Showers

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alicia-w
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Showers

#1 Postby alicia-w » Tue Mar 07, 2006 10:36 am

How to Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How to Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
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O Town
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#2 Postby O Town » Tue Mar 07, 2006 12:49 pm

:fools: :fools: :fools:
That was just too funny.
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#3 Postby TexasStooge » Tue Mar 07, 2006 12:52 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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#4 Postby Pburgh » Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:07 pm

You forgot about:
Take cap off toothpaste
Squeeze tube in the middle
Don't put cap back on
Brush teeth while water is running
All the while splattering toothpaste all over the mirror
Don't rinse toothbrush
Put it in the holder while toothpaste slim drips everywhere
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#5 Postby SouthFloridawx » Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:26 pm

LOL ALICIA HOW TRUE IS THAT... my girlfriend does wash hair.. wash hair again, condition ... she really uses the apricot stuff and uses a towel the size of a small country. If she see's me she does cover any exposed area so I get no ideas, she just got out of the shower for god sakes.

this is too funny cause some of the guy stuff is true too.... haha
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alicia-w
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#6 Postby alicia-w » Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:28 pm

one of the guys here in the office added these two to the men's shower routine:

Man's view:
1. You forgot the part about sniffing your hand after scratching on the way in.... to admire the manliness of his scent
2. Oh, what he'd give to be to be a ginger nut and jaffa cake
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#7 Postby SouthFloridawx » Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:34 pm

alicia-w wrote:one of the guys here in the office added these two to the men's shower routine:

Man's view:
1. You forgot the part about sniffing your hand after scratching on the way in.... to admire the manliness of his scent
2. Oh, what he'd give to be to be a ginger nut and jaffa cake


LOL hahaha
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#8 Postby arkess7 » Tue Mar 07, 2006 2:39 pm

:fools: :roflmao: :roflmao:
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#9 Postby Brent » Tue Mar 07, 2006 3:08 pm

:roflmao: :lol:
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#10 Postby Dee Bee » Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:54 pm

:jump: :jump: :jump:
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Miss Mary

#11 Postby Miss Mary » Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:58 pm

Funny and so absolutely true. I had to laugh at the nic used. And now I have that Oscar Mayer song stuck in my head. Thanks!
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