Nephew update: he's suspended from school (last post)

[LAwxrgal]

Normally prayers on this board are asked for an ill loved one. While I do have a sick loved one (I'm currently caring for my terminally ill mother) there's another problem at home. Well, not really at home, but it is a loved one...it's my nephew.

My nephew will be 14 in October, and he's totally out of control. He stays out all night, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and we hear he gave away his $125 pair of sneakers -- the same shoes my sister BORROWED MONEY FROM US to buy -- to one of his so-called "friends." We also hear he has 3 F's, a D, and a C on his report card, and the worst part about this is my sister's cavalier attitude about the whole thing. She's all, I'm not going to give up my life to keep tabs on him.

It's frustrating to sit on the sidelines and watch this happening, but IMO it'll have to take something tragic happening to wake her up. She doesn't seem to have any sense of any kind of responsibility for her children. You'd think after 14 years she'd get it, but alas, she's 37 now and although she's stopped partying the way she used to, I'm afraid she'll never get it.

Mom is just as upset as I am, perhaps more so, and this IMO will take a toll on her already fragile state.

[Pburgh]

Wow, sounds like you really have your hands full. God bless you for taking care of your Mom during this very sad time. Is your sister a single parent? It takes a lot more "parenting" if she is a single parent. So if she is unwilling to take responsibility and she is the only one, maybe something like Big Brothers could help out. Or, if you have a brother or a male friend they could spend some time with your nephew going to ballgames or just hanging out. If you have any influence over him, maybe visiting and helping Grandma out will give him a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

In the meantime, I'm sending my prayers up for your family.
((HUGS))
Karan

[CajunMama]

Toughlove is hard but it could be the path that works in this case. There is a bootcamp for teens in maybe the Baton Rouge area?? We had some friends who sent their son there. It seemed to help him get back on the right path. He had dropped out of hs and got his ged through the bootcamp and now he is in the workforce.

[george_r_1961]

Normally prayers on this board are asked for an ill loved one. While I do have a sick loved one (I'm currently caring for my terminally ill mother) there's another problem at home. Well, not really at home, but it is a loved one...it's my nephew.

My nephew will be 14 in October, and he's totally out of control. He stays out all night, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and we hear he gave away his $125 pair of sneakers -- the same shoes my sister BORROWED MONEY FROM US to buy -- to one of his so-called "friends." We also hear he has 3 F's, a D, and a C on his report card, and the worst part about this is my sister's cavalier attitude about the whole thing. She's all, I'm not going to give up my life to keep tabs on him.

It's frustrating to sit on the sidelines and watch this happening, but IMO it'll have to take something tragic happening to wake her up. She doesn't seem to have any sense of any kind of responsibility for her children. You'd think after 14 years she'd get it, but alas, she's 37 now and although she's stopped partying the way she used to, I'm afraid she'll never get it.

Mom is just as upset as I am, perhaps more so, and this IMO will take a toll on her already fragile state.

GAVE away??? Sorry if I sound harsh but either his so called "friends" took them from him or he traded them for something. As far as your sisters attitude that she isnt going to give up her life to keep tabs on him, well the last I heard thats part of a parents job. The young man needs inviolable rules to live by with immediate consequences for noncompliance. If your sister doesnt take action sooner or later the court system will as it is inevitable that run ins with the law will ensue.

I am truly sorry about the toll this is taking on you and your mother.

[Stratosphere747]

Your nephew is not the problem.....

Sounds like your sister needs either rehab or at the very least some semblance of counseling.

[Miss Mary]

My niece went thru a very frustrating phase like this. Just out of the blue she began breaking her curfew, not doing her homework, flunking out of her Junior year of HS, just walking right out of school, middle of the day, with the Principal and Sec'y watching. Her mother was called into the office, repeatedly. My brother worked nights and slept during the day. It was such a worrisome time. Finally, my brother and his wife put her into a program called Teen Helping Teens, or maybe it was called Kids Helping Kids. This is the hard part - when they took her, they had to trick her into thinking she was there for just an assessment appt. The counselor took her into one room, her parents went into another for a talk with another director. My brother didn't realize that would be the last time he'd see her for 3 months. Heard he nearly lost it so they allowed her to say goodbye to her parents. She was very upset but also knew the trouble she had caused the family by this time. So basically she went into it, and turned her life, completely and utterly around. I swear, I thought once she was of legal age, I thought we'd never see her again. She was angry at first but in time, accepted drastic measures were needed. She got her a 2 year Assoc. degree and is only a few classes away from her Bach. Degree. She's getting married in 2 weeks and is very, very happy. Lauren would like to be a HS counselor, if you can believe that. She said she'd like to reach out to other kids in trouble as she was.

We think it all went way back to when her mom had to suddenly work full time. And Lauren had to go into a daycare. Nothing terribly traumatic happened while there but she always resented the time her older sister had with her mom, that she was I guess robbed of. And this is how it all came out, a delayed effect years later.

I could not sleep for weeks after she went into the program. Oh how I prayed she was with good people. Turned out she was. Thank God!

I wish you the very best and I will keep your nephew in my prayers.

Mary

[Lindaloo]

I am sorry to hear about this Danielle. Your nephew is definitely crying out to you for help. And he certainly needs the help. It is obvious he is not going to get it from his Mother, so maybe you could step in and talk to his counselor at school? Sounds to me like peer pressure at it's prime.

I would march right over to that friends house and retrieve those shoes.

Boot camps do work but has he been in trouble with the police?

[sunny]

Danielle, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this all at the same time. You certainly have my prayers. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer.

Unfortunately, this is such a touchy situation since he is still in his mothers custody. She is the only one, legally, that can do anything to help this child.

Linda, I think you are right, the boy would have to have been in trouble in order to qualify for the boot camp.

[JenBayles]

If Mom isn't going to do her job to raise her son, the only hope for the boy is for somebody else to step up to the plate and do it for her. Whether that person is you, another family member, or a mentor (like Big Brothers & Sisters) remains to be seen. It's terribly hard to remember that young teens are still legally minor children. They may not look like it, and they certainly don't want to admit it, but there it is.

It sounds like you already have enough on your plate helping your mother without adding another needful person to your list. Are there any other family members or even friends who can help out? This kid needs someone to provide regular family-style, meals, and someone to enforce homework, and probably most important - someone to talk to on a daily basis. Isn't that what a parent does? If you can't do it, I sure hope you can help find somebody who can. {{{{}}}}

[LAwxrgal]

Thanks everybody for the kind words, prayers, and support. I'm crying right now as I read this.

But yeah, that's what I thought a parent does. I thought that when you become a parent, you give up a significant portion of your life to devote time to care for your child. Unfortunately, my sis never got the memo. My nephew's not 14 yet, he won't be until October. And as far as I know, he hasn't been in police custody -- yet. But he's well on his way, no doubt about it. I'm just afraid someone is going to knock on our door and say that my nephew's dead.

I know my nephew isn't the one with the issue, that it is my sister, and she's passing on whatever's going on with her to him. The fact that she doesn't care is the worst part of all this, even worse than the stuff my nephew's doing.

The story goes that supposedly he "loaned" his so-called "friend" the tennis shoes... we know how that goes...

My sister (yes, she's a single parent) has 2 other children, age 8 and 6. The 6 year old is hearing-impaired, and his situation is a whole nother story. LOL

They don't live with me, they live in the next parish west of me, where the school district is among the worst in the state. I'm not sure what programs are available in that area for at-risk kids, in my limited experience with that area the kids just drift away into a life of crime and self-destruction.

CajunMama, could you PM me the address of that camp in Baton Rouge?

[LaPlaceFF]

Prayer for you and your family from your friend in LaPlace, LA

[TexasStooge]

Many prayers for you and your family.

[beachbum_al]

First I am sending prayers your way. Your sister does need to wake up and realize that she is a mom and she has an obligation to her son. She needs to tighten those reins and find out what is going on. See who his friends are? Why are his grades dropping? Why did he give his $125 shoes to a so call friend? I hope everything works out for you and your nephew.

[Stormavoider]

He needs an addiction to serious offshore fishing!

[Lindaloo]

I sure hope the boot camp information works out for you Danielle.

[azsnowman]

You have my prayers on this matter!

Being involved in law enforcement I see problems like this on a DAILY bases and I do mean DAILY....what is the MATTER with parents today if you don't want kids then you should have thought about that BEFORE you took off your drawers Being a parent is tough, I know....but you make the choice of being a parent, the kids are innocent, they HAVE no other choice!

Your nephew is indeed reaching out for help and I'm afraid (from talking with kids at the school) he's into drugs...not heavily mind you, he doesn't show the signs of a habitual user, a casual user or experimenting....what ever is done, he NEEDS help ASAP before he does anymore damage to himself and the family. Someone needs to step in and talk to the school counselor first THEN....your sister needs help, this may sound cruel especially with this being a family issue but from experience, CPS (child protective services) should be contacted, they have GREAT family counseling available free of charge.

[Rainband]

I sure hope the boot camp information works out for you Danielle.

I agree, nip this in the bud early. (((HUGS))) and God Bless.

[LAwxrgal]

I have an update, and it's not a good one, I'm afraid. Instead of getting better, he's getting worse. I called the house just the other day and he was in detention. On a whim, I called his teacher, who told me that he does nothing in class but talk and disrupt the lecture. I suggested to her to separate him from whoever he's talking to...I seem to remember that bane of scholastic existence called "assigned seating" where we were separated from our friends that we chat with....and you haven't heard the worst part.

Right now, as I speak, my sister is riding through her hometown looking for him. She called us on her cell phone....He was last seen riding his bicycle. Apparently he just walked out the door... mom is worried sick and so am I. Please pray for his safe return!

[sunny]

Oh Danielle. I am praying for your nephew's safe return. Your poor family - especially your mom. This is not good for her.

Keep us up to date.

[TexasStooge]

Oh, dear! I hope he returns home safely as well.