Rita evacuation survivors....

[GalvestonDuck]

Anybody else still not "back to normal" yet? It's still not good here and people are *trying* to talk about it, but not sure what to say. Everyone can't really pinpoint what it is and we feel guilty trying to analyze the "problem" since we were the lucky ones and there really wasn't a problem.

I think for some, it was all the hours on the road and the uncertainty of what the future was going to hold. I didn't sleep the night before the evacuation and then we were on the road for 15 hours. We got to Lindale shortly after daybreak and I only slept about 2 hours after that. I remember being distraught when my cell phone got saturated (had all my numbers for coworkers, boss, and friends, including S2K'ers). And many of us were in "survival" mode -- anticipating the worst and trying to cope with it -- for days before landfall.

I can't figure out how to shake this anxiety or stress or whatever you want to call it. I can't really say it's either, but I'm not sure what to call it. It just feels weird. No one really knows what to call it or how to describe it. And like I said, there's a sense of guilt because, from all outward appearances, life is normal. Nothing changed. We survived. Our homes survived. We're thankful for that, don't get me wrong. And we can't figure out why we don't feel back to normal yet.

Is it because we prepared ourselves for total loss and planned to start over and, thankfully, it didn't happen and we're just disoriented because of it? Was it like that for those of you who went through Katrina and came back to little to no damage? Is it from the trauma of the evacuation itself? (I was one of the lucky ones with only a 15 hour trip.) Is it survivor's guilt? Post-traumatic stress? Or something else?

[njoynit]

My cuz lives on the island.she was glad she had minimal damage(the usual fence down,but lost a few shingles)I believe she's still PISSED at San Antonio at their campground.she called secureing her spot after landing in Houston from PA to collect what they could& evac.drove 30 hours to arrive with 4 campers crammed in their space& the whole place filled up& had to turn around and drive back towards home& ran out of gas in the Woodlands.didn't know where her oldest daughter was cause her Cell quit working(sharla ran out of gas in Katy TX had $$ for gas,but no gas so rode out in a church)I thinks she's glad it was not worse,but the 30 hour drive that was normally 6 hours after a flight did not sit well.she did say this weekend the stores had more meat finally.

I'm so glad I chose to stay home.

[GalvestonDuck]

Is your cousin a high-ranking person at UTMB? I know one who also had to return from travel in PA in order to evacuate.

[stormie_skies]

I don't know about anyone else, but I completely understand where you are coming from, Duckie. I'm just now starting to feel "normal" again... yesterday I started unpacking some of my vitals (paperwork, supply kit etc.) for the first time since the evacuation. I couldn't bring myself to do it before now....I had this constant nagging worry that, at any moment, I might have to hop in the car and head for the hills again. Half of my stuff is still sitting in bags and suitcases in my bedroom....what a mess! I think that because I spent so much time preparing myself mentally to have nothing left it is now kind of disorienting to have things and I am terrified I am going to lose them somehow....does that make sense?

I dunno....I've been writing all my weirdness off as some kind of novice evacuator syndrome or something.....but maybe its more normal than that. The evacuation process itself felt like a dream....like I was watching myself on TV, not experiencing it .... but I had so solidly prepared myself for the worst that I didn't really grasp that my townhome was still there until I walked into it. I'm really glad that you brought this up, and I hope it gets attention and responses from others, because I've definitely been feeling this way but haven't wanted to mention it and I will bet others have, too. I feel kind of guilty for feeling like I've been through an ordeal when so many others have absolutely nothing left.....but my brain, unfortunately, doesn't seem to want to get back on track....

[LAwxrgal]

Duckie it was the same way here after Katrina.

I cried when I saw my house (which was 3 days after the storm but I still wasn't allowed in). Not because it was gone but because it was still standing. After inspecting it, I realized that even though it saw damage, it didn't see nearly the amount of damage I feared or the amount of damage people saw just 40 miles to my east, or about an hour down the interstate. We were really lucky and really blessed.

The aftermath here has been surreal because my area, since it (overall) saw so little damage outside of many trees and power lines coming down and assorted damage to mobile homes and some roofs, is being used as a staging area for relief efforts for the parishes to my east and south and for the counties in Mississippi. It's surreal because the old shopping center is being rented out to the Salvation Army and supplies are going in there daily. It's surreal because we have army guys in our Walmart on a daily basis and FEMA has our old drug store as a relief center.

And like you stormie_skies I'm only now unpacking my things from evacuating.

The whole experience seems surreal, also because I feel guilty in a way about having minimal structural damage (shingles, siding, etc blown off, a hole in my roof) when so many others (including members of my family and members of Storm2K) have lost everything. I had prepared myself for NOT having a house after Katrina, feared that I wouldn't have one, and to have one now almost seems artificial, like I'm still dreaming.

Bottom line is even though my own life has returned to some semblance of normalcy overall nothing will be "normal" in this area for a long, long time.

[LSU2001]

Duckie,
My prayers are with you and I completly understand your feelings. Though I was not directly impacted (minimal damage) from either Katrina or Rita I have been depressed and anxious dealing with the aftermath of both storms. Here in Baton Rouge our population has increased dramatically and there are many, many signs of the continuing relief effort. I now have about 35 new students in my classes that are from the lower 9th ward in NOLA and I have to deal with their problems daily. It is very hard when a 10th grader tells you that he went home and found a neighbors body. I know that this board is a great resource but I have a hard time now getting into the debates about wind speed, surge height, etc. I think that it will be many years before La. is "back to normal" so all I can say is hang in there and count your blessings. It is important to remember that our lives can be altered in an instant and that we must live for today.

Hope you feel better soon,
TIm

[Jagno]

Almost a month after Rita and I'm just now getting utilities today in my Hurricane Rita ravaged home. The roof is gone and the right side of my home collapsed. I've spent all weekend cleaning and scrubbing up all the blood as a result of an opened freezer and 90+ degree weather for weeks following the hurricane. The meat literally exploded everywhere. With three freezers and three fridges this was no easy task. A tree fell on my water well. The concrete walls of my mechanical sewer system collapsed. Both were replaced this week, but none of that matters without electricity to power them. My electrical lines were wrapped up with metal roofing in a tangled ball on my driveway with the basketball goal. I have scrubbed so much that my hands ache.

Tommorrow I finally get to meet my State Farm adjuster for the first time. I filed my claim within 4 hours of the strike and they are just now coming to my home.

It's been hurry up and wait for everything from finding bed linens to finding a place to live. It's now abnormal to NOT stand in line somewhere every single day. At the grocery store today I was the first in a new line and actually felt guilty............as though someone should be ahead of me.

I'm sooooo overwhelmed by the massiveness of all this responsibility. DH is still cooking for evacuees and has no time to help me. I'm caring for his parents, our business, our kids and our own home. I've gone from being Mom to a tarping, cleaning, plumbing fool. I'm exhausted. I still wake up crying and go to bed in tears most days. Not for my home or the possessions in it but for the utter disruption of my entire life.

I want simple. I want clean. I'm sick of smelling the stinch of rotten food and mold. I'm tired of seeing debris piled 10+ feet high across 240' of frontage on my property. I want to smack the next person that says, "Wow, your house really got messed up bad". Makes me just want to reply, "NOOOOOOOO, I hadn't noticed stupid". And last but not least I think I'll get an informational tatoo with my FEMA, SS, Policy #, Claim # and hurricane name all in one easy to read location.

I know, I know...............don't flame me. My family is all safe and I do feel blessed for that. I guess I just needed to vent!

[zoeyann]

Yeah Duckie I understand how you feel. I evaced with my kids for Katrina, and lanfall was to our east. It was amazing to me how close this beast passed to my area and the biggest headache I face was lack of power for about a week. I think I felt guilty knowing what the people in my favorite city were going through and I still had a home. i cried for the people who were stuck and I cried even more when I heard of stories of people who were providing help and hope. Even my children did not complain about the inconvinice as they saw people who were worse off than us. I did not unpack I just had this feeling like you can not go back to the way things were because too many people had been through so much, things just are not ever going to be the same, but at the same time You feel guilty if you try to move forward even if you can.

I actually handled Rita better even though my house flooded for that. Don't get me wrong I have been depressed, but you get so busy cleaning, replacing, making phone calls, and trying to make it easier on the kids there is just less time to think about it. Every night I would go to bed and go over the list of things I had done that day and every night that I felt like I made progress I slept a little better.

[HurryKane]

Almost a month after Rita and ...

Tommorrow I finally get to meet my State Farm adjuster for the first time. I filed my claim within 4 hours of the strike and they are just now coming to my home.

Consider yourself lucky. I filed with State Farm right away after Katrina, and will just now get to meet with my adjuster on Wednesday.

I am sorry to hear about all the damage to your home and property and that you get your utilities straightened out quickly.

Do try and take even the smallest of breaks from it if you can; it will help your state of mind immensely. Good luck.

[Houstonia]

Duckie -

I know exactly how you feel. It's mostly over now - but soon after Rita, I felt the same kind of mix of emotions. Relief that I had been spared, guilt that I had been spared (in southwest Houston-we didn't evac), fear that the next storm won't be so considerate of Houston, fear for next season, anger at my family members who caustically told us we were fools for staying, and finally, a huge load of shame that the storm that DIDN'T hit Houston should make me feel so anxious. Who am _I_ to feel anxious, when every day where I work, we are still getting people from Rita and Katrina in?

I got very angry with a friend of mine when, the Sunday after Rita went through, he complained about the fact that we got nothing out of her. He said, "I was hoping for a really BAD one". I got so angry with him, that two or three weeks later, it's still affecting my attitude toward him. It didn't help that this past Saturday he ws hoping that Alpha would come our way and "be a really bad storm".

I have a very good friend who lives in Pasadena and who was unable to evacuate. She is feeling some very similar feelings to you and I both.

I think it's the same thing that hits people who are survivors of plane crashes and other disasters. We still feel the effects of the disaster, but we feel like we should not. Especially when there are so many others who have it so much worse.

[bevgo]

Survivor guilt, PTSD, Depression, ETC. It is all of that. I still am having Katrina nightmares. My daughter, GS and I rode out Katrina here in Ocean Springs--BIG mistake. We sruvived with minimal damage but all around us is destruction. I have chewed my fingers to pieces. I broke the nail biting habit years ago but now have started again. Not sleeping and and getting angry really easy.

I cry easily and frequently. I am on the road seeing the damage and it breaks my heart to see the shear magnatude of the loss. Talking to my patients is devastating. The stories they tell--Oh my!

Talk to people about your experience and how you feel--it helps. If things don't start getting better soon talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. The after effects on your psyche can be long lasting and just because you were one of the "lucky" ones does NOT mean you were not affected.