Why is apologizing so hard?

#1 Postby **azskyman** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 8:10 pm

You may know me as the mild mannered azskyman, but now and then I slip into a phone booth and can come out as a mean spirited, sharp tongued creep. I suspect if I checked my t-shirt, it would have a bright letter "C" as the logo.

Whether it is a family situation, a friendship, a business relationship, or a work situation (as mine was), we can all have that button pushed and our dark side jumps out.

Mine was in the form of an exchange of e-mails..to a fellow employee in our corporate office. It was the TONE of his email that set me off...not the message he carried. His tone was condescending, I didn't like it, and so I ran for that phone booth and changed into my "C" shirt!

Today, after thinking about the whole exchange of words and messages, the more reasonable me decided to go back in that phone booth and become "myself" again. I wrote a simple, but sincere apology and moved on.

In my heart, I did a good thing. In my mind, he should have written one to me. Either way, we're over it and moving on. (Are we really?)

Apologies are important ways to put bad things behind us. Even if we are not the ones at fault. They help us keep our energy for more important and constructive things. And that I will do.

But still I think.... why did I have to be the one to do it?

breeze · #2 Postby **breeze** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 8:20 pm

It's just that way, Steve. Some people have feelings, and,
the ability to stand back and look at the whole picture - some
are just, well...always right, no matter what! For whatever
reasons, personal or professional, we all know where that
phone booth is, and, those "C" shirts come in all different
sizes!

Guest · #3 Postby **Guest** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 8:23 pm

I know what you mean about apologizing. It's the hardest thing to do, especially when the other person should be apologizing to you. I give you alot of credit for being the bigger better man. :wink:

#4 Postby **Stephanie** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 8:29 pm

To answer your question is because you actually CARE about how you treat/are treated by other people and are the better man for apologizing.

Apologizing means accepting the fact that you may have been wrong. Sometimes it is not easy, especially when it is regarding something near and dear to your heart. Sometimes it is harder or downright impossible to do so after you've already had run-ins with the person in question. Other times, it's difficult because you can't believe you made a mistake. PRIDE is at issue. I think that the people that can swallow pride the most are the happiest in the long run.

JetMaxx · #5 Postby **JetMaxx** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 9:08 pm

You apologized Steve because you are a gentleman. We all make mistakes....no one is perfect.

I've made several apologies the past couple months I thought I'd never have the courage to make...to folks I harrassed and offended at another weather forum several years ago; and to all three of my sisters and my father...for things I said or did years ago; things I said in anger that they'd forgiven me for even though I'd never asked before now.

I'm a gentleman but not a perfect angel....I've made mistakes, and wanted to clear my conscience. It wasn't easy, but am sure glad I did it.

May God Bless,
Perry

#6 Postby **streetsoldier** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 10:03 pm

Due to my past, I found that I can forgive...barely, but I cannot forget. As to apologizing...I'm capable of doing that, but then, it leaves me feeling "flat"...since the "other party" wouldn't do so if her life depended on it.

And I will never apologize for standing up for principles; in an "anything goes" world, these are the anchors that keep me strong.

petal*pusher · #7 Postby **petal*pusher** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 10:13 pm

Loved your last sentence streetsoldier! I am a firm believer in standing tall on my principles also........but have been known to offer an apology to "keep the peace".

It takes a bigger person to apologize....and it is always in my thoughts that I am setting examples for my children and those kids at school!........p :wink:

#8 Postby **streetsoldier** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 10:18 pm

petal*pusher,

I do try to be accomodating, agreeable and informative when the opportunity presents itself; but, I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that I have a "dark side"...and always will.

#9 Postby **azskyman** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 10:42 pm

An important point you are making. I would never apologize for my ethics or belief system. My sons are testament to that. As young men, their search for meaning in life bangs them back and forth off of many different walls...but they will tell you I have stayed steadfast in my foundation through it all.

I've found that those who challenge my integrity and my ethics are those who know how to send me to the phone booth.

You can challenge my thinking, my reasoning, my math, my writing, and a whole lot of things but come any where near close to challenging my integrity...and it just doesn't work. Even my own boss knows my response on that one!!!

#10 Postby **streetsoldier** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 12:30 am

I know how you feel, Steve...

"Ego non cum dicum mendacium, et nemo integria mea impune lacessit!" (I never lie; and no one questions my integrity and get away with it!)

That is the ONE matter that causes me to "see red"... :grrr:

Colin · #11 Postby **Colin** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:12 am

I'm glad you apologized, Steve... you are a fine gentleman.

Apologies always make people feel better... sometimes it takes a lot of courage to go up and apologize... fearing that you have lost a friend. You should always apologize, whether you feel you should or not, just to make yourself feel better, as well as the person you are apologizing to.

Why is apologizing so hard?

Why is apologizing so hard?

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