Cops with a sense of humor

[bfez1]

Gotta Love Those Cops With a Sense of Humor

The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the
country.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail."

and the best one . . .

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here

[streetsoldier]

I once had a drunk "down" in a drive-in White Castle; when I answered the call, he wanted me to drive him home (while I was waiting for an ambulance to take him to Barnes detox).

My response? See that car? It says "POH-LICE", not "taxicab!"

[pojo]

that was great!

[depotoo]

those are great!

[MSRobi911]

My husband has some absolutely hilliarous tales from the streets. My favorite one is he was patroling on the East side of the county (Forts Lake for those around here) when he saw a car half on half off the side of the road. He put his lights on and got out of the car. There was an older gentlemen standing (I should say weaving while trying to stand) on the side of the car taking a leak. My husband asked him what he was doing and his reply while swaying in circles was ......


"Drunk Again"

and the man laughed so hard he fell down.....needless to say he went to the drunk tank, once again.....