Difference Between Women And Men
1.NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2.EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3.MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4.BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5.ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that.... is the beginning of a new argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7.FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8.SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9.MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10.DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11.NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12.OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY.....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep,"the wife replied, "in-laws."
Difference between Men and Women
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Difference between Men and Women
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Skywatch_NC
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JenBayles
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Now let's be nice boys and girls! 
Politically Correct Ways to Describe Men's Faults
He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK. He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS. He develops a case of RECTAL-ANAL INVERSION.
He is not a SEX MACHINE. He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT. He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES. He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.
Politically Correct Ways to Describe Men's Faults
He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK. He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS. He develops a case of RECTAL-ANAL INVERSION.
He is not a SEX MACHINE. He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT. He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES. He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.
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Brent
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Re: Difference between Men and Women
Lindaloo wrote:If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
What exactly is the problem with that?
Lindaloo wrote:The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items
Again... what is the big deal? We don't remember more than we absolutely have to.
Lindaloo wrote:A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
...ain't nothing wrong with that.
Lindaloo wrote:Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
You said it... not me.
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#neversummer
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JenBayles wrote:Now let's be nice boys and girls!
Politically Correct Ways to Describe Men's Faults
He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK. He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL arse. He develops a case of RECTAL-ANAL INVERSION.
He is not a SEX MACHINE. He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT. He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES. He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.
I guess i am NOT like most men!;)
Yes i can dance and i am CAUCASIAN! so blah blah blah! LOL
And yes i have drank alot at times but have yet to fall down.
And nope i honestly have never gotten lost. and if some how by chance i ever do then ok your right i wont ask for directions! Sue me! LOL
The rest all i will say is that i have yet to have any problems in those areas.
Anyways funny list ladies.
Oh and no i would never kick a cat!
And yes i do look for sales. (Depending on what it is though). LOL
As far as the last word goes well YOUR wrong! (Runs like hell out of this thread)!!!! LMAO
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JenBayles wrote:Now let's be nice boys and girls!
Politically Correct Ways to Describe Men's Faults
He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK. He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL arse. He develops a case of RECTAL-ANAL INVERSION.
He is not a SEX MACHINE. He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT. He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES. He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.
Amen Sister!
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chadtm80
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: Because they want to.
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Forget it once.
Q: Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
some more thoughts and quips...
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
Young Son: "Is it true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" "That happens in every country, son."
There are 3 rings in marriage. The Engagement Ring, the Wedding Ring, and the Suffering.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months; I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.
A man placed an advertisement in the classified ads: "Wife Wanted.." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A beggar walked up to a welldressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
Women will never be equal to men until: They can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
and finally...
Did you know that 'In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman....' Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: Because they want to.
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Forget it once.
Q: Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
some more thoughts and quips...
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
Young Son: "Is it true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" "That happens in every country, son."
There are 3 rings in marriage. The Engagement Ring, the Wedding Ring, and the Suffering.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months; I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.
A man placed an advertisement in the classified ads: "Wife Wanted.." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A beggar walked up to a welldressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
Women will never be equal to men until: They can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
and finally...
Did you know that 'In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman....' Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Everyone thought God created man before woman. That is not true. In fact he created woman first, but with three boobs
God: So now that you are here how do you feel about yourself? Eve: Well to be honest I feel alright, however I don't think I need this center boob.
God: We can correct that. There now how do you feel? Eve: I feel great!
(Looking at her hand...)
Woman: Excuse me God? God: Yes Woman: Now what do I do with this usless boob?
***POOF*** Man was created.
God: So now that you are here how do you feel about yourself? Eve: Well to be honest I feel alright, however I don't think I need this center boob.
God: We can correct that. There now how do you feel? Eve: I feel great!
(Looking at her hand...)
Woman: Excuse me God? God: Yes Woman: Now what do I do with this usless boob?
***POOF*** Man was created.
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chadtm80
sunny wrote:Everyone thought God created man before woman. That is not true. In fact he created woman first, but with three boobs
God: So now that you are here how do you feel about yourself? Eve: Well to be honest I feel alright, however I don't think I need this center boob.
God: We can correct that. There now how do you feel? Eve: I feel great!
(Looking at her hand...)
Woman: Excuse me God? God: Yes Woman: Now what do I do with this usless boob?
***POOF*** Man was created.
I could believe that.. Except I know there is NO SUCH THING as a useless boob.
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chadtm80 wrote:sunny wrote:Everyone thought God created man before woman. That is not true. In fact he created woman first, but with three boobs
God: So now that you are here how do you feel about yourself? Eve: Well to be honest I feel alright, however I don't think I need this center boob.
God: We can correct that. There now how do you feel? Eve: I feel great!
(Looking at her hand...)
Woman: Excuse me God? God: Yes Woman: Now what do I do with this usless boob?
***POOF*** Man was created.
I could believe that.. Except I know there is NO SUCH THING as a useless boob.
I know a couple of usless boobs personally!! (meaning men)
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