Life's Limitations

[azskyman]

Another thread got me thinking about the limitations that life has served up to some of us.

Maybe shyness. Maybe too short. Maybe allergies. Maybe disease or sickness. Maybe weight. Maybe lack of self-esteem. Maybe the shackles of childhood pain.

Woven in and out of many threads are indications of our "limitations" (we all have afflictions and issues of one sort or another), but never really had a place to lay them all out on the table, talk about them in supportive sorts of ways, and then quietly send this thread (and those limitations) to pasture on page 2 and beyond when it is no longer useful.

I'll kick it off...just to break the ice.

My most significant "affliction" has been reflux disease...a challenge I have had for going onto 30 years now. Treated well by medication, I must plan a trip for my annual trip to the doc so he can send a happy well-lit scope and camera down my esophagus to give me a clean bill of health and improved swallowing capabilities. Meds (Nexium these days) have been a wonderful blessing. BTW...I love my 26 year old son SO much that I passed this wonderful trait on to him. Lucky lucky boy!

Aside from that...it has been years now...15 at least...but the ravages of panic attacks took their toll on me at the height of a political career back in Illinois. Ran for mayor of my hometown...then lost the race and my ability albeit briefly, to do so much as to make a trip to the mall. I have learned so very much about that challenge, and how it affects me personally, that I no longer believe it could grab me by the throat and take me down if it comes after me again.

So there, my friends, are a couple of limitations I must face. Neither insurmountable, but both requiring understanding, care, and respect.

The only thing I've come to miss out of all of that is having a meal after 6 pm at night. Just can't happen....ever again. And...had I been elected mayor?...well I wouldn't have found you folks then, I don't believe.

How about you? (and, if you want more info on either of these from my firsthand knowledge, just ask!!)

Anything worth talking about?

[streetsoldier]

Mine are already well-known...childhood abuse, then USAF in RVN, then STL cop, artist, teacher, then...DSS, compounded with degenerative spinal disorder, angina, enlarged heart, all the "goodies" that come with them.

I look at my "wallpaper", and see where I've been, what I ONCE was...and can never go there again.

I live on memories, medication and temporary present crises, as they come up...for awhile, at least. I have no viable future; I am "static", in a dynamic world. This...cybertoy, this Storm2K, has become my family, my home, my sole window on the world at large.

I'm unable to overcome my illnesses, so I sit here, do what I can for whoever I can, and...wait.

[ColdFront77]

I can relate to this, but I really enjoy coming here, 95% of the members here are great to correspond with... as you may of heard me say before... I think it is helping me, but it doesn't do much good when I don't have anyplace to go.

I do get out of the house, when there is someplace to go or I want to go with my parents.

[azsnowman]

Indeed Tom.....I've noticed your more open, posting GREAT questions in the Tropics Forum, keep it up buddy, you're doing GREAT my friend.

Well, to be honest, I really don't have any real physical limitations other than my left hand, as most of you know, I was in a bad car accident over 24 years ago, in the accident, I suffered major head trauma, I do suffer from major headaches which requires me to be on pain meds 24/7......and my hand, the index finger was torn off (sorry to be so graphic) and was literally hanging by a piece of skin and the top of the hand was torn off. After 3 months in John C. Lincoln Hospital in Phoenix, I was released and continued physical therapy for another year to regain limited use of my left hand, what career did I chose to do? Meat cutter....."LOL!" Needless to say, it was a *tough row to hoe* for a year or 2 after I completed my training. That's 'nuff outta me!

Dennis

[Miss Mary]

Steve - once again, good topic!

Well, as most of you know my major physical ailment or obstacle is my colon resection, from cancer in 1999. It has literally turned my world upside down. Have to watch my diet very, very carefully now......hate living like this but hey I'm alive. And the cancer was caught very early, although I did lose a major portion of my colon......can't go back in time though. Have to deal with what's left of me and move on. I walk a very fine line on a daily basis but if you met me, you'd never know I suffer like this. People are amazed at the trouble I do have - I look healthy they say. Ha! So there's my main problem in life.....

But prior to this I had several heartaches in life that has made me who I am today, I think. First my divorce, at age 28. From my HS sweetheart. Yes I married young, at age 20. What was I thinking? I had pictured myself growing old with him......it wasn't meant to be. Afterwards I was forced to really look at that marriage and it wasn't a real marriage, to be honest. We didn't have kids, thankfully. I could move on and make a new life for myself. And I did just that. I learned to stand on my own two feet but I knew what deep gut wrenching pain felt like when a marriage breaks up (or when your spouse cheats on you). It truly is a physical pain. As I looked back on that ill-fated marriage, I realized I had walked around with that pain in my gut for years, knowing deep down he wasn't as committed as I was. A few years after my divorce I fell in love again and married my husband (and my last, thank you very much!) now, Jim. And now I know what a real marriage feels like - I'm living it and couldn't be happier. Still when I hear of someone going thru a separation or divorce, hearing their pain come thru loud and clear, it takes me back instantly to my ex and what I went thru back then. Then I lost my dad to colon cancer, in 1985. I swear I didn't think my heart could break more than my divorce, but it did. Which shows me that first marriage wasn't really a marriage afterall.......I was a Daddy's girl and missed my dad so much for a few years. Still do but in time the pain eases. Doesn't really go away but it does subside a bit. I discovered I only wanted 2 people after my first colon surgery - my husband Jim and my Dad. I was having a real breakdown one day, could not stop crying, I was in severe pain and on Morphine (hitting that button every 6 minutes for another dose), the worst pain I've ever felt in my life (worse than child-birth!) and I was telling my brother on the phone - Kenny, I want Dad. A nurse heard me and looked over sympathetically as if we could just find my Dad. My other brother did the next best thing, he just showed up in my room shortly after that and said lean over Mary, and put my Dad's dog tags around my neck. I wore those for the rest of my hospital stay. Sounds crazy but they did help. That brother had surgery a few years later and I returned them, he needed them more. So in sense my Dad was with me. I feel like he always is anyway.

I'd have to say these losses in my life have made me who I am today. Hopefully a person capable of helping others, reaching out to them in times of need and lending a sympathetic ear or holding their hand if need be. That's what I try to do each and every day. I write to my niece's husband in Iraq a lot and we send him care packages. Last one was caramel popcorn. He said all his buddies were thrilled to get that. So that's my new project - supporting Kris and indirectly our troops overseas right now.

Steve - I feel for you, in relation to your diet. I also can't eat late at night, for different reasons. But it's hard to explain it to people isn't it? I used to try but then decided, oh they won't get it. And I just say, no thank you, if it's something I just can't do. If they understand, great. If not, well, that's just how it has to be. I move on and don't offer a complicated explanation.

Bill - liked your wallpaper analogy. We each have our own wallpaper, as individual as each of us are. You are a vital member and friend here to many of us. So please don't ever underestimate yourself or your value to these boards.

Tom - I think your topics and posts are important too and I enjoy reading them! Think of Storm2K as your virtual reality place to go. We can make it whatever you want it to be!

Dennis - I don't think I've ever read how you injured your hand. I'm sure you've had to compensate for that loss or lack of mobility ever since. I'm sure it was quite a challenge to cut meat! Wow, I'm impressed. You don't usually mention ailments....except that nagging pneumonia thing (did it ever really clear up yet?)!!! Hang in there.

We could call this Azskyman's Support Group - meetings each morning!!!!

Mary

PS - don't worry, future posts from me won't be this lengthy! Didn't mean to make this reply so long.......

[azskyman]

Mary...there's a lot to be said about recovery from emotional roadblocks....and you said it so well!

And I have given up on explaining to folks about the eating issue at night....the disappointment of course, is that we sometimes aren't considered for an evening out because of that limitation. I remind them..don't worry about me, I can sip a drink for hours and enjoy myself in good company.

Dennis...was not aware of the accident...guess I have had my head in the sand for a long time.

Working in a printing plant...I have come across several pressmen over the years who are missing a digit or two. Had one lost during my watch back in Illinois, but reattachment was mostly successful for the fellow. My nephew left the business altogether after pulling his hand from a press unit and wondering what he might have left behind.

All in all, though, I believe the strengths that I see in you folks far outweigh the limitations imposed by such ordeals.

[azsnowman]

Yup.....I've worked with quite a few meat cutters back in my day missing finger tips, whole fingers etc. I was VERY lucky, don't get me wrong, my hands look like Frankenstiens with all the scars "LOL!"

I was driving home late one night, fell asleep at the wheel, I was going down the bar ditch, woke up from the shaking, up ahead was a telephone pole, instead of putting on the brakes, I jerked the wheel, causing the pickup to roll, according to DPS, I rolled the p/u 4 times, crushing the drivers side cab, the dash board, steering wheel down to the floorboard (that's the reason why I don't wear a seatbelt).....I rolled with the truck I guess, somewhere along the line, my hand drug the pavement. I suffered 3 fractures to my skull and the hand, for all intents and purposes was gone. They saved the index finger, 8 surgeries later and 8 skin grafts, my hand looks *almost normal*...the skin for the skin grafts came from.......well, let's say, my rear end is a *little smaller* "LOL!"

Mary.......I can't even imagine the pain and suffering you went through, what a WONDERFUL, STRONG lady you are! {{{HUGS}}} to you!

Dennis

[Miss Mary]

Dennis - all I have to say to that is - OUCH!!! You sure put a spin on it, I'm reading your post, wincing the entire time, until I get to the end - your rear is a little smaller now. LOL Always leave 'em smiling huh?

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement Steve and Dennis. I usually don't put myself out there with my story and struggles....I know there are many more people struggling more than I am (a brother-in-law permanently disabled from a massive stroke for example), still I do struggle. And this topic sure got my typing yesterday!!!

Mary

[blizzard]

I am sure that I could think of limitations that may slow me down, but I really don't. You see, I have an Uncle who is 57 and was born with Cerebral Palsy. He has been a quadrapalegic ever since birth. When I was growing up, he and my grandmother lived next door to us so I spent alot of time with him. For the last 20 years or so, he has been living on his own, in his own apartment, with personal care attendants present of course. I went with him yesterday to look at a new facility for him to live in and it has so much to offer him. I guess the reason that I am writing this, is that no matter what ails me, I have just to think of him and his challenges, and mine seem so petty. Through all the challenges life has thrown him, he has never let anything stop him from doing what he wants to do. He inspires me to push myself when I don't think that I can do something. He shows me that anything is possible.

I know this topic was about what limitations "we" have, but I had to interject this one time.

Thanks for listening, or should I say "reading"