"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

[TexasStooge]

Test-drive a Nissan, win a lead-laced mug

TOKYO (Reuters) - Chinese merchandise took a fresh knock Friday when car maker Nissan said it was recalling tens of thousands of mugs it gave away in Japan because the paint contains excessive lead.

It said it took the action after a hapless car-shopper fell ill after drinking from one of the mugs and complained.

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(As Elmer Fudd) "C'mon outta there or I'ww Fiww Ya Fuww of Wead!"
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Japanese man remains air guitar champion

By ROMAS DABRUKAS, Associated Press Writer

OULU, Finland - A Japanese man out-"played" challengers to win the Air Guitar World Championship for the second consecutive year at a contest in northern Finland.

Ochi Yosuke received the highest score from a panel of judges in the final late Friday at the Teatria rock club in Oulu, near the Arctic Circle.

Apart from the glory, he received a custom-made Flying Finn electric guitar worth $3,400.

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(Air guitar-playing "Smoke On The Water")

I just couldn't resist.
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Starbucks opens first coffee shop in Russia

KHIMKI, Russia (Reuters) - Starbucks opened its first coffee shop in Russia on Thursday, two years after it won a legal battle to protect the right to its brand in the fast-growing Russian market.

"This is an important step for the company, and we are looking forward to being a part of every day life for Russians," said Cliff Burrows, president of Starbucks Europe, Middle East and Africa, as he opened the cafe.

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Hopefully, the coffee's not full of lead...not that I drink coffee.
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Tot tumbles from repossessed car

AURORA, Ill. (AP) - A repossession crew got a surprise when a 4-year-old boy leaped out of the sport-utility vehicle they were towing away.

Fashawn Parker, of Naperville, was sitting in the back seat of a Ford Excursion that was parked outside of a house on Thursday when the repo crew approached, hooked the car to a tow truck and began driving away, Aurora police spokesman Dan Ferrelli said.

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I think that kid knew when to get out of the car.

[TexasStooge]

Those Nazis and their family values

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German public television network Sunday sacked a popular talk show host and former news presenter after she had praised the Nazi's family policies at a news conference for her new book on child-rearing.

NDR television program director Volker Herres said on the NDR website the network had fired Eva Herman, 48, with immediate effect for her comments "that we deemed to be incompatible to her role as a television presenter and talk show host."

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What Family values?!?!
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Teen's yearbook photo banned for flower

MERRIMACK, N.H. (AP) - A New Hampshire teenager's yearbook photo has been rejected, because she's holding a flower. Merrimack High School student Melissa Morin's senior photograph featured her and a small red flower. School officials, however, said the picture is not going to make it in the yearbook because props aren't allowed.

In the photo, Morin, 17, who loves acting, is sitting on a costume trunk backstage at the Palace Theatre in Manchester. She wore a black and white sundress and clutched the flower.

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Just be lucky she's not holding something else.
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Chicken chokes after testing the water

BEIJING (Reuters) - Think a bottle of mineral water might have poisoned you? Then test it on a chicken.

One Chinese family on the southern island province of Hainan had just that idea when one of their number started vomiting blood after drinking a bottle of water, a newspaper said.

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I suppose the product testers are too "chicken" to try it.
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'Black Widow' to try hand at burritos

SOUTH PORTLAND, Maine (AP) - The 100-pound woman who holds the world lobster-eating title will be trying her hand at burritos in a contest far from the land of TexMex.

The diminutive Sonya Thomas of Alexandria, Va., is coming to Maine for the Costa Vida World Burrito Eating Championship on Sept. 22 at the Mexican restaurant.

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Well, good luck to her.
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Disney backs star after her apology for nude photo

By Gina Keating and Sue Zeidler

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Vanessa Hudgens, the star of the wholesome, made-for-kids TV movie hit "High School Musical," apologized Friday for a nude photo of her on the Web and Walt Disney Co. said it was sticking by the performer.

Some parents of her young fans voiced dismay over the photo, which shows Hudgens, 18, smiling and standing naked directly in front of the camera.

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Uhh...OOPS!!

[TexasStooge]

Town ditches traffic lights to cut accidents

By Catherine Bosley

BERLIN (Reuters) - A town council in Germany has decided the best way of improving road safety is to remove all traffic lights and stop signs downtown.

From September 12, all traffic controls will disappear from the center of the western town of Bohmte to try to reduce accidents and make life easier for pedestrians.

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To reduce accidents or increase them?!
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Buffet worker stomps garlic with boots

NANUET, N.Y. (AP) - Stomping on garlic with your shoes on is apparently not the correct way to prepare food. The Rockland County health department hit the Great China Buffet restaurant with two violations after someone took pictures of an employee stomping on a bowl of garlic with his boots in an alley. The man alerted health inspectors.

"I go back there, and the guy's stepping on garlic," said Dan Barreto, who used to eat at the restaurant. "There he was just jumping up and down on it, smashing it up, having a good time."

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Well, I'm never eating at that place anytime soon.
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Hey, big winner! Or maybe not.

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) - A Canadian judge refused on Monday to dismiss a lawsuit against a race track operator who says a C$6.5 million ($6.2 million) winning ticket is really a computer mistake.

Elmer Patzer says he won the money from Great Canadian Gaming Corp when, in November 2004, he tried to cash in some old betting slips at an automatic betting machine at the company's Hastings Park Race horse-racing track in Vancouver.

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RIP-OFF ARTIST!!!
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Web service gives alibis for adulterers

By JENNY BARCHFIELD, Associated Press Writer

PARIS - Looking to get away for a weekend fling without getting caught? A new French company provides would-be adulterers with custom-made excuses that help take the danger of discovery out of cheating.

Founded six months ago by former private eye Regine Mourizard, Web-based Ibila can cook up invites to phony weekend seminars, fake emergency phone calls from work, invitations to nonexistent weddings — anything to justify cheating spouses' absence.

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You still can't hide from the Polygraph Test results.

[TexasStooge]

Skip work, make babies, governor says

By James Kilner

ULYANOVSK, Russia (Reuters) - The governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work Wednesday and make love instead to help boost Russia's low birth-rate.

And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time -- on Russia's national day on June 12 -- she will qualify for a prize, perhaps even winning a new home.

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They must be that desperate.
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Surfer rescues dog swept off Mich. pier

GRAND HAVEN, Mich. - A surfer rode a wave on his stomach to rescue a struggling dog that had been swept off a pier and into Lake Michigan by a wave.

Matt Smolenski, 25, said he grabbed the pooch's collar just as the exhausted, black-and-brown mixed breed stopped dog-paddling on Tuesday.

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Glad the dog is alright.
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Can't quit chocolate? Don't fret, it's no addiction

By Michael Kahn

YORK (Reuters) - Resistance is futile. The more we try to fight off a craving for chocolate, the more our desire for it grows, a British researcher said Tuesday.

But chocoholics can take heart that such sweets are not addictive despite the fact many people consider themselves as having no control over their urges to eat the sweets, said Peter Rogers, a psychologist at the University of Bristol.

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Addiction or not, I still love to eat chocolate.
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Lost planner found in demolition rubble

By WAYNE PARRY, Associated Press Writer

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. - For six years, Avis Kirk had been wondering what the heck she had done with her small leather planner book that held her checkbook, credit cards, ID and about $60.

The planner had vanished without a trace after the former Sands Casino Hotel food service worker set it down near the buffet for a few moments in 2001.

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Always in the last place you put it.
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China cigarette packs to get skull health warnings

BEIJING (Reuters) - Chinese cigarette packs will have skulls, blackened teeth or diseased lungs printed on them in the latest effort to tackle smoking, but one expert said the images may actually attract younger people to take up the habit.

The images would have to take up at least 30 percent of the pack's surface area under rules that would come into force from January 2009, the Beijing Morning Post said, citing an official at the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

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It's about freakin' time.

[TexasStooge]

Hey, big boy! Any interest?

ABUJA (Reuters) - Nigerian banks must stop using attractive women to persuade customers to open accounts, Senate President David Mark was quoted as saying in Thursday's newspapers.

Mark said that despite a consolidation of the sector in 2005 that reduced the number of banks to 25 from 89 and was supposed to make them more efficient, many banks still used women to attract new business.

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Just put up a sign that said "Free Range Checkin'", that'll get a lot of attention.
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SoCal college offers YouTube class

CLAREMONT, Calif. (AP) - Here's a dream-come-true for Web addicts: college credit for watching YouTube.

Pitzer College this fall began offering what may be the first course about the video-sharing site. About 35 students meet in a classroom but work mostly online, where they view YouTube content and post their comments.

Class lessons also are posted and students are encouraged to post videos. One class member, for instance, posted a 1:36-minute video of himself juggling.

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I like to take that kind of class, if there is one at my neighborhood college.
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Revealing photos are becoming passe?

By Sue Zeidler

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Two decades after a nude photo scandal helped cost a Miss America her title, Americans may be adopting a more ho-hum attitude toward people who bare it all for the cameras.

Some experts say the Internet and more explicit TV are fostering a more relaxed response by Americans to public displays of bare flesh, even if many people profess to be more conservative.

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Why don't they just come up with "Miss Playboy" if they're that desperate.
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Police decide Titus the dog is too wimpy

SEQUIM, Wash. (AP) - The Sequim Police Department has decided to get rid of Titus the drug dog because he's simply not aggressive enough. Police said that Titus is fine for sniffing out drugs, but they need a patrol dog that can track and bite criminals.

Titus will be declared surplus next year and transferred to another police agency.

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Get Lil' Bow Wow.

[TexasStooge]

Sick man fined for going to work

OTTAWA (Reuters) - A sick Canadian bakery worker has been fined C$1,000 ($970) for ignoring an order to stay at home until he recovered from symptoms of salmonella poisoning, medical officials said on Thursday.

Health inspectors in Edmonton, Alberta, had told Adam Duerr to stay at home until tests showed he had recovered. But Duerr, 20, failed to have himself tested and went back to work.

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He should've stayed home.
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Cities cracking down on saggy pants

By MATTHEW VERRINDER, Associated Press Writer

TRENTON, N.J. - It's a fashion that started in prison, and now the saggy pants craze has come full circle — low-slung street strutting in some cities may soon mean run-ins with the law, including a stint in jail.

Proposals to ban saggy pants are starting to ride up in several places. At the extreme end, wearing pants low enough to show boxers or bare buttocks in one small Louisiana town means six months in jail and a $500 fine. A crackdown also is being pushed in Atlanta. And in Trenton, getting caught with your pants down may soon result in not only a fine, but a city worker assessing where your life is headed.

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Again, it's about freakin' time!
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Bullfighter wiped out by mosquito

MADRID (Reuters) - If the bulls don't get you, a mosquito might, as Spanish bullfighter Jose Maria Manzanares has discovered to his cost.

After surviving 57 bullfights this season with the usual share of gorings, tramplings and tossings, Manzanares dropped out early suffering from Dengue fever.

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He took on many ferocious bulls. You mean to tell me he turned a wuss when it comes to mosquitos?!?! I would've smacked that tiny sonovagun.
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Travelers ask to see Craig bathroom

MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. (AP) - When tourists ask for the bathroom in the Minneapolis airport lately, it's usually not because they have to go.

It's because they want to see the stall made famous by U.S. Sen. Larry Craig's arrest in a sex sting.

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Just use the restroom for cryin' out loud!!!

[TexasStooge]

Duck! Here comes Super Teacher!

TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese teacher who threw a chair at his students was named "super teacher" by the local board of education despite having been reprimanded several times for using corporal punishment, a news agency said on Saturday.

The 52-year-old high-school teacher in Kyoto has been awarded the title every year since 2005 in spite of a history of aggression in the classroom because his strict teaching methods improved his students' performance.

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Makes some students here wish they don't have a teacher like that.
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Nebraska state senator sues God

By NATE JENKINS, Associated Press Writer

LINCOLN, Neb. - The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers sued God last week. Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he's trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.

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Something tells me he listened to too much of "I'll Sue Ya" by Weird Al Yankovic.
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"Dead" man wakes up under autopsy knife

CARACAS (Reuters) - A Venezuelan man who had been declared dead woke up in the morgue in excruciating pain after medical examiners began their autopsy.

Carlos Camejo, 33, was declared dead after a highway accident and taken to the morgue, where examiners began an autopsy only to realize something was amiss when he started bleeding. They quickly sought to stitch up the incision on his face.

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This happens on a rare occasion.
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Woman sees zebra trotting down driveway

MUSKOGEE, Okla. (AP) - Sharon McConough says a zebra has been visiting her home and she has the photograph to prove it. McConough, who lives in the Ranger Creek area east of Fort Gibson Dam, said her dog starting barking and she went outside to see what was causing the disturbance. A zebra was trotting down her driveway. It was wearing a halter.

She ran to get her camera because she knew no one would believe her.

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Now do y'all believe her?

[TexasStooge]

Banning rice at weddings to keep pigeons away

VENICE (Reuters) - Throwing rice at newly-weds will soon be banned in Venice as the city steps up its fight against pigeons soiling its squares and chipping away at monuments.

The mayor of the canal city is preparing a measure to stop pigeons banqueting outside the central Palazzo Cavalli, where civil weddings are celebrated, municipal police chief Marco Agostini said on Monday.

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Otherwise, the weddings go to the birds.
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Back seat tryst blamed for SUV crash

MOSCOW, Idaho (AP) - A carnival worker who hit a telephone pole with his SUV blamed the crash on two friends having sex in the back seat.

Joshua D. Frank, who had been living on the Latah County Fairgrounds, pleaded guilty Monday to a misdemeanor charge of failing to notify a police officer of a traffic accident. He was fined $188.

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PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD!!!
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Man stripped, shaved for posting ads

BEIJING (Reuters) - Security guards in a southern Chinese city stripped and shaved the head of a man they found illegally posting advertisements on walls to earn a bit of money, a domestic newspaper reported Tuesday.

The victim, Xiao Liu, a 17-year-old migrant worker from the impoverished central province of Henan, was stripped to his underwear by about 10 men in Dongguan in the southern province of Guangdong, the Beijing News said.

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Might as well find a new job.
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Snakes, birds found in airline luggage

ATLANTA (AP) - The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has fined a man $800 for flying dead snakes and birds inside his luggage from South Korea to Atlanta.

Last month, security officers at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport found 30 snakes, a dead bird and pieces of several other birds in his luggage.

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"What? More snakes on the (bleep) Plane?!?!?!"

[TexasStooge]

Brothers on the cutting edge of knock-offs

BEIJING (Reuters) - Two Chinese brothers have been charged with making 160,000 fake "Gillette" razor blades, the latest in a series of product and piracy scandals to hit the country.

The brothers, surnamed Zhang, were accused of assembling Gillette Mach 3 razor blades at home with family members without the permission from Gillette (China), Xinhua news agency said Wednesday, quoting prosecutors in Wenzhou in Zhejiang province.

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Get it? "Cutting Edge".
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Vet extracts toy lizard from real lizard

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) - Seven-year-old Finley Collins thought her pet 12-inch bearded dragon might be giving birth when she noticed an unusual protrusion near the lizard's tail.

But Finley's father, Jeff Collins, feared it might be something more ominous and rushed Mushu to an animal hospital, where a veterinarian pulled out a 7-inch toy rubber lizard.

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Now here's a little Lizard on Lizard action.
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Man hides sex toys in the wurst way...

BERLIN (Reuters) - Staff at a German butcher's shop were shocked to discover a customer had hidden two sex toys in their sausages for transport to Dubai, police said Wednesday.

"It was two latex dildos with a natural look," said a spokesman for police in the southwestern city of Mannheim.

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I'm off bratwurst forever.
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Man bitten after putting snake in mouth

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - Snake collector Matt Wilkinson of Portland grabbed a 20-inch rattler from the highway near Maupin, and three weeks later, to impress his ex-girlfriend, he stuck the serpent in his mouth.

He was soon near death with a swollen tongue that blocked his throat. Trauma doctors at the Oregon Health and Science University saved his life.

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That's what you get for being a show-off.

[TexasStooge]

Glamorous Bavarian wants law to allow 7-year itch

By Madeline Chambers

BERLIN (Reuters) - Bavaria's most glamorous politician -- a flame-haired motorcyclist who helped bring down state premier Edmund Stoiber -- has shocked the Catholic state in Germany by suggesting marriage should last just 7 years.

Gabriele Pauli, who poses on her web site in motorcycle leathers, is standing for the leadership of Bavaria's Christian Social Union (CSU) -- sister party of Chancellor Angela Merkel's conservative Christian Democrats (CDU) -- in a vote next week.

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Oh no, she didn't!!
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Drivers zoom by roadside debris- a home

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Motorists traveling Southern California highways are used to seeing all sorts of debris, from mattresses to luggage to clothing. But the ultimate in freeway flotsam has landed along the Hollywood Freeway: a house.

Patrick Richardson's now immobile home was being moved Saturday from Santa Monica to Santa Clarita when several mishaps — including a roof-shredding blow while attempting to pass beneath an overpass — slowed its progress and it fell off its trailer.

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I can assure you one thing, the house is not in Kansas anymore.
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Heavyweights panic as woman dives for sumo ring

TOKYO (Reuters) - A woman invaded a sumo ring -- a sacred arena from which females are banned -- in Tokyo during a major tournament, domestic media said on Thursday, then was pulled down by a referee and one of the sport's huge wrestlers.

The middle-aged woman dashed from the side of the Kokugikan sumo stadium on Wednesday and shoved away a female security guard before rolling onto the ring just as a bout was set to begin, the Yomiuri newspaper said.

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Here's a new one, a wrestling crasher.
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Two N.J. golfers get back-to-back aces

By JEFFREY GOLD, Associated Press Writer

NEWARK, N.J. - The men were still calming themselves after witnessing a member of the foursome, Thomas Brady, score a hole-in-one, when Dennis Gerhart stepped to the tee. One stroke later, the celebration began anew. Gerhart had also holed out.

"I've never heard of that happening anywhere in the world," Jim Woods, director of golf at Forsgate Country Club in Monroe Township, said Thursday, a day after the dual aces were recorded on the club's Banks Course. "Two balls on the same hole in the same group is pretty impressive."

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GOOD GOLLY! It's definitely a rare case.

[TexasStooge]

Fashion chain Zara withdraws swastika handbag

MADRID (Reuters) - Spanish fashion chain Zara has withdrawn a handbag from its stores after a customer in Britain complained swastikas were embroidered on it.

Zara, owned by the world's second largest fashion retailer Inditex, said it did not know the 39 pound ($78) handbag had green swastikas on its corners.

The bags were made by a supplier in India and inspired by commonly used Hindu symbols, which include the swastika. The original design approved by Zara did not have swastikas on it, Inditex said.

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Geez! Take it as it is!!
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New service eavesdrops on Internet calls

By PETER SVENSSON, AP Technology Writer

NEW YORK - A startup has come up with a new way to make money from phone calls connected via the Internet: having software listen to the calls, then displaying ads on the callers' computer screens based on what's being talked about.

For instance, a caller talking about going for dinner might see ads to local restaurants and restaurant review sites, while someone pondering whether to buy a new computer might see ads for computer stores. Relevant unsponsored links also appear.

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Oh no, they didn't!!
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Stinky? It's not his sweat, it's your nose

By Julie Steenhuysen

CHICAGO (Reuters) - When it comes to a man's body odour, the fragrance -- or stench -- is in the nose of the beholder, according to U.S. researchers who suggest a single gene may determine how people perceive body odour.

The study, published online on Sunday in the journal Nature, helps explain why the same sweaty man can smell like vanilla to some, like urine to others and for about a third of adults, have no smell at all.

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Your nose knows (too much).
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'Eater X' wins burrito-eating contest

SOUTH PORTLAND, Maine (AP) - A day trader and aspiring pizza chef known as "Eater X" munched through 10 3/4 burritos in a dozen minutes Saturday to win what was billed as the world burrito-eating championship.

Tim Janus, 30, of New York City, said he prepared by just eating candy for a day, which he said helped clear his system.

"I love Mexican food," he said after his victory.

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Sign me up for those kind of contests!!!

[TexasStooge]

So give up caviar: it's not brain sturgery!

By Guy Faulconbridge

MOSCOW (Reuters) - The rich may have to take black caviar off the menu to let sturgeon stocks recover, Russia's first Deputy Prime Minister Sergei Ivanov said on Friday.

Ivanov, widely regarded as a leading contender to succeed President Vladimir Putin in 2008, said he could do without caviar if sturgeon fishing was banned.

"If we banned catches for a period of time then I would certainly survive," Ivanov told an investment conference in Russia's Black Sea resort of Sochi, RIA news agency reported.

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I don't eat caviar anyways, so what does it matter?

If you like it so much try a pack of Hamwinkies, just tastes the same.
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Yankees rookies dress up in Oz costumes

By BEN WALKER, AP Baseball Writer

NEW YORK - Joba Chamberlain raised his oversized paws, shook his shaggy brown mane and let out a feeble roar. Looking and acting every bit the Cowardly Lion, the big reliever was ready for a scrap Monday.

"Put 'em up! Put 'em up!" he said, playfully challenging Jason Giambi and Mike Mussina. No takers — they were laughing too hard at Chamberlain's head-to-toe costume.

It was rookie hazing day for the New York Yankees, and this well-worn baseball tradition came with a theme: The Wizard of Oz.

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Lions and Tigers and Bears (and Rookies)! OH, MY!
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"Hey beautiful...the back door's open"

SYDNEY (Reuters) - The wife of former Australian cricket champion Shane Warne says their marriage reconciliation is over after he mistakenly sent her an incriminating text message.

Simone Callahan, who reunited last December with the spin bowler known also for his womanizing, told a woman's magazine she caught Warne cheating on her while he was in London.

As Callahan got the couple's three children ready for school in Melbourne, a text dropped into the inbox of her mobile phone, she told New Idea magazine.

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Uhh....OOPS!!
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Family's license plates deemed offensive

MERLIN, Oregon (AP) - The state of Oregon has ordered a family to turn in the vanity license plates on its cars because their Dutch last name, which is written on the plates, is similar to an offensive word.

The plates, UDINK1 UDINK2 and UDINK3 are on the vehicles of Mike and Shelly Udink and their son Kalei. Two of the plates are five and seven years old. One was issued last year.

Last summer, Kawika Udink's application for UDINK4 was rejected and the state ordered that the other three plates be returned.

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Soon they're gonna have these license plates:

[TexasStooge]

What? Did I say something wrong?

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - Malaysian doctors have reattached a man's nearly severed penis after his first wife, enraged by his comparison of her sex skills with those of his younger second wife, decided to chop it off with a kitchen knife.

The man, a 43-year-old Indonesian worker in southern Johor state, was lying in bed with his 48-year-old wife talking about his newly wed second wife, who is in her 30s, when the incident happened, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.

Despite his shock and pain, the man managed to pull on his trousers and ride his motorcycle to a nearby hospital, where doctors had to put in 11 stitches to reattach the organ.

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Oh, I don't need to know what she did!
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Coach stops runaway horse by biting ear

OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) - The coach of Oklahoma City's minor-league hockey team helped prevent a possible stampede of Belgian horses at the Oklahoma State Fair by biting one of the animals on its ear.

Doug Sauter, who coaches the Oklahoma City Blazers of the Central Hockey League, was at the fair Saturday attending the Centennial Expo's Draft Horse Show when he saw a Belgian horse break free from its reins. That caused a chain reaction that spooked other horses, he said Monday.

He bit the ear of one of the spooked horses to stop it from stampeding.

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(As Yosamite Sam) "When I say 'Whoa', I mean 'WOAH'!" (Chomp!)
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Leader rails at teen breast implants gift fad

By Saul Hudson

CARACAS (Reuters) - President Hugo Chavez railed against a new trend in beauty-conscious Venezuela, giving girls breast implants for their 15th birthday.

"Now some people think, 'My daughter's turning 15, let's give her breast enlargements.' That's horrible. It's the ultimate degeneration," Chavez said late on Sunday on his weekly TV show that lasted a record eight hours

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Teen girls look pretty as they are. They don't need to go to extremes.
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Suggestive card ruffles farmer feathers

SALEM, Va. (AP) - A suggestive birthday card featuring a photo of a poultryman holding a goose has really ruffled the farmer's feathers and prompted him to file a $7.5 million lawsuit against the photographers and companies who used his image.

Andrew Marsinko claims he never signed a release allowing his photo to be used for commercial purposes, as required by Virginia law. Now he's suing for a variety of reasons, including defamation and reckless infliction of emotional distress.

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Another day, another person crying "fowl".

[TexasStooge]

China bans "sexual sounds" on airwaves

BEIJING (Reuters) - China has banned "sexually provocative sounds" on television and pulled the plug on a show reconstructing infamous crimes by women ahead of a major Communist Party meeting next month.

The order, issued by the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television, is the latest in a raft of measures which have included axing reality shows featuring sex changes and plastic surgery and banning talent contests during prime-time.

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If they're gonna put it on again, it's gonna be on a late night time slot.
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Lab tech bites boy, 3, during blood test

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) - A laboratory technician was fired after the parents of a 3-year-old boy claimed she bit his shoulder during a blood test, a hospital spokesman said.

Faith Buntin took her son Victor to St. Vincent Hospital on Friday to have blood drawn because of recent recalls of toys involving lead. She said she saw the worker put her mouth on Victor's shoulder as she restrained him so another lab worker could draw the blood.

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For goodness sakes, you're a Doctor, not a Vampire.
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"Childrens do learn," Bush tells school kids

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Offering a grammar lesson guaranteed to make any English teacher cringe, President George W. Bush told a group of New York school kids on Wednesday: "Childrens do learn."

Bush made his latest grammatical slip-up at a made-for-TV event where he urged Congress to reauthorize the No Child Left Behind Act, the centrepiece of his education policy, as he touted a new national report card on improved test scores.

The event drew New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Education Secretary Margaret Spellings plus teachers and about 20 fourth and fifth graders from P.S. 76.

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Somebody call the Grammar Police!!
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Dead? You still have to pay library fine

HARRISON, N.Y. (AP) - Even the dead apparently have to pay the fines on their overdue books at one Westchester County library. Elizabeth Schaper said she was charged a 50-cent late fee while turning in a book that her late mother had checked out of a Harrison Public Library branch.

"I was in shock," Schaper said. "This has rocked me to my core."

Schaper's mother, Ethel Schaper, died at the age of 87 on Sept. 16 after suffering a massive stroke. A few days later, Schaper said she found a library book, "The Price of Silence," by Camilla Trinchieri, that her mother had checked out from the library.

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That's just wrong.

[TexasStooge]

Lover to die for kiss-and-kill pill

SHANGHAI (Reuters) - A Chinese woman who killed her lover with a rat poison-laced kiss when she suspected him of being unfaithful has been sentenced to death, a newspaper said Thursday.

Xia Xinfeng, from Maolou in the central province of Henan, passed a capsule with rat poison from her mouth to her long-time lover, Mao Ansheng, during a kiss, the Shanghai Daily said.

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Sounds like a fatal attraction to me.
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Two-headed turtle goes on display in Pa.

NORRISTOWN, Pa. (AP) - A pet store has bought a two-headed turtle from a collector and plans to keep it on display, the store manager said. The 2-month-old turtle, actually conjoined red-eared slider twins, fits on a silver dollar.

It has two heads sticking out from opposite ends of its shell, along with a pair of front feet on each side. But there is just one set of back feet and one tail.

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Is there any way that this turtle can win the race against the hare?
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Pop star fired 21 maids in three years?

HONG KONG (Reuters) - Hong Kong Canto-pop star Jacky Cheung has been banned from hiring any more maids from the Philippines after firing 21 in three years, a newspaper said on Thursday.

Cheung and his wife, former actress May Lo, were placed on a "blacklist of sub-standard employers" maintained by the Philippine consulate in Hong Kong after hiring and firing 21 maids in three years, the South China Morning Post reported.

His track record has earned him the nickname of the "the terminator" within the local Filipino community.

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What has the maids ever done to him?
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Odor line: Is it a wet dog, dung stench?

WOODLAND, Calif. (AP) - Something that smelled like a wet dog that rolled in manure and a report of a pungent, foul odor that has persisted for the last 13 years are among the calls so far to a 24-hour "odor hot line."

The city of Woodland set up the hot line this month to help investigate a recent flood of complaints about nasty smells in a place where urban growth has encroached on areas that once were strictly devoted to farming.

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I think Ed from "Ed, Edd, N Eddy" might give us some insight on this stench.

Ed: "Don't make me laugh, all there is in my pocket is my lucky cheese chunk." (Pulls out smelly piece of cheese)

[TexasStooge]

Push-up bra ads banned as meeting nears

BEIJING (Reuters) - Days after banning "sexually provocative sounds" on television, China has now stopped networks showing "saucy" adverts for push-up bras and figure-hugging underwear ahead of a major Communist Party meeting next month.

Other targets of the crackdown are "low-brow and base" commercials for sex toys and those featuring famous people or experts attesting to the efficacy of medicines, the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television said on its Web site (www.sarft.gov.cn) Friday.

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Seems they don't have a first ammendment where they are.
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Woman gives birth to own grandchildren

SAO PAULO, Brazil (AP) - A 51-year-old surrogate mother for her daughter has given birth to her own twin grandchildren in northeastern Brazil, the delivery hospital said.

Rosinete Palmeira Serrao, a government health worker, gave birth to twin boys by Caesarean section on Thursday at the Santa Joana Hospital in the city of Recife, the hospital said in a statement on its Web site.

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How often does this happen?
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Oktoberfest reveler stuck in chimney for 12 hours

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German man who had been drinking heavily at Munich's Oktoberfest beer festival got stuck in a chimney for 12 hours while trying to climb into a friend's apartment, police said Friday.

After finding his friend was not at home, the 27-year-old climbed on to the roof of a neighboring building at about 2 a.m. Thursday and headed for what he thought was a gap in the wall between the two houses.

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This is why I don't go to Beer Fests.
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Man uses demolition derby car to propose

BLOOMSBURG, Pa. (AP) - Marriage proposals have been displayed on billboards, announced on scoreboards and even written into newspaper crossword puzzles.

Kevin Weaver's engagement to Karen Slusser got off to a smashing start — he painted his proposal on a car and drove it in a demolition derby.

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It seems some people are running out of ideas for marriage proposals.

[TexasStooge]

Once-puritan South Africa holds its first sex fair

By Paul Simao

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - South Africans queued to learn about sex toys and pole-dancing this weekend, at the first sex fair ever held in a country founded by conservative Christians and still home to many sexual taboos.

The exhibition, modeled on a show running in Australia since 1996, would have been unthinkable 15 years ago when South Africa was still ruled by Afrikaners, the white descendants of the original, largely Puritan Dutch and French settlers.

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That's one fair I'm definitely NOT attending.
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No hugs allowed at Ill. middle school

OAK PARK, Ill. (AP) - If you need a hug, you won't get it at Percy Julian Middle School. Principal Victoria Sharts banned hugging among the suburban Chicago school's 860 students anywhere inside the building. She said students were forming "hug lines" that made them late for classes and crowded the hallways.

"Hugging is really more appropriate for airports or for family reunions than passing and seeing each other every few minutes in the halls," Sharts said.

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Again with the Public Display Affection.
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From heart-broken to broke? Japan divorce loan helps

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japan's first-ever divorce loan caters to those who fell head over heels in love only to find themselves up to their necks in debt.

Named "Re" for those re-starting their lives, the loan helps divorcees cover the cost of compensation and legal payments and offers a lower interest rate than credit cards loans, on which Japan's growing number of divorce-seekers have depended in the past.

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One piece of advice...get a seperate bank account!
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Sheriff offers to marry fugitives

LAPEER, Mich. (AP) - The Lapeer County sheriff wants to help two bank robbery suspects tie the knot.

"I'll volunteer to marry them in the jail if they surrender," Sheriff Ron Kalanquin said Monday. Kalanquin said he wanted the Lapeer couple off the streets before their cash ran out and they attempted another robbery.

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AWW! It's a match made in the jail cell.

[TexasStooge]

Biologists aim to wipe out "Rat Island"

By Yereth Rosen

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Reuters) - Two centuries after rats first landed on a remote Aleutian island from a shipwreck, wildlife managers in Alaska are plotting how to evict the non-native rodent from the island that bears their name.

Rat Island, like many other treeless, volcanic islands in the 1,000-mile (1,609-km) long Aleutian chain, is infested with rats that have proved devastating to wild birds that build nests in the earth or in rocky cliffs.

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I know how, unleash dozens of cats on that island.
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Developer builds around woman's home

SEATTLE (AP) - When 86-year-old Edith Macefield refused a $1 million offer to move from her Seattle home, a developer started building a five-story project around it.

Macefield said that she doesn't need the money and that she doesn't want to move from her home, where she has lived since 1966. A concrete wall looms within feet of her kitchen window as the project rises.

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Just tell the developer to build somewhere else.
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Don't look for Bush at Iran university anytime soon

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush is not taking seriously an invitation to visit a university in Iran, unlike his Iranian counterpart, who drew a torrent of criticism last week with a speech at Columbia University in New York.

Bush might have considered the invitation from Ferdowsi University in Mashhad if Iran was a democracy and did not seek the destruction of Israel, the White House said on Tuesday.

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That's true.
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Spiders, scorpions found in Manila mail

MANILA, Philippines (AP) - The package from Hong Kong looked innocent enough, marked "personal clothing." But when customs officials opened it, they were stunned to see about 300 live scorpions and spiders.

The scorpions and spiders — which included tarantulas — were packed in nets, bottles and transparent plastic boxes, concealed under clothes, newspapers reported Wednesday.

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Spiders, and Scorpions, and Rats! Oh, MY!!!

[TexasStooge]

I'd like a car loan and 20 condoms, please

By Nopporn Wong-Anan

BANGKOK (Reuters Life!) - A Thai bank is pitching into the battle against HIV/AIDS and handing out condoms to customers too shy to get them at the shop.

Despite Bangkok's reputation as one of the world's sex industry centers, Thailand is a generally conservative country.

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I said it before and I'm a say it again, the best safe sex is abstinence!!!!!
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Girl swims river with hands, feet tied

BEIJING (AP) - A father tied his 10-year-old daughter's hands and feet and watched her swim in a chilly southern China river for three hours in a task he said Thursday would help the girl achieve her dream of swimming across the English Channel.

Huang Li swam more than a mile in the Xiang River on Tuesday, traveling with the current, her father said. The girl swam by moving like a dolphin and would sometimes paddle with her bound hands.

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If she could take on the English Channel, she could certainly take on the swim from Alkatraz.
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Charges dropped in sherry enema death case

HOUSTON (Reuters) - Charges have been dropped against a Texas woman who was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him.

Tammy Jean Warner had been indicted for negligent homicide in the May 2004 death of Michael Warner, 58, but the Brazoria County District Attorney's office said on Wednesday the charge was dropped a month ago for lack of evidence.

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"The Enema Strikes Back!"
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Lawyer shot with BB guns helps nab teens

BURTON, Mich. (AP) - Two teens learned the folly of shooting a BB gun at an attorney, especially when the lawyer is a longtime rugby player who goes by the nickname "Dr. Death."

Michael J. Breczinski was walking to his car Tuesday night outside a Burton, Mich., mall when he heard a loud pop and felt a sting on his neck.

The 54-year-old turned to see the smirking teens, ages 14 and 15, hiding their hands.

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Guess they're unhappy with their Lawyer.

[TexasStooge]

Cops go out on a limb for amputee

MIAMI (Reuters) - A man whose amputated, embalmed leg was sold at a North Carolina auction will get the limb back over the objections of the buyer, who wanted to include it in a macabre, money-making Halloween display, police said on Thursday.

The dispute over the leg John Wood lost in an airplane crash three years ago was apparently resolved when police decided the buyer, Shannon Whisnant, had given up ownership by calling authorities and asking them to take it away.

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Get it? "Limb!" OK, bad joke, I know...
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Confused moose thinks he's a cow

CANNONBALL, N.D. (AP) - When Beverly and Ernie Fischer gathered up their cattle this fall in Morton County, they rounded up a little more than they expected. We were moving some cattle, and we got a moose," Ernie Fischer said. "He thinks he is a cow," said his wife.

Ernie Fischer said it was difficult to get the young bull moose away from the cattle, and workers put it in a separate corral until it could be released. The moose also broke fences on the ranch 20 miles south of Mandan.

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Why? Did someone went and named that moose "Bessie"?

(As Bullwinkle) "Hey, Rocky! I'm confused!"
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Bar gossip leads to nasty surprise for couple

PRAGUE (Reuters) - A Czech couple who decided to take a DNA test to squash persistent pub gossip and prove that their 10-month-old baby was their own got a nasty surprise.

The couple, from the southeastern town of Trebic, had some doubts about the child as her hair was blonde and they both had dark hair. Fellow drinkers' suspicions got on their nerves.

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(As Maury Povich) "Y'all are NOT the parents."
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Japan officials warned over Wikipedia

TOKYO (AP) - A Japanese bureaucrat has been reprimanded for shirking his duties to make hundreds of Wikipedia contributions about toy robots, officials said Friday.

The agriculture ministry said the bureaucrat, whose name was not released, contributed 260 times to the Japanese-language Wikipedia entry on Gundam, a popular, long-running animated series about giant robots that has spun off intricate toys popular among children and adults who belong to the so-called "otaku culture" of fascination with comic books, animation and robots.

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What's the big deal?! Nothing!