The things people say

[Brent]

On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and Why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."

Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other partof my body,"
--Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much

clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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[gtalum]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."

Mariah Carey

I don't know about the rest, but this one is a false rumor.

From Snopes.com.

[arkess7]

some people .......geez........guess thats why they say you should think before you speak.........not speak what you think...

[Brent]

Here's some more:

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert

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"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter


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"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon


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"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
-Samuel Goldwyn


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Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children"


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"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg


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"We apologize for the error in last week's paper
in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper


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"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman costume warning label


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"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown


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"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush


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"I was provided with addtional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony


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"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine


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"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister


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"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel


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"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign


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The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.
Dwight Eisenhower


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Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.
-- Sen. Chris Dodd (D, Conn.), on the Don Imus show


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Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
-- Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.)


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Joey Bishop (talk-show host): Would you like to become a regular on the show? Barry Goldwater: No, thank you. I'd much rather watch you in bed with my wife.


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You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy!
-- President Bill Clinton, looking at the recently-discovered Inca mummy "Juanita"


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You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He said something. He's no longer with us.
-- Bob Dole


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First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl. -- Marion Barry


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You can't just let nature run wild.
-- Wally Hickel, former governor of Alaska


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The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.
-- Mike Murphy, adviser to Lamar Alexander


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I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity.
-- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

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