Are we raising Monsters?

[Stephanie]

This is a very disturbing story that has affected my family directly. Given the recent stories about Columbine style slaughters that have been planned by students around the nation (one included here in NJ - the kids were "bored" ), one must ask what the heck is happening to our kids?

My brother (the one that just had the baby) had noticed a small hole in his new fence and in his siding recently. He is currently working from home because is company has closed and moved to Alabama. This past week he heard a "ping" or something of that sort and looked outside into his backyard. His saw a teenager standing in his window in the house directly behind his with a B-B gun. My brother, who works with audio/video equipment quickly filmed him and then called the police. The police arrived and Daren showed him the video and went to arrest the boy and bring his father around to Daren's house to show him. Meanwhile, Daren's neighor, who just bought the house next door came home from work and asked what was happening when she saw the police outside of Daren's house. She looked around the outside of her home and saw a hole in her siding as well. The father said he will pay whatever it cost to get the fences, siding, etc. fixed. My question and my mother's question is how the heck couldn't the father hear is son shooting his B-B gun from inside the house???

We all know darn well that word is now going to spread around the neighborhood and this father will be paying through his eye-balls for damages. I hope this monster learns from this as well...

[george_r_1961]

It all starts with a lack of discipline at home and a lack of parental involvement with their kids lives. Children need to know there are consequences for their actions. What im afraid might happen here is that the boys father will end up paying for everything and the young man will get a slap on the wrist from the judge. If I would have commited an act like that by the time my parents got done with me I woudnt be able to sit for days AND I would have been made to pay for the damages. And I would probably still be grounded now lol.

[Stephanie]

I'd probably have the gun stuck where the sun doesn't shine too. I hope that's what happens to that kid as well and he doesn't get any leniency from the judge.

[Janice]

Most parents are in denial, my child would never do it. Others just don't care. Some are afraid of their kids, too. If I discipline too much, they will hate me. Some are just lazy parents, too lazy to get up off the sofa to see what is happening.

This guy knows what is going on. He just does not want to take responsibility for his child or he is afraid to be faced with it.

Items that a child possesses while living at home are a priviledge. It is a parents responsibility to monitor everything his child does in the home. I think most computers should be in the family room, etc., not in the childs bedroom. A child these days should not have privacy with a computer on his own. Also, a parent needs to know what his child is doing at all times.

It a parent would worry about his children as much as his job and other things, he would have less problems.

And, don't let us forget, "my kids have rights". These are the parents who do not back the teachers and society, but let their children take control, leading to lawsuits.

This father truely knows what is going on..... and he is not fooling anyone.

[Dee Bee]

It all starts with a lack of discipline at home and a lack of parental involvement with their kids lives. Children need to know there are consequences for their actions.

Janice wrote: "Most parents are in denial, my child would never do it. Others just don't care. Some are afraid of their kids, too. If I discipline too much, they will hate me. Some are just lazy parents, too lazy to get up off the sofa to see what is happening."

(Sorry for cutting and pasting, Janice. I couldn't figure out how to double quote.)

AMEN! Parents need to BE PARENTS . Too often, many want to be their chldren's friends or to make their children materially happy or to make life "easy" for their children -- or they're just too self-absorbed. Most of these parents don't understand the consequences for their own parental actions.

I also agree, Janice, that the distorted "my rights" claim has eroded the basic values of respect for others (and their property), as well as appreciation for material possessions.

I don't know what the answer is. But I do know that the concept of responsibility is increasingly alien to too many children and young adults. Psychologists tell us that parents are the primary teachers in life for their children. The morals and attitudes we learn from our parents are far more valuable than skills in math, reading, or science. Parenting is a thankless job: the hours are impossible and the pay is non-existent. However, unlike a tough job in the "real" world, parents just can't quit being parents. But apparently more and more are trying to....

[brunota2003]

hmmm...I walk around my neighborhood with airsoft guns and shoot into the ditches/woods...however...if I EVER shot at someones house like that...I would be 6 feet under...I would need police protection before my parents found out...need the witness protection program... my parents would be the judge/the jury/and the executioners... I would...yea...hope that kid learns his lesson...my question...besides disipline is...what has happened to teaching kids gun safety rules??? never shoot at people, houses, cars, other animals...etc???

[Janice]

I hope you never forget the wonderful parents you have. They have done a great job raising you.

[Stephanie]

Great points Janice and Dee Bee.

I'm glad that you treat your airgun RESPONSIBLY brunota! I don't know if it is required to take gun safety lessons when any type of gun is purchased but it should be a MUST.

[Aslkahuna]

My son was told his rights early and they were do what we say or get smacked if he didn't. About air rifles. These days they are NOTHING like the B-B guns of old. There's one in the local Walmart that has a muzzle velocity of 1000 fps with 0.177 projectile-that's a potent weapon capable of inflicting serious injury or even kill someone if they are hit in the right spot.

Steve

[Stephanie]

My son was told his rights early and they were do what we say or get smacked if he didn't. About air rifles. These days they are NOTHING like the B-B guns of old. There's one in the local Walmart that has a muzzle velocity of 1000 fps with 0.177 projectile-that's a potent weapon capable of inflicting serious injury or even kill someone if they are hit in the right spot.

Steve

Everyone - I do realize that there are MANY parents that are very involved with their children's acitivities friends, etc., so I don't mean to sound like every kid is being raised poorly, etc. It's just frightening to hear/read about the things that are going on these days. I wasn't an angel by any stretch of the imagination when I was a teenager, but I did know to respect other people's property.

Steve - if the B-B gun that that kid had could put a dent/hole in someone's house siding or vinyl fence, I can only imagine what they could do to a person or animal now.

[coriolis]

Things have changed so much in the last 30 years or so that it makes my head spin. Being a parent is easily 10x harder than it was for our parents. I'm too tired to go on a rant, but I could. I'm beat from having our 4 boys in the house all weekend due to the rain.

[CentralFlGal]

Part of it is the economic climate we live in. At least two incomes are necessary to make ends meet - this requires both parents (assuming an intact family unit) to be out of the home unless the family is willing to undertake severe budgeting cutbacks in order for one parent to stay at home. The 2006 poverty level for a family of 4 in the contiguous United States is $20,000 (http://aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/06poverty.shtml). The trick is trying to live on a single income double that amount in areas where housing costs have gone through the roof, interest rates continue to rise, doubling minimum amounts on credit cards, 1 to 2 monthly car payments, and still having enough for groceries to get through the month. The economic climate is horribly askew and geared toward ripping the family unit apart instead of keeping it together. Some children are raising themselves because the parents are absent for whatever reason or too tired from trying to make a decent living wage.

Another part is the social climate we live in. This is an extremely permissive society where personal responsibility means relatively little. An excuse is always available for poor behavior - and worse is it's usually accepted. Plus, there are no heros outside of the home for children to look up to and model themselves after - unless one takes into consideration the socially retarded Hollywood ilk.

Yet another part is the educational climate. Kids don't go to school to learn the basics anymore. Most curricula are the result of heavily-lobbied agendas; anything left over is taught only to pass a "high stakes" test - hardly anything to speak of is retained. Critical thinking? Forget it, unless it is taught in the home. "Gee, there's my neighbor's fence. Think I can hit it with my BB gun?"

"Brave New World" comes to my mind more frequently nowadays. Soma, anyone?

[Stephanie]

I agree with you 100% CentralFlGal.

[Janice]

I agree also. I do not believe just because two parents work, that is the problem. Hey, our parents worked too. It is what you teach your children when you are with them. Have your children help with supper in the evening if they are old enough, have them do their homework while you are fixing supper. During supper, talk about issues. After supper, spend time together. I think all computers should be out open somewhere. I do not believe school age kids should have a computer in their rooms with the doors shut. Sometimes I think parents just want their kids to go to their rooms so they can have space themselves. Kids can do their homework in the kitchen or family room in the evening at the computer. I think parents have to keep an eye on their kids and not give them too much space. They are getting too much when they are outside with their friends. Tough love works..... I think parents sometimes are just too tired to deal with their kids, what a shame.

[george_r_1961]

I agree also. I do not believe just because two parents work, that is the problem. Hey, our parents worked too. It is what you teach your children when you are with them. Have your children help with supper in the evening if they are old enough, have them do their homework while you are fixing supper. During supper, talk about issues. After supper, spend time together. I think all computers should be out open somewhere. I do not believe school age kids should have a computer in their rooms with the doors shut. Sometimes I think parents just want their kids to go to their rooms so they can have space themselves. Kids can do their homework in the kitchen or family room in the evening at the computer. I think parents have to keep an eye on their kids and not give them too much space. They are getting too much when they are outside with their friends. Tough love works..... I think parents sometimes are just too tired to deal with their kids, what a shame.

I agree also. For awhile when times were tough both my parents worked and they both still made time to spend with me and set me straight when needed. Even when both were working full time I could never "pull one over on them" and believe me I tried

[alicia-w]

I do think a lot of the problem is parents today and the general lack of accountability for bad behavior. My mom was a doctor but did not work while we were children. we did normal rotten kid stuff but nothing like shooting people.

[MiamiensisWx]

Also, why isn't bullying controlled like it should be? Has anyone ever experienced this problem? I have.

[george_r_1961]

Also, why isn't bullying controlled like it should be? Has anyone ever experienced this problem? I have.

You bet I have. I was small and clumsy. Luckily I was strong for my size and soon learned to use that to my advantage. I got little help from school staff.

[MiamiensisWx]

I've tried that, too. Why dosn't it work, though, since I always get in trouble for defending myself (and I only do it after being provoked)?

[george_r_1961]

I've tried that, too. Why dosn't it work, though, since I always get in trouble for defending myself (and I only do it after being provoked)?

Not saying fighting is right but if u cant walk away then u have to defend yourself.