"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

[TexasStooge]

Shop pulls "Lolita" bed for young girls

LONDON (Reuters) - A chain of retail stores in Britain has withdrawn the sale of beds named Lolita and designed for six-year-old girls after furious parents pointed out that the name was synonymous with sexually active pre-teens.

Woolworths said staff who administer the web site selling the beds were not aware of the connection.
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That's disturbing.
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Group calls on China to respect rats

BEIJING (AP) - An animal rights group called Monday for China to treat rats with kindness and respect, as millions across the nation begin to celebrate the coming Year of the Rat.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, said it has asked the Chinese government to consider animal welfare laws for rats used in laboratory experiments. The group also recommended a series of guidelines for animals used in science.
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I'm guessing they've watched "Ratatouille".
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Junta takes aim at latest Rambo movie

BANGKOK (Reuters) - Police in Myanmar have given DVD hawkers strict orders not to stock the new Rambo movie, which features the Vietnam War veteran taking on the former Burma's ruling military junta, a Yangon resident told Reuters on Friday.

Despite the prohibition, pirated copies of the movie are widely available on the streets of the former capital, where it is fast becoming a talking point among a population eager to shake off 45 years of military rule.
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Pretty understandable, considering what happened there. That's why I live in the US.
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Giraffe's jacket a creature comfort

By MICHELLE LOCKE, Associated Press Writer

OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) - Like many a lady of a certain age, Tiki feels the cold these days.

So workers at the Oakland Zoo are having a custom-fit coat made to keep the giraffe cozy this winter.

At age 18, venerable for giraffes, Tiki is subject to the vicissitudes of age. She already gets regular visits from a chiropractor, a masseuse and an acupuncturist.
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I like to see the Dallas and Fort Worth Zoos do the same thing for their animals.

[TexasStooge]

Gas-pumping robot: what could go wrong?

EMMELOORD, Netherlands (Reuters) - Motorists nostalgic for the time they could sit tight while attendants braved windswept garage forecourts to fill their tanks may yet see those heady days return -- compliments of a Dutch robot.

Dutch inventors unveiled Monday a 75,000 euro ($111,100) car-fuelling robot they say is the first of its kind, working by registering the car on arrival at the filling station and matching it to a database of fuel cap designs and fuel types.
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What could go wrong? It can suck the gas out of your car too.
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Miss. law would ban serving obese diners

By EMILY WAGSTER PETTUS, Associated Press Writer

JACKSON, Miss. - A state lawmaker wants to ban restaurants from serving food to obese customers — but please, don't be offended. He says he never even expected his plan to become law.

"I was trying to shed a little light on the number one problem in Mississippi," said Republican Rep. John Read of Gautier, who acknowledges that at 5-foot-11 and 230 pounds, he'd probably have a tough time under his own bill.
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OK, I know that there are ways to make weight loss easy, but they're pushing too far. Heck, if the law passes, they'll tell people they're fat even though they're not.
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You can't even shave while driving anymore?

MONTERREY, Mexico (Reuters) - Motorists in northern Mexico who are caught dabbing on lipstick, shaving or carrying a pet at the wheel will now face hefty fines as authorities try to cut down on traffic accidents.

Putting on make-up or shaving with an electric razor will land drivers fines of up to 346 pesos ($32) in the northern Mexican city of Torreon from this month, Mexican media reported on Saturday.
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Hate to say it, but it's about time!
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Measure seeks to muffle Calif. roosters

RIVERSIDE, Calif. (AP) - Rooster owners in this Southern California city may be about to get their feathers ruffled.

Measure A on Tuesday's ballot seeks to muffle incessant cock-a-doodle-dooing and crack down on illegal cockfighting by limiting the number of roosters residents can own in rural areas within the city limits.
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Yeah, most of the residents there got alarm clocks.
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Embattled nurses get a bill of rights

BEIJING (Reuters) - China published rules on Monday guarding the rights of its nurses, seeking to give them protection against sometimes violent attacks by angry patients or their families.

Disputes between patients and hospitals are common in China, so much so that the health ministry recorded about 10,000 attacks on hospital staff in 2006 alone, according to state media.
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That way there will be no more false Malpractice Suits.
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Student's mouth-to-muzzle saves tiger cub

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German medical student got some unexpected practical experience at the zoo when she gave the kiss of life to a baby tiger choking on a piece of meat, the zoo director said Friday.

The student was passing the enclosure with her toddler son on a visit several weeks ago when she noticed the 4-month-old tiger choking and offered her assistance to the helpless keeper, said Andreas Jacob, director of the zoo in the eastern German city of Halle.
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Such a lovely story.

[TexasStooge]

Man returns from the dead, suspected of fraud

BUDAPEST (Reuters) - A Hungarian man who was reported dead by his wife in 2001 has been detained in the Czech Republic and is suspected of fraud, Hungarian police said.

In a case reminiscent of the British canoeist who "returned from the dead" five years after he went missing, the man's wife said he had drowned while windsurfing on holiday in Greece.
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Once again, we're bringing out the dead.
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Just one replacement? They come in two's

RALEIGH, N.C. - A woman who said her breast implants were damaged in an on-the-job car accident should be compensated for the replacement of only one implant, state appellate judges ruled Tuesday.

The North Carolina Court of Appeals issued the decision in a workers' compensation claim filed by Penny M. Rumple Richardson, who said the 2001 accident caused rippling and a decrease in size of her implants.
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You're watching "Million Dollar..." nevermind.
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Voters consider changing Alcatraz to peace center

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - San Francisco voters will decide on Tuesday whether to remove the famous Alcatraz Prison visited by thousands of tourists a day and instead create a "global peace center."

The proposition sharing the presidential primary ballot comes from the director of the California-based Global Peace Foundation who gives his name as Da Vid. He says transforming Alcatraz will "liberate energies, raising the whole consciousness of the Bay Area."
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Do they really wanna mutulate history?

[TexasStooge]

Train stunt kills engineer

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A Romanian train driver leapt aboard a runaway engine to stop it after having left the brake off in a station but was killed when the stunt backfired, railway police said Wednesday.

Ioan Colceriu, 55, was at a train station in the central town of Odorheiu Secuiesc, when he realized he had forgotten some papers in the station office. He went to fetch them but forgot to put the hand brake on the engine.
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It's hard to stop a train.
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Court: Mom can't sue over circumcision

ST. PAUL (AP) - The Minnesota Court of Appeals has ruled that a mother who didn't like the way her baby's circumcision looked cannot sue a Fridley hospital for medical malpractice.

Dawn Nelson sued Unity Hospital and Dr. Steven Berestka, claiming the doctor removed "the most erogenous tissue" after the boy was born on Jan. 21, 2000 — without consulting either parent. Nelson and the boy's father, David Nelson, were unhappy with the result.
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What do you expect the baby to have, a bigger...nevermind.
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Scientists make paper planes for space

KASHIWA CITY, Japan (Reuters) - A spacecraft made of folded paper zooming through the skies may sound far-fetched, but Japanese scientists plan to launch paper planes from the International Space Station to see if they make it back to Earth.

On Wednesday the University of Tokyo researchers tested small, origami planes made of special paper for 30 seconds in 250 degrees Celsius heat and wind at seven times the speed of sound. The planes survived the wind tunnel test intact.
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Will the Paper Planes make it? Certainly not the plain kind.
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Couple get no help for decapitated ram

CLYDE TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) - A St. Clair County couple is having a hard time getting rid of a decapitated sheep from their property. Trudy and Mike Diller found the dead ram in a ditch near their Clyde Township home on Jan. 30. The next day, they discovered someone had cut off its head.

The Dillers called the sheriff's department to ask that it be disposed. Officials told them to call the county road commission, only to find out it couldn't help either.
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What can I say, they're left holding the bag...I mean the decapitated animal.

[TexasStooge]

Anti-impotence pill could boost high flying pilots

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - A drug used to treat impotence could help Israeli fighter pilots operate at high altitude, the Israeli military's official magazine reported in its latest issue.

It said a retired general plans to present to the air force the results of a study he conducted on Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania where he found that tadalafil, the active ingredient in Cialis tablets, improved breathing in a thin atmosphere.
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Just don't take any other meds after taking that.
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Turtle swims from Indonesia to Oregon

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) - A leatherback turtle has been tracked swimming from the coast of the Papua province in Indonesia to Oregon, researchers said, in what may be the longest trip for marine vertebrae between breeding and feeding sites.

"This is an animal perfectly suited for doing this kind of journey," said Scott Benson, research fishery biologist for the U.S. National Marine Fisheries Service, who helped track the turtle and presented details of the journey at a sea turtle symposium last month.
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If I only wish there were more animals like that.
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Have you heard? Hospitals to ban gossiping

BELGRADE (Reuters) - A ban on grumpiness, gossiping, mini-skirts and rudeness is what the doctor orders to improve patient care in Serbia's hospitals, according to new rules issued by the country's Health Ministry.

The rules, posted on the ministry's Web site, say staff are not allowed to criticize their hospital or their superiors, and should not accept gifts for their services.
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It's health over hell.
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Georgia drivers gawk at runaway emu

APPLING, Ga. (AP) - Authorities in east Georgia are seeking the owner of a wandering emu that made drivers gawk and clogged traffic on Interstate 20 before it was finally caught.

The three-toed emu — a flightless bird — was spotted by numerous motorists on Wednesday after it appeared in the highway median between the Thomson and Camak exits, said Law Enforcement Capt. Larry Barnard of the Georgia Department of Natural Resources.
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Which bird-brain let the emu out?

[TexasStooge]

City boasts less spitting, better queuing

BEIJING (Reuters) - Less spitting, better queuing and cleaner streets show Beijing has become more "civilized," but the city still has to fine-tune its etiquette to attain Olympic standards, Xinhua news agency said Friday, citing a new study.

China wants to leave nothing to chance when the eyes of the world turn its way for the Olympics in August and the Beijing government has waged a long campaign to hone manners.
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If you're gonna spit, spit in the toilet.
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PETA opposes tribute to fried chicken

FRANKFORT, Ky. (AP) - Animals rights advocates are squawking at a measure that would make fried chicken Kentucky's official picnic food.

State Rep. Charles Siler is sponsoring legislation to assign the designation to KFC's "finger lickin' good" chicken, first served by Colonel Harland Sanders in 1940.

The late colonel's fried chicken deserves the title because of the worldwide attention and economic benefit it has brought to the state, Siler said. KFC, a subsidiary of Louisville-based Yum Brands Inc., has 11,000 restaurants in more than 80 countries
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I take it someone in PETA doesn't like fried chicken.
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More than 100 cats rescued from Olympics site

LONDON (Reuters) - More than 160 feral cats and kittens have been rescued from the site of the London 2012 Olympics as demolition work continues at a pace.

A local animal charity has been allowed access to the site to ensure the safety of the cats that have taken refuge in the various industrial buildings that are being bulldozed.
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They're making sure no cat is left behind.
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Enthusiastic GOP teen to fight citations

OWATONNA, Minn. (AP) - An 18-year-old Republican's enthusiasm for presidential hopeful Ron Paul could cost him more than $550.

Cody Hauer has been cited four times in one week for displaying a 13-inch-by-40-inch "Ron Paul Revolution" decal in the rear window of his car. The problem is that such decals are illegal if they obstruct the driver's view.
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You can just simply get a bumper sticker.

[TexasStooge]

No red roses for Saudi sweethearts

RIYADH (Reuters) - Saudi Arabia's religious police have banned red roses ahead of Valentine's Day, forcing couples in the conservative Muslim nation to think of new ways to show their love.

The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice has ordered florists and gift shop owners in the capital Riyadh to remove any items colored scarlet, which is widely seen as symbolizing love, newspapers said.
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Thank goodness I like in the US.
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Stores use sonic devices to chase kids

By ROBERT BARR, Associated Press Writer

LONDON - England's commissioner for children and a civil liberties group joined in on a campaign Tuesday to ban high-frequency devices intended to drive misbehaving children away from shops and other areas.

The so-called "Mosquito" device emits high-frequency noise which is audible — and annoying — to young ears, but generally not heard by people over 20.
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If only there were those devices in the Courtyards of the apartment complexes.
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Body-builders pluck stranded car from ditch

BERLIN (Reuters) - A group of 10 body-builders from a German gym took a break from their normal training routine to help a driver whose car was stuck in a ditch, police said on Monday.

The men were training at the Explosives fitness studio in Bad Zwischenahn near the western city of Oldenburg when the 38-year-old driver lost control of his vehicle, veered into a meadow and plunged the front of his car into the two-meter (6 feet) deep ditch.
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When there's no Tow Truck around, you gotta improvise.
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Company seeks tax exemption for bribes

JERUSALEM (AP) - Some companies request tax deductions for philanthropy, others for restaurants bills. But one Israeli business tried to push the envelope by asking to deduct nearly $860,000 it paid in kickbacks.

A Tel Aviv district court rejected the petition on Feb. 8.

The business, whose name was withheld by the court, asked to deduct the sum for kickbacks that were paid to help spur a business deal. The Israeli daily Maariv reported that the deal took place in an unidentified African nation. The company alleged the kickback was necessary as a part of the local business custom and therefore should be exempted from the Israeli law.
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Lots of luck!

[TexasStooge]

Ghost-like white stag spotted

LONDON (Reuters) - A mythical and ghostly creature has appeared in the wilds of the Scottish Highlands -- and has been caught on camera.

The rare white stag, from the red deer species, is believed to be among just a tiny handful living in Britain, according to a conservation group.
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The chances there are millions to one.
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Woman, 89, uses ax to get back home

DURANGO, Colo. (AP) - Accidentally locked out of her home and stuck in the bitter cold, Geraldine "Gerry" Palmer took matters into her own hands.

An ax, to be more specific.

Palmer, who turns 90 this weekend, said a sliding glass door locked behind her Saturday after she went outside to rearrange some things that had gotten wet on the patio. Snow had formed a pile about 7 feet high between her and the yard, so she had no escape.
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(As Jack Nichollson) Heeeeeeeeeres Granny!
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Eateries go on spring roll strike

By Rebecca Harrison

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Israel's Asian restaurants went on a one-day spring roll strike Tuesday in protest over government plans to rid kitchens of foreign chefs, and said sushi and noodles would be the next items off the menu.

The restaurants are angry at government plans to purge Japanese, Chinese and Thai eateries of Asian cooks and replace them with Israelis as part of a broader program to cut the number of foreigners working in the Jewish state.
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When one strike ends, another one begins.
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It was a falling moose. I swear it was!

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) - Alaska State Troopers see plenty of hazards, but Trooper Howard Peterson was nearly felled by a new one: falling moose. Peterson was driving Feb. 2 on the Seward Highway south of Anchorage when something big and black fell out of the sky about 20 feet in front of his patrol car. "Falling rock!" he thought, ready to steer clear if it bounced onto the highway.

The thing didn't roll or shatter. It turned out to be a moose that fell from cliffs next to the highway.
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THE SKY IS REALLY FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TexasStooge]

Love in the air from Bondi to Bangkok to Beijing

By Michael Perry

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australians seeking love on Valentine's Day speed-dated in deckchairs on Bondi Beach, while Japanese trekked through snow in search of romance and Filipinos sang syrupy ballards.

Contrary to its racy reputation, Thailand told police and "student inspectors" to stake out motels, malls and parks to ensure youngsters behaved themselves on the "Day of Love," when polls say many teenagers have sex for the first time.
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Hopefully, they won't be looking for love in all the wrong places.
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Cat pulls a fast one on firefighters Wed

MIAMI (AP) - It was the stereotypical firefighters-try-to-rescue-cat story, but with a twist. Firefighters from the South Florida city of Weston spent a sopping hour in pouring rain Tuesday trying to extract a kitten squeezed in the undercarriage of a stranger's Volvo.

The crew tried jacking up the car and taking off a wheel, all for naught. The feline ducked out of reach at each attempt to grab it.
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"I wanna be rescued, but I don't wanna be rescued."
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Internet sex auction sparks paternity row

BERLIN (Reuters) - A woman in Germany who became pregnant after an online sex auction has won a court battle to force the Web site that hosted the sale to reveal the names of the winners, so she can find out who's the father.

Six different men won Internet auctions to have sex with the woman in April and May last year. They were only known to her by their online names, a spokesman for a court in the southwestern city of Stuttgart said Wednesday.
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Maury, you got more Praternity guests!!
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Boston man receives postcard from 1929

BOSTON (AP) - The message on the postcard to a "Miss Margaret McDonald" was short. Its path to the intended address was much longer. Nearly 79 years after it was sent, a postcard of Yellowstone National Park's Tower Falls arrived in a Boston mailbox recently with the one-word message, "Greetings."

Its intended recipient had long since left the Victorian on Sparhawk Street, and the sender was not identified by name.
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What did someone do, travel back in time?

[TexasStooge]

[url]Mr. Rude is French and flatulent?[/url]

By Georgina Cooper

LONDON (Reuters) - Zut alors! The popular British cartoon and television series "Mr. Men" has come up with a malodorous Mr. Rude who speaks with a bad French accent.

"Pardon me," says Mr. Rude in comedy Franglais as he breaks wind when his finger is pulled on a game played on the television show's website www.mrmen.com.
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And just this week, Mr. Men made its debut on Cartoon Network.
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Model police officer arrested for extortion

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A two-time Mexico City "policeman of the year" has been arrested on suspicion of extorting money from illegal "car-watchers" who demand tips for curbside parking.

Police said Alejandro Garnino, who was awarded Mexico City's highest police honor in 2005 and 2006, is suspected of charging up to 1,000 pesos ($94) to allow dozens of car-watchers to operate outside one of Mexico's largest stadiums.
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Every day, more and more officers are corrupt.
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Woman applying for new ID says she's 120

JERUSALEM (AP) - Mariam Amash filled in the routine form with anything but routine information. Amash, who recently applied for a new Israeli identity card, said she was born 120 years ago — a claim, if confirmed, that would make her the oldest person in the world. The Guinness Book of Records currently lists 114-year-old Edna Parker of Shelbyville, Indiana, as holding that title.

Sabine Haddad, a spokeswoman for Israel's Interior Ministry, confirmed that Amash, from the Israeli Arab village of Jisr a-Zarka, is listed in the population registry as having been born in 1888. "We're just not sure it's correct," Haddad said.
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DANG!!!!! Nobody's sure if it's correct.
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Children. You're giving me a headache

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - A Swedish preschool has been criticized for banning its children from wearing striped and spotted clothing since the patterns give one of its teachers severe migraine attacks.

The preschool, in Gallivare, 710 miles north of Stockholm, imposed the ban in one of its areas three years ago. But recent complaints from a parent meant the unusual dress code got nationwide attention Thursday.

Myran preschool Principal May Norberg said the ban had never caused any problems. Until now.
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Maybe that teacher should've transferred to a school where uniforms are imposed.

[TexasStooge]

Migrants hold mass wedding near border

By Lizbeth Diaz

TIJUANA, Mexico (Reuters) - Nearly 600 Mexican couples tied the knot in a mass Valentine's Day wedding by the U.S. border on Thursday, many of them undocumented migrants who met while working illegally in the United States.

As a live band blasted out sugary Mexican love songs in the border city of Tijuana, a short walk from the busy San Ysidro crossing into California, a judge simultaneously married a crowd of couples whose ages ranged from 16 to 65.
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I wonder how many of those end in divorce?
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"Squeezed in" subway ad angers passengers

BEIJING (Reuters) - An advertisement on Beijing's subway proclaiming "Squeezed in?! Go and buy a car then!" has angered passengers who said it only encourages traffic jams, a state newspaper said Friday.

The advertisement, written in large white letters on a red background, is also contrary to the Beijing city government's aim of getting more people to take public transport, the official Beijing Daily said.
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"Squeezed In? Go and buy a car then...and pollute more air..."
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No sweets for New York City jail inmates

NEW YORK (AP) - Spending time behind bars in New York City might turn out to be good for your health.

The overhauled menu at the city's jails includes no sweets, no butter and only skim milk. The Department of Corrections wants healthy alternatives to traditional jailhouse grub.

A breakfast might include fresh fruit, whole wheat bread and wheat flakes. A sample dinner: pepper steak, rice and steamed carrots.
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However, if they want sweets, they're gonna have to wait until they have served their sentences.
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301 pennies auctioned off for $10.7M

LONG BEACH, Calif. (AP) - A penny saved is not necessarily just a penny earned: One man's collection of rare American cents has turned into a $10.7 million auction windfall.

The collection of 301 cents featured some of the rarest and earliest examples of the American penny, including a cent that was minted for two weeks in 1793 but was abandoned because Congress thought Lady Liberty looked frightened.
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If it's just regular pennies, then he literally traded over $10 Million for just $3.

[TexasStooge]

"Winning" Super Bowl shirts end up in Nicaragua

MANAGUA (Reuters) - Shirts and caps proclaiming the victory of the New England Patriots -- when the American football team actually lost the latest Super Bowl -- have ended up in the hands of poor Nicaraguan children.

Hundreds of shirts and caps, which had been manufactured in advance to celebrate the Patriots' expected victory over the New York Giants, were handed over to children in the southern city of Diriamba.
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What better use of those shirts than to donate them to avoid embarassment.
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How deep is your love? Passion phones know

SEOUL (Reuters) - Valentines Day in South Korea means chocolates, romantic dinners and a high-tech mobile phone device that can secretly check the passion in the voice of a lover.

The "Love Detector" service from mobile operator KTF uses technology that is supposed to analyze voice patterns to see if a lover is speaking honestly and with affection.
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Hmm...those love meters provided by stores and restaurants aren't good enough.
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Scientists find 'Devil Toad' fossil

By LAURAN NEERGAARD, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - A frog the size of a bowling ball, with heavy armor and teeth, lived among dinosaurs millions of years ago — intimidating enough that scientists who unearthed its fossils dubbed the beast Beelzebufo, or Devil Toad.

But its size — 10 pounds and 16 inches long — isn't the only curiosity. Researchers discovered the creature's bones in Madagascar. Yet it seems to be a close relative of normal-sized frogs who today live half a world away in South America, challenging assumptions about ancient geography.
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(In a deep voice) "Ribbit".
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Canine blood donor to be honored

HOWELL, Mich. (AP) - He's donated blood 20 times and is being honored by the Livingston County chapter of the American Red Cross.

Not bad for a 200-pound, 2-year-old English mastiff who answers to the name Lurch. He'll receive the chapter's "Pet's Best Friend" award at an event here Thursday.
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Even animals can be life-savers.

[TexasStooge]

Australia seeking fatter mailmen

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australia's postal service has increased the maximum weight for mailmen and women by 15 kg (33 pounds) in an attempt to attract more "posties," local media reported on Tuesday.

Australia Post had a weight limit of 90 kgs (198 pounds) for "posties" because its 110cc motorcycles had a safe working limit of 130kg (286 pounds) -- that's 40kg (88 pounds) for letters and up to 90 kgs for mailmen and women fully clothed.
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Well, it does give those mail workers a workout.
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German puts out cigarette with fire extinguisher

BERLIN (Reuters) - A virulent anti-smoker in Germany was so angry when his girlfriend lit up he emptied a fire extinguisher to put out the cigarette, caking her and their apartment in powder.

"My colleagues said it looked like a bomb had gone off in there," said a spokesman for police in the western city of Bielefeld. "He managed to put the cigarette out though."
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Next time, look for a lady that DOESN'T smoke.
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DVD in firefighter's coat blocks bullet

WALTERBORO, S.C. (AP) - A South Carolina man is thankful for a DVD that ended up taking a bullet for him. Colleton County Fire and Rescue Director Barry McRoy says he was leaving a Waffle House restaurant in Walterboro on Saturday morning when two men ran in fighting over a gun. Police say a bullet hit one of the struggling men, shattered a window and then hit McRoy.

The bullet hit a DVD McRoy was carrying in his pocket. He suffered a bruise but didn't realize he had been shot. As he told a police officer what happened he noticed a bullet hole in his jacket, the shattered DVD case and a piece of the bullet.
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Like a bulletproof vest, objects can be life savers.
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Pop can as ashtray causes house fire

VANCOUVER, Wash. (AP) - A homeowner in Vancouver has learned that using a pop can as an outdoor ashtray can be hazardous to your house. Fire Capt. Kevin Murray said heat from burning material in the pop can set a plastic slide on fire, and the flames spread to the back deck and then to the house.

Damage from the fire Sunday night has been estimated at $125,000. No one was injured.
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Hasn't he learned anything from that lady who got extinguished for smoking?

[TexasStooge]

Conspiracy buffs may feast on JFK documents

By Ed Stoddard

DALLAS (Reuters) - John F. Kennedy assassination conspiracy buffs have been handed a Presidents' Day present they are sure to savor.

The Dallas County district attorney said on Monday that he could not categorically dismiss as fake a transcript of an alleged conversation between Kennedy's assassin Lee Harvey Oswald and Oswald's killer Jack Ruby.
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Say it ain't so...
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YouTube brings life, weirdness to election

By Jason Webb

MADRID (Reuters) - If it weren't for YouTube, a man wearing a little black dress and a pearl necklace would be unlikely to get a question in for the leader of the Spanish opposition.

Hundreds of Spaniards have lodged YouTube questions for the two main candidates in a parliamentary election on March 9, addressing issues ranging from pensions and workers' rights to gay marriage and the environment.
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"Oh, could you take off the curfew?"
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Cat survives cross-country trip in bin

PHOENIX (AP) - A cat who took a three-week cross-country ride to Arizona in a storage container is headed home to Florida.

Arizona Humane Society officials say the 2-year-old gray cat crawled into the locker in Pompano Beach, Fla., while a man loaded it for a move to Phoenix.
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Seems the cat wants to get away for "Spring Break '08"...but didn't quite make it there
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Our bill says what?

LONDON (AP) - First she waited 45 minutes to place her order. Then she waited more than an hour for the food. Then she saw the bill. Clare Watkin was out with a group of friends Friday at an Italian steak restaurant in the English town of Lichfield, about 125 miles north of London when she found "absolutely disgusting language" printed on her bill, the British Broadcasting Corp. reported.

The BBC Web site carried what it said was a copy of the bill, with the message — a crude invitation to oral sex — printed between the cabernet sauvignon and the fish cakes.
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That's just sick. Speaking of odd bills...
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$8,000? That's our water bill?

LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) - A Danville family has received an $8,000 water bill for house they say they haven't lived in for more than two years. The granddaughters of Lurlene Gray say they are stuck with the high bill that covers part of January and February.

Sherlene Tucker told WKYT in Lexington that she paid the last bill she received, about $35 to cover the period from October 9 through December 11. Tucker said her mother owns the house, but she went to a nursing home two years ago.
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What has the housesitter been doing?!?!?!

[Chacor]

Here's the bill:

[TexasStooge]

Pig song: download it from styTunes?

LONDON (Reuters) - In what they say is a last-ditch attempt to save Britain's pork industry, dozens of pig farmers gathered in London Thursday aiming for an Internet hit with their song "Stand by your Ham."

The song -- which reworks Tammy Wynette's "Stand by Your Man" with a porcine theme -- is intended to alert the public to a sector that farmers say is being pushed to extinction by greedy supermarket chains and rising feed prices.
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Another way they can do this is: "Watch me Crank Dat Soulja Pig and Superham dat (oink)."
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Do they make barf bags for fish?

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - Seventy-two small fish were briefly launched into space by researchers Thursday, hoping their swimming patterns would shed some light on motion sickness.

German researchers sent the cichlids on a 10-minute rocket ride that blasted off from a launch pad in northern Sweden, said Professor Reinhard Hilbig, who was in charge of the project.
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So do fish need barfbags? Judging from this story, NO!
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Does it come in pink or blue?

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - Sweden, a champion of gender equality, plans to introduce unisex underwear for hospital patients in a move designed to save both money and space, the project leader said Thursday.

The Swedish Standards Institute has developed a new style of boxer-style underwear that is considered equally suitable for male and female patients.
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They BETTER come in either white or blue.

[TexasStooge]

A price to pay for saying "I don't"

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Mexican brides and grooms who get cold feet before walking down the aisle will have to pay their significant other for the inconvenience, if a proposal by a local congressman is adopted.

In Mexico, weddings are big social events where large amounts of money are spent before the big day on gowns, tuxedos, catering and music bands and churches are even reserved years in advance.
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Who wants to marry a millionaire? "I Don't--wait...I do!"
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German police dogs to wear shoes

BERLIN (AP) - Police dogs in the western city of Duesseldorf will no longer get their feet dirty when on patrol — the entire dog unit will soon be equipped with blue plastic fiber shoes, a police spokesman said Monday.

"All 20 of our police dogs — German and Belgian shepherds — are currently being trained to walk in these shoes," Andre Hartwich said. "I'm not sure they like it, but they'll have to get used to it."
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Be sure to add Odor Eaters.
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Runaway lawnmower kills monk

LONDON (Reuters) - A Buddhist monk from Japan was killed after slipping and falling under the blades of his runaway tractor lawnmower, an inquest into his death has found.

The Reverend Seiji Handa, 50, was cutting the grass around his peace pagoda in the English city of Milton Keynes when the accident occurred last August.
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Uh-Oh!!! Its' the return of the "Lawnmower Man"!!!
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Man fired for requesting a prostitute

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) - A judge has denied an Iowa man's claim that he shouldn't have been fired for repeatedly requesting help to procure a prostitute.

Neil Jorgensen, 62, of Kalona, worked at Riverside Casino and Golf Resort in Riverside and was given a gift certificate and free night's stay at the casino hotel to mark a year's employment.

After eating and drinking at a casino restaurant, he returned to his hotel room about midnight and later called hotel managers about hiring a prostitute. When managers refused to help him, he made a call to the adjacent resort and made the same request.
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He blew all that for hiring a prostitute?

[TexasStooge]

Soccer player in trouble over Hitler garb

CANBERRA (Reuters) - An Australian professional soccer player who attended a club celebration dressed as Adolf Hitler will be disciplined after Jewish groups complained, officials said Tuesday.

German-born Andre Gumprecht, 33, attended a post-Grand Final ceremony Monday for his Central Coast Mariners team dressed in a khaki military uniform and mustache to resemble the former German dictator.
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Be careful of what costune you choose.
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Ore. mayor poses in underwear, loses job

ARLINGTON, Ore. (AP) - The mayor of an Oregon town who once stripped to her underwear and posed on a fire truck has been stripped of her office.

Voters in this town of about 500 voted narrowly Monday to recall Carmen Kontur-Gronquist. The tally was 142-139. City officials said the recall is effective Tuesday.
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Get it? "STRIPPED"!
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Termite hunters find 200-year-old mummy

SAO PAULO (Reuters) - Exterminators looking for termites in a monastery in Brazil's biggest city of Sao Paulo found a mummy and a skeleton believed to be at least 200 years old, the head of the monastery said on Tuesday.

"There were some mounds of termite dust and the exterminators broke into the walls to see what was in there," Father Armenio Rodrigues Nogueira, who is in charge of the monastery, one of the city's oldest, told Reuters.
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(as Mummy) "Who dares disturb my tomb?"
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Ohio school suspends boy over Mohawk

PARMA, Ohio (AP) - A kindergarten student with a freshly spiked Mohawk has been suspended from school.

Michelle Barile, the mother of 6-year-old Bryan Ruda, said nothing in the Parma Community School handbook prohibits the haircut, characterized by closely shaved sides with a strip of prominent hair on top. The school said the hair was a distraction for other students.
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Whoever has given that kid a haircut will be scarred for life.

[TexasStooge]

Pssst! Want to buy a fake Ferrari?

ROME (Reuters) - Italians are used to buying bogus Gucci bags or Rolex watches to look stylish but police found a new height of craftsmanship and cunning when they broke up a ring selling fake Ferrari cars for a fraction of the real price.

Police accused 15 people of building the blood red sports cars and selling them to car fanatics on a budget, most of whom knew they were buying a counterfeit classic.
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Say "NO" to Fake Ferraris.
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This just in: I'm running for office

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - Longtime KEZI anchor Rick Dancer led off the 11 o'clock news with word that a Republican had announced his candidacy for Oregon secretary of state. The candidate: Rick Dancer.

After ABC's Academy Awards coverage ended Sunday, its Eugene affiliate spent the first three minutes of its newscast on Dancer's candidacy, including a question-and-answer session with an on-air colleague.
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Well, good luck.
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Pregnant woman uses train toilet, baby slips out

AHMEDABAD, India (Reuters) - A newborn baby girl survived an ignoble birth after slipping down the toilet bowl of a moving Indian train onto the tracks when a pregnant woman unexpectedly gave birth while relieving herself on Tuesday.

"My delivery was so sudden," said the Bhuri Kalbi, the mother of the infant, born two months prematurely. "I did not even realize that my child had slipped from the hole in the toilet."
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The chances of that are slim to none. Lucky she didn't flush the toilet.
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Dogs trap mail carrier, flatten tires

HANOVER, Pa. (AP) - A mail carrier was trapped inside her car for nearly two hours at a home near Hanover after a pair of dogs attacked her tires, flattening three of them.

Robin Barton had to summon help by cell phone on Wednesday. When the police arrived, the dogs attacked the cruiser's tire as well.
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The dogs are REALLY getting relentless with mail carriers.
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Man faces murder trial for 1966 shooting

By Jon Hurdle

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - A Pennsylvania man who shot and wounded a police officer more than 41 years ago will stand trial for his murder following the officer's death last year, a judge ruled on Wednesday.

Prosecutors say the victim, Walter Barclay, died of injuries directly linked to the 1966 shooting.
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What took them so long?!?!

Staying in the Prison topic...
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Prisoners sing in version of "American Idol"

By Dana Ford and Maria Luisa Palomino

LIMA (Reuters) - "Bad Luck," "Free Like the Wind," and "Waltz of the Prisoner" were top crowd pleasers as convicts faced off at a prison in Lima to sing in the Peruvian underworld's version of the popular TV show "American Idol."

Augusto Flores won first prize for a song he wrote called "Your Visit," about waiting for news from his family and friends.
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I'm assuming 1st Prize gets a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.

[TexasStooge]

Gun that killed JFK assassin in pop culture auction

By Michelle Nichols

NEW YORK (Reuters) - It is billed as the best pop culture collection ever assembled -- ranging from the gun used to kill the assassin of President John F. Kennedy to the Wicked Witch of the West's hat from "The Wizard of Oz."

Collected over the past 25 years by South Florida property developer Anthony Pugliese, the collection, which also includes a whip and the holy grail from "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," will be put up for auction next month in Las Vegas.
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Shouldn't that gun be locked away in a Museum?
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N.J. student penny-protesters pardoned

READINGTON TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Twenty-nine New Jersey students punished with two-day detentions after they used pennies to pay for their $2 lunches are getting a pardon.

Readington, N.J., school Superintendent Jorden Schiff informed parents in an e-mail Sunday that he has rescinded the after-school detentions. They will only be restored if parents ask that their children serve them.
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But were they pennies from the PTA Funds?
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Mother of two becomes Japan's oldest boxer at 44

TOKYO (Reuters) - A 44-year-old mother of two has become Japan's oldest professional boxer after passing the Japanese board's license test.

Kazumi Izaki, who has daughters aged 21 and 14 and herself turns 45 next week, laced up her first pair of boxing gloves in 2001.
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She may be old, but she still packs a punch.
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Arkansas cat down to 7 lives

CLINTON, Ark. - Charlie Brown is down to seven lives.

Donna and Danny Pistole's black-and-white cat survived a February tornado that destroyed the family's mobile home, coming out of nearby woods skittish but no worse for wear. However, the cat took up refuge in a large pile of debris from the storm that the Pistoles set afire last Sunday while cleaning up their property.

Thursday, Donna Pistole followed Charlie Brown's weak meows and found him stuck in briars. His paws and nose were scorched, his eyes matted shut and his coat singed a dingy yellow — but he was alive.
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It looks like "The Wizard Of Oz" all over again.