The Stupid Crimes & Misdemeanors Thread

[TexasStooge]

Police Charge Man for Flashing With Banana

GREENWICH, Conn. (AP) - A former Stamford police officer has been charged with lewd conduct involving a toy banana. Arthur Bertana, 62, who had been on probation for lewd conduct more than four years ago, was arrested Saturday after police said he placed a toy banana in his pants and flashed people.

Bertana was charged with breach of peace and interfering with a police officer.

"Over a span of time, there were several reports of a subject wearing extremely tight pants with an obvious bulge stuffed down his pants," Sgt. Roger Petrone Jr. said Wednesday.

Bertana would allegedly greet passersby on the busy street while trying to draw attention, Petrone said. At times, he placed a bag in front of his pants, then moved it and show the bulge, he said.

"It was a yellow, plush, child's toy banana," Petrone said. "It had a smiley face on it."

Bertana was released on a $5,000 bond for a March 21 appearance in Stamford Superior Court in Stamford.
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Information from: Greenwich Time

[TexasStooge]

Norwegian, 79, Drives Drunk in Wrong Car

OSLO, Norway (AP) - A 79-year-old Norwegian might have gotten away with a quick but drunken drive to the gas station to buy tobacco, except for one thing. He drove off behind the wheel of someone else's car, the local Internet newspaper Vesteraalen Online reported Thursday.

A court this week handed the man, whose name was not released, a three week suspended jail sentence and a $2,125 fine and revoked his driver's license for three years.

In the incident, which occurred last year, the Norwegian arrived at a gas station in an aging Opel from the 1980s. When he left in a different and newer Opel, gas station staffers got suspicious and called the police.

Police found the car about 1 mile away, with the man sitting in the back seat not far from his home in Boe, on the Vesteraalen Islands off northwestern Norway. He had realized that the car wasn't his, the report said.

A blood test revealed a blood alcohol level of 0.11 parts per million, or more than five times the allowable limit in Norway of 0.02 parts per million.

[TexasStooge]

Man Climbs Water Tower for 'Tranquility'

SEELYVILLE, Ind. (AP) - Police officers arrested a man who said he climbed atop the town's water tower in search of "tranquility."

Town Marshal Derek Cerny said police were called Wednesday night about a person climbing the tower, which is at least 200 feet high.

"When I arrived, I saw the subject climbing over the top portion, the very top, of the water tower," Cerny said.

The climber, Shane Kirmse, 36, of Seelyville, had gone over a barbed wire fence to get to the tower in the town about five miles east of Terre Haute and at one point was leaning against the blinking red light at its peak, Cerny said.

Kirmse climbed down about 20 minutes after police officers arrived and was arrested on charges of criminal trespass and public intoxication.

Kirmse told the Tribune-Star of Terre Haute that he climbed the tower "to get away from everyday life and people. It was my tranquility place." He also did it "for the woman I love."

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Love makes you do stupid things.

[TexasStooge]

Police: Man Uses Pitchfork to Rob Bank

KEY WEST, Fla. (AP) - A man used a pitchfork to rob a bank Wednesday, police said. Fred Simunovic, 47, was charged with armed robbery after police spotted him at the Key West ferry terminal, trying to sail to Fort Myers.

Police said Simunovic entered the Keys Federal Credit Union with a pitchfork in a trash bag and told a teller: "I'm dying of AIDS, I'm homeless and I'm robbing you."

After threatening the teller with the pitchfork, he ran out with an undisclosed amount of money and discarded the garden tool behind the bank, Detective Sgt. Donie Lee said.

Police found Simunovic at the terminal after the ferry captain refused to let him board because he appeared intoxicated. After Simunovic consented to a search, police found $1,859 in cash on him, and said he could not explain where the money came from.

The bank teller and manager later positively identified Simunovic.

[TexasStooge]

Special brownies land teen in trouble

SPOKESMAN, Idaho (Court TV) - When an Idaho teen looked to the raunchy comedy "Van Wilder" for tips on how to get even with a friend, the plot instead turned into a scene out of "Fight Club."

According to the newspaper The Spokesman-Review, the 17-year-old had a strong aversion to peanut butter and wanted to get back at a friend who had smeared it on his sandwich. As payback, he allegedly sent the friend semen-frosted brownies.

The unidentified teen told authorities that he hated peanut butter and his friend's initial prank had "made him more mad than he could explain," the report said. He modeled his revenge after a scene in the 2002 movie "Van Wilder," in which the main characters delivered pastries filled with dog semen to their rivals.

The teen reportedly took three brownies from a batch his sister had baked and masturbated onto them. He then delivered them anonymously to his friend on Valentine's Day. The recipient shared the brownies with two other students.

According to the report, the students who ate the brownies became aware of the prank after the boy bragged to other classmates about it. A fight broke out between the two former friends and they were both arrested and taken to juvenile detention.

The brownie-maker was charged with three counts of disturbing the peace. He faces a maximum of 90 days in jail for each charge.

His sentencing is scheduled for April 4.

[TexasStooge]

Nfld. man given six months for DUI charges, blames liquor filled chocolates

ST. JOHN'S, Nfld. (CP) - A Newfoundland man convicted for driving under the influence blamed it all on liquor-filled chocolates.

Allen Bottomley, 67, of King's Cove, Nfld., told the judge he'd eaten too many of the sweets before being stopped by police last fall. The judge didn't bite and sentenced him to six months in jail.

Bottomley faced two charges of driving under the influence in separate incidents in September and November of last year.

RCMP said his blood alcohol level was approximately twice the legal limit when he was pulled over on both occasions.

Const. Tony Seaward said Bottomley also had three previous convictions for impaired driving resulting in the loss of his licence for eight years.

Seaward said it doesn't matter how the alcohol is consumed, it's still illegal to get behind the wheel while impaired.

[TexasStooge]

How Would You Like to Meet This Guy?

BRUSSELS, Germany (Reuters) - A Belgian man on trial for having sex with dogs claims he did it out of compassion for man's best friend, a Belgian paper said on Friday.

Daily Gazet Van Antwerpen said the 36-year old in the eastern Belgian town of Genk told the court he had sex with dogs "out of love for animals," since a lot of them can't have sex, especially those locked up in refuges.

The man, only identified by his initials, could face six months in jail if convicted.

He had worked in an animal refuge before and had also posted thousands of pictures on the Internet of himself having sex with dogs, the paper said.

[TexasStooge]

Man Arrested for Alleged Drunken Cycling

OGDEN, Ark. (AP) - An allegedly drunken bicyclist wound up getting a ride to jail after a state trooper saw him take a clumsy spill at a state highway intersection.

Don Evans, 46, was riding where U.S. 71 and Grand Street intersect early Saturday when he fell from his mountain bike onto the highway pavement.

Trooper Jamie Gravier was about 50 feet away.

"He was pedaling through the intersection of Highway 71 at the Grand Street crossover and fell off the bike. The pedals kept hitting the kick stand and he couldn't keep it up. He was in the middle of the southbound lanes of traffic," Gravier said.

"I saw it happen and thought 'Lord, don't let someone come around the curve.' I turned on the emergency lights and positioned the car to warn motorists. Fortunately nobody was coming or he would have been run over," Gravier said.

Gravier took the man to the hospital, where he was treated and released. He was then taken to the jail and charged with public intoxication.

[TexasStooge]

Drunk Driving Suspect Nabbed at Drive-Thru

MOUNT CARMEL, Tenn. (AP) - A yearning for breakfast helped end a police chase. Jeffery Lynn Drinnon, 30, was arrested at the drive-through lane of a Hardee's restaurant about 5 a.m. Tuesday after leading police on a low-speed chase.

"He turned into Hardee's, pulls up to the drive-through and rolls the window down like he's going to order a biscuit before he goes to jail," Mount Carmel Assistant Police Chief Mike Campbell said. "They had the car surrounded with guns drawn at the drive-through at Hardee's, and he's wanting breakfast."

Police began chasing Drinnon after a market reported he drove away without paying for $7 of gasoline. Officers said they used blue lights and sirens to try to get Drinnon to pull over, but he kept going until he saw the restaurant.

Drinnon was charged with driving under the influence, driving on a revoked license, evading arrest, resisting arrest and theft under $500.

He was taken into custody before he could place his order.

[TexasStooge]

Woman Pelts Robbery Suspect With Bananas

By JAMES MacPHERSON, Associated Press Writer

BISMARCK, N.D. - Crystal Senger stopped at a convenience store to buy pop and cigarettes, and she saw the clerk being choked in a robbery attempt. She ran to call for help. Then she started throwing bananas.

Senger, 19, said she grew up playing organized baseball, and used those skills to pelt the suspect in the head with every banana she threw, from about 10 feet away.

"I was seven-for-seven," Senger said in a telephone interview Thursday. "They were green bananas — not the ripe mushy ones — so they hurt."

Senger said the suspect, whom police said was intoxicated, was stunned from getting hit by the flying fruit.

A 17-year-old was arrested after he bolted from the Devils Lake store and tripped over a piece of wood, after a short foot chase, Police Chief Bruce Kemmet said. The teen had no weapon and no money was taken from the store, Kemmet said.

Police said the suspect, who was not identified because of his age, stood more than 6 feet tall, and weighed about 300 pounds. He allegedly entered the Holiday Station Store about 1 a.m. Tuesday.

"It's pretty simple. The guy walked into the store and said something to the effect of "Give me what I want,"' Kemmet said.

"He threw me around like I was nothing," said store clerk Ed Bingham, "and I weigh 220 pounds." Bingham said the suspect kicked and punched him for what "felt like forever."

Bingham, 43, said he pushed a button that alerted the store's security company.

"When I walked in the store, I saw Ed in a choke hold, yelling for help and gasping for air," Senger said. "There was blood everywhere."

She ran out and told her friend to call 911 on her cell phone. "She was in shock, so I had to do it," Senger said.

Senger said she came back in the store and "screamed at the top of my lungs at him to stop." When she was sure the suspect was unarmed, she began bombarding him with bananas.

Senger said the basket of bananas was the closest thing she could find. "If there would have been cans of soup on the counter, I would have thrown those at him," she said.

Bingham, who has worked at the store 15 years, said he had a swollen eye and needed four stitches to close a cut on his eyebrow. He returned to work Wednesday night.

Kemmet said the suspect faces a number of charges in juvenile court, including robbery, assault and underage drinking.

[TexasStooge]

Mom Asks for Sobriety Test, Then Fails

ALBION, N.Y. (AP) - When Diane Viza got into an argument with her son over whether she was sober, she drove to the local police station asked to take a sobriety test. That turned out to be a bad idea.

The 45-year-old woman was charged with driving while intoxicated after she showed up at the police station in the Orleans County village of Albion and asked officers to administer a breath test.

The unusual request came after she had picked up her son at a friend's house and got into an argument with him because he suspected she had been drinking.

Viza is due back in village court on April 12th.

[TexasStooge]

Hunter Poses As IRS Agent to Avoid Fine

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) - An Alabama man has been given three years' probation and fined $5,000 after he was convicted of impersonating a federal tax agent in an effort to keep from being cited for hunting violations.

Patrick Clete Blankenship of Decatur, Ala., was sentenced Wednesday by U.S. District Judge James M. Moody. He was also convicted in December of four misdemeanors — a single count of possession of a fake Internal Revenue Service identification card, and three counts of violating the Migratory Bird Act.

Authorities say the 36-year-old Blankenship posed as an IRS agent in January 2004 when he was confronted by enforcement officers of the state Game and Fish Commission.

The game officers found that Blankenship had killed six white-fronted, speckled-belly geese when the limit was two. They also accused Blankenship of luring the geese with an illegal electronic calling device and using lead shot.

In declining to impose a prison sentence on Blankenship, Moody said the man faces other consequences besides those handed down in the Little Rock courtroom.

Blankenship's felony conviction could cost him his job as a civil engineer for the state of Alabama, and, since he can no longer legally possess a firearm, he is effectively barred from Hunting, Moody said.

Blankenship told jurors in December that, upon being confronted by the officers, he put into action a plan he had concocted after listening to a radio talk show about ways people have sidestepped various citations.

He pulled out an official-looking but phony IRS business card that he had made after downloading the agency's logo from the Internet. It identified him as a senior auditor. Then he asked pointedly if the officers had been audited lately, and insinuated that he would audit them if they cited him.

Blankenship told Moody on Wednesday that his attempt to evade a $627 fine for hunting violations was not worth "what I've had to go through and what I've put my family through."

He said he did not realize he was committing a felony by pretending to be an IRS agent.

[TexasStooge]

Wanted: Gun-toting leprechaun

BUTTE, Mont. (Court TV) - Police are looking for a leprechaun who behaved like a modern-day bandit.

According to Butte Police Capt. Doug Conway, an unidentified man dressed in a leprechaun costume robbed a local coin laundry at gunpoint on the eve of St. Patrick's Day.

The suspect wore a fake black beard, mustache, a black plastic hat and a green kilt. He entered the store at around 11 p.m., opened his jacket and showed the clerk the handle of a gun tucked into his waistband. He then demanded money.

"He told the clerk that he was looking for his pot of gold," Conway said.

The man escaped with about $300. He is described as a white male in his 30s, approximately 5 feet 9 inches tall.

Anyone with information should contact the Butte-Silver Bow Police Department at (406) 497-1120.

[TexasStooge]

Man flashes passersby with toy fruit

GREENWICH, Conn. (Court TV) - Arthur Bertana, is that a banana in your pocket?

Police in Greenwich, Conn., arrested Bertana, 62, after he flashed several women with a toy banana stuffed in his pants.

According to the newspaper The Stamford Advocate, passersby called police March 12 to report that Bertana was wandering the streets in noticeably tight pants with a bulge in the front.

Bertana allegedly greeted pedestrians and then attempted to draw their attention to the area below his waist. He also occasionally covered the front of his pants with a bag, which he would then remove to display the bulge.

Lt. Daniel Allen of the Greenwich Police Department said eyewitnesses who called in sightings of Bertana said that the elderly man had unzipped his pants and exposed a phallic object. Bertana fled when police arrived at the scene.

He was arrested after a short chase on foot, and police exposed the source of the bulge.

"It was a toy banana with a smiley face," Lt. Allen said.

Bertana was charged with breach of peace and interfering with a police officer. He was released on $5,000 bond.

[TexasStooge]

Man robs store with sword in mouth

ABBEYVILLE, La. (Court TV) - Brandon Doucet is a man of few words. But his intentions were unmistakable on March 19.

The Abbeville, La., resident allegedly walked into a convenience store growling and clenching a sword between his teeth. He then robbed the store of a can of tobacco and a bottle of whiskey.

According to the newspaper The Advocate, Doucet, 28, growled at the clerk and stole the items from behind the counter. He continued to growl and left the store without speaking to the woman. The clerk then contacted local authorities.

Deputies from the Iberia Parish Sheriff's Office engaged Doucet in a car chase that took the suspect and the officers into a separate county.

Doucet reportedly ran two other civilian vehicles off the road during his escape. He was later apprehended in Broussard County, the report said.

He is being held in the Iberia Parish jail on $250,000 bond.

[TexasStooge]

Man Who Dropped Items From Window Arrested

HONG KONG, China (AP) - A Hong Kong man was arrested and checked for mental illness after he emptied his 35th-floor apartment by dropping its contents from the window, police and media said Sunday.

No one was reported injured by the falling objects. The Apple Daily newspaper said the man was upset because he had recently broken up with his girlfriend.

Newspapers ran pictures showing the ground near the apartment building littered with pots, books, a broken electric fan and other items. Apple Daily published a photo showing a falling mattress.

"He tossed whatever was in his apartment," said police spokesman Edwin Hung.

By the time the man was done, all that was left inside was his air conditioner, refrigerator, washer and large pieces of furniture, the Apple Daily said.

Officers broke into the apartment on Saturday and arrested the 21-year-old man, surnamed Wu, Hung said.

Wu was being evaluated for mental illness and has not been charged, Hung said.

Apple Daily reported Wu was upset because he had recently broken up with his girlfriend.

[TexasStooge]

Calif. Inmate Swallows Handcuff Key

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. (AP) - A jail inmate swallowed his key to freedom. During a sweep of the high-security wing of the county jail, deputies discovered that Jose Angel Juarez had swallowed a handcuff key and set off the metal detector during a walkthrough screening.

Deputies weren't sure what set off the detector, but they knew the cause was in Juarez's midsection. A 1 1/2-inch handcuff key could be seen in Juarez's belly after deputies ordered him to take an X-ray.

"It's our belief that the inmate would be using this to escape from custody," Lt. Craig Wilson said, adding that authorities don't know where Juarez got the key.

Juarez, 29, is awaiting trial on felony charges of conspiracy, assault with a deadly weapon, kidnapping, robbery and carjacking, stemming from a Dec. 18, 2003, robbery of Farm Fresh Produce.

His alleged partner in the robbery, Francisco Antonio Alvarado, 25, pleaded guilty in October to robbery, conspiracy, assault and receiving stolen property and was sentenced to 10 years, four months in prison.

[TexasStooge]

Homeless Man Allegedly Takes Boat, Mustard

SANTA BARBARA, Calif. (AP) - A homeless man was arrested for allegedly stealing a 75-foot fishing boat from the Santa Barbara Harbor and abandoning it on the beach at Vandenberg Air Force Base.

Donald Patrick Kelley, 41, who had a jar of Grey Poupon from the boat's galley in his pocket, was arrested a quarter-mile from where the boat Conception was left Wednesday on the rocky beach.

The $1 million boat was stolen about early Wednesday and several other boats were damaged while the thief maneuvered out of the harbor. The boat's owner said it appeared the vessel could be salvaged.

Kelley was booked for investigation of grand theft of an item worth more than $100,000, a crime that could lead to four years in prison. Police said Kelley apparently acted alone.

Besides the mustard, Kelley was allegedly found with other items from the boat's galley, including a bottle of A-1 steak sauce and a box of tea.

[TexasStooge]

Police: Former Chief Tried to Eat Evidence

IMPERIAL, Pa. (AP) - A former police chief accused of stealing tried to eat a piece of evidence — a receipt — during a court hearing, authorities said.

Darryl Briston scuffled with a state trooper during a preliminary hearing Thursday and elbowed the officer when he tried to stop Briston from eating the receipt, police said. Briston was later charged with aggravated assault and tampering with evidence.

The theft allegations relate to Briston's off-duty work at a tavern.

He was working as a security guard in October 2003 when the tavern's owner, Raymond Hovan, tried to get his attention by tapping on his cruiser's windshield with a beer cooler gasket. The chief accused him of damaging the cruiser's windshield.

Briston eventually collected $1,334 from Hovan to fix the car, but the repair work was never done, police said. Briston cashed the check and never put the money in the borough's general fund, police said.

Briston has denied the theft allegations, and said he didn't try to eat the receipt. He told KDKA-TV after posting bond Friday that the trooper was trying to take his evidence and when he resisted, the trooper scuffled with him.

Briston, 41, of Penn Hills, was fired last year as police chief in Rankin when he was convicted for stealing $5,885 in cash seized as evidence by police and falsifying receipts to cover it up. Briston was sentenced in January to more than three years in prison in that case.

[TexasStooge]

Three arrested for allegedly stealing $1,800 in coins contained in water cooler

FARGO, N.D. (Court TV/AP) — Three men got into a lot of trouble when they appeared to have more spare change than they could handle.

The men, ages 18, 19 and 20, rolled a water cooler jug full of coins into a Union State Bank on Tuesday to cash in the money, police said. Inside was $1,800 worth of coins.

"I don't know how they got it out of the trunk," said Henry Wegter, the bank's vice president and branch manager.

The men couldn't lift the jug to the counter, so the bank gave them bags to help get it to a coin sorter. Someone at the bank later called police to tell them about the strange episode.

Police believe at least one of them stole the jug on Tuesday from a home.

The three men were arrested Wednesday in a parking lot. Inside the suspects' vehicle, police found a handgun, ammunition, a small amount of cocaine and marijuana, said Lt. Tod Dahle.