"I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone." —Craig Kilborn
"Dean's wife, Judith Steinberg, made a rare appearance with Dean. She's a doctor, so I guess they brought her in to stop the hemorrhaging." —Jay Leno
"I don't know what you think about Howard Dean. I think I'm going to vote for him. I miss hearing screaming coming from the Oval Office." —Craig Kilborn
"Seriously, I'm starting to worry about Howard Dean. Earlier today, he was debating Dennis Kucinich and he head-butted him." —David Letterman
"God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman's ear." —David Letterman
"Howard Dean is narrowing the field of potential running mates. It's down to Mike Tyson or Bobby Knight." —Craig Kilborn
"Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won't campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: 'Aaghhhh.'" —Jay Leno
"Did you see Dean's speech last night? Oh my God! Now I hear the cows in Iowa are afraid of getting mad Dean disease. I'm no pundit but it's always a bad sign when at the end of your speech, your aide is shooting you with a tranquilizer gun." —Jay Leno
"Dean is a doctor but he acts more like a postal worker!" —Jay Leno
"Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard — cut back on the Red Bull." —David Letterman
"Howard Dean has been the front-runner and last night he finishes a distant third. Here's what happened: the people of Iowa realized they didn't want a president with the personality of a hockey dad." —David Letterman
"Howard Dean came in a disappointing third place. Afterwards Dean said 'Iowa is behind me and now I look forward to screaming at voters in New Hampshire.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Howard Dean finished in third — his lead lasted about as long as Britney Spears' marriage." —Craig Kilborn
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