GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST

[Pburgh]

Actually Steve that's why the week was so tough. I had to confront the President regarding decisions that were being made by an outside consulting firm. This firm knows nothing about our industry and is making major changes that affect many of our workers. They want to lay off about 10 people. Downsizing is just not the solution and I said as much and gave a few alternate solutions. I really dislike confrontations and work very hard at containing my emotions. Yes I know about that fire and try to keep it at an even keel. Being a woman manager in a "man's" industry, I have to plead my case on a much more controlled level.

Mary, you have been thru so very much. Now I know what makes you such a caring and giving person - a kind sole who can relate so well to others who are suffering. ((Hugs))

Hey Duck, I'd love to live down there. I think I'll start packing now!!!!!

[FreakyWxChick]

Oooh boy I have held this one in...so here goes.

I am soooo mad at Social Security. I started working when I was 12 years old and paid into it until I was 32. I got sick when I was 29. I haven't gotten better, only worse. After losing the best job I ever had due to my illness I worked for four other employers. Each time, I was subsequently fired for calling in sick too much.

I applied for benefits in April 2001 when I realized I could no longer sustain full time employment. Social Security "lost" my paperwork for 9 months. After they finally found my paperwork, they told me I had been denied benefits. I filed a request to be reconsidered. Thursday I got a letter, again I was denied.

The reasons for denial were lame. None of my medical problems were addressed. They consider my condition to not be severe enough to keep me from working. Yeah right! I have used up every penny I had in savings to pay bills. We lost our home. Our family was homeless. My 9 year old son was saying he wanted to go to heaven where nobody was sick, and money didnt matter.

I have been suicidal many times over all of this. I don't mean I was just thinking about it either. I have lost just about everything that was dear to me in the past 4 years. I am so upset that I just want to bury myself in deep hole in the ground and never come out. (No, I am not suicidal now)
I don't understand what they want from me. I go from a very high paying job to homeless in 4 years, and they don't think my condition is severe enough?? If I could have worked at any period of time to avoid putting my children through this hell, I would have done so in a heartbeat.

OK...done ranting. Nice deep breaths...
I have the love of my family. I have beautiful children. I have the love of God. Life is still good

[Pburgh]

WxChick, keep trying. Sometimes it takes years and years. Get your Doctor and if need be a lawyer involved. Please, please talk to someone when you are feeling really down. There are many, many organizations out that that will help. Now you're here and we're always willing to listen.

((Hugs)) to you. You'll be in my prayers.

[Miss Mary]

WxChick - agree with Karan/Pburgh. Your story made me so sad, I just wanted to hug you. Keep trying as Karan said. Never take no for an answer, when you know you deserve those benefits. And finally, we are here for you as Karan said - vent away. We can take it.

Karan - and thanks for your very kind words. I don't usually want attention for my situation, since I know it could be much worse. And there are others in deeper pain or tragic situations. Still, it is a struggle for me somedays. Something so simple as eating, can be tricky. Very similar to Chron's, although I don't have that disease, just similar symptoms. Thought at one time meds for Chron's could help me, but doctors say no. Time, diet and keeping stress down all help. Biggest thing now is finally realizing I should be working, since raising 2 teens can be very expensive! Before now, one income was okay - just okay (we're not rolling in the dough so to speak). Our budget just gets tighter and tighter, so a second income, even if mine would be piddly, would greatly help. I need to look into this when Fall comes. I joke I'll drop down to 500 calories, eat one meal a day, LOL......but I won't of course. Well, I'm rambling. Again, so many others are in far, greater pain than I am. I really do count my blessings each and every day. But there are some trying days....

[streetsoldier]

FreakyWxChick,

Do yourself a BIG favor and get a lawyer; his (her) services, and transcripts of your medical history, will go a LONG way in getting benefits.

Your attorney can (and should) request a hearing before an Administrative Law Judge, during which ALL the pertinent facts and documentaion will be aired and reviewed. Doctor's recommendations will be of signal importance, as well.

There are attorneys who specialize in Social Security and dependents benefits (you'll want these for the kids...payments continue until age 18, or 22 if in college)...many ask for no retainer unless successful. Check into it...I had to fight for mine in this manner 20 years ago, and DO NOT PERMIT YOURSELF TO ACCEPT DEFEAT! OK? OK!

[weatherlover427]

I want to vent but if I say what I really want to say I will get banned so I better shut up.

[ColdFront77]

Joshua, seeing that you put it on the table... perhaps it would be best to tell those that you want to share the information with on PM, AIM or e-mail instead of here.

[JetMaxx]

Okay, I'll vent...about whoever the idiot was that lost an important paper I mailed to the E911 billing office at the county courthouse..

In early June my great aunt was rushed by ambulance to the hospital...a couple weeks later we get a letter from county Fire/EMS -- they can't file my aunt's claim with Medicare until they recieve her medicare, soc. security, and insurance info....

Okay, I fill out the form...rush it to the mailbox (had to run and catch the mailman)...and even emailed the E911 billing supervisor who sent the notice, assuring her the form was in the mail....or so I thought...

Last Wednesday, my great aunt gets another letter from 911...they still need that info, and she hasn't mailed it yet. I'm like ?????? For some friggin reason, the form I filled out and mailed failed to arrive at the courthouse...ONLY 3/4 mile from my home. How in heck can a letter get lost in 3/4 of a mile?? How can the 911 supervisor wait ALMOST a month to contact us again...when I EMAILED HER the day I mailed it to tell her...

I had to waste my time and drive to the courthouse to give them the Medicare and insurance info in person...so an ambulance bill that should have been filed six friggin weeks ago finally gets filed and paid...I hope.

How's that for a rant?

[weatherlover427]

I am afraid that ... never mind, I'm done. I am DONE.

[ColdFront77]

Joshua, my sincere apologies. Just trying to be nice.

[weatherlover427]

OK that was uncalled for and I apologize. But seriously, and honestly; some things on this board stress me out and that is one of; if not THE; main reason why I do not hang out much here anymore.

[azskyman]

Quite an exchange of frustrations here!

Back in 1984 and again in 1988..when I was riding a nice crest in life with my family...trips to Disney World...a trip to Switzerland...good jobs, healthy kids...beautiful wife...I woke up in a cold sweat one night, shaking like a leaf. Days and weeks of anxiety went by with every medical test I could think of trying to prove I was dying...because I KNEW I was in spite of tests to the contrary. Ultimately, my anxiety attacks were just that...but a therapist helped me get a grip on some realities.

He said...Life is not perfect, and I should not expect mine to be. He reminded me I would lose people and friends I loved, and that I would also have days at work and days with the family and events in my life that would frustrate the hell out of me. Frankly..he looked me in the eye and said.."Do not expect to escape these things...they are just part of life...not just everyone else's, but yours too."

Long story short...he did say something more that I have since found very useful. As the paths in our lives lead us in different directions...either by choice or by circumstance, "you need to understand you cannot control every situation, but you can always, ALWAYS, control how you react to it."

I have since worked very hard to keep each situation in its proper perspective. At work, I manage that by trying to keep emotion out of every situation and decision....breaking a problem down to its parts and deciding the options available. In my personal life, that is more difficult because there is great emotional attachment to my family and friends. Yet I can still do it if need be.

I have learned to solve many problems by starting with the ultimate question. "Is anyone going to die here?" Then, if the answer is no, I move on to the next set of questions. "What is really at risk? Is it a customer's job or is it something less? Is it some overtime? Or in the case of family...Do I risk losing them? Do I risk losing their acceptance and love? Or Do I simply risk an angered response?"

With all this in mind...I suggest we all have it in us to overcome much more than we think we can. Mary is a wonderful testimony to that. But we must do our best to take the emotion out of the equation long enough to investigate the options and take some initiative. You will not win every battle that way (which my therapist also acknowledged), but you will feel better about the effort you have made on behalf of something you know is right or better.

So whether it is PBurgh, Freaky, Josh, Streetsoldier, or others, whatever steps you can take to water down your status of victim and instead work toward continuous improvement of your situation is the healthiest thing you can do for yourselves. PBurgh...try to build a consensus argument...being careful not to let emotion override reason. Freaky...indeed seek that lawyer. You have far too much to lose. Josh, maybe it is time to open up that heart and trust someone with your story. Bill...you know how much we all care about you and support you in your struggles.

Venting is good. It is a relief valve. But the next step is to follow up with a measured initiative...doing something about it.

I'll help and encourage any way I can. There are others here who will do the same.

[Miss Mary]

Very good advice Steve! I think I turned the corner when I realized I didn't need to apologize to anyone around me who was uncomfortable with my situation. Or didn't understand it (heck, it took me 2 years to really "get it"!!). I decided if your life is good, no problems, well, it's hard to relate to other's sufferering. You have to go thru something upsetting yourself to really emphathize with others. Years ago, in my 20s I had a charmed life. Healthy, young, happy (or so I thought, first marriage was really a joke, but I ignored some signs of that). Anyway, coworkers of mine were far older and had personal trials. A spouse getting cancer and subsequently dying. Or an elderly parent's need to go into a nursing home. I cringe now thinking back at how I reacted to their tears or need for hugs. I just didn't have anything at the time to compare to their suffering. I do hope and pray I didn't say anything rude. My awakening came at age 28, when my marriage fell apart - hello, welcome to the real world Mary. From then on I knew what real, gut wrenching pain was - deep in my heart. 5 years later I experienced the saddest emotions in my life I've ever felt - losing my Dad to colon cancer at only the age of 67. After only 5 weeks since his diagnosis. Losing my dad broke my heart, more so than my divorce (if that makes any sense). So yes in a wordy way, I know now how sad others can feel. But IMHO, you need to experience some pain in your own life to really know how to reach out to others. I wish I could go back to a few of those coworkers in the 70s and hug them. OMG, I just cringe thinking of what I did say - or possibly I didn't say anything at all. Young, naive, untouched by anything painful and totally unaware of others' suffering.

Good post Steve.

Joshua, we're here for you if you want to vent. If not, we respect that too!

[azskyman]

Mary...life seems backwards in some ways, doesn't it. When we finally come to understand so much about those things that are important, it is harder to find the time or energy to share it or put it to good use. I, too, wish I could go back and say those things.

I went to visit an elderly employee of mine who was dying of lung cancer. His breathing was so labored...he lived but two days after my visit.

In my younger years I would have visited and been uneasy by his illness and battle for air. But on this day, I put my masked face to his ear and whispered, "It's ok to go Ralph. You know we love you." He opened his eyes just enough to acknowledge the message and we squeezed each other's hands.

Like many of the most important times in our lives...that one lasted less than 10 seconds...but had a profound impact on who I have become ever since.

[Pburgh]

I almost feel guilty when something I have done has such a good affect on another person. I get such a warm and wonderful feeling inside and wonder sometimes if I'm doing nice things cause I'm a nice person or am I doing nice things to get that warm and "fuzzy" feeling.

I think I need another cup of coffee before I go into a topic that deep. Phew ----------

[Stephanie]

WOW! Karan, this topic is more valuable than you probably would've ever realized!

Freaky - PLEASE take Bill's advice and get the help that you deserve!

Miss Mary - I understand what you mean about my 20's - boy was I niave! Actually, I think that it is in your 20's when you do the most growing up. My first marriage failed when I was 28 also. Dan had a son Ryan when we were married and I was very resentful at first of Ryan taking time away from me. Actually, what really was the case was that I felt like an addition to an already existing family - his ex-wife, Diane, was very nice and helpful to me and Ryan was a good kid, but Dan never made me feel like we had our own SEPARATE family. Dan actually didn't spend much time with Ryan when he did come over - about two nights during the week and then on weekends. When Ryan was over, Dan was at choir practice or something else. So, I was the babysitter. When football season came around - college and pro - Dan watched his Notre Dame and Dallas games. I would clean the house, rake the leaves, etc. and Ryan would be there. Dan was also a teacher so he would be home at around 4:00 p.m. He'd go and golf when it was nice and Stephanie, who would get home at 6:00 pm if work allowed it, would still make dinner.

During this time, I lost three grandparents (I was fortunate to know all of them as I grew up), I was diagnosed with severe depression and my parents split up and subsequently divorced. When I began taking my depression medication, Prozac, it was relatively new and it was thought at the time that I shouldn't try and concieve while on it. That in my mind told me that I probably wouldn't be having children. Towards the end of my marriage, I had the bright idea that if we had a child, then maybe all would be well (DUH), so with my doctor's supervision I came off of the Prozac. In the meantime, Marty and I were working together and we were starting to realize that our friendship ran alittle deeper. Eventually, at the end of March, 1990, I had a nervous breakdown. My doctor escorted me to the psychiatric ward of the hospital when it was very obvious in my session with him that I needed to get back onto the Prozac and become stabilized. I was suicidal (I had a straight-edged razor on me), anxious, crying, paranoid and it was all because I got off that medication. Needless to say, I will NEVER get off my meds again. When I got to the hospital and I called Dan to tell him that I was admitted, he asked me if I wanted to kill myself because I didn't love him anymore - or something to that effect. I told him that no, it wasn't about him, it was all about not loving myself.

Six months later, I moved out and rented a condo. Marty and I started our new relationship together.

I guess in the grand scheme of things, we go through different phases and experiences in our lives because we need to learn from them and get on to our next phase. There were alot of other issues involved above like work - realizing that it's not a 9 -5 world, that school teaches you theory only and not about the incompetent a$$holes and bullies you will need to work for and with, etc. The consultants as Karan is expereincing are only around because most of the time, it is upper management that should be laid-off because they can't do the job that they're supposed to do. Of course, the lay-offs will probably happen with no consideration as to how the work is going to get done and the upper management, I am sure, will be getting their bonus checks and raises at the end of the year. And so it goes.

Okay, you made me do it Karan! THANKS!

[Pburgh]

Stephanie, I'm so proud of you. ((Hugs))

[azskyman]

Stephanie...wow...it is only 8:20 in the morning here and been a lot said. What does that coffee do to us??

Powerful stuff indeed...but recognizing our human shortcomings is part of understanding who we are and how we can best relate to others.

BS to some of the young folks who think they are the first generation to have all the pressures and expectations and struggles. Indeed, they do have more choices, both good and bad, that seem to have gained acceptance...but the upside is that they also have more opportunity than many of us did.

Learning is something we never stop doing. The more we learn about the world from others...the more we learn about ourselves.

You have every reason to feel good about yourself and the path you have followed. Spending sunny days outside is a great way to grab on to the positives in the past and look ahead feeling good about yourself.

[Stephanie]

Actually Steve, I think it has to with it being a Sunday and I was making a confession.

As a post-script, what I omitted and was one of the reasons why I posted before I went on my tangent was that Ryan was a good kid and due to my inexperience, my immaturity, lack of support from his father, I took things out on him. I'm relating this to Miss Mary's post of how she hoped that her comments and reactions when she was younger to some of her co-worker's plights weren't too inappropriate and she wished that she could go back and do it all over again. Same here, though I wouldn't have gotten married . Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it also makes you realize how far you've come and learned.

[Pburgh]

The good, the bad and the ugly. I think all the things that happen in our lives, happen for a reason. Wow that sounds trite, but really would we be the people we are today if we hadn't had to suffer at one point or another. My father's favorite saying when things got tough was "suffer a little, it's good for your character." Stephanie do you really think you would be the kind, nurturing person you are today if you had never gotten married?? You didn't make lemonade out of that batch of lemons, but you were young and didn't have all the proper ingredients then. Now you have the proper "pitcher" and a lot of sugar and know how to make the sweetest lemonade out of any situation. I think so anyway.

Anyone want some more coffee?? I put on a fresh pot. Mary, I'll brew some Earl Grey.