My letter to Santa

[angelwing]

Dear Santa,
>
> I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children
> on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my own doctor's, and
> sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on
> the school playground.
>
> I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since
> I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a
> receipt, in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find
> anymore free time in the next 18 years.
>
> Here are my Christmas wishes:
>
> I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
> which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but
> are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the
> grocery store.
>
> I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of
> my last pregnancy.
>
> If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint
> resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television
> that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a
> refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide
> to talk on the phone.
>
> On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy"
> to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and
> three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power
> tools.
>
> I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the
> living room" and "Take your hands off your brother", because my voice
> seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard
> by the dog.
>
> If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time
> to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of
> eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a
> Styrofoam container.
>
> If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten
> the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a
> vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
>
> It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
> house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized
> crime family.
>
> Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet
> under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
>
> Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come
> in to dry off so you don't catch cold.
>
> Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave
> crumbs on the carpet.
>
> Yours Always,
> MOM
>
> P.S. One more thing ...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
> children young enough to believe in Santa.