Still Here... For Now

[yoda]

I am still here, for now guys. Sorry I scared all of ya. I was really bad and again just didn't want to do anything about it, and I sincerely wanted to end my life. It was horrible, and I was very tormented. But, as you can see, I am still here. I will be seeing Dr. Deichman this afternoon, so hopefully this gets better... I had the knife in my hands, but I didn't do anything with it. I just held my cross in my hands and prayed hard to the Lord to help me through. I seem to have become very religious of late. Look guys, I'm really sorry, and thanks to all who were praying and worrying last night. Its nice to know that everyone on the board is here for me...

KC, sorry I got cut off from ya on the computer... my mom and I were arguing and she turned it off before I could give ya my cell... for anyone who doesn't know, you can contact me on AIM at mattwthrman. I will hopefully be on tonight, but I just don't know...

Peace for now...

[Wnghs2007]

It ok Matt. Just know that we are all here for ya. Stay safe Please!!!!!!!! Glad to hear from ya.

[CaluWxBill]

I am still here, for now guys. Sorry I scared all of ya. I was really bad and again just didn't want to do anything about it, and I sincerely wanted to end my life. It was horrible, and I was very tormented. But, as you can see, I am still here. I will be seeing Dr. Deichman this afternoon, so hopefully this gets better... I had the knife in my hands, but I didn't do anything with it. I just held my cross in my hands and prayed hard to the Lord to help me through. I seem to have become very religious of late. Look guys, I'm really sorry, and thanks to all who were praying and worrying last night. Its nice to know that everyone on the board is here for me...

KC, sorry I got cut off from ya on the computer... my mom and I were arguing and she turned it off before I could give ya my cell... for anyone who doesn't know, you can contact me on AIM at mattwthrman. I will hopefully be on tonight, but I just don't know...

Peace for now...

Good Luck man, just stay relaxed. Do you find it hard or even embarrassing when your parents see you on the computer, talking to us on the internet?

[cycloneye]

Glad to see you and hopefully all gets better than what it is now.

[yoda]

I am still here, for now guys. Sorry I scared all of ya. I was really bad and again just didn't want to do anything about it, and I sincerely wanted to end my life. It was horrible, and I was very tormented. But, as you can see, I am still here. I will be seeing Dr. Deichman this afternoon, so hopefully this gets better... I had the knife in my hands, but I didn't do anything with it. I just held my cross in my hands and prayed hard to the Lord to help me through. I seem to have become very religious of late. Look guys, I'm really sorry, and thanks to all who were praying and worrying last night. Its nice to know that everyone on the board is here for me...

KC, sorry I got cut off from ya on the computer... my mom and I were arguing and she turned it off before I could give ya my cell... for anyone who doesn't know, you can contact me on AIM at mattwthrman. I will hopefully be on tonight, but I just don't know...

Peace for now...

Good Luck man, just stay relaxed. Do you find it hard or even embarrassing when your parents see you on the computer, talking to us on the internet?

Well, um... you see.. my parents are kind of oblivious to this.. they don't know ANYTHING about what I am doing or going through. They only know of the first time when I had expressed my suicidal tendencies because the office called from my school. That was also because one of my friends online had called an old teacher of mine at Hayfield, and he called the school's pysch and head guidance counselor. We had a talk then, and I was able to convince them all was fine and everything was over. I just don't want them to see me posting these things or find out, or they will kick me off AIM and this site like they tried to do back in March, when I wasn't allowed on for a month.

[CaluWxBill]

I am still here, for now guys. Sorry I scared all of ya. I was really bad and again just didn't want to do anything about it, and I sincerely wanted to end my life. It was horrible, and I was very tormented. But, as you can see, I am still here. I will be seeing Dr. Deichman this afternoon, so hopefully this gets better... I had the knife in my hands, but I didn't do anything with it. I just held my cross in my hands and prayed hard to the Lord to help me through. I seem to have become very religious of late. Look guys, I'm really sorry, and thanks to all who were praying and worrying last night. Its nice to know that everyone on the board is here for me...

KC, sorry I got cut off from ya on the computer... my mom and I were arguing and she turned it off before I could give ya my cell... for anyone who doesn't know, you can contact me on AIM at mattwthrman. I will hopefully be on tonight, but I just don't know...

Peace for now...

Good Luck man, just stay relaxed. Do you find it hard or even embarrassing when your parents see you on the computer, talking to us on the internet?

Well, um... you see.. my parents are kind of oblivious to this.. they don't know ANYTHING about what I am doing or going through. They only know of the first time when I had expressed my suicidal tendencies because the office called from my school. That was also because one of my friends online had called an old teacher of mine at Hayfield, and he called the school's pysch and head guidance counselor. We had a talk then, and I was able to convince them all was fine and everything was over. I just don't want them to see me posting these things or find out, or they will kick me off AIM and this site like they tried to do back in March, when I wasn't allowed on for a month.

Yeah I understand your situation a little bit, really it is probably best that they know some about what you do on the internet, yeah they may take you offline, or put some sort of limited use clause on you, but in a way it is better to let it out for them, rather than to try to hide and hold back all of your emotions. You are probably becoming paranoid among other things, and this while it may make your parents upset for whatever reason, it will release the paranoid feeling. I really hope you can work through this stuff, hopefully your psychology doctor can really help you. Let him know how you feel about everything. Anything that stresses you out let him/her know. It is crucial he understands your full life situation, so he can figure out the exact causes.

[yoda]

I understand... We shall see what she says... I'll be on for about ten more mins.. then I will be seeing her... hope all goes well...

[CaluWxBill]

I understand... We shall see what she says... I'll be on for about ten more mins.. then I will be seeing her... hope all goes well...

her? your mother or the psych

[yoda]

The pysch..

[Stephanie]

I agree with Bill. I'm not sure how old you are, but it is really difficult, perhaps even embarrassing to talk to your parents about things like this if you've never had deep dialogs with them about things before. Teens in particular become very closed off from their parents. First and foremost, you need to get well and your parents are going to be involved in that one way or another. Your doctor may even suggest family counseling which will help you to air out things that are bothering you.

Just remember, you have an illness that can be treated. There's nothing to be embarrassed about, nor can you help yourself alone.