News Alert!

[sunny]

In response to G.I. Joe being taken hostage. The United States office of Homeland Security has taken the following steps:

The National Guard will Man all Toys R Us stores.
Barbie will get secret service protection.
Barney will be Camouflaged not Purple
Elmo will be placed in the Witness Protection Program


Woody and Buzz Lightyear are on their way to Iraq on a rescue mission for G.I. Joe.

NEWS AT 6

[vbhoutex]

I was getting worried about Joe!!!

[pojo]

LOL!!!

[cycloneye]

[southerngale]

[yoda]

Elmo in the WPA? Uh-oh...

[streetsoldier]

But at last report, Ken was seen trying to cross into Canada...more as it develops.

[sunny]

But at last report, Ken was seen trying to cross into Canada...more as it develops.

LOL - no doubt you are on the case, Bill!!!

[streetsoldier]

Ken was nabbed by the RCMP on the Manitoba side of the International Peace Garden; he had no luggage, but they did confiscate a "suspicious plant material" found in a plastic bag he tried to hide under a stand of azaleas. Drug dogs have been deployed to check the garden area for other contraband.

Ken's car, a pink Mustang, was impounded by the North Dakota Highway Patrol, pending an investigation of Barbie's claim that it had been stolen from her Beverly Hills apartment complex two days ago.

Ken's lawyer, Chucky, declined comment.

[sunny]

NOTE - please see streetsoldier's post above regarding Ken.

In an incredible turn of events, a group calling itself Al MujaToyStory Brigade has taken the American GI Joe soldier, called Special Ops Cody, hostage. They are threatening to not only "melt him in very hot oil" but to also go after both Ken and pregnant Barbie next if Iraqi prisoners are not released within 72 hours.

"This is horrific. First they go after American humans and now us, the toys!" stated Ken, of Ken and Barbie, "I’m not sure how to react to this. Cody is a great friend of mine. We used to hang out together. Then he was called to duty in Iraq. He said he was going to be back. We have to do something. We can’t have him destroyed! He is unique! There are only 10,000 of him."

Liam Cusak, the marketing coordinator for Dragon Models USA, has confirmed that one of their Special Ops Cody soldier was declared missing yesterday.

"It’s true. We went into red alert." Stated Liam Cusak "GI Joe classic called in on our red line and said that Cody was missing. We looked everywhere. We looked under the couches, under the refrigerator, behind the big screen TV and we could not find him. Then, the web site posting was emailed to us. He was taken hostage. This is our first experience with this. We are terrified for his life."

"I’m so afraid." Stated Barbie "Codi was my first love and, to be honest with you, I’m pregnant with his baby. Now they are threatening to take me hostage too? I feel so helpless."

"We will use all of our resources to get him back alive, or at least with all his parts still attached." Stated Liam Cusak, “We are going to send in our Special Ops helicopters via remote control. They should be in Iraq within the next 30 to 50 days.

In other news, the U.S. Army announced this morning that they have captured a doll that looks very much like Osama Bin Laden.

[vbhoutex]

In other news, the U.S. Army announced this morning that they have captured a doll that looks very much like Osama Bin Laden.

ROFLMAO!!!OMG here comes another thread!!!

[streetsoldier]

" 'Joe Camel' Doll Mistaken for 'Osama bin Laden' Doll; Legal Action Threatened"." -Rotters News Service

[fwbbreeze]

" 'Joe Camel' Doll Mistaken for 'Osama bin Laden' Doll; Legal Action Threatened"." -Rotters News Service

That is Classic!!

[chadtm80]

ROFL!!!

[coriolis]

A Pentagon source has leaked a secret plan to drop thousands of Dollar Store "parachute guys" from Predator drones. While the parachute guys will have a limited usefulness on the ground because of unmovable arms and legs, the plan is to flush out the hostage takers with the sheer number of them. There is also a concern because the plastic parachutes often don't open properly when kids throw them up in the air. But with the rigid limbs, causalties are expected to be limited.

[sunny]

A photograph posted on an Islamist Web site appears to be that of a cuddly toy bear and not a U.S. soldier being held hostage.

Jennifer Rotchacockoff, the marketing coordinator for Cuddly Fighting Bears, said the figure pictured on the Web site is believed to be "Special Ops Teddy," a military action figure the company manufactured in late 2003.

"It pretty much looks exactly like the same bear," she said.

Rotchacockoff said she was contacted Wednesday morning by one of her retailers, who informed her that the alleged hostage appeared to be one of the company's bears.

"I thought it was a joke at first," she said.

But after reading a report on a news Web site about a U.S. soldier allegedly being captured, "I looked at it and said, 'It does look like one of our bears.'"

"Teddy" is a cute bear the company made for the Army and Air Force Exchange Service, which supplies U.S. military bases worldwide with various items. The bear was meant to look like a cuddly bear who might be serving in Iraq, Cusack said.

On the Islamist Web site, a group calling itself the Al Mujahedeen Brigade, posted a photograph of a "man" it claimed was a captured U.S. soldier named Mike Hunt, and it threatened to behead him if Iraqi prisoners are not released by U.S. forces.

Staff Sgt. Nick Bendover of the U.S. military's press office in Baghdad told The Associated Press, "Jesus, I've got other poop to deal with. See ya."

The photograph showed the figure against a black flag with white lettering reading, "God is great, there is no god but Allah." A U.S. military assault rifle was pointed at its head. It appears that "rifle" was part of the plastic weaponry that came with the bear.

The photograph immediately raised questions.

CNN military analyst James Marks, a retired Army general, questioned its authenticity.

He told CNN in a phone interview that the flak jacket in the picture had a kind of trim along the edges that he'd never seen before, and that the open-legged pants, as opposed to gathered hems, struck him as odd. "That and it's a freaking bear," he continued.

"We have not used teddy bears with conventional forces serving in Iraq, you asshat," Marks said.

[streetsoldier]

A Pentagon source has leaked a secret plan to drop thousands of Dollar Store "parachute guys" from Predator drones. While the parachute guys will have a limited usefulness on the ground because of unmovable arms and legs, the plan is to flush out the hostage takers with the sheer number of them. There is also a concern because the plastic parachutes often don't open properly when kids throw them up in the air. But with the rigid limbs, causalties are expected to be limited.

An unnamed source stated that the Pentagon originally wanted to use "Civil War Heroes" dolls, but the idea was scrapped because the beard on the "U.S. Grant" doll made the figure look like Al-Zarqawi, and that on the "Robert E. Lee" doll was eerily reminiscent of the Ayatollah Al-Sistani; thus, exposure of these figures could backfire in subsequent press coverage. -Rotters News Service

[TexasStooge]

[therock1811]

ROTFLMBO!!!!! I needed a laugh today!

[streetsoldier]

The photograph showed the figure against a black flag with white lettering reading, "God is great, there is no god but Allah."

Further examination indicates that the message on the black material reads, "Eat At Yousuf's...couscous and garam masala curried beef served fresh every hour"...