I'll be on and off for a while...

[yoda]

I am posting this to give you guys and gals a heads up. Some of you may have notice that I haven't posted in a while.... or post at odd times during the night. Anyway... after seeing a second pysch... she told me I had insomnia at least (yes I am writing this at 5 AM and am wide awake) and possibly RCBPD (which Mary suggested first I believe...) Recently, I have had a lot of problems. Over the past week I had 5 finals and I got really stressed out. My parents are expecting a 3.5 average for my first semester here at college.. and it is no where close to that. I already failed my English class... and got a C in my Tech class. Also, I have no idea whether or not I am going to be back for my second semester here at GMU (George Mason University) because my parents have threatened to pull my tuition if I did not do well... and it looks like they might pull it. This is getting to be a real tough time for me... because my parents still don't know I see a pysch, they don't know I failed a class (first time I have done that ever), and they have no idea what I am going through. Also, I seem to have found myself isolating myself from all my dormmates on my floor... and for some reason when they ask if I am ok and why I am not with them.... I find myself saying everything is alright with me and not telling them the real reasons. I so want to tell them... but I don't want them to "go off" on me like so many others have done before them.

Ugh, everything is so screwed up... it looks like the past all over again... and I can't stop it. I can see the looming fight between my parents and I over the winter break. I want to come back to GMU for my second semester... but I may need to find a job if they do go through with their threat. And finally yes, I do and have been thinking about "it." Yes, I will admit it. But I am trying to fight it... but I am afraid I am losing the battle... I guess you could say I am confused again... and am standing in the doorway... (yes, I do have contacts and people I can talk to if I do "go"... so its ok)

Anyway, enough ranting and raving. Sorry to take up so much time posting this, but I thought you ought to know the reasons behind my odd posting times, and why I post on like the 13th... and then not again till this morning.

Prayers be with you all... and have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

-- Matt

[Miss Mary]

Matt - sounds as if you do need a break and time off from Storm2K. Focus on what you need to do and let the rest go. That is what I would tell my own daughters. Unfortunately when a person is under stress, they tend to do what relaxes them - watch TV, nap, read a book, browse the Internet. I think of my computer time as a break. And I'm assuming you do also. But if it's cutting into what you need to really accomplish, then a break is needed. That's my advice to you anyway. As far as your grades, just do your best right now for finals. And promise to do better next Semester. And maybe curtail your computer time (unless it's to type papers or gather info for homework) when the new semester starts. We will always be here - you know that! We'll miss you but quite honestly, when someone has too much on their plate, I think eliminating things they don't have to do, is in store. I learned this the hard way - I was serving on two PTA committees (chairing them, yes, tons of work) when I got cancer over 5 years ago. I needed 2 major surgeries that year and I was forced to say goodbye to the PTA committees. When the new school year started up, I of course was asked to chair new committees again. That's how mom's get roped into doing this type of work - for YEARS. And running themselves ragged. I said no then and I've been saying no for 5 years now. It feels great to tell people I'm not good at multi-tasking - it's true, just ask my family. I just can't go in a million directions. And I suspect you might be going in a few different directions. That's why I suggest doing what you have to do - be the best college student you can be. And the rest can always wait!

Merry Christmas to you and your family also!

Mary

[Skywatch_NC]

College first and foremost! We're all pulling for you, Wxbuddy!!

Your Storm2K Family loves you Brother and you are a tremendous Blessing and Friend to us all!!

Prayers and thoughts are sent your way Matthew and wishes for a Merry Christmas and Happy 2005, too! ((((HUGS))))

God Bless You,

Eric

[Skywatch_NC]

*BUMP*

Anyone else have some encouraging words for one of our dear Storm2K Wxbuddies?

I know Matt could really use some emotional support from his online family here!!

Eric

[wx247]

Definitely! Thanks for bumping this Eric.

Hey Matt...
I know things may seem hard for you, but hang in there. You are a great person who has a lot to live for. We all have that one bad semester and I am sure your parents will understand. Explain to them all the stress that you are under. I think things will work out. Trust in the lord and yourself.

Keep that chin up!

[weathermom]

Matt, No matter how angry parents may get, they always love you and want the best for you! I know sometimes it seems impossible to talk to them and harder still to believe that they will be understanding. I am not so old that I have forgotten. I am now old enough to know this...... the bottom line is that they love you, and care about you and will deal with whatever you bring their way. The worst thing to do to a parent is not give them a chance to understand whats going on in your life when you need them. School will get better, just give it a chance. Let some of those people from your dorm into your life. You'd be surprised how much some of them may really care.

[streetsoldier]

Matt,

Your health and well-being come before all other considerations; if it renders you unable to function, MAKE your parents see this and get the medical help you need.

The school will always be there; your "need to excel" takes a bus-long backseat to your health.

Get it? Got it? GOOOOOD!

[Rainband]

Matt Hang in there and keep your Chin up. Like said above focus on the priorities and the rest will fall into place. God Bless Happy Holidays

[Brent]

Best of luck Matt.

[therock1811]

Matt...sorry to hear of your latest troubles. If you want to talk, give me a hollar on AIM.

[yoda]

Thanks to all who responded to me here and over PM. I am trying to get everything straightened out. What I hate is that over the past week though, I have had huge mood swings from good to bad...

Anyway... I will try my best to do everything you guys say. You all are helping me a lot...

-- Matt

[SouthernWx]

I'm keeping you in my prayers Matt...you are a good guy.

Happy Holidays my friend...God bless you!

Perry

[Derek Ortt]

matt,

I also suffer from insomnia, only to a large degree. No sleeping pills means no sleep at all (which is why I can drive from miami to Niagara Falls without any sleep and still be wide awake when I arrive, even with crossing a mountain range). Some nights, I have to be more doped than an MLB player just to fall asleep (nothing illegal, of course, just up to 10 pills for a 6 hour sleep)

You just have to make the necessary adaptations to your life to accomodate insomnia. Sleeping pills are not the worst of things to take. I've been on them since the 8th grade.

As for the tuition, welcome to my world in paying your own way. Remember to fill out the FSFAF by the priority deadline and take out private loans as soon as possible. This way, your tuition will be covered and you can continue college

[Stephanie]

Oh Matt, I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through! You have a lot of sound advice coming from those that have already posted. Weathermom's advice was particularly poignant.

Don't shut yourself off from people because you think that they won't understand. Sometimes the hardest thing for a person to do is show their vulnerabilty. You'd be amazed though at the reception and help you will receive!

(((HUGS))).

One other thing that I thought of. I've always had a fear of failure and letting people down. YOU have to make yourself happy and as long as you do the best that you can, that should be good enough. You're not going to be perfect in everything you do.

[Skywatch_NC]

For insomnia though...it's always much better to warm some milk on the stove or hotplate. Sleeping meds over time could end up doing one's body more harm than good...I was listening to NPR's People's Pharmacy with Joe and Terry Graedon yesterday afternoon and even they advised that some warm milk would be a much better solution than sleep-inducing medicines.

Eric

[yoda]

Just a quick update...

I feared the worst... and it did happen. My GPA last semester was a 1.25... and I failed two courses... this is not going to go over well...

What to do, what to say? Oh my... a lot on my mind right now, and some of it isn't good thoughts...

[Miss Mary]

Matt - so sorry to hear this. Be honest with yourself and your parents. Scale back on classes, retake the ones you failed, go part-time instead of full-time possibly, etc. Right now it looks as if this will not work out but in the long run, it will. If you realy work at it!

My husband failed a course in college, all b/c a nasty, stickler type Prof made the class redo term papers. Jim thought his was fine but the Prof gave him an F for the paper, so he received an F for the class. That F remained on his transcript for a few years but before he graduated he met with the Prof, who still taught at the university. Sure enough, the Prof said rewrite the paper and I'll pass you (if the paper met his requirements). It did and Jim passed. The F was removed from his transcript.

Before you me, we use this example with our daughters all the time. It's just better to face what you've done or not done, retake a class possibly, but never quit!

Wishing you the best Matt.

Mary

[kevin]

I have been there with the grades Matt, and I can tell you this : there is no hole you can't get out of. There is nothing that can overwhelm you unless you let it.

I had under a 1.3 through my freshman and sophmore year of high school. Skipped classes and spent time at the library. I was determined that the game of high school wasn't for me, or rather I didn't care if it was or not. Then through nothing but acceptance and a changed heart I pulled things together.

Everyone can have a tough semester, and these storms of your heart while not the same as others are of the same stuff.

School is not as important as Matt, your parents are not as important as Matt. You can achieve your ends in academia and make your peace with the family another day. Right now your goal should be to step away from this semester and focus on what you did 'wrong'. If you cannot determine what it is, then don't spend your money on another attempt. Return when you are ready. You're smart enough to suceed, but first you've got to straighten your mind and relax your soul.

Wishing you the best,
Kevin

[Rainband]

Matt Grades can change. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't talk foolish. The future is always there and can be shaped postively Just deal with the present and work to improve the future. You life is a canvas. Sometimes the paint is dark and sometimes it is bright. Things will get better and you will look back at this someday and learn from it. I know right now these are empty words but trust me, I have been there and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and a blue sky after the storm. (((HUGS)))

[wx247]

Matt Grades can change. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't talk foolish. The future is always there and can be shaped postively Just deal with the present and work to improve the future. You life is a canvas. Sometimes the paint is dark and sometimes it is bright. Things will get better and you will look back at this someday and learn from it. I know right now these are empty words but trust me, I have been there and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and a blue sky after the storm. (((HUGS)))

Right on Johnathan. The only thing I would add is that you are the artist. You can determine what picture is on that canvas. There is potential for a masterpiece Matt. You just have to believe in yourself.