My essay on Hurricane Andrew (comments please)

[cajungal]

It is another hot sweltering day as most August days are here in SE Louisiana. I try my hardest to stay awake in American History class. Today nobody is paying any attention to what is going on in class. All I hear is the constant chatter about a Hurricane by the name of Andrew who was out in the mighty Gulf Of Mexico. I had this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just kept replaying the images in my head of how Andrew unleashed all of his fury on extreme Southern Florida just a day before. I just knew Andrew was coming here. I just knew in my heart that we were his next target.

Class let out early that day and I was excited to get home. Life was starting to get very interesting in the very sleepy town of Schriever, Louisiana. My dad was anxiously boarding up the house. My mom was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Making sure we had enough can goods and drinking water. I made sure the bathtub was filled with enough water so we could use it for flushing toilets.

Now all there was left to do was wait. Hurricanes are nothing new for SE Louisiana. It is a Cajun way of life. We had plenty of brushes and scares, but they always seemed to miss us. In all my 16 years, I never been through a true hurricane. Betsy was the last time the eye of a major hurricane passed over the Houma-Thibodaux area. That was 1965, many years before I was born. I did not know what to expect.

Shortly before the sun went down, my parents, brother and 7-month old yorkie puppy all waited on our front porch. We were anxiously waiting for an unwanted guest named Andrew. The trees started to sway. They were swaying dangerously back and forth. It was starting to get dark and we all went inside. We lost power almost right away. It was just us against the evil wind now. There was nothing left to do but pray. Our only link to the outside world was our battery operated radio. Our radio was now screaming that Schriever was having sustained winds now clocked at 100 mph. Andrew made a slight jog to our west. It was now expected to hit Morgan City which was 25 miles due west of here. That put us in the dangerous front right quadrant. The winds continued to increase in intensity. It sounded like a freight train going through our living room. The walls started to cave in. I went to my bedroom and went to lay on my bed. But, grew so terrified that I actually started to cry. All I could see from the cracks of my boarded up bedroom window was the pine trees touching all the way to the ground. My curtains were being sucked in all the way with no letup. My mom insisted that we go sleep in the hall just in case of funnel clouds. My yorkie puppy; Lacey, was clinging on to my mom for dear life. The night seemed to never end.

I was scared to step outside the next morning. Nervous to see what the aftermath of Andrew had done to my town. It was not bad. Not bad at all. Several shingles blown off our roof, and our street sign blown all the way to our neighbors. Two telephone poles down about a mile down the road. I knew it would be a long time before we had power. But, I thanked my lucky stars. It could of been much, much worse.

The nights grew very sticky and almost unbearable. I would take a shower, only to come out all sticky and sweaty again. My dad decided to go to Sears to get a generator. We left as a family and took the dog with us. The truck took a wrong turn coming from Houston. It never did arrive. My dad and many other families refused to leave. The store was very nice to us. They allowed my yorkie Lacey to stay in the store with us. Many other families brought their pets too. Soon Sears was like a zoo. The employees ordered pizza for us for supper and had donuts ready for us for breakfast. The truck finally arrived shortly after 9, and we were able to get our generator. All I wanted was to get home and life to return to normal.

My family arrived home with our new generator and the power came back on! How ironic is that? We went through all that trouble and now we never got to use it! After not being able to take a hot shower in over a week, you know not to take the little things in life for granted. I was happy to once again have a hot homecooked meal and to sleep in the comfort of air-conditioner. We made it through the wrath of Hurricane Andrew unharmed. Hurricane Andrew made us appreciate the fury of nature. I will never forget August 26, 1992, the day Hurricane Andrew came roaring though.

[Vortex]

Thanks for sharing

[cajungal]

Thanks. I was sharing this essay to practice my writing skills. I want to get my journalism degree. I am not sure if my writing is good enough but I am trying.

[Frank2]

I like your sentence:

"...The nights grew very sticky and almost unbearable...."

that's a classic - similar to "It was a dark and stormy night..."

Snoopy says "Good Job!",

Frank

[RevDodd]

But since you expressed an interest in journalism, I need to give you a couple of quick suggestions.

You changed verb tense in the first paragraph...from "It is a muggy afternoon" to a pure past tense the rest of the way. I'm sure English instructors hate that as much as newspaper editors do. You'll need to either change your present tense early, or change the past tense throughout. Personally, I like the present tense better ... adds a sense of immediacy and drama.

From a journalism standpoint, drop the "verys". If you don't the editor will, and he'll remember where they came from. Same holds for and "evil" wind. An editor will tell you the wind is not evil, but its actions might be. You do a very good job with your descriptios. Why not let them convice the readers the storm was evil.

I really liked the vignette at Sears. That's the sort of thing would-be hirer at a paper or TV station would want to see more of. The offbeat, the unusual the common man rising above circumstance.

If you have a chance, go back and think back through the storm. Fifteen years later, most folks are pretty well aware of the damage. It's your story as a person and veteran of the storm that will grab them.

Good job!

[Recurve]

I really enjoyed it, Cajungal, a very good personal essay.