"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

[TexasStooge]

Moms can now compete for Miss Spain beauty

MADRID (Reuters) - The Miss Spain beauty contest has changed its rules to allow mothers to compete after its decision to dethrone a 22-year-old beauty queen when it emerged she had a child met with national outrage in February.

Angela Bustillo, who has a toddler son, won the title of Miss Cantabria, a region on Spain's northern coast, in January but organizers disqualified her citing rules that contestants cannot have children.

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Just hope none of the slip and fall on the catwalk.
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Woman wins $29,000 for topless stroll

NEW YORK (AP) - A woman arrested for exposing her breasts has accepted a $29,000 settlement from the city, her lawyer said.

Jill Coccaro, 27, was arrested on a topless stroll two years ago, despite a 1992 state appeals court ruling that concluded women should have the same right as men to take off their shirts.

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You cannot pay me to run naked around town.
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China censors "Pirates" for "vilifying Chinese"

BEIJING (Reuters) - China has censored part of the latest installment of hit Hollywood movie "Pirates of the Caribbean" for "vilifying and defacing the Chinese," the official Xinhua news agency said Friday.

The role of Hong Kong star Chow Yun-Fat, who plays pirate lord Captain Sao Feng, had been slashed in half to just about 10 minutes of screen time, the report said.

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Some people get so overly dramatic on stuff like this.
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Pa. Zoo's bull elephant sires calf

PITTSBURGH (AP) - Just in time for Father's Day, tests show that a bull elephant known as a prodigious stud has sired another offspring.

The Louisville Zoo said the tests showed Jackson was the father of Scotty, a male elephant recently born there. Scotty's mother was artificially impregnated in 2005.

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That's not uncommon in the Animal Kingdom.

[TexasStooge]

Rooftop statues prompt suicide reports

LONDON (Reuters) - Statues scattered across central London rooftops as part of artist Antony Gormley's latest exhibition are proving a serious headache for police.

Since the 31 life-sized replicas of Gormley's naked body went up in early May, police have been bombarded with telephone calls from members of the public reporting that they had spotted a would-be suicide jumper.

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I wonder if they're real humans or just statues...
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Centennial time capsule car found ruined

TULSA, Oklahoma (Reuters) - A car buried half a century ago in a time capsule had been transformed into a hunk of junk by the time it was unveiled on Friday as part of Oklahoma's Centennial.

The concrete vault, built in 1957 and meant to be opened this year to celebrate Oklahoma's Centennial as a state, has leaked in the intervening 50 years and most of its contents were ruined, to the dismay of those hoping to find a pristine, gold '57 Plymouth Belvedere.

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They're gonna need thousands (if not hundreds) of gallons of CLR to refurbish that car.
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Doctors find 6 sewing needles in baby

BEIJING - Doctors in southern China were planning to perform surgery on a 1-year-old boy whose parents took him to a hospital because he had been unusually fussy and learned he had six sewing needles in his body, newspapers reported Monday.

The child's parents, migrant workers from southwest China, said they had no idea how the needles ended up in their son, nicknamed Xiao Yu.

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If all doesn;t go too well, there's gonna be 6 suing people.
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8-foot alligator removed from basement

BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) - Reptile experts removed an 8-foot-long, 170-pound alligator from the basement of a Buffalo home and planned to drive it to a Florida sanctuary in the back of a minivan.

"Jojo" the alligator was removed Sunday from the home where it was raised after its owner called the state Department of Environmental Conservation and said he could no longer care for it.

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A definite unwanted guest in a storm shelter.

[TexasStooge]

Ten Commandments for cars: no vroooom! at the inn

By Philip Pullella

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Thou shall not drive under the influence of alcohol. Thou shall respect speed limits. Thou shall not consider a car an object of personal glorification or use it as a place of sin.

The Vatican took a break from strictly theological matters Tuesday to issue its own rules of the road, a compendium of do's and don'ts on the moral aspects of driving and motoring.

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When traffic laws fail, "Ten Commandments" for cars will work rather nicely.
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China demands its pilots speak better English

BEIJING (Reuters) - Less than a tenth of China's pilots meet international aviation English standards, the airline regulator said Tuesday, encouraging them to rise to the challenge of bolstering their linguistic skills.

But some pilots have the wrong attitude and are prevaricating, the civil aviation authority said in a statement on its Web site (http://www.caac.gov.cn).

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"Speakie de English?"
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Firefighters save four cats, albino rat

POCATELLO, Idaho (AP) - Firefighters resuscitated four cats and an albino rat from a charred apartment in this southeastern Idaho city. The animals received oxygen after the Monday blaze through a special mask designed for small animals. The Pocatello Fire Department bought it two years ago.

Fire officials say electrical failure likely caused the fire, which resulted in at least $10,000 in damage. No people were injured.

Firefighter Kirby Jonas, who whisked the rat to safety, said he was astonished anything survived the flames that engulfed the apartment. He found the rat huddled in blackened bedding.

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Staying in the pet saving dept.
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Firefighters flush cat from storm drain

PARKERSBURG, West Virginia (AP) - It took two fire trucks, five firefighters, several animal rescuers and about 250 gallons of water to rescue a kitten that refused to come out of a West Virginia storm sewer drain.

Animal control officers tried coaxing the gray tabby with encouraging words and food Monday afternoon before giving up after about an hour and a half.

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"Firefighters will go try to save anything," Lewis said.

That's what firefighters do.

[TexasStooge]

84-year-old man drove 67 years without license

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - An 84-year-old Dutch driver astonished police this week when he admitted during a random check that not only was his car uninsured but he had been driving without a license for 67 years.

Dutch media said Wednesday the man had escaped detection because he had never got a speeding ticket or been involved in a crash.

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GOOD GOLLY!!! What next?
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N.Z. couple can't name their son '4real'

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) - New Zealand authorities have blocked a couple's bid to officially name their new son "4real," saying numerals are not allowed.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby "4real" shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.

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They've already given him a screen name for internet services.
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Rats! Look who's getting tipsy

PATNA, India (Reuters Life!) - Rats are gnawing at beer cans and making holes in caps of whisky bottles stored in police storehouses in eastern India and apparently getting drunk, authorities said on Wednesday.

The rodents' love for liquor has the police department in Bihar state stumped as it tries to store hundreds of bottles seized from illegal sellers from across the state in Patna, the state capital, said Kundan Krishnan, a senior officer.

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Nobody will ever look at "Ratatouille" the same way again.
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Wrong Decatur gets $178,000 check

DECATUR, Ind. - The wrong Decatur got a check for nearly $178,000 from the Indiana Department of Homeland Security, and the right Decatur went a little bit in the red while waiting three months to see the money.

The check, which was to be the final installment of the city of Decatur's flood recovery money, originally went to Decatur County. City of Decatur Clerk-Treasurer Phyllis Whitwright said the state's computer system listed Decatur County as "Decatur Cty" instead of as "Decatur Co.," which led to the mistake.

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I wonder what happens if they put in "Decatur, TX"...

[TexasStooge]

Woman loses in court after losing lottery

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A Dutch woman has lost her compensation claim for mental distress she suffered from missing out when her neighbors won a lottery windfall.

Prize winners are chosen by postal code and Helene de Gier would have shared in the 14 million euros ($19 million) if she had bought an 8.50 euro ticket -- as her seven neighbors in the town of Heusden did.

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Well, that's the risk ya take when playing the lottery.
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Man aims to break world treadmill record

NEW YORK (AP) - Ultramarathoner Dean Karnazes will attempt to break the world record by running more than 153.76 miles in 24 hours on a treadmill in Times Square.

He'll start running at midnight Thursday and be suspended between two billboards. One billboard will run live video for viewers, along with a clock and mileage counter.

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Many runners will be exhausted before 24 hours.
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Alaskan man pleads guilty to sale of seal penises

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Reuters) - An Alaska man has pleaded guilty to selling more than 100 fur seal "oosiks" -- or penises -- to a local gift shop that intended to sell the items as an aphrodisiac.

Michael Richard Zacharof, an Aleut and former tribal president from the Bering Sea village of St. Paul, pleaded guilty this week to one count of violating the Marine Mammal Protection Act.

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I'm not gonna buy those, it's a roadway to
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Woman ties county blood alcohol record

TACOMA, Wash. (AP) - A Pierce County woman apparently tied a record for the amount of alcohol in her blood when the Washington State Patrol toxicology lab measured a blood-alcohol content of 0.50 two hours after she was arrested for investigation of drunken driving.

Ann Marie Gordon, manager of the lab in Seattle, said the reading — more than six times the legal limit of 0.08 — tied the highest level ever found by technicians at the patrol's lab. A King County driver also registered 0.50 on a blood test in 2000, Gordon said.

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That's bound to be a record...and not in a good way either.
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Paging Doogie Howser...

NEW DELHI, India (Reuters) - An India couple have been accused of trying to get their 15-year-son into the Guinness Book of World Records by allowing him to perform a caesarean operation, local newspapers reported on Thursday.

The parents, both doctors from the southern state of Tamil Nadu, screened a video recording of the operation on a 20-year-old woman to other doctors in the hope of attaining the record as the world's youngest surgeon, newspapers reported.

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Would you rather let Drs. Howard, Fine, and Howard do the operation?

"Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard!!!"

[TexasStooge]

Ferrari: It ain't a sin to buy the car

MARANELLO, Italy (Reuters) - When it comes to luxury sports cars, Ferrari begs to differ with the Pope.

The Vatican issued a document listing its rules of the road, including one warning against using cars "as a means for outshining other people and arousing a feeling of envy."

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Sure it ain't a sin to buy a Ferrari, but it's a sin to speed down a school zone.
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Race gives new meaning to beer run

SUAMICO, Wis. (AP) - Only in Wisconsin do beer and exercise mix. Several hundred people laced up Sunday morning for a two-mile charity race in which suds were the refresher of choice. Competitors in the 19th annual Beer Belly Two might not be considered athletes, but they know how to have a good time.

"My kids are running it, so hopefully they're already at the finish line and I'll see them in an hour or so," said racer Doug Burmeister. "You know, there's a lot of beer stops."

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You can't pay me to take beer as a refresher.
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Violent drug war inspires bloody art

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Mexico's gruesome drug war and its hundreds of executions a year are the inspiration for an art exhibit of red-splattered blankets meant to represent shrouds used by hitmen to dispose of their victims.

Rosa Maria Robles has laid tattered blankets, some of them with bits of plastic tape stuck to them, on floors in a museum in Sinaloa, a rural northern state that has long been a hotbed of drug smuggling and gangland murder.

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Art imitates life, I suppose...or is it the other way around?
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CSI chases delinquent dog DNA

MELBOURNE, Australia (AP) - Crime scene investigation is going to the dogs. Animal control officers in one southern Australian city are being trained and equipped to gather DNA clues at the scene of every dog attack on a human or pet, officials said Sunday.

The Port Phillip city council announced that the officers will receive swabs, gloves and other equipment to collect evidence from fur, saliva, blood and excrement so they can track down dangerous animals and their owners.

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(Imitating Haratio Caine) Well, looks like it's gonna be a... ...dog day of summer.

[TexasStooge]

Man set for execution wants to die laughing

By Jim Forsyth

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters) - A Texas man scheduled to be executed on Tuesday wants to die laughing.

Patrick Knight, 39, has been soliciting jokes on the Internet and plans to tell one of them before receiving a lethal injection, Texas Department of Criminal Justice spokeswoman Michelle Lyons said on Monday.

"He says he wants to keep his execution light," she said.

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Dying is easy, Comedy is hard.
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Court upholds prisoners' right to stuff

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - Convicted sex offenders in Sweden are free to read pornography in their cells following a court ruling that has angered the prison service.

The Supreme Administrative Court in Stockholm last week ruled that the Swedish Prison and Probation Service had no right to deny a rape convict access to his stuff magazines.

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Isn't that illegal in the US?
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Fake priest arrested baptizing baby

LISBON (Reuters) - A man pretending to be a priest was arrested by police as he prepared to baptize a baby in a small town in the north of Portugal.

"When the man said 'in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit' police came in and grabbed him," a member of the church was quoted by local daily Jornal de Noticias as saying.

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Talk about a "divine intervention".
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Buried 'aliens' are really tree trunks

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - Malaysians in a northern village were alarmed by rumors that space aliens had been laid to rest in their neighborhood cemetery, but authorities learned the graves had merely been filled with banana tree trunks for a superstitious ritual, police said Tuesday.

Residents feared a local witch doctor had instructed grave diggers to bury extraterrestrials in the rural district of Pasir Mas on Sunday, causing police to detain the man for investigation, said district police chief Haliludin Rahim.

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No, they're actually laid to rest in Roswell, NM...or are they?

[TexasStooge]

Gabbing doctors not helping patients, study finds

By Will Dunham

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Too much personal talk by doctors can be bad medicine, according to a study published on Monday in which U.S. researchers sent actors posing as new patients to see doctors in secretly recorded visits.

Doctors often wasted time in what already may have been short visits and stifled the flow of information from patients by gabbing about themselves, their own health problems, their families and their political beliefs, the study found.

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Enough small talk, it's operating time!!!
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Time capsule missing?

SINGAPORE (Reuters) - A time capsule buried in Singapore's main sports stadium in 1970 and containing coins, newspapers and sports memorabilia has gone missing, the Today newspaper reported on Tuesday, citing local officials.

The Singapore Sports Council has hired contractors to scour the stadium, including the VIP car park, for the missing metal capsule, which is about the size of a suitcase and was buried under the National Stadium's foundations, Today said.

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I bet it's some darn copper thieves.
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Shanghai drivers switch to music horns

SHANGHAI, China (AP) - Banned from honking their horns, drivers in China's commercial hub of Shanghai are switching to music or voice recordings to make themselves heard, a local newspaper reported Wednesday.

Shanghai banned honking in the downtown area beginning this month, threatening fines of up to 200 yuan ($13) for those leaning on the horn. Not even police cars are exempt, with the use of sirens banned in all but emergencies, the rules say.

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(Horn plays "La Cucaracha")
(Horn dies down)
"Ok, maybe that didn't work out...
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Man with headache finds bullet in head

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) - A woman was arrested Tuesday after her husband woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible headache and later learned he had a bullet lodged in his head.

St. Lucie County Sheriff's deputies initially thought Michael Eugene Moylan had been hit by a stray bullet, but later realized the couple's story did not match up, Sheriff Ken Mascara said.

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That must be some headache

[TexasStooge]

Politician okays marijuana in food

JAKARTA (Reuters) - Indonesian Vice President Jusuf Kalla, who opposes legalizing marijuana, doesn't mind the drug being used in cooking, a newspaper reported on Wednesday.

"It's alright to use it as a food seasoning, but it should not be fully legalized," Kalla was quoted as saying by the Jakarta Post daily.

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Uhh...I smell FOOD POISONING!!
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Wife blames shooting on burglar alarm

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) - A woman held on a gun charge claims she accidentally shot her husband in the head after becoming startled when the couple's burglar alarm activated, authorities said Wednesday.

April Moylan, 39, was charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon and ordered held Wednesday on $75,000 bond, according to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office.

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Needless to say, she gave him a headache.
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Doctors report evidence of "anniversary reaction"

By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Editor

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A woman whose defibrillator activated one week to the hour after her father died, and recorded the event, may provide the first documented evidence of "anniversary reaction," doctors reported.

The defibrillator acted as a pacemaker, perhaps saving the 50-year-old woman's life. Its function of keeping a precise record of when it was activated made it possible to establish the precise time of the event, the doctors reported.

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Hmmm...interesting.
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Man gets 10 years in license shooting

REDDING, Calif. (AP) - A 49-year-old truck driver has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for shooting his wife after she failed to renew his driver's license.

Gary Alan Hemsted pleaded no contest earlier this month to attempted voluntary manslaughter, using a firearm and causing great bodily injury in the wounding of his wife, Lisa, 42, in 2005.

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Another example of a controlling husband.

[TexasStooge]

Playing electrical Russian roulette

YANGON (Reuters) - Not everybody in military-ruled Myanmar is cursing the blackouts.

Thieves in the former Burma's main city, Yangon, are taking advantage of outages often lasting for more than 20 hours a day to steal the copper power cables, police said on Friday.

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No way in heck is anyone there doing the Electric Slide.
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Man pays $4.88 for plasma TV at Wal-Mart

MONROE, La. (AP) - While Wal-Mart is known for dropping its prices, one West Monroe man took the ad campaign seriously when he dropped the price of a plasma television from $984 to $4.88. Police arrested Chandon L. Simms, 23, on Tuesday at the retail store on a charge of felony theft.

According to police reports, Simms carried a 42-inch Sanyo Plasma TV to a self-checkout aisle after switching the original price tag of $984 with one for only $4.88. Wal-Mart Loss Prevention officers witnessed the alleged transaction and called police.

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Some people are THAT lucky! If only I was one of those lucky some.
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Crackdown on officials with mistresses

BEIJING (Reuters) - China plans to sack all officials found to have secretly "kept and supported" mistresses, in a move aimed at raising social morals, state media reported on Friday.

The step hardens up previous policy.

"It is a misunderstanding that officials who have mistresses would only be sacked when the situation is serious," the Beijing News quoted a Ministry of Personnel spokesman as saying.

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Rider banned over birth-control advice

LOGAN, Utah - A 76-year-old woman has been barred from the bus station after giving unwanted birth-control advice to mothers with large families. "I think it's wrong. It's a violation of my First Amendment rights," Laura Stevens said.

She was arrested Tuesday for trespassing, a misdemeanor, according to police records.

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Sure it's a violation of the 1st Ammendment, but many women don't need to know that in PUBLIC!!!!
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Looking for "Mr. Condom"

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - India, struggling to promote greater condom use among its population, is looking to hire its own "condom man" to follow the example of a former Thai cabinet minister who successfully pushed for safer sex.

National AIDS Control Organisation (NACO) chief Sujatha Rao said that India needed to find someone like Mechai Viravaidya, famous for getting Thais to talk about sex, condoms and AIDS.

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Hey, single imbeciles, what part of "Abstinence" don't some of y'all understand?

[Chacor]

Couple today from the BBC:

Peanut butter diamonds on display

Peanut butter is being turned into diamonds by scientists with a technique that harnesses pressures higher than those found at the centre of the earth.

Edinburgh University experts say the feat is made possible by squeezing the paste between the tips of two diamonds creating a "stiletto heel effect".

The scientists also revealed they can turn oxygen into red crystals using the same method.

Peanut butter takes on a whole new value!

Australian drivers hit below belt

A new Australian ad campaign is seeking to reduce road deaths by questioning the manhood of speeding drivers.

The series of TV ads shows women shaking their little finger - a gesture used to symbolise a small penis - as speeding male motorists race past.

The $A1.9m (£805,400, US$1.6m) campaign aims to make speeding socially unacceptable among young drivers.

No comment.

Bank tells woman 'you are dead'

A bank has apologised to a 77-year-old woman for refusing to hand over her £3,000 savings because she was listed as dead.

Mary Welsby, of Albrighton, Shropshire, was told her Abbey Isa account had been closed.

She battled for nine weeks to get the money back, but only received the apology after the BBC investigated.

The bank blamed the mistake on an accident and said she would receive the money back plus compensation.

Mrs Welsby said when she visited her branch to investigate, the cashier told her: "I don't really know how to tell you this Mrs Welsby but according to our records, you are dead."

"You're dead, ma'am. Wait, if you're dead... AAAAAAHHHH!"

[TexasStooge]

Philippine driver returns lost money

MANILA, Philippines (AP) - He needed the money for his sick wife and overdue rent, but honesty prevented a motorcycle taxi driver from keeping $17,000 left behind by a passenger.

Iluminado Boc returned the money to police in Tagbilaran city on central Bohol island last week, the Philippine Daily Inquirer reported Monday. The woman who lost the bag of cash had just reported it to police when Boc showed up at the precinct.

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I would've kept the money myself, but as the saying goes, Honesty is the best policy.
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FBI recovers Pearl S. Buck manuscript

By PATRICK WALTERS, Associated Press Writer

PHILADELPHIA (AP) - The FBI has recovered the long-lost manuscript of Pearl S. Buck's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, "The Good Earth," after the daughter of one of the author's former secretaries tried to put it up for auction.

The 400-page manuscript turned up earlier this month at the Samuel T. Freeman & Co. auction house in Philadelphia and officials there notified investigators, federal officials said Wednesday.

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Another day, another best seller.
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Man beats peacock he says was vampire

NEW YORK (AP) - A peacock that roamed into the parking lot of a fast-food restaurant was attacked by a man who vilified the bird as a vampire, animal-control authorities said.

Beaten so fiercely that most of his tail feathers fell out, the bird was euthanized, said Richard Gentles, a spokesman for the city's Center for Animal Care and Control.

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Hey, imbecile! It's not Halloween! Or maybe the next story prompted him to act like that.
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Bat virus name offends Malaysian state

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) - The state of Melaka is upset that scientists have named a new bat-borne virus after it, news reports said Sunday.

Australian and Malaysian scientists announced last week they had discovered a new virus likely carried by bats that can cause respiratory illness in humans.

They called it the Melaka virus, using the name of the southern state where it was isolated in early 2006 in a human patient.

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It seems everyone's offended by everything.

[TexasStooge]

Price of machetes drops after elections

ABUJA (Reuters) - The price of machetes has halved in parts of Nigeria since the end of general elections in April because demand from thugs sponsored by politicians has subsided, the state-owned News Agency of Nigeria reported.

NAN surveyed prices in the northeastern state of Gombe and found that a good quality machete was now selling for 400 naira ($3) compared with 800 naira before the elections, which were marred by politically motivated violence in many states.

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Oh crap!!
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Paris Hilton's garbage sells big on eBay

LOS ANGELES (AP) - An empty can of gourmet dog food taken from Paris Hilton's trash fetched $305 in an eBay auction. The sellers were from the Web site HollywoodStarTrash.com, which also listed several other Hilton items for sale on eBay.

A used toothbrush sold for $305; two envelopes sent to her while she was in jail sold for $510; and a Coke can pulled from her trash went for $51.

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Uhh.......BARF!!!
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Nepali "living goddess" fired after U.S. visit

KATHMANDU (Reuters) - A 10-year-old Nepali girl worshipped as a living goddess, or Kumari, has lost her "divine" status for defying tradition and visiting the United States.

Sajani Shakya was installed at the age of two as the Kumari of the ancient town of Bhaktapur, near the capital Kathmandu, where she was revered by Hindus and Buddhists alike in deeply religious Nepal.

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Needless to say she's "grounded".
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Woman finds $20K in bank deposit tube

LAKE HAVASU CITY, Ariz. - A woman who works as a makeup artist and deli clerk found $20,000 at a bank's drive-up depository, then calmly walked into the bank and turned over the cash. Linda Hatch said her mind raced in the seconds after she found the two $10,000 bundles in a plastic deposit tube on June 25.

"Am I in the middle of a bank robbery ... a drug bust, is someone going to pick up the money?" Hatch said. "I was like, 'Oh, my gosh. What do I do?'"

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I'd say..."Deposit that money in my account!"

[TexasStooge]

Priest plans his own perfumes

WARSAW (Reuters) - A prominent Polish cleric known for preaching against communism and for his anti-Semitic remarks said on Tuesday he planned to launch perfumes, clothing and cafes branded with his image.

Father Henryk Jankowski took part in strikes which led to the end of communism in 1989 as part of Solidarity movement. He was later suspended from preaching for a year after insulting remarks about Jews.

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(Quoting from a "Two and a Half Men" episode) "It's Epiphany...for men."
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American named hot dog eating champion

By LARRY McSHANE, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - In a gut-busting showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion, Joey Chestnut emerged Wednesday as the world's hot dog eating champion, knocking off six-time winner Takeru Kobayashi in a record-setting yet repulsive triumph.

Chestnut, the great red, white and blue hope in the annual Fourth of July competition, broke his own world record by inhaling 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes — a staggering one every 10.9 seconds before a screaming crowd in Coney Island.

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Even if I could, I couldn't beat the champions.
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Woman returns to husband who took her hostage

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - A Brazilian woman whose estranged husband held her hostage at gunpoint on a bus for 10 hours along with dozens of passengers last year has decided to reunite with him.

"I forgave him out of love ... I believe it was an irrational act and that we can resume our life in peace," Brazil's Globo news agency quoted Cristina Ribeiro, 35, as saying on Monday, eight months after the nationally televised hostage drama.

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Good point there Cristina.
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Chinese villagers eat dinosaur bones

BEIJING (AP) - Villagers in central China spent decades digging up bones they believed belonged to flying dragons and using them in traditional medicines. Turns out the bones belonged to dinosaurs, and now scientists are doing the digging.

Until last year, the fossils were being sold in Henan province as "dragon bones" at about 25 cents a pound, scientist Dong Zhiming said Wednesday.

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Hmmm.......

[TexasStooge]

Stretch your talents as a condom tester...

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Condom makers say it's the world's best job, a "sexecutive position." An Australian company is seeking real life testers for its condom products.

"Got what it takes to be an official condom tester?" asks an advertisement launched by Durex Australia next to a photo of a busty young woman in a revealing nurse's outfit.

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No, I don't have what it takes to be a condom stretcher.
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Dinner guest finds host's wife, son in freezer

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - A Belgian man appeared in court on Friday after a woman at his dinner party found the bodies of his wife and stepson in the freezer as she put away the leftovers, prosecutors said.

The woman went to the police after discovering the 46-year-old woman and her 11-year-old son and officers arrested the man in the town of Verviers, near Liege in east Belgium, on Wednesday.

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I wouldn't wanna go in that house anymore.
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Wrestling championship ends in riot

MOSCOW (Reuters) - Russia's national wrestling championship disintegrated into rioting when dozens of angry fans spilled onto the mats and beat up match officials in protest at the result of a bout.

The violence broke out over Thursday's gold medal match in the 84 kg weight class between freestyle world champion Sazhid Sazhidov and European champion Georgy Ketoyev.

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From a celebration to a "Smackdown".
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Singer draws ire of religious police

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - Malaysia's religious police detained a Muslim singer at a popular club, saying too much of her back was exposed by a sleeveless blouse she wore while performing, media reported on Wednesday.

Siti Noor Idayu Abd Moin, 24, has been ordered to go before the sharia, or Islamic court, at Ipoh in the northern state of Perak, on Aug 6, to face charges of "revealing her body" and "promoting vice," the New Straits Times said.

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Well, she ruined "Downtown" for everyone...or did she?
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China public restroom has 1,000 stalls

BEIJING (AP) - They're flush with pride in a southwestern Chinese city where a recently-opened porcelain palace features an Egyptian facade, soothing music and more than 1,000 toilets spread out over 32,290 square feet.

Officials in Chongqing are preparing to submit an application to Guinness World Records to have the free four-story public bathroom listed as the world's largest, the state-run China Central Television reported Friday.

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:potty: times 1000 = :chit:
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Cat survives 3 weeks crossing ocean

SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. (AP) - A cat that spent nearly three weeks crossing the Pacific inside a shipping container with no food or water appears to be just fine.

Pamela Escamilla lost sight of her 3-year-old calico, Spice, while packing a large container with household goods in Waikoloa Village, Hawaii. The container was shipped June 15 to Southern California.

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That cat seems to have more than 9 lives!

[TexasStooge]

Missing staple lets murderers appeal

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A missing staple from a court document has allowed two murderers found guilty of one of Australia's most brutal killings to appeal against their convictions.

Under a technical loophole, the murderers will argue that an earlier lost appeal was not finalized because the indictment paperwork was never fixed to the court file as required by law.

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Well, if that ain't a crock.
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Catholic school opens gates to Hell boy

MELBOURNE, Australia (AP) - The Hell family says it may tell a Catholic school in Australia where to go after it objected to enrolling their son because of his name.

Officials said the boy had been offered a place at the St. Peter the Apostle school in the southern city of Melbourne after discussions between the principal, the parish priest and the family over his name.

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Now, if the last name is Heller, that'd be one thing.
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Calling Paris? Student inherits Hilton's phone number

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Days after U.S. college student Shira Barlow got her new cell phone number, the party inquiries, birthday wishes and late-night calls started arriving.

Barlow had unwittingly inherited the old phone number of celebrity hotel heiress Paris Hilton -- and messages from well-wishers and foes alike are still flooding in five months later.

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What's her number, I wanna make some prank calls on Paris Hilton.
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7+7+7+7+7 One lucky baby

CHIPPEWA FALLS, Wis. (AP) - Jack Allen Falkner is one lucky baby.

The son of Dan and Leslie Falkner was born July 7, 2007, considered by many the luckiest day of the century.

But Jack's luck didn't stop there. The infant weighed in at 7 pounds, 7 ounces, at St. Joseph's Hospital in Chippewa Falls.

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7+7+7+7+7...You do the math.

[TexasStooge]

Women demand female Pamplona bull run, with cows

MADRID (Reuters) - Women in the northern Spanish city of Pamplona, world-famous for its ferocious bull-running festival, are demanding their own version complete with cows instead of bulls.

A student website, http://www.estudiln.net, set the ball rolling with its campaign "Cows want to run" which asks for a separate encierro, as the bull-runs are known, where only women are allowed to take part.

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MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE OUT OF THEIR WAY!!!
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Dog nurses kitten found under SUV hood

VICTORIA, Texas (AP) - By all accounts, Tahoe is a typical kitten: cute, sleepy and hungry. But his eating habits are far from typical, as the stray's been nursing from a 3-year-old dog named Lillie.

Ever since the kitten was found under the hood of Eunice Collins' running Chevrolet Tahoe a few weeks ago, he's been feeding from the unusually cooperative longhaired dachshund. Tahoe feeds in the morning, at night and after naps, purring and pawing at the dog's belly.

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Animals are people too. Don't forgrt that.
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China probes "Chelsea Clinton" weight loss patch

BEIJING (Reuters) - China is looking into claims of a herbal weight loss patch which its makers said helped former U.S. President Bill Clinton's daughter, Chelsea, shed 12 kg (26.5 lb) in under a month, state media reported on Monday.

Customers are instructed to stick the patch to the area of the body where they want to lose weight and then just wait for the fat to flow out of them, the Beijing Morning Post said, citing an investigation by China Central Television.

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Now, if only those kind of patches would be sold here in Texas.
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Architect: Building is 'very phallic'

SAN DIEGO (AP) - The developer said his design for a 40-story resident tower proposed as a gateway to downtown San Diego looks like a flower. A city consultant said it looks like a giant phallus.

"With its rounded forms and swelling of the uppermost floors...this building structure is very phallic," wrote Gwynne Pugh, a Santa Monica architect hired by the downtown redevelopment agency to review building designs.

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Call it a Gardening place.

[TexasStooge]

Police seize magic trick from preacher

KAMPALA (Reuters) - Ugandan police are holding a Ghanaian preacher over a stage magic device they fear may dupe people into believing they have experienced miracles.

Customs officials seized the Electric Touch device -- which magicians use to give small electric shocks to volunteers -- from "Prophet" Obiri Yeboah at the airport last week, the state owned New Vision daily reported Tuesday.

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"Avra Kadavra!" and in trouble like that.
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Giant squid washes up on Australia beach

HOBART, Australia (AP) - A squid as long as a bus and weighing 550 pounds washed up on an Australian beach, officials said Wednesday.

"It is a whopper," said Genefor Walker-Smith, a zoologist who studies invertebrates at the Tasmanian Museum.

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I wonder what else is gonna be washed up on them beaches.
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Women drawn to men with muscles

By Julie Steenhuysen

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Muscular young men are likely to have more sex partners than their less-chiseled peers, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles said on Monday.

Their study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggests muscles in men are akin to elaborate tail feathers in male peacocks: They attract females looking for a virile mate.

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Well, I need to hit the gym, don't I?

[TexasStooge]

Helium Balloons Carry Man in Lawn Chair 193 Miles

BEND, Ore. (Fox News Channel/AP) — Last weekend, Kent Couch settled down in his lawn chair with some snacks — and a parachute. Attached to his lawn chair were 105 large helium balloons.

Destination: Idaho.

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Just saw this on a local morning news and my jaw dropped.

[TexasStooge]

Let's do this again, next year!

LONDON (Reuters) - Teacher Dave Barclay flew thousands of miles across the Atlantic to Wales to attend his friend's wedding, only to discover he was a year early.

Barclay, 34, was told about the wedding earlier in the year and assumed it was to take place in 2007.

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Another day, another....OOPS!!
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Utah man, 87, says he hitchhiked to Pa.

CLINTON, Utah (AP) - An 87-year-old Utah man was discovered 2,000 miles away Wednesday in Pennsylvania, less than 48 hours after he was reported missing, police said. How did Andrew Hentz do it?

"He mentioned he had hitchhiked," Clinton police Detective Matt Fawbush said. "I wish I knew how he traveled that far. It's mind-boggling."

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Nation bans karaoke bars, Internet cafes?

SEOUL (Reuters) - North Korea's security agency has ordered the shutdown of karaoke bars and Internet cafes, saying they are a threat to society, a South Korean newspaper reported Wednesday.

Refugees from the reclusive state say such outlets are largely located in the northern region that borders China and are frequented by merchants involved in cross-border business rather than ordinary citizens.

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You think Simon Cowell is gonna bomb the bad singers there?
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Vultures make R.I. house a tough sell

HOPKINTON, R.I. (AP) - The house is for sale well below its assessed value, has four bedrooms and sits on more than a half acre of land. It's also got lots of vultures, and that's made it a tough sell.

The trees around the Hopkinton house are a year-round nesting ground for turkey and black vultures. The previous owners blamed the birds for polluting their well, scaring their children and causing various illnesses.

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Turn it into a Haunted House.