The Stupid Crimes & Misdemeanors Thread

[TexasStooge]

Mich. Man Jailed After Handshake Sickens 3

By TIM MARTIN, Associated Press Writer

LANSING, Mich. - A man has been jailed on assault charges after a prosecutor, police officer and courtroom bailiff became seriously ill after shaking hands with him.

During a Dec. 21 court appearance on a traffic charge, John Ridgeway pulled out a vial of an unknown liquid, rubbed his hands with the contents and insisted on shaking hands with the three people, authorities said.

All of them got sick within an hour, suffering from nausea, headaches, numbness and tingling that lasted about a day. Two sought treatment at a hospital.

The FBI was running tests on the substance to identify it.

Ridgeway, 41, told the Associated Press in a telephone interview from jail Thursday that the substance was olive oil. He questioned whether the three officials were sick at all, and charged that the allegations were fabricated.

"They've got a vendetta against me because I took a ticket to a jury trial," he said.

Ridgeway could get up to six years in prison if convicted.

"I have never seen the likes of this. Nobody else has, either," said prosecutor Keith Kushion. He was not the prosecutor who fell ill.

[TexasStooge]

Hungry Burglar Makes Pizza Before Fleeing

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (AP) - A burglar who kicked in the back door of a restaurant must have worked up an appetite. Police said the person who broke into the Garden Place overnight Monday baked themselves a sausage and beef pizza before they left.

"I got to work, and I noticed my pizza oven was on," said Darryl Rundell, the restaurant's owner. "My back door was busted. I came back to the kitchen, and I saw dirty dishes in my sink. We had cleaned up the night before, and there were no dishes in the sink."

On the dirty pizza pans he found sausage and beef.

He also discovered that buns, pizza crusts and sauce, hot dogs, beef and Italian sausage, sandwich meats and about eight pounds of cheese had been taken.

The restaurant, which opened Dec. 7, has had three break-ins, Rundell said.

He said the first break-in was on Dec. 8, and in that case the intruder also made a pizza. The second break-in, on Christmas Eve, resulted in the theft of seven cases of muffins, he said.

"My menu has reasonable prices," Rundell said. "With my prices, they shouldn't steal them."
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Information from: The Gazette

[TexasStooge]

Sober driver flees police drink check, crashes

TOKYO, Japan (Reuters) - A Japanese driver, afraid of having to take a breath-test, fled a police drink-driving checkpoint even though he was well under the legal alcohol limit, but ended up crashing his car.

The 44-year-old man drove through the checkpoint on a road in the western Japanese city of Ikeda late Wednesday. Pursuing police officers found the car about half a mile away, upside down in a dry riverbed below the road.

The driver, who suffered light injuries to his legs, was sitting beside the vehicle.

"I'd been drinking, so I fled," the Mainichi newspaper quoted the man as telling police.

A spokesman for the Osaka prefectural police said the man was not in breach of drunk-driving laws and they were treating the case as a simple traffic accident.

[TexasStooge]

Thief on horseback steals cell phone

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) - Brazilian police have arrested a teenager who rode a horse into a busy district of Rio de Janeiro and, brandishing a toy gun, forced a man to hand over his cell phone.

Police told Reuters on Thursday the 15-year-old had confessed he borrowed the horse from a neighbor in the Rio slum where he lives and committed the crime after being promised $20 for a phone with a camera by members of a local criminal gang.

He rode into the courtyard of a hospital in Rio's Meier neighborhood and snatched the phone from a man waiting in line there. When police caught up with him a few blocks away, he was on foot and the horse was nowhere to be seen.

"I've been robbed four times in this area, but this time I was totally flabbergasted seeing a boy on horseback ordering me to give up my phone. I've seen robbers on bikes or on foot, but this is crazy," Extra newspaper quoted the victim as saying.

Horses are not a common sight on Rio streets but they can sometimes be seen in the slums on the outskirts.

[TexasStooge]

Parrot Attacks, Helps ID Burglary Suspect

WILLIAMSPORT, Pa. (AP) - Polly want a burglar? A pet parrot attacked a man who broke into its owner's apartment, and the bite and blood marks helped police identify a suspect.

The blue and gold macaw hybrid named Sunshine attacked Michael L. Deeter, 44, after he broke into the apartment, police said. Sunshine had blood on its beak and Deeter had marks on his hand consistent with those made by a parrot.

Deeter, of Williamsport, told police the bird bit him very hard after he entered James Erb's apartment and he still had the marks to prove it when he was arrested, authorities said. He allegedly got away with about $100 and a camcorder.

The crime-fighting bird also helped pinpoint the time of the break-in at 3 p.m. Saturday, when a neighbor heard it making a commotion.

Deeter became a suspect when police learned he had called Erb around 1 p.m. Saturday and learned he would be leaving for work. He confessed to breaking the glass in the door to get into the apartment, but said he was too drunk to remember anything else but his encounter with the bird, police said.

Deeter was arraigned on charges of burglary, criminal trespass, theft and criminal mischief and taken to the county jail in lieu of $25,000 bail.

As for the bird, Sunshine did not come away unscathed — all but one of its large tail feathers had been pulled out.
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Information from: The Patriot-News

[TexasStooge]

Browns Fan Gets Super Bowl Weekend in Jail

CLEVELAND, Ohio (AP) - The fan who ran onto the field at Cleveland Browns Stadium during a Steelers-Browns game was sentenced Tuesday to spend Super Bowl weekend in jail.

Nathan Mallett, 24, will begin his three-day sentence on Feb. 3 and won't be allowed to watch the Feb. 5 game on television or listen to it on radio.

Municipal Court Judge Joan Synenberg ordered Mallett not to attend Browns games in Cleveland or any other city for five years as a condition of his probation. He also most perform 150 hours of community service with Browns charities. He could have been sentenced to up to 30 days in jail.

Mallett, who expressed remorse in court, was convicted earlier this month of misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct while intoxicated and criminal trespassing.

He has said he raced onto the field because he was upset by Pittsburgh's 41-0 win over the Browns on Dec. 24. His jaunt ended when Steelers linebacker James Harrison body-slammed him onto the ground and held him for police.

[TexasStooge]

And look at what this guy stole...

BERLIN, Germany (Reuters) - A bungling German thief left a Hansel and Gretel-style trail of feathers which led police from the crime scene to his front door, authorities said Tuesday.

Police in the western city of Bochum said the man ripped open his quilted jacket as he broke into a shop to steal a karaoke set and did not notice it was leaking feathers all the way home. A witness saw the break-in and quickly told police.

"Luckily they were able to act before the next story was played out -- "Gone with the Wind," said Bochum police spokesman Frank Plewka. "All they had to do was follow the feathers."

The 36-year-old was astonished when police came knocking at his door shortly afterwards to arrest him.

[TexasStooge]

Man Said to Fake Death, Keep Child Support

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) - Police arrested a man accused of faking his death more than 25 years ago to avoid paying child support.

Johnny Sterling Martin, 58, had a relative call Family Court in 1979 and report that he died during a bar fight in Alabama, authorities said. That call came a few months after he escaped from a work detail while serving a one-year jail term for failing to pay $4,120 in support for two children.

He was captured Tuesday and jailed, and now owes more than $30,000 in child support and faces an escape charge, authorities said.

"Johnny Martin is the ultimate deadbeat dad, faking his own death to avoid paying money to support his young children who were living in Lexington County," Sheriff James Metts said.

Martin has been living in Myrtle Beach, about 150 miles away, and had been using his real name for about 20 years, investigators. He has been married four times — twice since his disappearance — and has a third child, sheriff's Maj. John Allard said.

The investigation was reopened last week when police got a tip from one of Martin's ex-wives that he was alive and living in Myrtle Beach. A fingerprint analysis confirmed Martin's identity, investigators said.

They are working to identify the caller who told family court Martin was dead.

[TexasStooge]

Man Buries BMW to Collect Insurance Money

RAVENNA, Ohio (AP) - A man facing a big bill because he had blown the engine in his 1997 BMW decided to bury his car instead and collect $20,000 from his insurance company by claiming it was stolen.

Matthew Mueller rented a backhoe in October 2002 and buried the car on property owned by his father in rural northeast Ohio.

Police received tips last year and excavated the vehicle.

Mueller, 35, of Akron, was sentenced to a year in prison for insurance fraud, tampering with evidence, falsification and receiving stolen property.

He apologized in Portage County Common Pleas Court on Tuesday and paid restitution to Progressive Insurance along with $15,500 to state officials for their costs digging up the vehicle.

"It was stupidity and completely out of character," he said. "I broke the law and I tried to conceal it."
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Information from: The Plain Dealer

[rainstorm]

Parrot Attacks, Helps ID Burglary Suspect

WILLIAMSPORT, Pa. (AP) - Polly want a burglar? A pet parrot attacked a man who broke into its owner's apartment, and the bite and blood marks helped police identify a suspect.

The blue and gold macaw hybrid named Sunshine attacked Michael L. Deeter, 44, after he broke into the apartment, police said. Sunshine had blood on its beak and Deeter had marks on his hand consistent with those made by a parrot.

Deeter, of Williamsport, told police the bird bit him very hard after he entered James Erb's apartment and he still had the marks to prove it when he was arrested, authorities said. He allegedly got away with about $100 and a camcorder.

The crime-fighting bird also helped pinpoint the time of the break-in at 3 p.m. Saturday, when a neighbor heard it making a commotion.

Deeter became a suspect when police learned he had called Erb around 1 p.m. Saturday and learned he would be leaving for work. He confessed to breaking the glass in the door to get into the apartment, but said he was too drunk to remember anything else but his encounter with the bird, police said.

Deeter was arraigned on charges of burglary, criminal trespass, theft and criminal mischief and taken to the county jail in lieu of $25,000 bail.

As for the bird, Sunshine did not come away unscathed — all but one of its large tail feathers had been pulled out.
___

Information from: The Patriot-News

thats a cool bird

[TexasStooge]

Police Arrest Man Wearing Only a Toga

MORGANTON, N.C. (AP) - Police captured a man wearing only a toga while he sped away in a car with women's underwear inside. Michael Sean Ostrander, 33, was arrested Monday after allegedly breaking into the home of a Burke County woman and making off with some of her clothes.

The woman told police she was visiting a neighbor when she heard her burglar alarm go off and saw a man flee in a car.

The woman gave chase and called the police, with the state Highway Patrol and local officers joining the pursuit along North Carolina Highway 181.

According to the patrol, Ostrander was arrested near the Burke-Avery county line after stopping his car. The Burke County Sheriff's Office said it found panties and photos belonging to the woman inside Ostrander's car.

Ostrander is charged with breaking, entering and larceny, possession of stolen goods and speeding to avoid arrest — all felonies.

He spent four years in prison following a 2001 conviction in Catawba County on a second-degree rape charge.

A judge on Wednesday set a probable cause hearing for next month.

[TexasStooge]

Woman Admits Stealing to Pay Restitution

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) - A Greenville woman who admitted she was stealing money in part to pay restitution in two previous embezzlement cases was sentenced to 12 years in prison Wednesday.

Ramona Obera Tucker, 52, was the office manager of a local business. She would take company checks meant to pay invoices, obtain a certified check from Bank of America, then convert those checks to her own use, U.S. Attorney Johnny Gasser said in a news release.

Tucker has been convicted twice before of embezzlement in 1997 and 1998 and was using some of the money she took to pay restitution in those cases, Gasser said.

U.S. District Judge Henry M. Herlong Jr. said he punished Tucker harshly because it was the only was to safeguard businesses from a repeat offender.

Tucker pleaded guilty before Herlong in October, and the judge also presided over Tucker's two previous embezzlement convictions.

[TexasStooge]

Suspected Robber Leaves His Name, Address

LOWELL, Mass. (AP) - A man who held up banks by claiming he had a bomb in a bag was arrested after police found the bag actually contained books, including a phone book that had a mailing label with the man's full name and address.

"It was clearly not his best move," Lawrence Police Chief John J. Romero said.

George Melendez was arrested Thursday at his home in Lowell and charged with the Jan. 6 robbery of a bank in Dracut. Police said he is also likely to face charges in bank robberies in Lawrence and Salem, N.H.

Investigators said Melendez would hand tellers a note claiming to have a bomb in his bag and demand large bills. As he left with the cash, he would leave behind the bag, prompting Dracut and Salem police to call in bomb squads as a precaution.

In each case, the satchel-type bags contained tangled wires and books.

After he allegedly hit a Sovereign Bank in Lawrence last week, police found a Lowell-area phone book in the bag the robber had left behind. They went to the address listed on the label and arrested Melendez, who also fit the bank tellers' description of the robber.

"It was so easy, so simple, it was hard to believe," Romero told The Eagle-Tribune.

Melendez was arraigned Friday at Saints Memorial Medical Center in Lowell, where he was taken after complaining of chest pains. He was held on $10,000 cash bail and is scheduled to appear in Lowell District Court on Feb. 16 for a probable cause hearing.

[TexasStooge]

Dieting Inmate Who Slipped Jail Recaptured

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) - A prison inmate who shed 31 pounds so he could escape through a narrow hole in a wall has been recaptured after three days on the run in Sydney, the prison department said Sunday.

Robert Cole, 36, who was serving time for sex offenses and armed robbery, escaped from a hospital wing of Sydney's Long Bay Jail on Wednesday through 6-inch wide hole he had chiseled in the brickwork beside a window frame. He had been undergoing treatment for a psychiatric illness.

He reportedly managed to escape by reducing his weight to 123 pounds by taking laxatives.

He was recaptured in a Sydney shopping mall Saturday disguised with a beard drawn on his face with a pen, The Sunday Telegraph newspaper reported.

Corrective Services Department spokeswoman Candace Sutton on Sunday confirmed Cole had been recaptured and was being held in a maximum security facility in Goulburn Prison, 124 miles southwest of Sydney.

He will appear in a Sydney court on Jan. 30 either in person or by video link from prison charged with escape, Sutton said.

It was not clear how much more of his original sentence Cole still had to serve, nor what penalty he faced on the escape charge.

[TexasStooge]

Woman ticketed for tossing lettuce from car

EASTON, Pa. (AP) - A woman fined $173.50 for throwing salad greens out of her car says, lettuce not be too quick to judge her.

Dawn Higgins, 47, was cited Oct. 18 while parked outside a Wal-Mart in Lower Nazareth Township in eastern Pennsylvania.

"Lettuce comes from the ground, therefore it can go back into the ground," she said. "It's biodegradable. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong."

Higgins said she took her daughters and a friend to the store, and they stopped at a McDonald's along the way. She said she pulled into a parking space to finish her meal but decided not to eat the half-dozen or so leaves atop her salad.

After failing to appear in court Dec. 22, Higgins discovered she had been convicted in absentia and owed the state $173.50. She has appealed to Northampton County Court, where she said she will call her children and their friend as witnesses.

She also plans to bring along a salad to show leaves to the judge.

[TexasStooge]

This crook gets an "A" for originality

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch police have arrested a thief they dubbed the "salamander man" who talked his way into the homes of dozens of unsuspecting people by saying he was looking for his lost salamander, hamster or iguana.

Police said Monday they had been hunting the 33-year-old homeless man for months and that he had admitted to about 60 thefts in towns across the country.

Once inside a house, the man stole wallets and loose cash. Police arrested him Friday after a tip off and found nine empty wallets in his car, which had been stolen the day before.

[TexasStooge]

Police: Man Prefers 'Church Bandit'

CLAYTON, Mo. (AP) - Frank Zdanowski Jr. didn't like being known as the "Church Burglar," police said. He preferred the "Church Bandit."

Either way, Zdanowski, 38, of St. Louis, faces charges for allegedly committing more than 15 church burglaries over the past few months. He faces 26 charges, 23 in the city and three in St. Louis County.

Police described Zdanowski as a career burglar with several prior felony convictions. He allegedly told detectives he targeted churches late at night to avoid confrontation.

"He didn't want to run into a pastor on the property," St. Louis County detective Ron Keilholz said.

Another potential reason: Zdanowski told detectives he is a Catholic.

Most of the items taken were cash, electronic gear and other items the suspect could easily trade for crack cocaine, police said.

Investigators said Zdanowski tried to use a credit card taken Jan. 14 from Bayless Baptist Church in south St. Louis County. A surveillance picture from a Schnucks grocery store led to his arrest on Monday.
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Information from: St. Louis Post-Dispatch

[TexasStooge]

Alleged Motel Burglar Leaves Room Number

FORT BRAGG, Calif. (AP) - A man on a weekend getaway was arrested after allegedly burglarizing the Fort Bragg motel where he was staying, then leaving a note indicating where to find him.

Enrique Rodriguez Vasquez, 37, was arrested on suspicion of burglary and possession of methamphetamine after police confronted him at the Best Western motel room he'd described in the note.

Police found a computer hard drive, television satellite device and $200 reported missing from the motel, said Fort Bragg Police Lt. Floyd Higdon. The stolen equipment was valued at $1,500.

Vasquez's poorly spelled note berated the motel manager for being absent from the office.

"There was no one here to attend us guest in rm427. You even left the office unattended. You could have been burglurized ... Your lucky I didn't steele," the note said in part.

Vasquez said his companion, Dana Lynn Jensen, 41, was unaware of the theft until afterward. She did however, admit owning half the methamphetamine and the stolen cash was in her suitcase, authorities said.

She was arrested on suspicion of possession of stolen property and possession of a controlled substance.

[TexasStooge]

Alleged Crack Dealer Uses Business Cards

LEAVENWORTH, Kan. (AP) - The business cards got a response, but surely not what their owner had in mind when he had them printed up.

They came to the attention of Leavenworth police, who used them to make a drug arrest last week.

Sylvester J. Williams, 21, of Leavenworth, was charged Monday with possessing crack cocaine with the intent to sell it, Maj. Patrick Kitchens of the Leavenworth Police Department said.

Kitchens said Williams remained in custody Wednesday on $75,000 bond.

He said police had heard for some time that Williams had been selling drugs in the area. "Then we heard that he was handing out business cards," the officer said. "In the course of our investigation we were fortunate to come up with one, and we gave him a call."

Kitchens said the business card had an image of what appeared to be an alarm clock being hit by a boxing glove and said: "For a quick hit on time call the boss."

"When he answered, we agreed to buy some crack from him, we went up there, and we arrested him," Kitchens said.

The arrest was made Friday.

"It makes our job considerably easier when they advertise and let us know where to get ahold of them," Kitchens said.
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Information from: The Kansas City Star

[TexasStooge]

Police: Driver Uses Mannequin in HOV Lane

WESTMINSTER, Colo. (AP) - A motorist was arrested Thursday for driving in a high-occupancy vehicle lane with a mannequin dressed to look like a passenger, police said.

Investigators said Greg Allen Pringle, 53, was the only human in the car. HOV lanes are open only to buses, motorcycles, vehicles carrying two or more people or hybrid vehicles.

Officer Mark Watters said Pringle was southbound on U.S. 36 between Boulder and Denver. Watters said the mannequin was dressed in a gray sweat shirt and a baseball cap.

Pringle was ticketed on a charge of driving an unauthorized vehicle in a high-occupancy lane, a nonmoving violation that carries a fine of $115 upon conviction.

He did not immediately return a call.
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A dummy with a dummy.