Sad Pet Story -

Guest · #1 Postby **Guest** » Thu May 15, 2003 6:13 pm

Just found out my hubby's favorite cat - we had 4 - has feline luekemia and we are had to have him put down this evening. It indeed is very sad night tonight in my house.

Now I need some advice - I have a 7 year old and we have to tell her - but we are going to wait until tomorrow - she has her last test at school and we don't want her to be upset.

How do I break it to her? Both hubby and me were very attached to BigMan - don't know how to go about doing this...

Patricia

strifhawk · #2 Postby **strifhawk** » Thu May 15, 2003 6:23 pm

I realize that she is only 7, but the best wasy to aproach a problem like this is to be upfront and honest. This is the way of the least amount of pain... (experice tells me this)

strifhawk · #3 Postby **strifhawk** » Thu May 15, 2003 6:24 pm

I know that, that is probaly the most obvious answer, but it is true......

#4 Postby **coriolis** » Thu May 15, 2003 6:24 pm

That's a tough one Ticka. Don't be afraid of her being upset. She needs to go through the grieving process, just like an adult. She might be upset that you didn't tell her right away. You might want to finesse that part. I think you should just tell her that the cat got sick and died. Don't say that it ran away or went somewhere else. This is one of those "real life" moments.

strifhawk · #5 Postby **strifhawk** » Thu May 15, 2003 6:29 pm

I agree with coriolis, Talk about it as if it was happening that day, so the hurt of not telling her at the moment it was found out is minumal. try to keep it on topic. This may open a way to get to know your daughter even better.. You will be surprised how much a child will teach us as parents about everystress...

#6 Postby **coriolis** » Thu May 15, 2003 6:35 pm

Wow Marshall, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I hereby decree that you don't have to be known as mf's son anymore.

Miss Mary · #7 Postby **Miss Mary** » Thu May 15, 2003 6:38 pm

Ticka - that is so sad. I can understand your concern but I've always heard honesty is best in cases like this. Kids want the truth. Be gentle, kind and let her talk when you're done. I dread this day when our dog is old and sick. Hope is such a part of lives now. Pets are wonderful. Stress upon how much love you gave BigMan and a wonderful home too. Make her realize he was loved and now it's time for him to not be in pain anymore. You'll have a tough time of it for a while I'm sure. A hard lesson in life to learn.

(((Hugs)))

#8 Postby **bfez1** » Thu May 15, 2003 6:46 pm

Oh, ticka
So sorry to hear about your (family) cat. :cry:

Rainband · #9 Postby **Rainband** » Thu May 15, 2003 7:13 pm

Ticka being a catowner-catlover...I consider my cats family..I would let her take her test and then either tell her the truth or tell her he ran away..at least she will still think he is ok???Sorry I can't imagine :cry:

mf_dolphin · #10 Postby **mf_dolphin** » Thu May 15, 2003 7:41 pm

So sorry Ticka! :-(

I have to agree with my son... (did I really say that??) honesty and a big hug is usually a good way to handle these things. Children have always amazed me with their insight. All too often we don't give them enough credit :-)

Now for you Ed.... :-)

My son is truly his own man. I'm very proud of him so it's a privlege to call him my son! ;-)

#11 Postby **coriolis** » Thu May 15, 2003 8:05 pm

Good job MF, and Ticka I'm sorry for going off topic.

JQ Public · #12 Postby **JQ Public** » Thu May 15, 2003 10:48 pm

Not that i'm a parent, but i'd try to be honest with her as well. Of course tell her at the least stressful time of the day. Good luck...and sorry about your cat!

JetMaxx · #13 Postby **JetMaxx** » Thu May 15, 2003 11:29 pm

Ticka, first let me say I'm so very sorry. I am a lifelong cat lover, and have experienced the heartache you feel tonight on several occasions....I know it hurts :cry:

When I was 10, my pet cat was critically injured after being caught in the fan belt of dad's car :cry:

(why I always blow the horn on cold mornings before cranking the engine). We had no choice...there was nothing the vet said could be done. It hurt us very badly...we all cried our eyes out, including dad.

In 1984, I ran over our favorite cat...the sweetest little pet cat we ever had...Grady was our baby (Becky named him after her favorite uncle). Becky forgot to let him in when she went to bed, and I never saw him until I felt the sickening bump...in my own driveway when I came in from work at 2:30 a.m. Needless to say, we were all devastated. I felt very guilty, Becky felt even worse. I cried more over that little cat than most funerals I've attended. Becky cried for days :cry:

-It's been nearly 20 years, and I still miss him :cry:

What I've learned is it's going to hurt...your little girl will hurt very badly. You'll need to be gentle, but also need to tell her the truth...I'm speaking as the loving uncle to an 8 and 7 year old. If it were Maddie and Nick, I'd explain that BigMan got very sick (no details), and the vet said he wasn't going to get well..there was nothing he could do to make him well; and BigMan was hurting very badly. She's old enough to know you can't let a pet suffer when there's no hope. Tell her the doctor gave BigMan something to stop him from hurting...so he wouldn't hurt anymore.

I've been there...both as a child, and an adult (I also lost a pet cat to feline leukemia). Your little girl will cry and grieve, but within a few days realize the vet did the right thing, and so did you.

Having other pet cats will make it easier on her; why dad bought us another kitten the next day after Tabby was gone...it didn't stop the hurting, but that precious new kitten did help...all of us.

God Bless You...
Perry

CajunMama · #14 Postby **CajunMama** » Thu May 15, 2003 11:38 pm

I've had to make the decision to put a cat to sleep also. The vet kept her alive so my children could say goodbye to her. I did not want to put her to sleep without the kids seeing her for one last time. We all went to the vets office, held her, petted her, kissed her, cried for her. I believe that special goodbye helped my kids understand what was happening. Just be honest with her and I think it is wise to wait till her stressful day is over. There is no need to make her day more stressful.

#15 Postby **pojo** » Fri May 16, 2003 12:37 am

(((Hugs)))

When we put Tassie, our puppy, down in 1999, it was hard, but we knew it had to happen. My step-dad had left a message on the answering machine for everyone to hear...it was Tassie 'saying' good-bye. :cry:

I'm sorry...I'm crying right now...because I'm remembering the answering machine message. :cry:

I had to work that night and I hid my tears from the kids that I was teaching swimming lessons....knowing the million questions that I would have been asked...I didn't want to repeat myself. :cry:

I worked with one of my neighbors (and still do) and he was stunned of the happenings, but he also knew what Tassie did...she was, by no means, angelic. I cried when I told him that Tassie was put down. My step-dad and myself were the hardest hit, but my mom let us grieve. To this day, we still talk about our puppy. I have a pic of her and my brother about a couple of months before she was put down...I'll still look at it if I want to be reminded of Tassie. (I can also look at my left hand for a scar from when she attacked me...that happened a LONG time ago...and I still have that as a reminder of how much a little devil she was)

She probably will cry and ask why the cat had to be put down. Tell her in a polite and courteous way, but then give her some grieving time. Kids may take longer to heal, but she will come around. The grieving process will take a while, let her heal on her own...don't pressure her...just be patient.

ColdFront77 · #16 Postby **ColdFront77** » Fri May 16, 2003 3:16 am

Patricia, I am very sorry to hear that you had to put your cat, BigMan to sleep.

I agree with the wonderful Storm2K members... they gave you some great tips on telling your 7 year old daughter about what happened. I would think she may have done poorly on the test if you told her before school. Thanks everyone!

As many of you may remember, I have two Siamese cats, Simon and Samson; they turned 6 on the sixth of January. I know some day they will pass away. It will certainly be upsetting, but the longer I stay with them and the older I get growing up with them is a plus.

Generally, Siamese cats live to be 15 to 20 years old and for the record, they love to be around people (especially their owner's), thus for one reason, they have a temperament like a dog.

Guest · #17 Postby **Guest** » Fri May 16, 2003 6:04 am

Thank you everyone for your advice and most of all your thoughts and loving concern. Its going to be a long day - but my hubby who read this thread is going to tell her this evening. We are going to honest with her - she knew he was really sick.

I am such an emotional person - its affecting me more than I thought but as my hubby told me today - life goes on and we will too.

God Bless everyone of you.
Patricia

Miss Mary · #18 Postby **Miss Mary** » Fri May 16, 2003 6:40 am

Ticka, since your husband is reading this topic, I'll add just one more thing. I know firsthand that the truth is best. I had many cats growing up - I am a cat lover first and foremost, then a very close second, a dog lover. Can't have cats though, daughter is highly allergic to them. Well, my dad was not a cat lover. Not at all. One cat we had had the nasty habit of going in the dirt behind the bushes, in front of our kitchen window. Near this window was our kitchen table. Where my dad liked to sit and read the paper, lingering after breakfast or dinner. And then that smell would drift up to the window. And I'd hear - MARY!!!! My mom and I tried in vain to get the cat to go elsewhere....but it never worked. So one day both my parents hurriedly got in the car and were driving off (my brothers were watching me) and I ran out to the car, which was in the street by now. I said - hey where you going, can I come too? My mom made up some vague excuse....shopping or something, boring. I went back inside. Then suddenly my cat just disappeared. For weeks, months, years I was told he just ran away. My parents gave him to a farmer they knew, a very good home. My mom said she cried the whole way there and back. My dad kept saying it was for the best. FF to years later and they both regretted doing that. My dad's family were that way - sweep unpleasant things under the carpet.

So the very best thing is the truth! I know how it feels to be mislead like that......when I found out, all I could do was tear up and ask why? He did have a very good home, so if not for that, I would have been very upset. Still, I was upset they did that. Today, we're told honesty is always best. And it's so true!!!!!

#19 Postby **BreinLa** » Fri May 16, 2003 9:16 am

Oh ticka I am so sorry, I went through the same thing with Nat when she was 7 with our poodle who was part of our family for 15 years and her best friend since the day she was born. It wasn't easy at all but we were honest with her. We all grieved as a family and still miss Nikki today. We were lucky we had lots of pictures of her so she and I made a Nikki photo book. Every now and then we open it and talk about what we were all doing for that pic.

Guest · #20 Postby **Guest** » Fri May 16, 2003 9:50 pm

I just want to say THANKS to all my storm2k family who gave me advice on how to handle this situation. We told my daughter this evening - she was heartbroken - but I told her to cry and then we stopped and said a prayer to him in heaven. She is doing alot better than I thought she would.

Again thanks for all the advice - kind words and thought - you don't know how much it meant to me.

Everyone have a good weekend.

Patricia

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