TexasStooge wrote:An old man and his wife have gone to bed.
After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
The old man replied, "It's fart football!"
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -
"Touchdown, tie score!"
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -
"Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, -
"Touchdown, tie score!"
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says -
"Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!"
Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.
The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
Here are two jokes:
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle
yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled
all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communications equipment. Due to the clouds and
haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's
position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,
drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's
window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the
aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building
window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined
the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the
pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped
determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT
building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave
me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
There was once a young man who, in his youth,
professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to
write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff
that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry,
howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.