I am entering this Poem I wrote to poetry.com
Just want to see if you all think its good enough to submit
be honest, please!!
BEFORE YOU GO
Dear child I’m proud to see you go,
Although your leaving hurts me so.
My mother’s heart is full of pride,
Even though a million teardrops I’ve cried.
As you go forth answering your country’s call,
Your uniform makes you look so tall.
I’m not alone in the way I feel,
Thousands of mothers are facing the same ordeal.
Before you go please hold me tight.
I’ll pray for you both day and night.
Give me a smile as you walk away.
Stay safe and come back to me someday.
MAMADUDE NEEDS ADVISE!
Moderator: S2k Moderators
-
mamadude
- Tropical Storm
- Posts: 243
- Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2003 6:31 pm
- Location: Virginia Beach, Virginia
MAMADUDE NEEDS ADVISE!
0 likes
-
JetMaxx
-
azskyman
- S2K Supporter
- Posts: 4104
- Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2003 7:36 am
- Location: Scottsdale Arizona
- Contact:
Brenda...nice job...and full of heart.
My editing background is all in prose...but I might suggest changing the line from...
Thousands of mothers are facing the same ordeal TO
Thousands of mothers face the same ordeal
It's your poetry though...this is just an opinion.
Very nice job... the line "Give me a smile as you walk away" takes me back to the day I left for the Army. I wouldn't let my parents drive me to the bus station. Instead I walked out the front door with my duffle bag, walked all the way through the business district to the other end of town where I caught the bus....about 3 miles. My mom gave ME a smile as I walked away that day and down the street.
And I did come home safely.
My editing background is all in prose...but I might suggest changing the line from...
Thousands of mothers are facing the same ordeal TO
Thousands of mothers face the same ordeal
It's your poetry though...this is just an opinion.
Very nice job... the line "Give me a smile as you walk away" takes me back to the day I left for the Army. I wouldn't let my parents drive me to the bus station. Instead I walked out the front door with my duffle bag, walked all the way through the business district to the other end of town where I caught the bus....about 3 miles. My mom gave ME a smile as I walked away that day and down the street.
And I did come home safely.
0 likes
-
GulfBreezer
- Category 5
- Posts: 2230
- Joined: Wed Oct 09, 2002 8:58 pm
- Location: Gulf Breeze Fl
- Contact:
-
streetsoldier
- Retired Staff
- Posts: 9705
- Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2003 11:33 pm
- Location: Under the rainbow
Do it, lady...fare thee well,
Post that poem, and give them hell!
Let them know that mother's love
Transcends all space and time, above
The ordinary; let them read with awe
At what you feel, and heard, and saw
Then, when he's home, and all the rest
Of soldiers, sailors, airmen...Yes!
Do sound and cheer their coming home
With song in heart, and...sure...a poem.
Post that poem, and give them hell!
Let them know that mother's love
Transcends all space and time, above
The ordinary; let them read with awe
At what you feel, and heard, and saw
Then, when he's home, and all the rest
Of soldiers, sailors, airmen...Yes!
Do sound and cheer their coming home
With song in heart, and...sure...a poem.
0 likes
-
furluvcats
- Category 5
- Posts: 1900
- Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2003 12:02 am
- Location: Temecula, California
- Contact:
-
streetsoldier
- Retired Staff
- Posts: 9705
- Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2003 11:33 pm
- Location: Under the rainbow
)"...Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 27 guests