I know this isn't usually something to talk about but...

[Guest]

I don't exactly know where else to turn...
Ok, here's the deal:Ok, this girl at school...right...I met her about a week or two ago...I only get to talk to her after school because she's a freshman and here they go to Jr. High. She comes over for French in 8th hour, which is why I get to talk to her after school.
Meanwhile my emotions are going haywire. I feel like putting my fist through a wall, and at the same time I wanna break down and cry. I wanna jump for joy, yet every time I see her I get so nervous that I just wanna disappear...Everyday I'm not with her, this burning in my chest gets worse...She's all I think about...
The problem is...she doesn't like dating...
I've gotten help from some, but I'm gonna need all the help I can get on this one...So, if you please...Help me?

[yoda]

I don't exactly know where else to turn...
Ok, here's the deal:Ok, this girl at school...right...I met her about a week or two ago...I only get to talk to her after school because she's a freshman and here they go to Jr. High. She comes over for French in 8th hour, which is why I get to talk to her after school.
Meanwhile my emotions are going haywire. I feel like putting my fist through a wall, and at the same time I wanna break down and cry. I wanna jump for joy, yet every time I see her I get so nervous that I just wanna disappear...Everyday I'm not with her, this burning in my chest gets worse...She's all I think about...
The problem is...she doesn't like dating...
I've gotten help from some, but I'm gonna need all the help I can get on this one...So, if you please...Help me?

Hmmm.. ok. What grade are you in?

Also, I have the same thing. Elizabeth and I are just good friends.

[Guest]

I'm a junior...

[yoda]

I'm a junior...

Hmmm... Well in my situation now.. I am a freshman in college and Elizabeth is a Senior in HS. We like each other a lot... but we decided that we would just be friends for now. I understand what you're going through. Elizabeth's parents only allowed me to take her to prom.

[Skywatch_NC]

We're all like family here, Copper.

How come this girl doesn't like dating? Has she said why?

Eric

[hurricanefreak1988]

And up next on Dr. Phil...



I couldn't resist.

[streetsoldier]

Great...coppertop opens up HERE, while his sage old man gets it second-hand...

[coriolis]

Coppertop, my advice: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Take care of your real priorities. Be yourself, enjoy your life, avoid entanglements, Don't let your life revolve around another person.

After that, talk to the old man.

[OrlandoDad]

Take this for what it's worth. I'm a father of seven, and four of them are teenagers.

I know this sounds impossible, but you need to put aside your obsession with this girl. The very fact that you're so overwhelmed with thoughts about her are an indication that your feelings far outstrip reason. This is not healthy.

A young man such as yourself needs to learn to control his emotions (not suppress) and prepare himself to be kind, caring, compassionate, and strong gentleman a woman needs him to be. Unbridled passion is poison, and I think you're feeling that, and getting together with her would only feed your passion.

I believe a young man should not pursue a young lady until he is ready to be married. I suggest reading "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy, the single greatest book I have ever seen on the subject of relationships at your age.

[breeze]

Wise advise from Ed, indeed, young grasshopper...

[Guest]

Take this for what it's worth. I'm a father of seven, and four of them are teenagers.

I know this sounds impossible, but you need to put aside your obsession with this girl. The very fact that you're so overwhelmed with thoughts about her are an indication that your feelings far outstrip reason. This is not healthy.

A young man such as yourself needs to learn to control his emotions (not suppress) and prepare himself to be kind, caring, compassionate, and strong gentleman a woman needs him to be. Unbridled passion is poison, and I think you're feeling that, and getting together with her would only feed your passion.

I believe a young man should not pursue a young lady until he is ready to be married. I suggest reading "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy, the single greatest book I have ever seen on the subject of relationships at your age.

Everyone says that...Problem is...no one's telling me how to control my emotions...Maybe I should just get castrated?

[streetsoldier]

That, son, can be arranged.

Really, OrlandoDad has the right idea; besides, consider the age difference? She's 14 at best, you are 16. That is not a large gap once you reach maturity, but at her age it is HUGE....and her parents (the people waiting at home with the shotgun) will concur.

You have too much on your plate now for "all this hair-pulling and jumping about".

Remember the tiger and the dragon? Be a dragon...you know what I mean.

[azskyman]

Not dating does not mean you cannot speak, learn more about each other, or otherwise find ways to grow in your relationship.

Controlling hormones and all those raging emotions...now that is where dad can help paint the picture for you.

You are a runner, I know. Perhaps you will clock your best speed ever this fall! Or the longest distance. Or both! Find ways to use that energy in your favor...all the while letting that twinkle in your eye learn more about the lassie...

I first set eyes on my bride of 33 years when she was but 14. Somehow going to the carwash or A & W with her and her older brother just didn't cut it....but we slowly (and painfully) allowed the relationship to evolve. We both saw others..and dated others...but in the end, that glisten in the eye got the best of both of us. We dated over 6 years off and on before that 33 years began.

The advice here is good...but in reality there is no one who can tell you what to do with that thumping heartbeat.

The best I can do is to tell you to remember that you need to work on dropping thumper down to simmer and slow cook the opportunity....only then, over time, will you know if there are other thumper jumpers who will come along in your world.

[OrlandoDad]

Everyone says that...Problem is...no one's telling me how to control my emotions...Maybe I should just get castrated?

Well, I think I did give you help in controlling your emotions. That book I mentioned is a wonderful, practical guide. But, I'll give you a few more tips. I know this is a lecture from a man way past adolescence, but endure through this lesson, apply it, and it will help you out.

First of all, do not equate emotions with physical desire. Desire could create feelings that you might mistake for emotions, but they are not the same. I know you were joking, but castration will only change your hormones. And if physical desire is the only thing that drives you to want to be with this girl, then you're on unstable ground from the get-go.

How do you battle an overwhelming emotion? One way is with another emotion. A strong man has an emotional pride in his ability to control himself and train his mind to overcome his passions. It is a weak man who is beat into submission by his bodily urges. Get in touch with your manly wiring to be in charge of the situation. This kind of passion, the passion to be victorious, can win the battle against the more base passions that you're dealing with.

Second, understand the reality that you are not prepared for this kind of relationship. She is only 14! I know many disagree with this point of view, but a 16 year old and a 14 year old should not have a romantic relationship. You are simply too young. I know this bold statement is hard for someone your age to listen to, but wise young men realize that older, experienced men really do have something to say.

Finally, if you really want to overcome this emotional upheaval, have confidence that you CAN do it. If you don't really WANT to overcome it, you will not. It's that simple. If you are dead set on getting to know this girl romantically, all this advice will go to waste. It's really ultimately up to you.

And get the book I mentioned, "When God Writes Your Love Story." It is really powerful.

From a dad of seven who really had "been there, done that."

Bryan Davis (aka OrlandoDad)

[streetsoldier]

Coppertop is no longer running, but is now taking Tae Kwon Do lessons; hence the Oriental story of the "tiger and the dragon".

To illustrate, the "tiger" is powerful, but wild; acts impulsively, lashes out without any thought of consequences, and is very dangerous to himself and others.

The "dragon" is even more powerful, but he is wise; he respects, and even fears, his power so much (and this includes emotional/physical drives) that he is VERY reluctant to unleash it unless he is given no other alternative.

As to that book...I'll look for it. Thanks!

[Miss Mary]

Coppertop - I meant to respond to your topic when it came up but I've been offline a few days now. And I really wanted to take my time with a response. The book sounds like excellent advice. In the real world, I've noticed that the best relationships/marriages start out as friends. The fact that this girl isn't into dating much, is to be commended! I settled down and gave away my future in my Junior year of HS. Went on to marry that guy, but divorcing by age 28. I didn't really know what independence was until then! I was in a sense sowing my wild oats from ages 28-31. What a fun 3 years that was too. But looking back I should have been doing that from my teens on and at least until I was 25. Having a girlfriend isn't the answer. I missed out on so much in HS by tying myself down early on. At every single HS reunion I attend, all of my friends say that - we really missed you Mary, but you had your boyfriend and couldn't go out with us. They were going to Florida every summer after HS, on ski weekend trips in winter, sending me postcards, all the while I was playing susie homemaker......

So please focus on YOU and the rest will fall into place. I tell my own teen daughters this all the time - they're 14 and 17. We held Nina off until she was 16, she just wasn't allowed to date until then. Now she has her whole life planned out until age 30! You just don't know how good that makes me feel, coming from someone who just literally built their teens/20s around someone else.

Mary

[NWIASpotter]

Coppertop, I know how you feel...I'm a senior in high school, possibly starting some sort of a "relationship" with a sophomore in high school right now. I am always open for conversation, and if you want to talk to another "teenager" cuz I know sometimes I like talking to them better then adults. Just pm me anytime. But always be sure to talk to your parents about it too...and if you have a friend that is good enough to trust with EVERYTHING then you can always talk to them. But whatever you do, in my opinion never keep your feelings just to yourself. Always talk to somebody.