The Stupid Crimes & Misdemeanors Thread

[TexasStooge]

Inmate Gets Stuck in Apparent Escape Try

MOOREFIELD, W.Va. (AP) - A pair of shackles. That's all that stood between a Potomac Highlands Regional Jail inmate and potential freedom.

Edward E. Van Meter, 42, of Moorefield attempted to escape custody Tuesday after he was allowed to use the restroom at Hardy County Magistrate Court, State Police announced Wednesday. Once inside, he allegedly removed several ceiling tiles and tried to make it out through the suspended ceiling.

Van Meter's shackles got caught, though. And pretty soon, so did he.

He was unable to go any further than the top of the duct work, said Sheriff Bob Ferrell.

Deputies removed a ceiling panel from the adjacent law library to get to Van Meter, who was returned to the jail to await arraignment on the new charge of in custody escape.

Ferrell said no date has been set for that hearing or the disrupted preliminary hearing that was based on felony charges in connection with an alleged domestic incident from Jan. 2.

Van Meter suffered some minor injuries in Tuesday's incident.
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Information from: The Cumberland Times-News

[TexasStooge]

Listerine Drinker Pleads Guilty to DUI

ADRIAN, Mich. (AP) - A woman arrested after failing a sobriety test and telling police she drank three glasses of Listerine has pleaded guilty to drunken driving.

Carol Ries, 50, was pulled over after she rear-ended another vehicle at a red light on Jan. 9. She passed one breathalyzer test, but failed another that used different equipment.

Police found a bottle of Listerine in her car, and she told them she had drunk three glasses earlier in the day. Her blood alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit, police said.

According to Listerine manufacturer Pfizer Inc.'s Web site, original formula Listerine contains 26.9 percent alcohol, while other varieties contain 21.6 percent alcohol.

Ries, who entered her plea last week, could face up to 93 days in jail and a $500 fine when she is sentenced. Prosecutors agreed to drop a charge of having an open intoxicant in the vehicle.

[TexasStooge]

Man pleads guilty of faking chest pains to avoid paying for restaurant meals

MACHIAS, Maine (AP) — A 54-year-old man who routinely complained of fake chest pains to avoid paying the tab for restaurant meals may have gotten his just desserts.

A judge sentenced Elias I. Elias on Friday to 90 days in jail after he pleaded guilty to theft of services.

The sentence followed the recommendation of District Attorney Paul Cavanaugh, who said the Aug. 5 incident at the Townhouse Restaurant marked the 13th time that Elias tried to skip out on the check by pretending he had trouble breathing and was having a heart attack.

"He has 18 convictions just since 2003," the year Elias moved to Maine from California, and has been jailed numerous times, Cavanaugh said.

Authorities said Elias would order dinner and drinks, eat and enjoy, then fake his need for medical assistance when the check arrived. He would be taken to a local hospital but usually left before police arrived.

Elias' court-appointed attorney, Jeffrey Davidson, told the judge that the homeless and unemployed man just wanted to eat a restaurant meal "like anybody else."

"Even if he didn't have dignity, he wanted to feel like he did," Davidson said.

[Andrew92]

You probably won't find this one in the AP, but in my former hometown, there was a really stupid crime.

The criminal actually, as scary as it sounds, is a former friend of mine (former is the major key word here). Last weekend, he supposedly called 911 while intoxicated and then led police on a three-county high-speed chase going at speeds of up to 95 miles per hour on snow-covered and slippery roads. He was finally stopped nearly an hour from my former hometown after two spike strips had to be used to disable his vehicle. According to one newspaper, he then bragged to the police, asking, "was that the best chase you've ever had?"

Needless to say, he is in jail, and he is no longer my friend for multiple reasons. I never really was friends with him, I just spent time with him because my best friend was a friend of his....my best friend from there is no longer friends with him either.

Stupid and downright scary from my point of view.

Story from a paper in Traverse City, Michigan (this one does NOT have the bragging quote, it was a different paper): http://www.record-eagle.com/2005/jan/25chase.htm

-Andrew92

[TexasStooge]

You probably won't find this one in the AP, but in my former hometown, there was a really stupid crime.

The criminal actually, as scary as it sounds, is a former friend of mine (former is the major key word here). Last weekend, he supposedly called 911 while intoxicated and then led police on a three-county high-speed chase going at speeds of up to 95 miles per hour on snow-covered and slippery roads. He was finally stopped nearly an hour from my former hometown after two spike strips had to be used to disable his vehicle. According to one newspaper, he then bragged to the police, asking, "was that the best chase you've ever had?"

Needless to say, he is in jail, and he is no longer my friend for multiple reasons. I never really was friends with him, I just spent time with him because my best friend was a friend of his....my best friend from there is no longer friends with him either.

Stupid and downright scary from my point of view.

Story from a paper in Traverse City, Michigan (this one does NOT have the bragging quote, it was a different paper): http://www.record-eagle.com/2005/jan/25chase.htm

-Andrew92

Another reason not to drink Alcohol. Great story.

[TexasStooge]

Man puts staples and paper clip in McDonald's sandwich

WEST NEW YORK, N.J. (Court TV) - When Jose Rodriguez sat down to take a bite of his McDonald's chicken sandwich, he was also hoping to take a financial bite out of the restaurant.

Police in West New York, N.J., say the 48-year-old man slashed his mouth with a razor blade and stuffed his sandwich with staples and a paper clip so that he could attempt to sue the fast-food eatery.

According to Capt. Robert Antolos, officers responded to a Jan. 18 call from a local McDonald's about an injured patron. At the scene, a bleeding Rodriguez showed officers his sandwich, which had a row of staples and a paper clip sticking out of it. He was taken to a hospital while police gathered evidence. The investigation soon uncovered Rodriguez's scheme.

Antolos said Rodriguez purchased his meal and then went into the restroom, where he took a bite of the sandwich, spat it into the garbage, and then placed a row of staples and a paper clip in the other part of the sandwich. After rewrapping the sandwich, Rodriguez used a razor blade to slash the inside of his mouth.

He reportedly returned to the restaurant's eating area, pretended to take a bite out of his sandwich, and then screamed that he had been cut.

Police and hospital officials were able to determine that Rodriguez's wounds were not consistent with the incident that he had described.

"He had a slash inside of his mouth instead of puncture wounds," Antolos said.

Rodriguez confessed when he was confronted with the evidence. He was arrested and charged with making a false police report and fabricating evidence. He was released on his personal recognizance.

[TexasStooge]

Robbery suspect admits to fondness for doorknobs

MEQUON, Wis. (Court TV) - When police charged Thor Laufer with robbing several construction sites, they got an unexpected confession.

Laufer, 42, told officers that he stole tools and other home furnishings to divert attention from his intended target — doorknobs.

According to the Milwaukee Sentinel, the burglar admitted to having an obsession with doorknobs and said he stole other items to fool police into thinking they were investigating typical robberies.

Laufer is reportedly responsible for a series of construction site thefts from Dec. 17 to Dec. 21. In addition to several doorknobs, he allegedly stole four custom Tudor posts, a chandelier, a bar sink, tile, and tools. He also broke into a single home and stole 25 doorknobs and handles, the report said.

Most of the stolen items were recovered in a storage locker. Laufer told police that he kept the knobs for his personal collection but sold the other items.

Laufer was charged with six counts of felony burglary. He's being held in the Milwaukee County Jail on $10,000 bond.

[TexasStooge]

The Cop Without a Clue...

STOCKHOLM, Sweeden (Reuters) - A Swedish police officer has confessed he robbed a bank and later investigated the crime himself, telling reporters at the time police had no clues.

A court in the central town of Bollnas Monday officially charged the 36-year-old for the armed robbery on Dec. 17, court documents said Tuesday, adding he had pleaded guilty.

The amount of money stolen was not disclosed but was described as sizeable. An hour after the crime the police officer returned to the bank as a leading police investigator handling the case.

Colleagues became suspicious when he bought a new car in mid-January, paying 219,000 Swedish crowns ($31,400) in cash using banknotes from the robbery, the court said.

[TexasStooge]

Minnesota Man Bites Off Brother's Finger

WILLMAR, Minn. (AP) - Police say a man lost his cool and bit off a third of his younger brother's finger on Thursday night after a vicious family dispute.

A criminal complaint filed in the case said Jose Juarez, 45, got into a fight with his younger brother, Roy Juarez.

Witnesses said Jose Juarez insulted his brother's daughter, and the fight began. At some point, Jose allegedly bit off a third of his brother's middle finger on his right hand. According to the complaint, police said Jose appeared to be quite drunk.

Jose Juarez on Sunday night acknowledged that he bit his brother and that alcohol was a factor.

"Yeah, I'm not proud to say I did, but it happened so quick," he told KMSP-TV of the Twin Cities. "We were both kind of intoxicated. I didn't sit there chewing or gnawing or anything like this."

Roy Juarez was taken to Rice Memorial Hospital where doctors reattached the piece of finger. It's too early to tell if the operation was successful.

Jose Juarez was charged on Friday with two counts of assault and one count of domestic abuse. He was released on his own recognizance. His next court date is Wednesday.

[TexasStooge]

Man May Face Charges for Air Flour Drop

MESA, Ariz. (AP) - A man could face charges for dropping bags of flour from an airplane as he flew over a campground on the Tonto National Forest, authorities said.

The man, whose identity wasn't released, flew a plane out of Deer Valley Airport and dropped sacks of white powder as a prank on friends who were playing paintball at Needle Rock recreation area, said Sgt. Travis Anglin, a Maricopa County sheriff's spokesman.

Some plastic bags broke before reaching the ground, while others landed intact in an area east of Cave Creek, near the Verde River.

Forest rangers evacuated the campground after seeing the drop around noon Sunday and contacted the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office.

The paintball players later explained that their friend had dropped flour bags as a joke.
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Information from: East Valley Tribune/Scottsdale Tribune

[TexasStooge]

Pennsylvania Woman Charged With Bigamy

PITTSBURGH, Penn. (AP) - A woman accused of marrying two other men while still married to a western Pennsylvania man has been charged with bigamy, according to state police. Julia J. Bish, 34, of Hempfield, faces a preliminary hearing Tuesday on two misdemeanor bigamy charges.

Police said she is still married to Randy Bish, whom she married in June 1990 and with whom she has five children, and is also married to a man from Bolivia, N.C. Another brief marriage has been annulled.

Julia Bish did not immediately return a call seeking comment Sunday.

Randy Bish, who contacted state police Trooper Gregg Norton about the matter in June, has since filed for divorce, according to Bish and court documents.

"It was Father's Day," Randy Bish said. "I was using the computer at home. ... I expected to find love letters in there, maybe, but I was shocked."

Instead, he said, he found reservations for hotel honeymoon suites, messages detailing wedding plans and a marriage-license application from Las Vegas.

"Do I still love her? I'd be lying if I said I didn't," Randy Bish said. "But right now, after this mess, that's a very tough question to answer."
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Information from: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

[TexasStooge]

Woman Pleads Guilty to Selling Fake Beer

BRISBANE, Australia (AP) - A woman pleaded guilty Wednesday to selling on eBay three nonexistent cases of Duff brand beer — the favorite of cartoon character Homer Simpson.

Tara Edith Woodford, 28, pleaded guilty in the Mackay Magistrates Court in northern Queensland state to three charges of dishonestly gaining money by false pretenses.

Prosecutor Gavin Burnett told the court Woodford was paid a total of 1,951 Australian dollars (U.S. $1,511) by three separate buyers after advertising the bogus beer on the eBay Internet auction site.

Duff is the beer brand of choice for Homer Simpson and his barfly friends in the animated U.S. television series The Simpsons.

In the mid-1990s, two breweries released their own "Duff Beer" in Australia until legal action by the creators of The Simpsons and the Twentieth Century Fox Film Corp. took the beer off the market. Fox has a policy of refusing to license The Simpson's merchandising for products that would be detrimental to children.

Duff beer is now a collector's item and cases can sell for as much as A$1,000 (U.S. $774) on eBay, according to Lorraine Gledhill, the treasurer of the National Beer Can Collectors Club.

Buyers paid money into Woodford's bank account, but contacted police when they never received the beer.

Woodford was caught because she listed her correct name and address on the auction site, the court was told.

Woodford's lawyer Phillip Moore said she committed the scam to buy Christmas presents and clothes for her four children.

Woodford was placed on 18 months' probation, and was ordered to reimburse the money and undergo counseling.

Let's hope Mark didn't drink that stuff.

[TexasStooge]

Doctor Fakes Insanity to Avoid Military

OSLO, Norway (AP) - A Norwegian doctor called in for military service would have made the malingering Cpl. Klinger of "M A S H" proud.

The doctor rubbed sour cream in his hair, poured sticky liqueur in his shoes, spilled beer on his clothes and sat in a closet smoking 40 cigarettes at once in a bid to convince the military that he wasn't fit mentally for service, the Fredrikstad Blad newspaper reported Thursday.

And just to be sure he looked and felt his worst, he stayed awake for two days before his physical, the newspaper said.

As part of Norway's compulsory military service, veterans, such as the doctor, can be called back for refresher training or longer service.

"I used a made-up life story about how things had gone downhill from being a student in medical school to be being down and out," the doctor told the newspaper on condition his name not be published.

It worked, too. He was so convincing that the military doctor alerted the national health authority about the man they had licensed to work as physician.

An analysis of his records, however, showed that not only was he not insane, but he had received high marks from his patients, the newspaper said. Now, the doctor is facing likely disciplinary action from the military and the medical board.

In a letter to the Norwegian Board of Health, obtained by the newspaper, the doctor claimed his behavior was no worse than that of many patients.

"It is well known that the information a patient gives his doctor seldom is based on reality," the letter said.

[TexasStooge]

Man Nabbed After Sleeping in Meth Lab Car

WATERLOO, Iowa (AP) - A man has been arrested after police found him asleep in his car with a meth lab in it while the car was parked in front of the county jail.

Kirk Alan Marvel, 42, whose address wasn't available, was charged with manufacturing methamphetamine and possession of marijuana.

Black Hawk County sheriff's deputies noticed Marvel's car stopped at an intersection near the jail about 4 a.m. Tuesday. Deputies approached the car after it hadn't moved during two green-lights.

Marvel was found asleep behind the wheel, officals with the sheriff's office said.

Inside the car was found crushed pseudoephedrine pills, lithium batteries, a can of starter fluid and a plastic bucket filled with sludge, court records said.

Marvel was being held in Black Hawk County jail on Wednesday under $150,000 bond.

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Information from: Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier

[TexasStooge]

Man Guilty of Fraud in Fake Blindings

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. (AP) - A man who claimed he had been blinded in the right eye in four different accidents pleaded guilty Wednesday to attempted insurance fraud.

The plea by Brian Calen, 48, stemmed from a 2002 claim that he had been blinded by a flying toy disc during a Mississippi riverboat cruise. The $500,000 payout, delayed by the case, was never paid.

Calen was prosecuted only for the 2002 claim, but prosecutors said he collected $75,000 in 1992 and $1 million in 1997 on other claims of being blinded in that eye.

Calen is legally blind in his right eye, but prosecutors say this likely happened during a shipboard accident in 1985. They said he took out insurance policies that covered losses during travel but which did not require medical exams.

Calen also pleaded guilty Wednesday to attempted grand larceny. He will spend up to four weekends in jail and must pay the insurance company $2,500 for its costs, his lawyer said.

[TexasStooge]

Store Manager Throws Footwear at Suspect

EL CAJON, Calif. (AP) - The manager of a shoe store gave a robbery suspect the boot by throwing boxes of footwear at the man holding one his cashiers at gunpoint.

The suspect entered the Boot World store Tuesday afternoon, approached a clerk, pulled out what appeared to be a gun and announced the robbery.

The manager began throwing boxes of boots as the suspect pointed the weapon at several employees.

The suspect ran out of the store and hid in a utility room behind another business, holding a BB gun, according to police Sgt. Steve Shakowski.

Police arrested the 48-year-old man on suspicion of robbery.

[TexasStooge]

Bus Driver Allegedly Sleeps Behind Wheel

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) - A school bus driver was charged with driving with alcohol in his system after a student on the bus called 911 from a cell phone and said the driver was asleep at the wheel.

Vernon Tobias Wallace, 23, was charged Tuesday after police and Charlotte-Mecklenburg school officials pulled over his bus near Eastway and Woodland drives.

Police would not release test results of Wallace's blood-alcohol level but said it was below 0.04 percent.

North Carolina law says people can't drive on public roads with an alcohol level of 0.08 percent or more. But the law is more stringent for those driving commercial vehicles (0.04 percent) and school buses and daycare vans (0.0 percent).

None of the 30 or so students on bus No. 260 headed for Phillip O. Berry Academy of Technology was injured, said CMS spokeswoman Jerri Haigler.

Wallace was released from jail on a $1,000 bond.

Charlotte-Mecklenburg police did not release the name of the student who called 911. During the call the boy said he is 16 years old.

Student: "I'm on a school bus and our bus driver has fallen asleep and he is driving."

911: "Is the bus moving?"

Student: "Yes, it is. But it's like he is dozing off."

911: "OK, where are you?"

Student: "I have no idea. We are in a neighborhood."

911: "OK, is there any way your bus driver will stop the bus if you ask him to?"

Student: "I'm all the way in the back of the bus. I tapped him on the shoulder and it's like he was dozing off — the bus is swerving and all this stuff."

For 38 minutes, as he rode through neighborhoods, the boy told 911 where the bus was and what the driver was doing.

The boy said he tried to give the driver the phone, but he wouldn't take it.

"He says he is trying to concentrate," the boy told 911.

He said the driver was speeding and going over speed humps without slowing. At one point, the boy told 911, the driver stopped the bus, took a call on a cell phone, then started driving again.

The boy stayed on the telephone until police cars were behind the bus at 6:48 a.m.

Wallace was arrested and another driver finished the route.
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Information from: The Charlotte Observer

[TexasStooge]

Ohio Woman Suspended for Tax Form Humor

MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (AP) - The city's tax superintendent has been suspended without pay for a week for trying to inject some humor in the city income tax filing instructions.

The forms — with such lines as, "If we can tax it, we will," — were sent last week to all Middletown businesses and residents who pay city income tax.

The attempt at humor by Linda Stubbs was called "misguided" by city Finance Director John Lyons.

Lyons said revised forms were sent out immediately at a cost to taxpayers of about $5,500.

Among the lines that city officials didn't think were very funny was this one:

"Free advice: if you don't have a profit in a five-year period, you might want to consider another line of work."

Middletown is about 25 miles northeast of Cincinnati.
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Information from: Middletown Journal

[TexasStooge]

Teacher, student hit wrong note in CD player dispute

PERRY, Fla. (Court TV) - Disruptive students are usually sent to detention or to the principal's office, but in Natalie Whalen's class, one unruly student wound up wrestling instead.

Whalen, a Perry, Fla., elementary-school teacher, was charged with child abuse after an encounter with a 10-year-old student turned physical Jan. 19.

According to Lt. Audie Towles of the Taylor County Sheriff's Office, Whalen had seized the student's CD player, an item not allowed in the classroom, earlier in the day and placed it in her desk. The scuffle began when the girl later attempted to retrieve the item.

"She bit the teacher on the arm," Towles said.

The girl and Whalen, who is wheelchair-bound, reportedly began to wrestle each other. A teacher's aide overhead the fracas, came into the classroom and found Whalen out of her wheelchair and on top of the student.

Towles said bite marks were found on the student's back, but investigators had not determined whether Whalen inflicted the wounds.

Whalen, who teaches disabled and emotionally challenged students, was suspended. Towles could not confirm if the student had been disciplined.

The Florida State Attorney's office has not determined whether Whalen will be prosecuted.

[TexasStooge]

Man puts car where his mouth is in drive-thru

EASTON, Md. (Court TV) - Police are familiar with Joseph Richard Howard and his short temper. So his recent behavior at a McDonald's drive-thru line came as no surprise.

The 40-year-old man allegedly rammed his vehicle into another car because he felt that the occupants were taking too long to order their meal.

Officers responding to a call about an altercation at the restaurant Jan. 25 found two women and three small children at the scene. According to a police document, the women said that when they pulled up to the drive-thru window to order their meals, a man in the vehicle behind them began to curse and make obscene hand gestures at them.

The man, later identified as Howard, reportedly complained that the women were taking too long. He also kept revving his engine during the verbal assault.

When the women drove to the pickup window, Howard allegedly rammed his car into their van and ordered them to move out of his way. He continued yelling and cursing and bumped into the van a second time, according to the report.

Howard reportedly fled the scene when the women exited their car to inspect the damages. The women provided police with Howard's license plate number. Police found Howard at his home and placed him under arrest.

Lt. Michael Henry of the Easton Police Department said Howard, who has a criminal record, is known to have a short temper.

Howard was charged with multiple counts of assault, reckless endangerment, destruction of property, reckless driving, negligent driving, following too closely and leaving the scene of an accident. He was released on $3000 bond and is scheduled for trial April 27.