to work early on Saturday to offer a free look at the city's famed red-light district.

Hundreds of wide-eyed visitors queued in the sunshine to enter the dimly-lit sex clubs and peep shows that draw thousands to the city and to snoop around prostitutes' neon-lit boudoirs.

"I think the open day is a great idea," said Love, an erotic dancer at Amsterdam's Banana Bar, who was on hand to answer questions and pose for photographs in fluorescent negligee.

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If it was my town, they wouldv'e received a red light.
[hr]
Google fools: Web service through toilet

By RACHEL KONRAD, AP Technology Writer

SAN FRANCISCO - Presiding over a company with a market value of $143 billion apparently gives Silicon Valley's most famous billionaires a good sense of humor — and a case of corporate potty mouth. Senior executives at Google Inc. launched their annual April Fools' Day prank Sunday, posting a link on the company's home page to a site offering consumers free high-speed wireless Internet through their home plumbing systems.

Code-named "Dark Porcelain," Google said its "Toilet Internet Service Provider" (TiSP) works with Microsoft Corp.'s new Windows Vista operating system. But sorry — septic tanks are incompatible with the system's requirements.

The gag included a mock press release quoting Google co-founder and president Larry Page, a step-by-step online installation manual, and a scatological selection of Frequently Asked Questions. On some Google sites, the company's official logo — a multicolored "Google" that changes according to the season and on holidays — substituted a commode for the second "g."

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In other words, toilet humor is on the rise.
[hr]
April 1 looms, but hoax expert says times are hard

By Arthur Spiegelman

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - As April Fools' Day looms, the curator of the Museum of Hoaxes has a word of caution for those who want to believe the unbelievable -- a good hoax is hard to find.

Alex Boese, the curator of the museum which exists online only at museumofhoaxes.com -- despite the lovely photographs of its nonexistent headquarters in San Diego -- has issued his annual list of 100 top hoaxes and cautioned, in the interest of truth, that none of the items have changed this year before April 1.

"There are no new entries this year, you have to be pretty good to get on it," said Boese, the author of three books on hoaxes including "Hippo Eats Dwarf, a Field Guide to Hoaxes and Other B.S."

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Another hoax to add: Hamwinkies!
[hr]
Bello the clown's mini-bike returned

By MARCUS FRANKLIN, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - Bello Nock, the daredevil clown, was all smiles Sunday when he was reunited with his lost little bike.

The star of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus thanked Ricky Robinson, who found Bello's shiny foot-high, 6-inch-wide contraption Friday night outside a restaurant on Manhattan's West Side.

"Give me a hug. I need my bike. That is my bike. Thank you, buddy," Bello said, outside Madison Square Garden, where the circus was performing.

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That deserves a "Get Out of 'Hamwinkies' Free Card"!
[hr]
Grieving couple commits suicide after dog dies

HYDERABAD, India (Reuters) - Unable to come to terms with the death of their pet dog, an elderly couple in southern India committed suicide by hanging themselves, police said on Monday.

The bodies of 67-year-old retired soldier C.N. Madanraj and his wife, Tarabai, 63, were found on Sunday in their home in a suburb of Hyderabad.

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I've heard of grieving over the loss of your pet, but suicide is just plain overkill.
[hr]
Boy's vacuum expertise earns him TV shot

ADRIAN, Mich. (AP) - A 12-year-old boy who has collected more than 150 vacuum cleaners says he is learning to identify them by sound. "I'm getting pretty good at it," Kyle Krichbaum told the Detroit Free Press.

Kyle has been in Hollywood taping a game-show pilot where he had to compete against other contestants blindfolded and correctly identify vacuum models, the newspaper said Saturday.

He said he got his first working model at age 3 and keeps part of his collection in his room.

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He's gonna get everyone "sucked" to his program.
[hr]
Sniffer dogs find second pirated-DVD haul

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - Two Malaysian dogs trained to sniff out DVDs have made their second big discovery of pirated movies, leading investigators to a hidden stash worth more than $430,000, a local newspaper said Sunday.

Lucky and Flo, two black Labradors, sniffed out at least 150,000 discs in a secret compartment in a shop in the capital Saturday after anti-piracy officials, acting on a tip-off, raided the place but failed to find anything, the New Sunday Times said.

"They decided to call in the canine brigade," it said. "Within minutes, the two Labrador retrievers sniffed out the hidden discs in a room that could only be accessed by the push of a button hidden under a plug outlet."

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Most of those were Steven Segal's Straight To DVD films.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Man facing trial wins $2,100 on lotto TV

COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) - A man awaiting trial on charges accusing him of bilking $135,000 from three people in a home-repair scam won $2,100 on the Ohio Lottery's television game show. Timothy Snyder, 44, of St. Louisville, had a winning scratch-off ticket that earned him an appearance "Make Me Famous, Make Me Rich," which aired Saturday night.

There are no laws or rules that prevented Snyder from appearing on the show, lottery officials said.

Snyder is scheduled for trial May 29 in Licking County Common Pleas Court on two counts of theft from an elderly person, theft and misuse of a credit card. Snyder, arrested and indicted last year, is free on $5,000 bond.

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If only it were that easy...but I don't think 2 grand will be enough to pay the damages.
[hr]
Wash. man, 101, passes driver's test

LANGLEY, Wash. (AP) - Alden Couch, who celebrated his 101st birthday Monday, just passed his Washington state driver's test and says he did so with flying colors. "I haven't parallel parked for 10 years and I sailed through it like nothing," he said recently.

A resident of the Whidbey Island town of Langley, Couch took a birthday drive down to the local senior center, where his friends threw a party for him. After two cakes and a round of dancing, he drove home, where the phone was ringing with birthday wishes.

Were there 101 candles on his cakes?

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Well, you're never too old to drive.
[hr]
Pair accused of trying to poison teacher

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - Two students were arrested on felony charges that they tried to poison their science teacher by pouring a fabric freshener into her soda, authorities said Monday.

The teacher, 51-year-old Jacqueline Hutchins, was not hurt, the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said. She noticed an odd taste when she sipped her Pepsi on Friday.

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Is it because they flunked the ultimate test and they're willing to blame it on the teacher?[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Prisoner fights her way to freedom?

By Martin Petty

BANGKOK (Reuters) - Thai inmate Samson Sor Siriporn boosted her chances of freedom by beating Japan's Ayaka Miyano to win the vacant women's WBC light-flyweight title at the notorious "Bangkok Hilton" prison Tuesday.

Under the gaze of dozens of prison guards, Siriporn, a convicted drugs dealer, battled through the unforgiving Thai heat to score a unanimous points victory and kick-start parole proceedings for her early release.

"I've been in jail for a long time now, I hope this will see me released early," said Siriporn, flanked by mean-looking guards and surrounded by photographers.

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It's gonna be a showdown between prisoners to see who can fight for their freedom.
[hr]
Kinkajou flees zoo, bites bus passenger

MEXICO CITY (AP) - A kinkajou, also known as a honey bear — that escaped from a Mexico City zoo boarded a bus and attacked a passenger, officials said Tuesday. The kinkajou, which is about the size of a small dog, got on the bus at about 11 p.m. Monday after escaping from the San Juan de Aragon Zoo.

The animal sat next to the bus driver for almost an hour as he drove through the city, and scratched and bit a 20-year-old female passenger when she tried to hold it, the Mexican news agency Notimex said.

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That Kinkajou probably wanted a free ride, but the bus driver wouldn't, so that Kinkajou called him a rip-off artist and bit him.
[hr]
Woman loses battle to turn dead dad into diamond

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman's plan to turn her dead father's ashes into a diamond was thwarted Tuesday by her grandmother.

A district court in Wiesbaden ruled the 19-year-old could not take the cremated remains to Switzerland where a company creates synthetic diamonds from ashes.

"The daughter of the deceased could not provide sufficient proof that it was his final wish to be pressed into a diamond," the court in western Germany said, ruling in favor of his 86-year-old mother.

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They say that "Diamonds are forever." Her grandmother begged to differ.
[hr]
Coyote visits Chicago sandwich shop

CHICAGO - For one day, at least, the roadrunner was safe. It seems the coyote was hankering for another kind of fast food. Employees and customers at a downtown Chicago Quiznos sandwich shop were stunned to see a coyote walk through the propped-open front door Tuesday afternoon and lie down in a cooler stocked with fruit juice and soda.

"It wasn't aggressive at all," restaurant manager Bina Patel told the Chicago Tribune. "It was just looking around."

Employees and customers calmly cleared out of the restaurant, though some took the time to finish their sandwiches and snap some cell-phone photos, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. Animal control officers took the passive coyote away after about 40 minutes, after a curious crowd had gathered outside.

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May not have been aggressive, but has convinced me to eat a Subway more.
[hr]
Liquor is banned, so order cola with a wink

CARACAS (Reuters) - President Hugo Chavez's government may have banned liquor in the days leading up to Easter Sunday to cut road deaths, but "Blondie" the barman still pours a bracing "Coca Cola" for hard-drinking Venezuelans.

"Long live the dry law," he said with a grin as he handed out another round of Cokes with rum. Sales of booze after 5 p.m. are now officially prohibited until April 9.

Yet despite the ban, it is almost as easy as ever to get a drink in Caracas, although bartenders have to be careful. In restaurants, beer or whisky bottles are removed from tables, and some even serve wine in coffee cups.

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There's gonna be one of these days that the bartender will pour in Jose Cuervo Black Medalion in with the cola.
[hr]
Couple fights to name baby 'Metallica'

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl.

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band.

"It suits her," Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. "She's decisive and she knows what she wants."

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At nighttime, she's gonna star in her own music video, "Enter Sandman".[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Falling woman saved by pile of...

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese woman survived a plunge from a sixth-floor balcony thanks to a convenient pile of excrement which broke her fall, local media said.

The accident happened when the woman was hanging out laundry on Monday in Nanjing, capital of the eastern province of Jiangsu, the Kuaibao tabloid said on its Web site (www.kuaibao.net).

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[hr]
VA patient has wrong testicle removed

LOS ANGELES - An Air Force veteran has filed a federal claim after an operation at a Veterans Administration hospital in which a healthy testicle was removed instead of a potentially cancerous one.

Benjamin Houghton, 47, was to have had his left testicle removed June 14 at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center because there was a chance it could harbor cancer cells. It also was atrophied and painful.

But doctors mistakenly removed the right testicle, according to medical records and the claim, which seeks $200,000 for future care and unspecified damages. He still hasn't had the other testicle removed.

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Welcome to Planet Malpractice.
[hr]
After search, Google finds snake in office

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Google Inc may be famous for instant searches, but it took a bit longer to find a 3-foot python that escaped in its massive Manhattan offices.

The pet of one of its employees, "Kaiser" got loose over the weekend, prompting a search that ended when the snake was found Monday night, according to company spokeswoman Ellen West.

"We are pleased to report that Kaiser was located in the office," West said in a statement. "Kaiser was taken home by his owner and is no longer in the building."

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When all else fails, "Google" it.
[hr]
Man shot by pistol thrown in the trash

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) - A Wichita man is recovering from a gunshot wound to the hand from a pistol that was thrown in the trash, sheriff's officials said.

The 42-year-old man, who was not identified, was helping unload trash Tuesday and accidentally hit the trigger of a discarded short-barreled pistol, wounding his left hand, said Sedgwick County sheriff's Capt. Mike Oliver.

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Great place to throw away your weapon, except someone forgot to empty the gun out.
[hr]
Fake beach draws crowds, lacks glitz

By Gunther Hamm

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Forget Acapulco and Cancun. Mexico's latest beach attraction is a splatter of sand near a noisy road junction in the capital that has raised eyebrows about the spending priorities of the city's new mayor.

Sandwiched between a traffic-choked ring road and a busy main avenue, the inner-city beach is missing some of the chic that made an instant fashion hit of its inspiration, the Paris Plage beach on the banks of the Seine that opened in the summer of 2001.

Even so, Mexico City's first beach was already buzzing by mid-afternoon on Tuesday, the official launch day, with paddling pools and volleyball to entertain the throngs.

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Ya mean to tell me that particular piece of paradise is nothing but a mirage?[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]No weirdness, vulgarity for TV talent show?

BEIJING (Reuters) - China's broadcasting watchdog has issued a list of rules governing the airing of its latest take on the "American Idol" television series, urging the singing contest "Happy Boys Voice" to uphold high moral standards.

Contestants on "Happy Boys Voice" must choose songs that are "healthy and ethically inspiring" in order to create a good atmosphere for China's 17th Party Congress, the Communist Party's five-yearly leadership meeting to be held later this year.

"No weirdness, no vulgarity and no low taste," said the notice seen Friday on the Web site of the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television.

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When in doubt, watch "Mad TV".
[hr]
Mother arrested after kids panhandled

By VERENA DOBNIK, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - Police say an unemployed suburban mother of five found a quick way to make ends meet: turning her children into panhandlers.

Antoinette Jones, 37, pleaded not guilty to endangering the welfare of a child, a misdemeanor, at an arraignment Tuesday in Yonkers, a New York City suburb. A judge issued an order that bars her from her five children, and released her without bail.

It was not immediately known where the children were placed. Police said the case was referred to Child Protective Services, but agency officials declined to comment.

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Well, that was out & out cruel!
[hr]
Dentist guilty of urinating in surgery sink

LONDON (Reuters) - A British dentist was found guilty Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears.

A medical tribunal said it was satisfied the evidence showed 51-year-old Alan Hutchinson, who "routinely" did not wear gloves or wash his hands, had risked the health of "himself, staff and patients" for more than 28 years.

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No wonder some of today's kids are afraid to go to the dentist.
[hr]
Sub loses job over pinchy punishment

AMANDA, Ohio (AP) - A substitute teacher's tool for silencing chatty kindergartners — clothespins — doesn't wash with school officials.

Four boys said spring-type clothespins were placed over their upper or lower lips for talking too much in class, Amanda-Clearcreek Primary School principal Mike Johnsen wrote in a letter to parents this week.

Ruth Ann Stoneburner, a retired school nurse who had worked as a substitute for several years, confirmed to Johnsen that she had used the clothespin discipline March 26, he said.

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Pinch me, 'cause I'm still asleep.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Flight canceled after pilot's foul language

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Northwest Airlines canceled a flight set to leave from Las Vegas to Detroit after the captain cursed on a cell phone in a bathroom, then swore at one of the 180 passengers on the plane, officials said on Saturday.

"He used what was described to me as rude language," Ian Gregor, a spokesman for the Federal Aviation Administration, said about Friday's incident on Northwest Flight 1190.

"At some point during the boarding process, he left the cockpit, went into the front lavatory, locked the door and continued his conversation.

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The skies are NOT too friendly there. Speaking of flights gone awry...
[hr]
Mouse delays Vietnamese flight

HANOI, Vietnam (AP) - A fugitive mouse delayed the departure of a Japan-bound airliner for more than four hours Sunday as technicians hunted down the potential threat, airline officials said.

A passenger spotted the white mouse running on the floor of the plane on an initial leg of the Vietnam Airlines flight, prompting a hunt by about a dozen technicians worried that it could chew through a vital wire.

The mouse was found in a food storage area and the Boeing 777 was cleared for takeoff, said Tran Tien Dung, head of the airline's air safety department.

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I'm getting tired of Mice on a Plane!! I'm catching a cab...like this next couple did.
[hr]
NYC couple hail cab for 2,400-mile ride

NEW YORK (AP) - Betty and Bob Matas have retired and are moving to Arizona, but like many New Yorkers they don't drive, and they don't want their cats to travel all that way in an airliner cargo hold.

Their solution: "Hey, cabbie."

They met taxi driver Douglas Guldeniz when they hailed his cab after a shopping trip several weeks ago.

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...or maybe it be better if I swim my way...and break a record.
[hr]
Man ends 9-week, 3,272-mile Amazon swim

By PETER MUELLO, Associated Press Writer

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - After 3,272 miles of exhaustion, sunburn, delirium and piranhas, a 52-year-old Slovenian successfully completed a swim down the Amazon River Saturday that could set a world record for distance — something he's already done three times before.

After nine weeks, Martin Strel arrived near the city of Belem, the capital of the jungle state of Para, ending a swim almost as long as the drive from Miami to Seattle. Strel averaged about 50 miles a day since beginning his odyssey at the source of the world's second-longest river in Peru on Feb. 1.

By Thursday evening, he was struggling with dizziness, vertigo, high blood pressure, diarrhea, nausea and delirium, his Web site said. But despite having difficulty standing and being ordered by the doctor not to swim, Strel was obsessed with finishing the course and insisted on night swimming.

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Alright, enough travelin'. Let's stay on the sports topic.
[hr]
102-year-old Calif. woman hits hole-in-1

CHICO, Calif. (AP) - Elsie McLean thought she might have lost her ball on the par-3, 100-yard fourth hole at Bidwell Park. Instead, the 102-year-old Chico woman became the oldest golfer ever to make a hole-in-one on a regulation course.

Because of the slope of the green, McLean and her partners couldn't see where her ball landed after she teed off.

"Where's my ball?" McLean asked.

Her friends, Elizabeth Rake and Kathy Crowder, found it in the cup.

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She's the next Tiger Woods![/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Want a promotion? Treat Mom well

BEIJING (Reuters) - A county in central China plans in-depth checks on how its officials' treat their parents, with those who are nice to their mom and dad first in line for promotion, Xinhua news agency reported Saturday.

Up to 500 family members, friends, colleagues and neighbors will be grilled by special investigators about the behavior of each official from Changyuan county, including their family values and any drinking or gambling habits, the report said.

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If only it were that easy here.
[hr]
School district investigates stuff bill

UNION CITY, N.J. (AP) - School district officials are trying to identify who watched $250 worth of pay-per-view pornographic movies using a school cable television box, officials said.

Someone after business hours used one of the five cable boxes in the Board of Education building to order the films, priced between $4.95 and $9.95.

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- Cable TV: $20/month for Basic ($40+ for Digital)
- Cable Box Rental: $9.95/month
- Pay-Per-View Movies: Ranging from $3.95 to $49.95
- Knowing you will be caught watching PPV stuff at school: Priceless.
[hr]
Mammas pick their sons' brides on Italy reality TV

By Robin Pomeroy

ROME (Reuters) - Often seen as mommy's boys, Italian men are now letting their mothers choose their future wives live on television.

Italy's state TV aired the first episode of a new reality show this week in which the mothers of five single men have to pick out prospective brides from a selection of candidates.

Critics said "Perfect Bride" was both insulting to women and showed Italian TV -- already packed with other reality formats such as Big Brother and Celebrity Island -- falling to new depths of banality.

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Oh dear, I've heard of momma's boys, but that's a little extreme.
[hr]
Dreamed up phone number leads man to a bride

LONDON (Reuters) - A British man has met and married a 22-year-old woman after, by his own account, dreaming of her phone number and then sending her a text message.

David Brown, 24, says he woke up one morning after a night out with friends with a telephone number constantly running through his head. He decided to contact it, sending a message saying "Did I meet you last night?."

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Sounds like a simple twist of Fate.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Man's wives have no sense of humor

RIYADH (Reuters) - A Saudi man lost a bit of his nose in a joint assault by his two wives after he jokingly threatened to marry a third woman.

Judaie Ibn Salem had thought his threat would help resolve an argument over dividing up his house.

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Guess that's no laughing matter.
[hr]
City may set up panel to stop bad odors

OGDEN, Utah (AP) - The city may be looking for a few good noses. When it meets Tuesday, the City Council is expected to set a public hearing for a law that would create a committee to sniff out objectionable odors.

Ogden's chief administrator, John Patterson, said the city is not singling out a specific company for enforcement. But there have been complaints about a pet-food factory, American Nutrition Inc.

Despite promises, American Nutrition has failed to install an exhaust scrubber on three ovens that bake treats for dogs and cats, Patterson said.

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Why don't they just simply have odor eaters?
[hr]
Comedian's diet tea ad no laughing matter

BEIJING (Reuters) - A famous Chinese comic has been sued by a diet-tea drinker who accused him of making false claims in an ad for "Tibetan Secret Fat Elimination Tea," Xinhua news agency said Tuesday.

A Beijing court accepted a suit from a plaintiff surnamed Zhang, claiming she was cheated by Guo Degang who advertised the tea with the claim that he had lost 3 kg (6.6 lb) since drinking the "miraculous Tibetan tea."

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Another item that's no laughing matter.
[hr]
Moose, reindeer to take taste tests

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - Moose and reindeer at a Stockholm wildlife park have been invited to an unusual taste panel that will help decide which type of salt should be used to de-ice the country's roads in wintertime.

The less they like it, the better.

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(As Bullwinkle) "Hey, Rocky! I'm doing taste tests!!"[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Orangutans play video games at Ga. zoo

By DORIE TURNER, Associated Press Writer

ATLANTA - Four-year-old Bernas isn't the computer wizard his mom is, but he's learning. Just the other day he used his lips and feet to play a game on the touch-screen monitor as his mom, Madu, swung from vines and climbed trees. The two Sumatran orangutans at Zoo Atlanta are playing computer games while researchers study the cognitive skills of the orange and brown primates.

The best part? Zoo visitors get to watch their every move.

The orangutans use a touch screen built into a tree-like structure that blend in with their zoo habitat. Visitors watch from a video monitor in front of the exhibit.

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I wonder who's the Monkey's Uncle...
[hr]
Court win nets Mich. man 33,500 pennies

HOWELL TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) - A penny saved is a penny earned, but one man believes 33,500 pennies won are best donated to a worthy cause.

Bob Wilson, who won a small claims court case last month, will donate the pennies to the Oakland Livingston Human Service Agency, which has helped him with heating bills.

Wilson was given the pennies by Karl Stepen, owner of NSK Motorsports in Fowlerville, after a judge ruled in Wilson's favor and awarded him $335.

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HMM, a penny saved IS a penny earned.
[hr]
"Birdman" in hospital after test flight

BEIJING (Reuters) - A self-taught Chinese amateur pilot, dubbed the "birdman" by Chinese media, has landed in a hospital with a broken chin and leg after taking his homemade airplane for a test flight, Chinese media reported on Wednesday.

Li Xianfeng, 30, hovered about 150 feet above the ground for two minutes with his microlight-style aircraft, then plowed into fields on the outskirts of Beijing Monday, the Xinhua news agency said.

Li, who taught himself about aviation by reading books, declared his flight "partly successful," according to the report, which said he would stay in the hospital for at least a month.

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Seems he never flew the coop.
[hr]
Hells Angels to organize a benefit party

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Strapped for cash and under pressure from Dutch prosecutors, the Amsterdam chapter of the biker group Hells Angels is organizing a benefit party on Saturday, looking to raise money to pay for legal costs.

"Hells Angels Amsterdam need your support," the motorcycle club said on its website on Wednesday in the party invitation as the group fights several court cases across the Netherlands in which prosecutors seek to ban Hells Angels chapters.

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Well, hopefully their organization won't go to you know where in a handbasket.
[hr]
Great Expectations for Dickens theme park

By Paul Majendie

CHATHAM (Reuters) - Literary purists may quake at the prospect of a Charles Dickens theme park complete with a Great Expectations boat ride and Ye Olde Curiosity Gift Shop.

But Dickens World, a 62 million pound ($115 mln) complex built in the naval dockyard where his father once worked as a clerk, is confidently predicting 300,000 visitors a year to this new attraction dedicated to the Victorian author.

"We are not Disneyfying Dickens," insists manager Ross Hutchins as he dons hard hat and fluorescent jacket to tour the site, a hive of activity as the Fagin's den playground and Newgate Prison's grimy walls are given their finishing touches.

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The only scrooge you'll find is the character.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Rock classics drive motorists over limit

LONDON (Reuters) - Want to stay safe on the roads? Then avoid listening to Guns N Roses, Meat Loaf and Bruce Springsteen behind the wheel.

The trio are among the artists featured on a top 10 of tracks that get people's blood pumping and in the mood to drive aggressively.

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If ya wan't aggressive driving, listen to Emo.
[hr]
Rogue seal menacing man, beast in Calif.

JENNER, Calif. (AP) - Nibbles the elephant seal is defying his tame nickname by killing smaller seals, menacing a kayaker and chomping on a surfer and a dog on the northern California coast.

The 2,000-pound lone male is seen frequently at the Russian River outlet to the Pacific, and local marine recreational outlets are warning the public about the seal's aggression.

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Is this Seal listening to Classic rock...or Emo?
[hr]
Horse freed from muddy creek bed

NAVARRO COUNTY, Texas (WFAA.com) — After hours of backbreaking work, rescue teams managed to free a horse that was stuck in a muddy creek near Dawson, Texas Thursday afternoon.

The animal, named "Champ," was found embedded in thick mud about 7:30 a.m. by owner Robin Harpster.

Family members and volunteers — with the help of a mechanical backhoe and makeshift straps—labored for nearly six hours to lift Champ from the muck.

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"Thanks for gettin' me out, Wilbur!"[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Police gaffe makes Muslims pray in wrong direction

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A Dutch police station trying to help Muslim detainees face Mecca for their prayers painted arrows in cells pointing in the wrong direction.

The Segbroek police station in The Hague borrowed the idea of putting compass marks on ceilings from an Amsterdam hotel, the Dutch daily De Telegraaf reported on Friday.

Muslims pray five times a day, facing east in the direction of Mecca. But the arrows in Segbroek pointed west.

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In that case, do you REALLY know a way to San Jose?
[hr]
5,000 rabbits block traffic in Hungary

BUDAPEST, Hungary (AP) - Five thousand rabbits blocked a Hungarian highway Monday after the truck that was carrying them crashed.

The animals came free after the truck collided with another vehicle and overturned, police officials said.

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(As Elmer Fudd) So that's where the wascally wabbits are now.
[hr]
Pieces of Titanic transformed into luxury watches

By Laura MacInnis

BASEL, Switzerland (Reuters) - Steel and coal from the Titanic have been transformed into a new line of luxury wristwatches that claim to capture the essence of the legendary oceanliner which sank in 1912.

Geneva watchmaker Romain Jerome SA billed its "Titanic-DNA" collection as among the most exclusive pieces showcased this week at Baselworld, the watch and jewellery industry's largest annual trade fair.

"It is very luxurious and very inaccessible," said Yvan Arpa, chief executive of the three-year-old company that hopes the limited edition watches will attract both collectors and garrulous luxury goods buyers.

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I'd buy those, but somehow, they give me that "sinking" feeling.
[hr]
Graf needs stitches after Andre's miscue

HOUSTON, Texas (AP) - Andre Agassi accidentally hit Steffi Graf in the face with his tennis racket, cutting his wife's lip, as the pair played a game while holding hands for a fundraiser following the U.S. Clay Court Championships finals on Sunday.

Graf got three stitches from a doctor who had paid $70,000 for a trip to play tennis with the couple, officials said.

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Uhh...OOPS!!
[hr]
Nailgun injuries soar among weekend warriors

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Take a nation of do-it-yourselfers, add a ready supply of cheap nailguns and what do you get? About 37,000 nailgun injuries a year, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Since 1991, nailgun injuries have risen about 200 percent, the CDC said in its weekly report on death and disease.

"This increase likely corresponds to an increase in availability during the 1990s of inexpensive pneumatic nail guns and air compressors (to power the nail guns) in home hardware stores; however, no sales data are available for confirmation," the CDC reported.

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Nailguns are dangerous. Leave them to professionals.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Japan firm apologizes after toilets smoke, catch fire

TOKYO (Reuters) - Twenty-six smoking toilets, and three more on fire, put a Japanese toilet maker in the hot seat on Monday.

Toto Ltd., known for its high-tech toilets with bidets that have blow-drying, air purification and seat-warming functions, apologized to consumers and offered free checks and repairs after some of its toilets with bidets and heated seats sent up smoke and three caught fire.

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[hr]
Mammoth skeleton sets auction record

PARIS (AP) - If you were looking for the skeleton of a prehistoric mammoth, Monday was your day to buy. Christie's auction house sold one for $421,200 — a world record.

The unidentified buyer was a European who collects contemporary art and 19th century furniture, Christie's spokeswoman Capucine Milliot said.

The mammoth sale was one of a dozen world records set during Monday's auction of paleontological curiosities that brought in a total of more than $1.53 million, Christie's said.

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What a mammoth of an amount.
[hr]
Protesters burn effigies after Gere kisses Shilpa

By Prithwish Ganguly

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Richard Gere's repeated kisses on the cheeks of Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty in an event to promote AIDS awareness sparked protests in India on Monday with demonstrators burning effigies of the actors.

Footage of the Hollywood star sweeping Shetty backwards in a dramatic embrace at the Sunday night event in New Delhi was repeatedly aired on news channels on Monday.

Many saw the act as an outrage against Shetty's modesty and Indian culture, though Shetty herself angrily dismissed the protests as an "over-reaction" that made India look silly.

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Geez! Take it as an AIDS public service.
[hr]
NYC couple complete 2,500-mile cab ride

By TERRY TANG, Associated Press Writer

PHOENIX, Ariz. - A retired New York couple who hailed a taxi for their 2,500-mile move to northern Arizona arrived with their two cats at their destination on Monday.

Neither Betty nor Bob Matas drive and they wanted to spare their cats, Pretty Face and Cleopatra, a trip on an airplane to their retirement home about 90 miles north of Phoenix.

They left the couple's Queens neighborhood April 10 in Douglas Guldeniz's canary-colored Ford SUV cab and traveled about 10 hours a day for a $3,000 flat rate plus gas, meals and lodging. The SUV is a hybrid-electric vehicle, which helped lessen the cost of fuel.

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Well, that's one way to make your trip safely.
[hr]
Hungarian motorway blocked by escaping rabbits

BUDAPEST (Reuters) - Hungary's busiest highway, connecting Budapest with the Austrian capital Vienna, was closed early on Monday after a truck carrying rabbits crashed, letting 5,000 of the animals loose on the road, police said.

The M1 motorway was closed around 40 km (25 miles) west of Budapest and could remain closed for hours while police try to capture the escaped animals, highway police spokeswoman Viktoria Galik said.

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Nothin' like a bad hare day.[/font]