"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

[TexasStooge]

Ousted Nepal king consults astrologers in house hunt?

KATHMANDU (Reuters) - Nepal's ousted King Gyanendra is looking for a house and consulting astrologers to find out when to quit the palace after a special assembly abolished the monarchy, newspaper reports published Saturday said.

A historic assembly vote Wednesday turned Nepal into a republic and gave deposed King Gyanendra two weeks to leave the sprawling Narayanhity palace in the heart of the capital.

Gyanendra has not commented so far about the end of the 239-year-old monarchy, but state-run daily Gorkhapatra quoted a senior palace official as telling a government minister that the deposed monarch would "honor" the assembly vote.
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"How dare they toss me out of my home! Now I have to get a Mortgage Loan to get another place called home."
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Hitler wax figure sparks controversy

By Kerstin Gehmlich

BERLIN (Reuters) - Plans to include an Adolf Hitler figure in the new Berlin branch of Madame Tussauds wax museum are being condemned by critics who say displaying the dictator is tasteless and could attract neo-Nazis.

Madame Tussauds, which is due to open its Berlin museum next month, argues Hitler is part of German history and deserves a place in the exhibition near the Brandenburg Gate.

"Our surveys show people want to see him because he belongs to Germany's past," said spokesman Natalie Ruoss.
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Well, DUH! No wonder why it caused so much controversy. It's like playing Chopped & Screwed rap on your aloready crappy car stereo.
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Mow your lawn... or risk jail time in Canton, Ohio

CANTON, Ohio (AP) - Homeowners who don't mow their grass in the northeast Ohio city of Canton now face stiffer penalties — including possible jail time.

The city council unanimously passed a law Monday that makes a second high-grass violation a fourth-degree misdemeanor carrying a fine of up to $250 and as many as 30 days in jail.

The previous law only made the first violation a minor misdemeanor, with a fine of up to $150 but no jail time. The new law is to take effect in 30 days.
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Hear that teens? Get them lawns mowed...eventhough there are no lawns.

[TexasStooge]

Man orders father murdered to get his job

PATNA, India (Reuters) - An Indian man, frustrated at failing to find employment, ordered the murder of his father to get his government job, a day before the victim was to retire, police said on Tuesday.

The man, arrested from a village in the impoverished eastern Bihar state, had planned to claim his father's job on the grounds that he died while still at work, police officer Naresh Singh said.

The son had paid a relative about $2,500 to carry out the crime which was committed at the weekend but reported on Tuesday.
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It seems to be the only way to get a job for some, but it's really not a way to go.
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Just too busy to peel oranges?

By Avril Ormsby

LONDON (Reuters) - Britons are too busy to eat oranges in their lunch breaks nowadays and are opting instead for "easy to peel" fruit like satsumas, according to a survey.

For the third year in a row, orange consumption has fallen. It was down 2 percent at some 600 million compared with the previous year, market researchers TNS said.

Although still popular with the health-conscious over-45s seeking their 5-a-day fruit and veg intake, oranges are being replaced by the smaller and more manageable satsumas and tangerines among young adults.
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And now, here's "Simply Delicious" with Veatrice.

(Veatrice making orange slices by cutting it into wedges) "Simple enough for ya, dumb***?"
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Couple "divorced without knowledge"

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - A happily married couple in northern India got the shock of their lives when they learnt they had divorced 10 years ago, the Times of India reported on Tuesday.

Meena Verma, a mother of two children, tried to file a case against her in-laws for violence, only to be told by a court in Haryana state that she had been divorced for a decade.

Her husband Virender told the Times of India his brother, a lawyer, had apparently forged the divorce a decade earlier, when the couple were contemplating making a similar complaint.
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Sibiling rivalry never stops at a young age.
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Couple, 100 and 99, drove wrong way on highway

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) - Police say an elderly couple, aged 100 and 99, who drove the wrong way along a highway for more than a mile in New Zealand before crashing will probably be asked to surrender their driver's licenses.

Police spokeswoman Kaye Calder said the duo amazingly managed to dodge oncoming vehicles during their wrong-way jaunt Sunday on New Zealand's busiest highway near the capital, Wellington.

Their vehicle eventually collided with on oncoming car. They suffered minor injuries.
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They should've called Greyhound and left the driving to them.

[TexasStooge]

Seizing cars from drunk drivers

ROME (Reuters) - Italy has begun confiscating the cars of people driving under the effect of drugs or alcohol in the latest attempt to lower one of western Europe's highest rates of road casualties.

Two drivers in their early 20s, a woman under the influence of alcohol and a man who had smoked a cannabis joint, have had their cars seized in northern Italy since the legislation came into effect at the end of last month.

The new legislation states that any driver who tests positive for any illegal drug or has blood alcohol levels exceeding set limits can have their car confiscated, as well as toughening fines and jail sentences.
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"No! I just bought that Mercedes Benz! I'm not drunk, I'm just a little bzzz.......BZZZZZ."
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Cars torched in arson spree

By Dmitry Solovyov

MOSCOW (Reuters) - Moscow police are hunting for a lone arsonist who they believe is responsible for setting fire to dozens of vehicles in a week-long spree.

The wave of arson attacks has shocked the car-loving capital. Cars were an unattainable luxury for years and are now a treasured possession made affordable for the first time by Russia's oil-driven economic boom.

Police have offered a reward for information leading to an arrest and called on residents to watch over parking lots at night.
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"No, I just bought that Mercedes Benz!" Wait a minute, the same incident happened in Southern Dallas.

[TexasStooge]

Add oil! Add oil!

BEIJING (Reuters) - Beijing organizers are promoting an officially sanctioned chanting routine for Chinese spectators at August's Olympics, state media said Thursday.

Incorporating the ubiquitous Chinese sporting chant, "Jiayou" or "add oil," the four-step routine is designed to help spectators cheer in a "smooth and civilized manner" at the August 8-24 Games.

The chant will be promoted by television programs, video presentations and squads of cheering volunteers at the venues as well as by the education ministry, the People's Daily reported.
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"Add oil" to what? The frying pan?
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County votes to ban marijuana cultivation

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Mendocino County's reputation as a marijuana haven of California may be going up in smoke.

Voters on Tuesday leaned toward repealing a law allowing home marijuana growing, according to preliminary results of a ballot measure vote released on Wednesday.

Critics say a cottage industry had grown out of control.
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Well, guess there may be some more stupid crimes listed on that topic.
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Black Japanese watermelon sold at record price

By TOMOKO A. HOSAKA, Associated Press Writer

TOKYO - A jumbo black watermelon auctioned in Japan on Friday fetched a record $6,100, making it one of the most expensive watermelons ever sold in the country.

In a society where melons are a luxury item commonly given as gifts, the watermelon's hefty price tag followed another jaw-dropping auction last month, when a pair of "Yubari" cantaloupe melons sold for a record $23,500.

The 17-pound, black-skinned "Densuke" watermelon, a variety grown only on the northern island of Hokkaido, was purchased Friday by a marine products dealer who said he wanted to support local agriculture, according to Kyodo News agency.
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Is it poisonous?
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Man sets blaze while trying to kill pesky bees

MOBILE, Ala. (AP) - Joshua Mullen just wanted to kill the bees swarming around his utility shed. When Mullen, 26, walked away from the gasoline-soaked towels he was using, he heard a "whoosh" and turned around to see the shed in flames that spread to his rented home and wound up causing some $80,000 in damage.

"There were no injuries, unless you count the bees," Mobile Fire-Rescue spokesman Steve Huffman said.

Huffman said the fire appears to have started when the pilot light of a hot-water heater in the shed ignited fumes from the gas.
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FIrst of all, you don't set your tool shed invaded with bees ablaze. Second...why couldn't he just simply call the Bee Keeper?

[TexasStooge]

Widow throws party to find place in heaven

PATNA, India (Reuters) - A rich 80-year-old Indian widow has spent thousands of dollars on a feast for 100,000 people in the hope it would please the gods and open the doors of heaven for her, local officials said.

People from surrounding villages and towns were fed lunch over two consecutive days by Phuljharia Kunwar, who lives in the eastern state of Bihar and has no family or relatives.

Kunwar spent $37,500 on the feast. Local officials said she spent lavishly on the meal because she had no one to bequeath her property.
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The only way to find a place in heaven is to go to Church.
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Don't abandon car in motion, says motor code

NICOSIA (Reuters) - Drivers in Cyprus have been told not to abandon their car in motion, or wave their hands and legs out of car windows.

This prudent piece of advice is given in a new road safety code in the first major revamp of guidelines on driving practices in decades, the Phileleftheros daily reported.
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You can try and tell the car thieves in America that.
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Crocodile trapped in surf off SC barrier island

ISLE OF PALMS, S.C. (AP) - Officials at the Isle of Palms ordered everyone out of the water because of a dangerous animal. But it wasn't a shark this time.

Instead, wildlife officials ended up trapping a 6-foot long American crocodile in the surf Thursday.

Steve Bennett of the Department of Natural Resources told The Post and Courier of Charleston that the crocodile likely escaped or was released by someone who illegally brought it from its normal habitat in southern Florida.
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(Imitating Theme from "Jaws") (Crocodile snaps)

(As Steve Irwin) "CRIKEY!!!"
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Wyo. festival to offer chances to dunk a Democrat

CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) - Republicans will get a rare opportunity this weekend to show that the Democrats are all wet. All they need is $5 and a good throwing arm.

Four Democratic candidates for federal office have volunteered to get dunked in chilly water at the annual Jackalope Days festival in Douglas, about 115 miles north of Cheyenne.

When someone hits a target with a softball at the "Dunk a Democrat" booth, in will go House candidate Gary Trauner, or Senate hopefuls Chris Rothfuss, Nick Carter or Keith Goodenough. The money will go to the Converse County Democratic Party.
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That's one way to kick off the summer.

[TexasStooge]

CTV snaps up Canada's "Hockey Night" theme

TORONTO (Reuters) - Like an aggressive team snapping up a rival's top player, Canada's CTV television network has acquired rights to the "Hockey Night" jingle that has traditionally opened hockey broadcasts on the Canadian Broadcasting Corp.

The move, announced by CTV on Monday, is a major blow for public broadcaster CBC, where the theme has acquired iconic status as the opening for Saturday "Hockey Night in Canada" broadcasts of National Hockey League games since 1968.

Reports last week that CBC was walking away from negotiations to renew its rights to the theme sparked a harsh reaction from fans who have grown up with the tune.
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"No, CTV!!!"
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Cigarettes whisked out of sight

By Jonathan Spicer

TORONTO (Reuters) - You can browse the latest stuff magazines at Canadian shops, but tough new laws mean that cigarette packages are simply too suggestive.

Shop owners in Ontario, Quebec and a few other provinces must now hide tobacco products from their customers under rules that will cover most of Canada by year-end as the country tries to stamp out smoking by young people.

The provincial governments want to discourage the habit by "de-normalizing" the presence of cigarettes, which typically enjoyed prime placement behind the cash register.
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(Teenager) "'Cigarettes can cause mouth diseases'? ALRIGHT!!!!"

Just goes to show you that even when the ads discourage smoking, a few people think they're encouraged to do so.
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Antarctica base gets 16,500 condoms before darkness

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - One of the last shipments to a U.S. research base in Antarctica before the onset of winter darkness was a year's supply of condoms, a New Zealand newspaper reported Monday.

Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them.

The base only has a skeleton staff through the long winter.
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That's just nasty.
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Scientists find monkeys who know how to fish

By MICHAEL CASEY, AP Environmental Writer

BANGKOK, Thailand - Long-tailed macaque monkeys have a reputation for knowing how to find food — whether it be grabbing fruit from jungle trees or snatching a banana from a startled tourist.

Now, researchers say they have discovered groups of the silver-haired monkeys in Indonesia that fish.

Groups of long-tailed macaques were observed four times over the past eight years scooping up small fish with their hands and eating them along rivers in East Kalimantan and North Sumatra provinces, according to researchers from The Nature Conservancy and the Great Ape Trust.
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Many fish have been thrown back because they're either too small and/or too salty.
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Short Indian leader demands taller statue

By BISWAJEET BANERJEE, Associated Press Writer

LUCKNOW, India - She may be diminutive, but the fiery leader of India's most populous state has no patience for short statues of herself.

Mayawati, the 5-foot tall chief minister of the northern India state of Uttar Pradesh, ordered officials to replace a 12-foot bronze statue of herself with a larger one because it was 3 feet shorter than nearby statues of other leaders.

"Her statue was just a mismatch, so it was replaced with a bigger and a heavier statue," Diwakar Tripathi, a government spokesman, told The Associated Press in the state capital of Lucknow on Monday.
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Some say "Bigger is Better".

[TexasStooge]

Russia and Ukraine clash over 350-year-old battle

By Conor Sweeney

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A 350-year-old cavalry battle has become the latest irritant between Russia and its neighbor Ukraine after Russia's foreign ministry on Tuesday accused Kiev of using the clash to foment anti-Russian feeling.

The ministry said the 1659 battle of Konotop, in which a Russian invasion was repelled, was being distorted to fit the political agenda of Ukraine's leaders, who have angered Moscow by seeking NATO membership.

In the battle, a Russian force was defeated when it tried to stop a Ukrainian leader from entering into an entente with Poland and Lithuania -- with whom Russia had waged wars.
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Oh, c'mon! That's 350 years ago. LET IT GO!!!!
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Fireman drives trucks 20 years without license

TOKYO (Reuters) - A firefighter in Japan lost his job after city officials found out he had been driving ambulances and fire trucks for over 20 years without a driver's license, an official in Takaoka City, central Japan, said on Tuesday.

The case came to light when the firefighter in his 40s, who had been working for the city for over 25 years, hesitated to show his driver's license during a regular inspection last week, said Shigeru Sawasaki, a Takaoka City official.

"He was acting awkward when the inspection took place on the 5th," Sawasaki said. "And when the inspector took the driver's license and checked, it belonged to a family member."
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How did he get so lucky throughout the 20 years?
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Man feels fine after being shot in head by nailgun

SHAWNEE, Kan. - A suburban Kansas City man accidentally fired a 2.5-inch nail into the top of his head, but says he now feels fine after a doctor used a claw hammer to remove it. The mishap occurred Friday while George Chandler, of Shawnee, and a friend were working on a backyard project.

The nail gun hose became tangled, causing the powerful tool to fire once. Chandler said Monday he told his friend he didn't know where the nail went, but he felt a sting on the top of his head.

Soon they discovered that the nail was driven into Chandler's skull, so they called an ambulance. He was rushed to a hospital, where a doctor used a common claw hammer to remove the nail, Chandler said.
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I'm fine, I'm just..."SHOT IN THE HEAD!!!"

[TexasStooge]

Sudoku addicts halt drugs trial

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian drugs trial lasting more than three months and costing taxpayers over A$1 million ($947,000) has been aborted after a number of jurors were found to have spent up to half the time playing Sudoku puzzles.

Sydney District Court Judge Peter Zahra cancelled the trial of two men on drugs conspiracy charges after the jury foreperson admitted that four to five jurors had been playing the addictive number sequence game, local media reported. The judge was alerted after some of the jurors were observed writing their notes vertically, rather than horizontally. The game involves completing a grid of numbers in the correct sequence.

One juror said the game helped them to pay more attention by keeping their mind busy.
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That's what I hate about Jury Duty, when 4 jurors fall, we all fall.
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Politician ordered to anger counseling

CANBERRA (Reuters) - An Australian politician who told a pregnant rival that her baby could be born a demon was ordered to seek anger counseling on Wednesday after a string of allegations about her caustic behavior.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd interrupted his official visit to Japan to rebuke the junior member of his centre-left government, Belinda Neal, ordering her to improve her behavior and warning that her future in politics was not guaranteed.

His intervention came after a string of media reports about Neal, including her comments to pregnant Liberal Party politician Sophie Mirabella, revelations she was suspended from a soccer team for kicking a fallen opponent, and allegations she threatened and abused staff at a restaurant north of Sydney.
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When it comes to Politics, Anger Mismanagement is involved.
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Single-horned 'Unicorn' deer found in Italy

By MARTA FALCONI, Associated Press Writer

ROME - A deer with a single horn in the center of its head — much like the fabled, mythical unicorn — has been spotted in a nature preserve in Italy, park officials said Wednesday.

"This is fantasy becoming reality," Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, told The Associated Press. "The unicorn has always been a mythological animal."

The 1-year-old Roe Deer — nicknamed "Unicorn" — was born in captivity in the research center's park in the Tuscan town of Prato, near Florence, Tozzi said.
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So Unicorns DO exist!!
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Nail-in-skull survivor: 'It never really hurt'

SHAWNEE, Kan. (AP) - George Chandler says he didn't know a 2 1/2-inch nail was driven into his skull until his buddy spotted it stuck through his cap. Chandler said he felt only a sting. "It never did really what you call hurt," the Shawnee man said Wednesday on NBC's "Today."

Chandler said his friend Phil Kern was using a nail gun to mount lattice on Chandler's deck when a hose on the powerful tool became caught.

Chandler said he stood up just as Kern tried to free the gun and it discharged. At first, they couldn't locate the nail. But then Kern saw it, he ordered Chandler to sit down while he called 911.
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"Never really hurt?" You've been shot in the head!!!!

[TexasStooge]

Manhole memo prompts Mumbai municipal mutterings

By Jonathan Allen

MUMBAI (Reuters) - Mumbai city officials are upset by an American warning about the risks of falling into manholes in India's commercial capital during the monsoon season.

An item posted on the U.S. consulate website said that municipal workers in Mumbai sometimes open manhole covers at times of heavy flooding and then leave them unattended and unmarked.

"It's possible that you could inadvertently step into an open manhole," said the warning, issued after the monsoon rains arrived at the weekend.
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"(Scoffs) There's no way any of us could step into a manh--" (falls in screaming)
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Friday 13th not more unlucky, study shows

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Unlucky for some? Dutch statisticians have established that Friday 13th, a date regarded in many countries as inauspicious, is actually safer than an average Friday.

A study published on Thursday by the Dutch Centre for Insurance Statistics (CVS) showed that fewer accidents and reports of fire and theft occur when the 13th of the month falls on a Friday than on other Fridays.

"I find it hard to believe that it is because people are preventatively more careful or just stay home, but statistically speaking, driving is a little bit safer on Friday 13th," CVS statistician Alex Hoen told the Verzekerd insurance magazine.
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It's not been unlucky...nor ever will be for me.
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Endangered sea dragon at Ga. aquarium pregnant

ATLANTA (AP) - A weedy sea dragon at the Georgia Aquarium has something to celebrate this Father's Day. One of the rare creatures is pregnant for only the third time ever at a U.S. aquarium, aquarium officials said. But don't look for the expectant mom — dads carry the eggs in this family.

The aquarium's sea dragon has about 70 fertilized eggs — which look like small red grapes — attached to his tail. He is expected to give birth in early to mid-July, said Kerry Gladish, a biologist at the aquarium.

Sea dragons, sea horses and pipe fish are the only species where the male carries the eggs, Gladish said. Sea dragon pregnancies are rare because researchers don't know what gets them in the mood to mate.
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Seems the "Pregnant Male" trend is carrying on quite a bit!
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Company removes 788 rats from Oregon house

SUTHERLIN, Ore. (AP) - Police Chief Tom Boggs informed the Sutherlin City Council this week that a pest-removal company has trapped and removed 788 rats from an infested house. An exterminator will be brought in to poison any remaining rodents.

The council declared the property a nuisance in early March and subsequently received permission from Douglas County to proceed with the extermination efforts.

Jerry Wilson, owner of The Relocator pest-removal company, will inspect the house in a few months make sure the rats have not returned.
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Who's the dirty rat that brought them in this time?

[TexasStooge]

Jail break foiled by air vent

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A woman who attempted to escape from jail in Sydney had to be rescued by police after she became stuck in an air conditioning duct, police said on Thursday.

The 22-year-old woman had just been refused bail by a Sydney court when she attempted the escape, but then spent about an hour stuck in the air vent before she was rescued.
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Couldn't they just jeave us hanging and show the nowwhat.com logo?
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Drivers turn to blow-up dolls to beat traffic rules

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - Drivers in New Zealand's largest city of Auckland are turning to inflatable passengers to try and beat transit lane rules.

Blow-up dolls, shop mannequins and dogs dressed up as children have all been used to try and justify driving in lanes where vehicles are required to have at least three occupants.

"There were some odd people that tried these antics," North Shore city council traffic safety manager Andre Dannhauser told Reuters.
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Meet some dummies with dummies.
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Men fillet Charlie the Tuna statue in Oregon

CHARLESTON, Ore. - It turns out the fate of Charlie the Tuna of Charleston, Ore., was sorry indeed. The 8-foot Monterey cypress sculpture that used to greet visitors to the coastal fishing town was filleted by two young men who stole it as a prank and then, panicked they would be found out, took chain saws to it.

Not that Charlie would have lasted much longer anyway, the town learned, what with the way bugs and rot had hollowed out his innards.

The statue stood beside the South Slough Bridge into Charleston until Mark Santos and Marvin Terry Jr. swiped it last month.
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Goodbye, Charlie. No more will you greet others into Charleston.
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Man gets ticket for going topless in public

EASTON, Md. (AP) - For only the third time in five years, Easton police have ticketed someone for going topless in public. Sean Cephus, 18, was cited June 4 when police say he was spotted without a shirt on South Street near Hanson Street. He was also cited for failing to obey a lawful order to stop for police.

A town ordinance adopted in 1974 forbids anyone from going topless in public buildings or on public streets and sidewalks. Possible penalties are a fine of up to $100 and up to 10 days in jail.
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Come and get me, coppers!!! Wait--y'all caught me with my shirt off!

[TexasStooge]

Leader of body parts ring apologizes in court

By Edith Honan

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A New Jersey dentist behind a scheme to steal body parts from corpses, including that of British journalist Alistair Cooke, faced relatives of the dead in court on Thursday and apologized for the anguish he caused.

Michael Mastromarino, 44, in March admitted to leading a $4.6 million operation that stole body parts from funeral homes in New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

The ring dismembered more than 1,000 cadavers in unsanitary conditions, and sold parts to doctors who transplanted them into patients.
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No wonder today's kids are afraid of dentists.
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Manners still matter when you're poking on Facebook

By Paul Majendie

LONDON (Reuters) - Should you reject a friend on MySpace? How do you ward off an old lover on Facebook?

Have no fear. Britain's etiquette bible has come to the rescue for social networkers who are at a loss about how to behave with online decorum.

Debrett's have helped to compile a new set of "golden rules" for devotees of sites like Facebook and Bebo.
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Define "Poking". (Joking)
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Oregon man wins Great American Think-Off

NEW YORK MILLS, Minn. (AP) - An Oregon man is the winner of this year's Great American Think-Off, a national philosophy competition that gives ordinary people the chance to debate some of life's perplexing questions.

This year's question: "Does immigration strengthen or threaten the United States?"

Craig Allen, of West Lynn, Ore., won a gold medal Saturday after a live audience in New York Mills decided he was most convincing when arguing that the system of immigration and immigration policy is broken. He says it encourages an influx of illegal immigrants and poses a threat to the country.
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Most of the others already fried their brains just thinking...period.
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N.D. man spells 'debouch' to win senior bee

By MEAD GRUVER, Associated Press Writer

CHEYENNE, Wyo. - The word was "debouch," and Larry Grossman did just that, emerging as the winner of this year's senior spelling bee.

Grossman, 56, put himself in position to win by spelling "botryoidal." He clinched the title Saturday by correctly spelling "debouch," which means "to come forth; emerge."

Grossman, of Northwood, N.D., is a teacher and six-time winner of the North Dakota state spelling bee. For winning the 13th annual AARP The Magazine's National Spelling Bee, he gets to take home $500 plus bragging rights.
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You're never too young nor too old to spell.
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Illinois man changes name to 'In God We Trust'

ZION, Ill. (AP) - A school bus driver and amateur artist from the Chicago suburb of Zion has legally changed his name to "In God We Trust."

A Lake County circuit court judge approved Steve Kreuscher's (CROY'-shirz) name change petition on Friday.

The 57-year-old's first name was changed to "In God," while his last name was changed to "We Trust."
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I'm not sure if I wanna do the same.

[TexasStooge]

Car gifted by Hitler to Nepal king awaits new home

By Gopal Sharma

KATHMANDU (Reuters Life!) - A car gifted by Adolf Hitler to a Nepali king is likely to be displayed in a palace museum after the Himalayan nation abolished the 239-year-old monarchy and the ousted King Gyanendra quit the palace.

Officials said a 1939 Mercedes Benz presented by the Nazi leader to King Tribhuvan, Gyanendra's grandfather, is now rusting at Nepal's main Narayanhiti palace grounds.

It is lying there for more than three years after an engineering college in Kathmandu, which was using it to train mechanics, said it did not have enough money and spare parts to restore the antique car.
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Are you sure you don't wanna sell it for scrap?
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Village re-elects dead mayor

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - The residents of a Romanian village knowingly voted in a dead man as their mayor in Sunday's municipal election, preferring him to his living opponent.

Neculai Ivascu, 57, who ran the village for almost two decades, died from liver disease just after voting began -- but still won the election by a margin of 23 votes.

A local official said the authorities decided to keep the poll open in case Ivascu's opponent, Gheorghe Dobrescu, won, avoiding the need for a re-run.
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We got some Village Idiots.
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Scientists reverse vasectomy on endangered horse

By BRETT ZONGKER, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON D.C. - Scientists at the Smithsonian Institution's National Zoo revealed Monday that they have reversed a vasectomy on an endangered horse to allow it to reproduce naturally — the first-known operation of its kind on an endangered species.

Veterinarians said the surgery was performed in October 2007 on a Przewalski horse named Minnesota, and they confirmed May 6 that the surgery was successful. The horses are native to China and Mongolia and were declared extinct in the wild in 1970. Since then several hundred have been bred and reintroduced to the wild in Asia.
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When it comes to humans, you can't undo what you did.
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Man, dog in car survive plunge down remote cliff

LONDON (AP) - Authorities said a man and his dog in a car survived a 200-foot fall down a remote cliff in southern England early Sunday morning. Local police believe the man was thrown clear of his vehicle when it fell halfway down the cliff, near the town of Swanage.

They said the man was found barely conscious near the crumpled wreckage of his vehicle. The car had crashed onto a large ledge on the cliff face. Both the man's legs were broken.
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Not everyone was THAT fortunate.

[TexasStooge]

Shorter hours for convenience stores?

By Elaine Lies

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japan's 24-hour convenience stores, already struggling with lagging sales and growth, may soon face yet another threat -- moves to limit business hours and close the stores late at night.

The prefecture of Saitama, which borders Tokyo, may follow in the footsteps of the western city of Kyoto and urge convenience stores to close during late night hours in an effort to limit carbon dioxide emissions, Japanese media reported.

Kyoto, a former capital, wants to persuade convenience and other 24-hour stores to close late at night so as to improve evening views of the city and cut down on energy use. The Nikkei business daily said closures could last from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m.
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7-Eleven! NO!!! Now how am I supposed to get some early morning taquitos at 5AM?
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"Kung pao chicken" made official for Olympics

BEIJING (Reuters) - It's official. Hungry foreign hordes craving a fix of diced chicken fried with chili and peanuts during the Beijing Olympics will be able to shout "kung pao chicken!" and have some hope of getting just that.

As it readies for an influx of visitors for the August Games, the Chinese capital has offered restaurants an official English translation of local dishes whose exotic names and alarming translations can leave foreign visitors frustrated and famished.

If officials have their way, local newspapers reported on Wednesday, English-speaking visitors will be able to order "beef and ox tripe in chili sauce," an appetizer, rather than "husband and wife's lung slice."
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Couldn't y'all serve Curry Chicken instead?
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Barge floats 2-story home from Wash. to Canada

HUNTS POINT, Wash. (AP) - Rolling the waterfront house onto a barge on Lake Washington took slightly more than 20 minutes. The home's maritime trip to British Columbia is taking a bit longer.

In an effort to preserve a spectacular home at a bargain price, a Canadian family is moving the 3,360-square-foot, two-story house from this suburb east of Seattle to Vancouver Island.

The former owners bought the house and property for $9.4 million, according to property records, but they wanted only the 44,000-square-foot lot.
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OK, I've heard of a "Mobile Home", but that's a bit risky!!
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Skunks under Ohio family's home reek havoc

SHEFFIELD LAKE, Ohio (AP) - A family's dream home became a stinky nightmare after skunks moved in. They chewed underneath Kerry McCullough's house in Sheffield Lake, about 20 miles west of Cleveland, and started their own family.

McCullough said the odor from the four skunks is like the stench of burning plastic, so bad that it hurt his lungs.

The squatters went unnoticed until the heat was turned on last winter. The McCulloughs' house uses hot water heat with exposed pipes running under the floors. When a skunk brushed up against the pipes, it would spray.
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All that time, the siblings were blaming each other for "cutting the cheese".

[TexasStooge]

Woman finds brand new grenade in backyard

CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - Canadian military and police are investigating after a package containing a brand new hand grenade, belonging to the army, was found in a suburban backyard, police said on Monday.

A woman in the Western Canadian city of Edmonton, Alberta, discovered the suspicious package on Sunday and took it to her local police station, where officers told her to carefully place it on the lawn.
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Return to sender. (Pulls pin and throws back)
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Drugs in rugs

BEIJING (Reuters) - Drug traffickers in China's far west are smuggling heroin into the country woven into carpets imported from Afghanistan and Pakistan, state media said on Tuesday.

Customs officials in Xinjiang, which borders both countries, have seized more than 30 carpets containing some 50 kg (110 lb) of heroin in the last several months, the official China Daily said.

"The traffickers have become more sophisticated and are using new techniques," it paraphrased Wang Zhi, deputy director the General Administration of Customs' anti-smuggling bureau, as saying.
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What if they were accidentally sent to some homes...then Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and other of today's troubled celebrities will get their 24/7 high.
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Mobile phone battery dead? Try dancing

LONDON (Reuters) - What do you do if you are stuck in a field at a pop festival but there's trouble ahead because your mobile phone's battery is about to run out?

Thanks to a new gizmo, you now just need to face the music and dance.

Mobile phone operator Orange said on Tuesday it had teamed up with GotWind, a firm specializing in renewable energy, to produce a recharger powered by dance energy alone.
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Oh, no! my cellphone's battery is about to run out! Put on some punk music! (playing "Walk Idiot Walk" by The Hives)
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Angry kids protest gas prices after losing cable TV

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - Sadie and Pyper Vance have had just about enough of high gas prices. The sisters are still years away from being old enough to drive, but that doesn't mean the $4 per gallon price tag isn't hitting them as hard as anyone else.

Cable TV was one of the family's budget-cutting casualties, leaving Sadie, 9, and her 7-year-old sister without their favorite cartoons and shows.

"Gas prices are too high," Sadie said. "I just decided to come and protest so they'd go down."
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Protest all you want, the prices are not going down.
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Chicago-style pizzas headed to troops in Iraq

ELK GROVE VILLAGE, Ill. (AP) - Retired Air Force Sgt. Mark Evans wanted to send a taste of Chicago to troops in Afghanistan and Iraq.

So he's doing it deep-dish pizza-style.

The Elk Grove Village man has arranged for thousands of pizzas to be frozen, packed in dry ice and shipped to the Middle East in time for the Fourth of July. His 16-year-old son, Kent, came up with the idea.
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Send me a Chicago-style deep dish pizza! And send me a Chicago Hot Dog while you're at it. PLEASE!!!
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3-year-old uses song lyrics to call 911 for mother

GUTHRIE, Okla. (AP) - A 3-year-old girl used the simple song lyrics "911 green" to call 911 and get help after her pregnant mother fainted.

Jessica Eaves taught her daughter, Madelyn, the song a week before she fainted due to a medical condition called vasovogal syncope (vayzo-vay-gal SIN'-kuh-pea).

When the 24-year-old and 3-months-pregnant Eaves fainted, Madelyn picked up her mother's BlackBerry phone.
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That gave a whole new meaning to "Don't Forget The Lyrics".

[TexasStooge]

Mayor fuming over cigar case probe

LONDON (Reuters) - London's flamboyant mayor Boris Johnson is fuming after police took possession of a cigar case he removed from the looted home of former Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz shortly after the U.S.-led invasion in 2003.

Johnson, a member of the opposition Conservatives and a journalist, traveled to Baghdad in 2003 and wrote about his experiences in the Spectator magazine.

He handed the case to the city's Metropolitan Police on Monday, and wrote a letter in Tuesday's Telegraph complaining about the pettiness of a case which he blamed on the ruling Labour Party.
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Aww, well that's too bad.
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Drugs, phones wing their way to prisoners

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - A sharp increase in drugs and cellphones found inside a Brazilian prison mystified officials -- until guards spotted some distressed pigeons struggling to stay airborne.

Inmates at the prison in Marilia, Sao Paulo state had been training carrier pigeons to smuggle in goods using cell phone sized pouches on their backs, a low-tech but ingenious way of skipping the high-tech security that visitors faced.

"We have sophisticated equipment to search people when they go in, but they avoided this by finding another way to bring in cellphones and drugs," prison director Luciano Gamateli told Globo TV.
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Get it? "WINGED"!!!
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Pilots in India often fail alcohol tests

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Around 50 pilots each year in India are being grounded because they had consumed alcohol before taking a flight, the country's civil aviation authorities said Tuesday.

The Director General of Civil Aviation (DGCA), a body controlling airline operations in India, said dozens of pilots are found to have consumed alcohol during routine pre-medical tests every year.

India is one of the fastest growing aviation markets in the world with dozens of new airlines competing with each other everyday, often resulting in pilots forced to fly at short notices.
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They're flying more than the friendly skies.
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[url]Crocodile welcomed into Australian pub by drinkers[/url]

DARWIN, Australia (AP) - Drinkers at an Outback watering hole may have wondered if perhaps they'd had one too many when they were greeted by a crocodile at the pub's door.

But being good hosts, they did the only polite thing and invited him inside.

The saltwater croc was just 2 feet long and more a curiosity than a threat to drinkers at the Noonamah Tavern on Sunday. The aggressive hunters can grow to more than 16 feet and have been known to attack people.
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The Croc wants to get drunk.
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Kid golfers, strippers share golf course

BROOMFIELD, Colo. (AP) - A close encounter between flirtatious strippers and children playing in a golf tournament was the result of "mistiming," golf course officials said Tuesday as they apologized to parents.

The scantily clad women spilled out of a limousine as the youngsters were finishing their game as part of the Gold Crown Junior Golf Association tournament Monday. Tournament officials said they were not warned the strippers would be arriving before the end of the game for children, who ranged in age from 7 to 12.

The women were part of Shotgun Willie's Charity Golf Tournament to benefit breast cancer. The strippers were to serve as caddies to patron's of the strip club. A club manager said there were 144 golfers and 70 caddies.
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See why Day Care Centers and Night Clubs don't get along?

[TexasStooge]

Union anger at "Dickensian" toilet policy

LONDON (Reuters) - A meat company has been branded Dickensian after forcing its employees to clock-off every time they want to go to the toilet.

The union Unite has criticized the meat processor for "essentially stopping staff pay when they visit the toilet."

The company, based in Dumfriesshire, insists anyone wanting to be excused from the system has to provide medical evidence, the union added.
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What if it's a long restroom break? Then what?
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California to drivers: Drop the cell phone, dude

By Dan Whitcomb

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Next week California will try to wrest cell phones from the hands of drivers, telling everyone from movie starlets and dot-com millionaires to surfers and soccer moms that conversations behind the wheel must be on a headset.

Several U.S. states and some two dozen countries around the world already have restrictions on mobile phones while driving but now such a law has come to California -- where the car is king and much of life is spent on the famously snarled freeways.

Californians interviewed by Reuters mostly supported the law requiring hands-free phones in cars and outlawing cell phones entirely for drivers under 18, which takes effect on Tuesday -- though they were puzzled by a loophole that allows seemingly more dangerous text messaging.
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No, don't drop it outside!!
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Honk once for "I do"

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - The Church of Sweden will carry out drive-in weddings lasting about seven minutes at a car rally next month in a bid to make marriage more accessible, it said on Thursday.

Undaunted by soaring fuel prices, 36 couples have applied to get married at a gathering of auto enthusiasts in Vasteras in central Sweden, said priest Jerker Asterlund, the scheme's initiator.

"Weddings are getting more and more commercialized and that is not something we have any interest in. We would like to make things simpler and more down to earth when people take the plunge and get married," he told Reuters.
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Isn't that taking love on the Express Lane?
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"Brothel bus" makes last stop in Miami Beach

MIAMI (Reuters) - A "brothel bus" that detectives said cruised Miami Beach offering lap dances and drinks has taken its last ride, police said on Wednesday.

Riders were offered oral sex for $100, according to Miami Beach police who impounded the limousine bus and arrested its operator early on Sunday.

The sleek black bus cruised the South Beach neighborhood popular among tourists and club-goers, offering rides and unlimited drinks for $40.
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They've been offering more than rides on the express lane.
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Man auctions life, but disappointed at bid price

PERTH, Australia (AP) - A man who auctioned his life — his house, his car, his job, even his friends — on eBay said Monday he is disappointed with the selling price: almost $384,000.

Ian Usher, a British immigrant to Australia, put everything he owned as well as introductions to his friends on the online auction site after a painful breakup with his wife prompted him to want a fresh start.

Bidding closed Sunday and reached nearly $384,000 — an amount Usher said his house in the western city of Perth was worth on its own.
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This story sadly imitates the song "Die, All Right!" by The Hives
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Mich. woman gets back ring she lost in lake in '54

LUDINGTON, Mich. (AP) - A woman who lost her class ring in Lake Michigan in 1954 has it back, thanks to a metal-detector hobbyist.

Robert Savage told the Ludington Daily News for a story Saturday that he found the ring about 12 years ago but only recently began looking for its owner.

He did a bit of detective work by looking at the initials and the year on the ring. He found a Ludington High yearbook for 1955 and found that Jan Pedersen was the only person in the class with the right initials.
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Oddly enough, it has been 54 years.
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Swedish school confiscates boy's party invitations

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - A school has confiscated an 8-year-old boy's birthday party invitations after they were handed out during class because it said it had a duty to ensure against discrimination.

The boy handed out invitations to classmates at his school in Lund, southern Sweden, but did not invite two boys because they were not his friends, the Sydsvenskan newspaper reported earlier this week.

The school, 360 miles south of Stockholm, confiscated all the invitations, saying it objected because it had a duty to ensure against discrimination.
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No, mooches! Oh, wait! They don't discriminate.

[TexasStooge]

It's an All Animals edition of "Hamwinkies"!
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Police suspect giraffe in circus breakout

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Fifteen camels, two zebras and several llamas and pot-bellied pigs escaped from a circus visiting Amsterdam early Monday, police said.

"We suspect that a giraffe kicked open a pen," Dutch police said in a statement, adding that the animals did not get far before they were rounded up and returned to the circus.
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I see a sequal to "Madagascar".
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Controversial tiger photos faked

BEIJING (Reuters) - China has fired a number of government officials and arrested a man in connection with a set of fake photographs that local authorities had said was proof of the existence of a highly endangered tiger.

In October, forestry officials in Zhenping county in northern Shaanxi province published photos of a tiger in a forest setting, saying they were proof of the existence of the South China tiger. A local farmer who produced the photos was paid a 20,000 yuan ($2,900) reward.

Nine months later, officials admitted the photos were faked, state media said, citing sources at a press conference held by the Shaanxi province government.
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I knew they were too good to be true.
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Domesticated chimp is missing in California forest

By CHRISTINA HOAG, Associated Press Writer

LOS ANGELES - A 42-year-old chimpanzee who is toilet-trained and can eat with a knife and fork is believed to be at large in a Southern California forest after escaping his cage.

The chimp called Moe disappeared Friday from Jungle Exotics, which trains animals for the entertainment industry. The chimp wandered into a house next door, surprising construction workers who saw him head for a nearby mountain.

A weekend search in the San Bernardino National Forest 50 miles east of Los Angeles came up empty.
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"I'm a monkey, feed me a peanut!"

[TexasStooge]

Some coffee fans get grim delight in Starbucks woes

By Ellen Wulfhorst

NEW YORK (Reuters) - One coffee drinker's bad news is another coffee drinker's good news, it seems.

Financial woes at Starbucks Corp., which is planning to close 600 underperforming U.S. stores, is evoking glee and little sympathy from aficionados who say they resent the coffee shop giant and favor small independent cafes.

"I'm so happy. I'm so not a Starbucks person," said Melinda Vigliotti, sipping iced coffee at the Irving Farm Coffee House in New York. "I believe in supporting small businesses. Starbucks, bye-bye."
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I don't drink coffee anyways, so what does it matter?
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Thirteen hurt on first day of Spanish bull run

PAMPLONA, Spain (Reuters) - Thirteen people were taken to hospital, one of them seriously injured, on the first day of the annual bull running festival in the northern Spanish town of Pamplona on Monday, organizers said.

A 37-year-old man suffered a collapsed lung, ruptured spleen and broken ribs, while two people were concussed and 10 others were treated mainly for cuts and bruises.

The annual San Fermin festival draws tourists from around the world, many donning traditional all-white garb with a red sash around the waist and red kerchief around the neck before running through narrow, twisting cobbled streets, pursued by bulls. The chase lasts about four minutes.
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Why do you think I don't participate in anything like that?
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It pays to go in a public toilet

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - It pays to use a toilet in southern India, as residents are earning close to a dollar a month by using public urinals, a scheme launched by authorities to promote hygiene and research in rural areas.

Dozens of people are queuing up to use toilets in Musiri, a remote town in Tamil Nadu state, where authorities have succeeded in keeping street corners clean with the new scheme, The Times of India newspaper said on Sunday.

"In fact, many of us started using toilets for urination only after the ecosan (ecological sanitation) toilets were constructed in the area," said S. Rajasekaran, a truck cleaner.
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I think the US should come up with a program like this. They pay us, we don't pay them.
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Truck rams Concorde, knocks off its nose in NYC

NEW YORK - An embarrassed museum official says a two-week nose job should reverse the damage a Concorde supersonic jet suffered when a truck rammed it.

The retired Concorde is normally on display at the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum. It has been at a recreational facility in Brooklyn while the USS Intrepid and its home pier in Manhattan are repaired and renovated.

Early July 1, a truck hauling equipment away from a Jamaican soccer-and-cricket festival bumped into the Concorde's distinctive nose and knocked it off. Museum President Bill White says the cone is salvageable and will be reattached and repaired to original standards.
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So we now met the next Michael Jackson at the Museum.
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Man out-spits father, claims pit-spitting

EAU CLAIRE, Mich. (AP) - Brian "Young Gun" Krause has out-spit his father to claim his seventh championship at the International Cherry Pit Spitting Championship.

Krause's winning spit on Saturday was 56 feet, 7 1/2 inches.

That's 6 1/2 inches better than his father, the second-place finisher and defending champion, 54-year-old Rick "Pellet Gun" Krause of Tuba City, Ariz., who spit 56 feet, 1 inch.
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They're going through the speed of spit.
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Ore. man completes flight of fancy - in lawn chair

By KEITH RIDLER, Associated Press Writer

CAMBRIDGE, Idaho - Using his trusty BB gun to help him return to Earth, a 48-year-old gas station owner flew a lawn chair rigged with helium-filled balloons more than 200 miles across the Oregon desert Saturday, landing in a field in Idaho.

Kent Couch created a sensation in this tiny farming community, where he touched down safely in a pasture after lifting off from Bend, Ore., and was soon greeted by dozens of people who gave him drinks of water, local plumber Mark Hetz said.

"My wife works at the City Market," Hetz said. "She called and said, 'The balloon guy in the lawn chair just flew by the market, and if you look out the door you can see him.
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WHEEEEEE...