Furniture, sports, and fireworks stores, now firing.

[TexasStooge]

YOU'RE FIRED: An unnamed employee at a furniture manufacturing plant in Grass Valley, Calif., noticed his pants had become saturated with flammable liquid. He then "put a lighter to his pants to see if they would ignite," the company's business manager said. They did -- and so did the building. Thanks to a sprinkler system and firefighters from four local departments, the building was saved. The employee, described as a college student in his 20s, received minor burns. (Grass Valley Union)...Majoring in chemistry, perhaps?

YOU'RE FIRED TOO: It must have been a slow day at Champs Sports, a store in the Oakdale Mall in Johnson City, N.Y. Assistant store manager Joseph R. Freer, 23, allegedly soaked a spider in a storage area with a flammable liquid and lit it. The resulting fire spread into the store. The entire mall was evacuated, and many stores and restaurants suffered smoke damage. Freer was arrested and charged with fourth-degree arson. (Ithaca Journal) ...And first-degree idiocy.

YOU'RE FIRED III: It's not clear where Brian Kitten got the commercial-grade fireworks shell, but he didn't have a proper launch tube for it, say investigators in Lincoln, Neb. So he put it in a five-gallon bucket with a chunk of concrete in the base and lit the fuse, they say. The artillery shell exploded in the bucket -- only the chunk of concrete went flying, hitting Kitten in the face even though he was 20 yards away. Kitten's jaw was broken and several teeth knocked out, leaving him in "fair" condition in a local hospital. Still, says fire investigator Ken Hilger, Kitten was "lucky" since a bit lower, the concrete would have pierced his neck and a bit higher, the concrete would have caused a brain injury. (Lincoln Journal Star) ...Which assumes facts not in evidence.

[therock1811]

Hey, they shoulda known better than to play with fire. As for the third guy...the only question is did the bucket explode?

[alicia-w]

I laughed so hard. But it reminded me of an incident when I was in college in the late 70s. I called home one weekend to talk to my parents and my dad was laughing so hard he couldnt talk. Seems that my mom and several other doctor friends went to this male dancer revue and one guy had sparklers in his g-string. Apparently things got a little hot (and I dont mean just the dancing) and he was taken to the ER. My mom was one of the docs on call!!! OMG she was so embarrassed for him!
Sorry, I just HAD to pass that one along.