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conestogo_flood
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Rollercoaster year. Request this to be locked.

#1 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:11 pm

I really need help.

My best friend recently discovered marijuana and hash about 5 months ago. He did them with me a few times, but I didn't want to do it, so I didn't inhale and I faked being high.

I don't like drugs, but he does. He is now talking about it all the time with me. Everything turns into some high story, or we should buy some. I say no, but he doesn't listen.

Lately, he is pressuring me. He is making me feel like an idiot. He is telling me why I should get high, and he even does it infront of me.

Once he is in possesion of pot, he changes. He goes from my best friend to stoner wannabe. It is really affecting me in a bad way. I don't like to see him like this. He has no other friends, nor' do I really.

In the past few weeks, he started asking around school for drugs, and he is starting to mix with the stoner kids. He is talking to them between classes, and he is sitting with them at lunch when I am not there.

Once someone mixes in with the stoner kids, you never hear from them again. I cannot afford to lose him.

Today, one of the stoners invited us to a party. I wasn't there, and he said we'd come. He got all excited when he told me, and I refused. Walking home, it was all he talked about. There will be pot there, and probably a little bit of alcohol. This is more a getting high party.

I don't want to go, and I don't want him to go. I'm losing him fast, and I don't know what to do.

I seriously feel like punching him in the face. I am enraged beyond belief.

I don't know how to approach him, and I want to talk with him tomorrow.

It's just, I can't explain what I am feeling. He is my best friend, I cannot live without him. I just have the feeling, we are going to "break up" because of drugs. I just don't know what to do.

Please, can I have some advice. Please! :(
Last edited by conestogo_flood on Sun Jun 18, 2006 12:40 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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#2 Postby azsnowman » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:22 pm

Well, first off, this may sound crude but you need to call the police on him and have him arrested, I know he's your best friend BUT........if you care about him and he doesn't want to take control of HIS life, then YOU take over. Once he's been busted, they will send him to rehab......that's about the only chance he has.

Dennis
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#3 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:26 pm

I have thought about that. I need to approach him first.
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#4 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:30 pm

I don't know how to approach him.
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#5 Postby wxmann_91 » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:31 pm

Conestogo, good for you that you did not give into peer pressure. You should think of the definition of a true friend. If your friend does bad things and is wanting to make you do bad things, would he/she really be a friend? Would you gain any good things by hanging out with the person? Or will you gain bad things? Sometimes it may be tough but you should just stop hanging out with him.
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#6 Postby azsnowman » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:32 pm

conestogo_flood wrote:I have thought about that. I need to approach him first.


NO, NO, NO.......don't approach him, just make the call. It's not as simple as making the call.....they will need proof that he's actually doing drugs, we can't just go on hear say! Document the times he's smoking, IF you can, take photos, LOTS of photos then turn them over to the investigator...I'll pm you later when it quites DOWN here at the house, my WIFE is on the PHONE and her VOICE (like fingernails down a chalk board) :lol:

Dennis
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#7 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:37 pm

I'm NOT going to stop hanging with him. NO WAY AT ALL. I'm not going to ruin his entire life, when this may be just a phase. If it lasts a few more months, I will consider then. He is very troubled, does not come from a good home. I am his only support emotionally. I got him to stop cutting himself. I got to try to help him. I could try to get him into rehab without reporting him. I have connections, I volunteer at a homeless shelter.
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#8 Postby artist » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:38 pm

how old is your friend? how long have you been friends? if in high school and if a life long friend- you really need to get help for him fast - whether talking to him first, then if that doesn't work then his parents about getting him help if you feel comfortable privately and if you think they would do it or as azsnowman says - turn him in - he likes it too much and if he carries on he will be in trouble for years if not forever. I think it is wonderful that you are willing to try to get help for him. Please let us know how it turns out. He may not appreciate your ehlp now but if he gets it - in time he will see what a blessing having you as a friend is.
Good luck.
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#9 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:40 pm

I will not expose his age.
We have been best friends for about one year now.

I've done a lot of work on him. I've got him to talk about his feelings. That took months.

He used to be suicidal. My parents did a lot of work on him too.

Drugs though, this is serious, this could bring him back down. I'm afraid to go to anyone just yet. I just need to talk to him first.

This makes me so depressed.
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#10 Postby artist » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:42 pm

you replied to another message as I was writing - I can understand you rfeeling of not wanting to turn him in, but it would truly be the best thing you could do. having grown up in the 70's I watched many friends go down the drain and wish I would have had the guts to do it back then - some are dead now and others are notliving a fulfilling life in any way. Do not continue to hang with him - you must stand firm or he will never realize how concerned you are for him as well as keeping yourself from getting into trouble by just being with him if he ever does get caught - don't thow your life away by continuing to hang with him while he continues down a path of destruction or you will end up there as well. Please believe me.
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#11 Postby george_r_1961 » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:44 pm

conestogo_flood wrote:I'm NOT going to stop hanging with him. NO WAY AT ALL. I'm not going to ruin his entire life, when this may be just a phase. If it lasts a few more months, I will consider then. He is very troubled, does not come from a good home. I am his only support emotionally. I got him to stop cutting himself. I got to try to help him. I could try to get him into rehab without reporting him. I have connections, I volunteer at a homeless shelter.


You arent ruining his life. Hes doing that all by himself. Take this from someone that knows: Stay away from drugs and stay away from people that do drugs! You say you didnt inhale but obviously you had possesion and thats all it takes to land you in jail. Surround yourself with clean sober people and you are likely to stay clean and sober yourself. Well whatever you decide to do good luck.
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#12 Postby artist » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:44 pm

once again - a reply whil typing. Sounds like he is trying to escape from a depressing life and nothing you can do will be able to stop him down that path if that is what he wants to do other than forcing him to get help in any way you can - would you parents be willing to talk to him about it?
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#13 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:46 pm

WHY must I stop hanging out with him? I'm a Christian. I GOT to help him. God would NOT AT ALL just say give up. I'm not leaving him. I HAVE to try to turn him around. If that fails, then I report ASAP.

I've decided I'm going to talk to his sister. She is part of the problem. She does pot too. She is his only blood relative who cares about him really. I got to do what I can first.

This is Canada, everyone does it. Some just abuse the right. JUST UGH!
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#14 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:48 pm

They will if I go to them. His parents are divorced. His mom doesn't talk to him, and his step-dad hates him.

I am trying to get him to move in with us very soon. I can't abandon him.
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#15 Postby greeng13 » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:55 pm

well suicidal...that means he is "reaching out" to an extent.

personally i think there are worse things you can do than smoke marijuana....but like artist said...how old?

the fact that there is a "drug party" though...that screams that with his personality he'll probably be experimenting with several other things as well. kids just seem to want to grow up too fast.

i know azsnowman is a police officer so of course he says to "report him"...and marijuana is illegal (even in Ontario). there are better ways that will not completely ruin his life (once again depending on age)

i mean if you all are 8????? then he REALLY NEEDS HELP.

if 15? Yes he needs help still but adolescents that age are known for experimenting. THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT...it is still wrong...

my main concern is the fact that you just mentioned he was suicidal...that means-usually-that he is begging for help (AND THAT HE REALLY NEEDS IT AS WELL) and for now you might be the only help he has. if that is the case then discuss it with your parents (if you feel comfortable enough), or a guidance counselor...the risk i'm sure you know...is alienating him...which to some extent you might and he might feel betrayed but in the long term if he gets help with his issues then he will (i am sure) remember you very fondly and keep in touch as well and it will make your relationship with him stronger.

my other concern is him trying to "drag you into it". by you saying that you "smoked but didn't inhale" with him he might feel that you 2 might have some secret "pact" or something. whatever you do do not let him drag you down. stay strong!!!

hoping for the best for you and your friend.
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#16 Postby artist » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:01 pm

I just typed a long reply and it didn't go thru - !@#$*%^*()

Ok - get him help now - the longer he continues the better chance he will return to it after he gets out of a rehab program. Even a month or two more could jeopardize his chances of recovery - as well as having someone turn him onto something that either could take his life directly or thru driving while high, etc.
If he were to die and you had not attemped to get him help since you can't abandon him then you would live with a lot more guilt than you would by turning him in - I only wish I had been such a friend for some that I knew. It is very apparent that he is in deep need of counseling to deal with his home life - or lack thereof. Help is what he needs whether thru talking, etc. to get him into a program or having to turn him in and thus hsi being forced into a program and counseling. It could make his life actually worth living again - something he doesn't feel now or he wouldn't be doing as he is. Please really think about this. Oncea again good luck.
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#17 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:02 pm

Thank you! That is some advice I needed.

I "faked" it about two months ago. I haven't done any since.

I will talk to my parents depending on how it goes tomorrow. He is staying the night Friday, his parents request. I just... that might be a good time to bring him in.

I'm sure if I talk to my parents, we could agree on some counselling or something. At this point, I'd rather spend my life helping him how I can. Even if it means giving up my dreams.

I just, he has potential in life. He is passing all his classes(barely), he doesn't skip. But, I can't let things get out of control. I have to be there for him. And it is really hard.

Thanks guys.
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#18 Postby conestogo_flood » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:06 pm

He is 16.
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#19 Postby greeng13 » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:08 pm

the good thing is that you do live in Canada where his treatment will probably be better than in the US. (which i will not go into further at the risk of getting political)

JMHO

i, too have lost several friends to drug abuse :cry:
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#20 Postby wxmann_91 » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:12 pm

conestogo_flood wrote:WHY must I stop hanging out with him? I'm a Christian. I GOT to help him. God would NOT AT ALL just say give up. I'm not leaving him. I HAVE to try to turn him around. If that fails, then I report ASAP.

I've decided I'm going to talk to his sister. She is part of the problem. She does pot too. She is his only blood relative who cares about him really. I got to do what I can first.

This is Canada, everyone does it. Some just abuse the right. JUST UGH!


Sorry, I never said you had to. Yeah the best thing is to help him, as some of the others said. Still, I would be careful picking the people to hang out with... just saying. If you know him though and he's a really good guy when he's not high, then just help him not be high.
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