I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
All Together Now: GROAN!
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TexasStooge
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- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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TexasStooge
- Category 5
- Posts: 38127
- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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As most young, weak and smart kids are, Ken was picked on constantly by the bullies in school. They stole his lunch, beat him up and just downright made his life miserable. It took him a couple of weeks to find a way to get back at these bullies and when he found out what would get them back, he went all out.
He was on the bus where he normally got his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle with small brown balls in it. After discreetly getting some milk duds from his pocket, he then put the candy in his mouth and began making 'mmm... yum!' type sounds loud enough for the other kids to hear.
The bus bully then snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked 'What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?'
'Well, they're smart pills,' Ken replied.
'Smart pills?' the bully sneered. He opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth.
'Pweeuuweppblahhh!' he reacted. 'What is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit poop!!!'
Ken smiled. 'See, you're getting smarter already!'
He was on the bus where he normally got his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle with small brown balls in it. After discreetly getting some milk duds from his pocket, he then put the candy in his mouth and began making 'mmm... yum!' type sounds loud enough for the other kids to hear.
The bus bully then snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked 'What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?'
'Well, they're smart pills,' Ken replied.
'Smart pills?' the bully sneered. He opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth.
'Pweeuuweppblahhh!' he reacted. 'What is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit poop!!!'
Ken smiled. 'See, you're getting smarter already!'
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TexasStooge
- Category 5
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- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"
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A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband,”she is my ex- wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband,”she is my ex- wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
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HurricaneHunter914
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- Joined: Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:36 pm
- Location: College Station, TX
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TexasStooge
- Category 5
- Posts: 38127
- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
- Contact:
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when
the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the
back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not
complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When
I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare
the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed
on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She
carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the
receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal
of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: many deer
were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He
said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOT SIGHTINGS
Idiot Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge,
how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly,
"That's why we ask."
Idiot Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker
of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red.
She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
Idiot Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving
the company due to downsizing," our manager spoke up and
said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other
like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
Idiot Sighting #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back
into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her
system would not turn on.
Idiot Sighting #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership
to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally
locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic
working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched
from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man.
-"I already got that side."
There, now, don't you feel better?
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when
the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the
back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not
complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When
I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare
the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed
on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She
carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the
receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal
of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: many deer
were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He
said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOT SIGHTINGS
Idiot Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge,
how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly,
"That's why we ask."
Idiot Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker
of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red.
She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
Idiot Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving
the company due to downsizing," our manager spoke up and
said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other
like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
Idiot Sighting #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back
into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her
system would not turn on.
Idiot Sighting #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership
to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally
locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic
working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched
from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man.
-"I already got that side."
There, now, don't you feel better?
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TexasStooge
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- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon" answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
"It opens at noon" answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
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TexasStooge
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- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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TexasStooge
- Category 5
- Posts: 38127
- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
- Contact:
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube for me."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to accompany me to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we'll take a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright, then I need you to come out here and walk along this white line."
"I'm sorry, officer, but I definitely cannot do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to accompany me to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we'll take a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright, then I need you to come out here and walk along this white line."
"I'm sorry, officer, but I definitely cannot do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
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TexasStooge
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- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied... "Yes, you're right...
and they also WALKED every where they went!"
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied... "Yes, you're right...
and they also WALKED every where they went!"
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TexasStooge
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One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby."
The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."
She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."
"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."
"You're right sir, I think I will report him."
The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."
The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."
She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."
"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."
"You're right sir, I think I will report him."
The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."
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TexasStooge
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- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat?
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat?
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TexasStooge
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- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
- Contact:
The Bathtub Sanity Test
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup!"
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup!"
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
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TexasStooge
- Category 5
- Posts: 38127
- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
- Contact:
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Now Sarah . . ." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . .
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!"
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Now Sarah . . ." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . .
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!"
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TexasStooge
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- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, you manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship withanyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence, and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, you manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship withanyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence, and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
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TexasStooge
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- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
- Contact:
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?"
"Well...I would have gotten out today!"
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?"
"Well...I would have gotten out today!"
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TexasStooge
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- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:22 pm
- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna' switch back to paper."
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna' switch back to paper."
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A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate", not "fascinating."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate", not "fascinating."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried.
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TexasStooge
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- Location: Irving (Dallas County), TX
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A man opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrived at the scene, the man was complaining about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!!!", he demanded.
"You rich people are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh my!", exclaimed the man, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.
"Where's my Rolex???!!!!"
When the police arrived at the scene, the man was complaining about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!!!", he demanded.
"You rich people are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh my!", exclaimed the man, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.
"Where's my Rolex???!!!!"
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