How to know whether or not you are ready to have children

[angelwing]

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bagand set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, andsing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen moreand sing these too until 4:00 a. m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower .

AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

[O Town]

Those are all great and acurate. My fav.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

There aren't lying when they say you can replace them with roofing tacks, thats about how they feel.

[DaylilyDawn]

I told my grandson that if I stepped on any of his Lego's , that piece will go in the garbage can. So far I have thrown away about a dozen pieces that go to his Star Wars Lego's kit.

[southerngale]

Those Star Wars Lego kits are expensive.

[gtalum]

Shortly before my wife and I decided we were as ready as we were going to be, my dad gave me a piece of wisdom: "If you wait until you're ready to have kids, you'll never have kids". It was just a few months later that my wife became pregnant. It's so true, nobody is ever truly "ready" for kids. There is just no way to prepare. At the same time, she is totally worth every single sacrifice.

[O Town]

Shortly before my wife and I decided we were as ready as we were going to be, my dad gave me a piece of wisdom: "If you wait until you're ready to have kids, you'll never have kids". It was just a few months later that my wife became pregnant. It's so true, nobody is ever truly "ready" for kids. There is just no way to prepare. At the same time, she is totally worth every single sacrifice.

Thats what I told my brother for years, he and his wife finally got pregnant and the baby just turned 1 last week, and he feels the same way now that they finally made the plunge.
And let me tell you gtalum, it seems to get better every year. They make you so proud and fill you with such pride and joy.
But boy they can be a pain in the butt too. As you said, worth every sacrifice.

[alicia-w]

my kids are all grown and on their own and i'm still not convinced i'm ready for kids. they always seems to pull soemthing that just makes you go, Hmmm.

[mf_dolphin]

My Mom said children are God's way of getting even for what you did to your parents. My Mom and Dad are in heaven having a blast watching me pay for my sins

[alicia-w]

my parents must have been horrible children!!!!