Desparately seeking help from you guys!

[wxcrazytwo]

HELP NEEDED.

Most of you that do know me know that I have 4 kids. Besides the oldest they all get sick! Well, now the latest saga is, is that Braden (5 y/o) is now sick after getting over from being sick 2 weeks ago. I cannot take off from work to care for him so it is up to my wife. My wife has more flexibility to work from home than I do. However, even though he will not be in daycare, we still have to pay for his seat, which I think is a bunch of crock. I pay $1,400/month on daycare whether they go or not. It is much more beneficial for her to just stay at home than to work. I make enough to support everyone and have plenty left over. If she works, then obviously that amounts to nothing left over and paying $1,400 in day care. WHAT DO I FRIGGIN DO? PLEASE HELP BECAUSE IT IS RUINING MY MARRIAGE BECAUSE THAT IS ALL WE EVER FIGHT ABOUT BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS SICK.

Alex

[DoctorHurricane2003]

why are they always getting sick? perhaps there might be ways to avoid them getting sick. If they are getting it from daycare, you might take off one day to go to the daycare and see how the daycare takes care of the cleanliness. Something isn't right.

[nholley]

Tough situation to be in. The daycare thing is wrong if you ask me, we used to take our now 5 year old to Kinder Care and although when she wasn't there we still had to pay something, it wasn't the full amount. You may want to consider a change in daycare to somewhere more understanding.

If she has more flexability to work from home, would she/her company be willing to let her work from home full or part time? that way you may be able to either eliminate or reduce the amount you pay for daycare.

It is easy to understand why she wants to keep working, being at home fulltime with 4 kids would be enough to drive anyone insane. Work is probably her release. My wife is the same way, she works despite the fact that a good portion of her wage goes on childcare. Reverse it, If you wife earned more would you want to stay at home fulltime? (I know I wouldn't.)

How old are the kids? Our life got a lot easier as the 5 year old just started school. Which for me is like free daycare!

[wxcrazytwo]

why are they always getting sick? perhaps there might be ways to avoid them getting sick. If they are getting it from daycare, you might take off one day to go to the daycare and see how the daycare takes care of the cleanliness. Something isn't right.

It's the daycare, because the baby after getting better within 4 days got sick and bad this time around. Two of the three whenever there is sniff of someone has a cold they get sick. My oldest rarely gets sick. Braden and Nicholas both have RSV, which I think is the reason they get sick a lot, but my gosh, it is getting down right ridiculous. It seems like they get sick for two week, get better one week, and sick the other 2-3 weeks. I need help regarding what to do with my wife's work. I think she shoud hang it up?

[Pburgh]

It's not easy raising kids, I agree. But, it's just 5 years and then their off to school. Now that five years will go a lot faster if the kids aren't sick. And they won't be as sick if they're at home. I would suggest your wife stay home. I did until my kids started school. If she goes stir crazy during the week, why not hire a sitter to come to your house for several hours a day or a couple days out of the week. You also need to be extremely helpful and understanding when you get home from work. I can imagine how frustrated your wife is. I mean look at me, I get frustrated with you and I don't even know you.jk

Seriously, you are missing some great childhood memories with your kids if they're always sick and you two end up bickering due to that.

[Kelarie]

If she is willing to give up work, and it will save you money in the long, go for it. Just realize you will be asking her to give up her independence. Maybe she looks at it that way, some woman look at it that way. I know my sister in law does. Just realize it will be the hardest work that you do or that she has ever done, and that is taking care of your babies.

My 2 cents.

[sunny]

I've heard horror stories about children and daycare (sick wise). One brings it home and it just gets passed around. And then passed again. I don't have kids, but my sisters were all stay-at-home moms. They made a lot of sacrifices TO be able to stay at home, but to them, my BILs and the kids, it was worth it.

[wxcrazytwo]

It's not easy raising kids, I agree. But, it's just 5 years and then their off to school. Now that five years will go a lot faster if the kids aren't sick. And they won't be as sick if they're at home. I would suggest your wife stay home. I did until my kids started school. If she goes stir crazy during the week, why not hire a sitter to come to your house for several hours a day or a couple days out of the week. You also need to be extremely helpful and understanding when you get home from work. I can imagine how frustrated your wife is. I mean look at me, I get frustrated with you and I don't even know you.jk

Seriously, you are missing some great childhood memories with your kids if they're always sick and you two end up bickering due to that.

lol, I understand Pburgh. When we moved to Florida should stayed home and everything was fine. Then she complained that she was at home and nowhere to go, as we only had one car, which when we were in California we had two cars. I went ahead and bought her a care, so that she can go anywhere she wanted to. Yeah, I know, but we are both helpless when they are sick because then we really can't go anywhere. I mean when they get sick watch out because they really get sick. She is leaving work early today, but again, that really puts a strain on her, me, and the marriage. We have done everything we can to keep them from getting sick, but it seems like everytime they go to daycare forget it.

[alicia-w]

For 1400 a month, you should be able to get a decent nanny or in home day care....

[wxcrazytwo]

For 1400 a month, you should be able to get a decent nanny or in home day care....

But my wife doesn't want to pawn the responsibilities on someone she doesn't know. My kids are very finicky on who watches them..Her boss had a nanny that was high on speed. Horror stories.

[gtalum]

If the $1400 per month daycare fees equal (or are greater than) her net pay, then what is her reason for not just staying home and taking care of them?

You might try sitting down together with her and trying to work out a very comprehensive budget. It might then become clear to her on her own that it's financially best for all fo you if she stays home to care for the children. Often those kinds of decisions work out best if the person affected feels as though they have made the decision on their own, and that they weren't forced into it.

[gtalum]

Heck that might even bump you guys down into a lower tax bracket, which would pan out to an even bigger savings.

[vbhoutex]

Alex, you need to take some of these suggestions to heart. We had our children in a church run day care when they were young, never in commercial day care. There was no indoctrination or bible study or anything like that, just good care and nurturing. Have you looked into that possibility? Our kids did get sick, but not like our friends whose kids were in commercial day care. Obviously any place you would place them needs to be checked out thoroughly. We were fortunate that my wife didn't have to work full time for us to live comfortably so she didn't work full time till they were in middle and high school. Also, she was fortunate to have a boss who would be understanding of her need to leave for one of the kids.

[wxcrazytwo]

If the $1400 per month daycare fees equal (or are greater than) her net pay, then what is her reason for not just staying home and taking care of them?

You might try sitting down together with her and trying to work out a very comprehensive budget. It might then become clear to her on her own that it's financially best for all fo you if she stays home to care for the children. Often those kinds of decisions work out best if the person affected feels as though they have made the decision on their own, and that they weren't forced into it.

We did a cost budget analysis and it worked out that if she didn't work, it would benefit the family. If she worked, it would not. Daycare is more than what she brings in.

[wxcrazytwo]

GUYS:

DAYCARE $1,400 and RENT $1,150/MONTH that does not include car payments and other bills get my drift.

CAR PAYMENT:

$467 and 365/MONTH

[alicia-w]

sounds like the solution is staring at you right in the face.

[vbhoutex]

If the $1400 per month daycare fees equal (or are greater than) her net pay, then what is her reason for not just staying home and taking care of them?

You might try sitting down together with her and trying to work out a very comprehensive budget. It might then become clear to her on her own that it's financially best for all fo you if she stays home to care for the children. Often those kinds of decisions work out best if the person affected feels as though they have made the decision on their own, and that they weren't forced into it.

We did a cost budget analysis and it worked out that if she didn't work, it would benefit the family. If she worked, it would not. Daycare is more than what she brings in.

To me that pretty much solves the delimna. We had friends that my wife worked with the wife and they found out that it cost them more for her to work so she quit and stayed home. The only caveat to this is that you must be understanding and give your wife time away from the kids, both by herself and with you. I say go for the not working or for working limited flexible hours at home if she wants to. Otherwise I think it is a no brainer.

[wxcrazytwo]

Alex, you need to take some of these suggestions to heart. We had our children in a church run day care when they were young, never in commercial day care. There was no indoctrination or bible study or anything like that, just good care and nurturing. Have you looked into that possibility? Our kids did get sick, but not like our friends whose kids were in commercial day care. Obviously any place you would place them needs to be checked out thoroughly. We were fortunate that my wife didn't have to work full time for us to live comfortably so she didn't work full time till they were in middle and high school. Also, she was fortunate to have a boss who would be understanding of her need to leave for one of the kids.

David, this is church run daycare. St. Francis in TPA. She does have a boss that is understanding, but what her paycheck comes out and what we payout, the bank no comprende. LOL..

I have taken some of the suggestions to heart and I appreciate them, that is why I asked you guys, so that I can confirm my thinking.

[Pburgh]

WC, I really like it when you're like this!!!!

[wxcrazytwo]

If the $1400 per month daycare fees equal (or are greater than) her net pay, then what is her reason for not just staying home and taking care of them?

You might try sitting down together with her and trying to work out a very comprehensive budget. It might then become clear to her on her own that it's financially best for all fo you if she stays home to care for the children. Often those kinds of decisions work out best if the person affected feels as though they have made the decision on their own, and that they weren't forced into it.

We did a cost budget analysis and it worked out that if she didn't work, it would benefit the family. If she worked, it would not. Daycare is more than what she brings in.[/quot

To me that pretty much solves the delimna. We had friends that my wife worked with the wife and they found out that it cost them more for her to work so she quit and stayed home. The only caveat to this is that you must be understanding and give your wife time away from the kids, both by herself and with you. I say go for the not working or for working limited flexible hours at home if she wants to. Otherwise I think it is a no brainer.

Thanks, David. I think at the end, that is what we will do.