Things that make you go.......hmmmm?

[GulfBreezer]

Ambiguity

For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.
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1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
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3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
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5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
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6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
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9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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10. Is there another word for synonym?
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11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
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12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
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13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
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14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
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16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
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19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? (Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me) (I know there's a logical explanation, but it escapes me)
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20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
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21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
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22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
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23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
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24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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25. How is it possible to have a civil war? @#&%$!!!# ????
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26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
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27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
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28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
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30. Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
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31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
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32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
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33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
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Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
- Victor Hugo

[bfez1]

Hmmm! Funny

[pojo]

LOL...I heard some of these, yet I still laugh at them!

[weatherlover427]

LOL! Too funny!

[deb_in_nc]

I get some of those sometimes. I love 'em. Thanks.

Debbie

[David]

Good ones, thanks.

[Pro-Storm]

I don't know about the rest of you but, I'm laughing my booty off! Maybe I spend too much time on the golf course or something?