Rollercoaster year. Request this to be locked.

[nholley]

Doing marijuana is not a bad thing? WHAT THE HELL? You must do them. He has done esctacy a few times. I WILL not let him ruin his life. You have no idea how this might turn out, and you will not tell me this is not a problem. You are not me, and you are not him. You don't know his personal life, and you know little to nothing about him.

I told him he is not going to the party Saturday night. I also wrote him a very long note expressing how I feel. I only just gave it to him about an hour ago.

Ecstacy is a bad thing and shows a dangerous progression. To me that shows a slide towards something harder and needs to be addressed.

Nobosdy knows how it will turn out, least of all you. Don't make a negative comment about someone elses opinion (Scorpion) especially when they probably have more life experience than you. Saying that because someone smokes pot they will ruin their life is not only ignorant but just plain incorrect.

While your intentions are admirable, who are you to say he is not going to a party? It is his life to live, not yours. You are not his parent.

[george_r_1961]

There is no problem with marijuana or stoners. If you don't choose to do it, then thats ok.

Doing marijuana is not a bad thing? WHAT THE HELL? You must do them. He has done esctacy a few times. I WILL not let him ruin his life. You have no idea how this might turn out, and you will not tell me this is not a problem. You are not me, and you are not him. You don't know his personal life, and you know little to nothing about him.

I told him he is not going to the party Saturday night. I also wrote him a very long note expressing how I feel. I only just gave it to him about an hour ago.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with marijuana on an occasional basis. The only possible problem is getting caught.

I gotta disagree with you there. Haven partaken of weed in my younger days I can attest to some of the stupid things I did while stoned. Seemed funny at the time but looking back now it wasnt. Since THC stays in your body for a long time after u get stoned..up to 30 days, It would be safe to assume its still affecting you long after the high wears off, albeit in subtle ways. Just my 2 cents worth.

[rainstorm]

it causes blindness

[greeng13]

it causes blindness

show me a link to that study please! as it actually helps relieve the pressure in the eyes of thos with glaucoma!!!!!--actually preventing blindness in some.

please get your facts straight!

[nholley]

Certainly doesn't cause blindness because I can still see!!

[greeng13]

here are some links:

http://www.bestsyndication.com/Articles/2006/Nicole-WILSON/Health/02/022706-diabetic_retinopathy_blindness_marijuana_compound.htm

scroll down on this one and there are numerous links:
http://www.glaucoma-eyes.info/medical-marijuana-glaucoma.html

http://safeaccessnow.org/article.php?id=3137

[HurryKane]

I'm dying. Causes blindness? Heh.

To the original poster: you have to be careful how you go about this, because if you come down too strong you'll completely push your friend away. Telling him he's not going to a party is one example of this. Be firm about how all of this makes *you* feel and that you want to help him. Just realize that in the end he'll make his own decisions, you cannot make them for him.

[stormie_skies]

To the person who suggested that this boy have his friend arrested without even talking to him - that might just have been the most ridiculous thing I've read in a long time. If this boy's drug use gets out of control (and he sounds like a candidate for abuse, for sure), it can do untold damage to his life. But an arrest at this young age could do just as much or more. I don't know what kind of person would get their jollies from calling the cops on a clearly confused young man whose life is not in danger and who might really just need someone to talk to him, listen and understand... but its not the kind of person I would want to be around. You should be ashamed of yourself.

To the original poster - is your friends involvement with drugs still increasing? Have you talked to him?

Obviously his parents aren't people he can talk to - do you know if there are any other adults in this boy's life who might be able to talk some sense into him? A teacher, or a youth pastor or something? Even an older sibling?

[tropicana]

Conestego... i'm thinking of you and what you must be going through with your friend.
Remember, the darkest night has its dawn. There is hope still.
-
justin-

[SouthFloridawx]

I don't want to seem mean or anything so I am just going to tell you like it is. Any drugs past marijuana is definitely a bad thing!!!. I was reading about his life on page two of the thread i think and a lot of things that sound like he is going through some really bad depression. You need stop worrying about the marijuana per say and help get him into some counseling. I think that maybe he is using weed as a way to fill a void in his life. Whether that be a void in his mind or a lack of parents or all of the above. You definitely help him fill a void but, if you push the issue too far you are going to loose him. You have to help him along the way and he has to think that he is making the choice and not you forcing him to do it. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE SOMEONE!!! THEY CAN ONLY CHANGE THEMSELVES!!! THEY HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE TO BE ABLE TO DO SO!!!!. Sorry about the caps but, I have had many experiences with family and friends that ya just want to grab by the neck and strangle to get them to change but, you can't and some do and some don't.

In conclusion I want to tell you that you need to help him get into counseling to deal with the issues that is causing his depression which is causing his urge to want to change his mental state into something that is not reality. There is a big difference between people who do marijuana on occasion and people who do it to escape from reality. People who do it to escape from reality will end up doing pretty much any drug as those drugs suite the purpose to change their mental outlook on life or their current situation. GET HIM HELP WITH HIS DEPRESSION! You help fix that you help fix the issue with him wanting to be stoned all the time. Does he have any hobbies?

[SouthFloridawx]

I'm serious the problem is not the drugs it is way more deep than that. If you do not encourage him to get help and end up pushing the drug issue you will lose him to his stoner friends.

[Scorpion]

Yes, if he is doing bad drugs then he needs help immediately. If its just weed, theres no problem unless he overuses it.

[MSRobi911]

Did anybody notice that in one of his replies that he "got him to quit cutting himself"? That is a very bad sign of severe mental health issues. This child needs help, if not thru his own parents/family then thru you with the help of your parents.

I watched my best friend from childhood turn into a drug shooting addict and I did nothing, at the age of 30 she had the heart of a 60 year old because of infection from using dirty needles. This killed me, why didn't I say something, her parents were just line my parents. I could tell them anything, but I kept my mouth shut. Why did she go on this track for her life??? Her brother was murdered by his soon to be mother in law on a beach at his family's beach house in the broad daylight by shooting him in the chest with a shotgun. Her parents were on a cruise and they couldn't get in touch with them for days. She had to carry this by herself for a long long time and she was only 20 years old. I had watched her go from Pot to Hash to Heroin to Dilaudid......when I saw the Heroin, I cut a road out of that apartment so fast and never went back, never did anything. She was living with the biggest dope dealer in town and I never said a word to anybody....why, I don't know....oh How I wish I had turned them in or at least spoken to her parents. I could have helped or tried to help, but as you all know, People Can NOT be helped until they want help. I was very immature and should have known the right thing to do. Even though her parents loved her beyond belief and gave her everything she wanted, a new car every year, etc....she never felt loved and that was her problem and then seeing her brother murdered in front of her just cut the last thread. She is still alive today and we are 50 years old, but she won't be around much longer because she did such damage to her body.

Like Jimmy Buffett's song, I smoked my share of grass and Hash a couple of times, but other than that....I wasn't stupid.....I wanted my brain to be intact. Then I married a police officer and of course I had to give it up But I had already done that anyway but I was with a couple guys once that tried to get me to put a lid of grass in my pants because "they wouldn't search me"...HA...I told them hell no and after being pulled over by the cops and being rousted, I made them take me straight home....I wasn't going to mess up my life for just "a good time".

Get your friend some help, whether with your parents or his or if you know no one else a counselor at school or church that he will talk to. I am PROUD of you for trying to have the courage to help him, but your friend has some mental problems that you can not take care of, he needs professional help.

Good luck and keep us posted on what is going on. I will remember you and your friend in my prayers tonight and for a long time!

Mary

[conestogo_flood]

Ok, he replied to my note. It's a start for me.

He wrote he had no idea that this was upsetting me. That was pretty much all he wrote, but it went through a few reasons why he though I didn't care. One, like you said, I faked getting high with him. Two, I didn't react when he did it in front of me. Three, I didn't say anything against him when he would talk about drugs.

Yes, I am a little worried about his "depression". About 4 months ago, he was really depressed. For a week, I did nothing. Until, I went to his house on a Friday night, and I said something that made him cry, and we stayed up all night talking about what his life is like. That is where I learned a lot. Since then, he does write me notes when something is bothering him.

So, this is the first step, I'm going to get to the root of this. Once we get past note taking, I will talk to him. He isn't religious or anything, I do wish he was. He was in therapy not long ago, but that was because his aunt wanted his family to get along. My parents are kind of like his other parents. I do want to talk to them really bad, because they feel really bad for him. They understand his family life, and we are waiting for when he is 17 so he can move into our house. Only a few more months. I think when he can move in, then maybe he will change. As long as he stays in that house, I have to be really close to him. I don't want to lose him to drugs, because he wont last alone.

This is why I am afraid to lose him, his "depression" I can deal with that, but as long as he has the support he needs while he lives there, then things might work out. If he is lost to drugs, he probably wont have hope for a future. Do you see what I am saying? He needs to move in here in about 6 months, so as long as I got him still, he has hope. If in that 6 months I lose him to drugs, then he has no real hope.

I'm really confusing myself trying to explain it. All I am saying is this drug problem is the real main issue at hand. The "depression" I can help him with. I'm really having a hard time explaining this, so it might sound wrong of me.

[HurryKane]

No, actually, I think the depression part you will have to get some outside help with in order for him to truly address and solve the problem.

He really, really, REALLY needs to see a professional counselor about this. You should, in my opinion, direct your efforts more at getting him professional help than at trying to get him to stop the drugs at this point.

[nholley]

No, actually, I think the depression part you will have to get some outside help with in order for him to truly address and solve the problem.

He really, really, REALLY needs to see a professional counselor about this. You should, in my opinion, direct your efforts more at getting him professional help than at trying to get him to stop the drugs at this point.

Sound advice. While it is admirable that you are trying to help you are probably actually doing more damage to him. He needs professional help and another child is unable to provide this. You have a very mature attitude towards some of these problems and you should build on that by helping him to get the help he needs.

[SouthFloridawx]

I don't think that you understand that the problem is not the drugs it is the fact that he needs professional help like other people are saying. While he gets the professional help they will deal with the drug issues along with that. I agree with nholley that you are not the be the one that helps him with these problems. You need to help him seek out help

[Hurricaneman]

He needs alot of help, and it seems he needs you right now

[bvigal]

conestogo_flood, my heart just breaks reading this. Bless your heart for being such a true and loyal friend! However, I'm also very worried about you, dear.

You say your friend has suffered abuse, and I believe you. It's not his fault, and it's also not YOURS!! As a result of this abuse, he is dealing with feelings that no one should ever have to, and which require serious professional attention, long-term. The cutting, the smoking, the depression, are all ways of crying out for help, albeit subconsciously, and of trying to block that nightmarish mix of bad feelings common with abuse victims.

Being a Christian does not mean you must appove of all his activities, and you've correctly told him so. Yes, you can continue to love him and be a good friend. BUT, you will not help him by "enabling". And, it sounds to me from your comments that you have taken on much too much responsibility for the outcome, it is not mentally healthy for you!!

If your parents want to set the wheels in motion to help this young man, that is wonderful. Meanwhile, you need to let them know how you feel, right away. Let them know that you "have to" do such-in-such for him, that you "must" keep him from associating with the wrong crowd, that you "can handle" his bouts of depression, etc. You are not a psychiatrist, and even an accomplished psychiatrist could not feel so much responsibility for the outcome. You need to turn this matter over to your parents, let them get the help he needs, and turn the outcome over to the Lord through prayer.

If you keep up with this huge, impossible load of responsibility and stress, you will be needing therapy, as well. And that won't help your friend. Please have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents about YOUR feelings, as soon as you can.

[bvigal]

PS: Hurrycane, would you please get rid of that link to http://www.quicknbeady.com/ck/crabbyframe2.jpg
That entire website has been down for a while now, so the pages where you post never finish loading.
Thanks!