Tech Support

[TexasStooge]

Have you seen these?

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer" Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write click and I wrote click twice."
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed A:SETUP."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
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Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the OK button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
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Tech Support:: "Type A: at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
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Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)
Tech Support:: "Well then we cant-"
Customer:: "It says no dial tone."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-"
Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."
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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
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Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer:" Pentium."
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Customer: "My computers telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
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Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
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Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
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Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer wont boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. Were open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, Hit ENTER when ready."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when its ready?"

[GalvestonDuck]

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Bwaaahaaahaaahaahaahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

[opera ghost]

*grins* To keep the laughs going- this was off a computer funnies message board that my husband visits.

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive. Imagine if they did ...
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HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to
know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

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HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the
vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes
with everything built in!"

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HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and
it won't start now!
HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't
crash any more!"

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HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
power brakes, and power door locks."
HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"

[TexasStooge]

Those are funny too opera.

[Colin]

LOL!!!!!! :p Those are great!!!

[pojo]

ironically, some of them sound just like my boss!

[Pburgh]

Did someone record my conversations with them!!!!!!
I told you guys I was blonde.

[stormraiser]

Oh, Gawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't read these with other people in the room. I nearly fell off my chair trying to keep it down.

[Stephanie]

Both were great!

Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$

LOL!!!!!

[weatherlover427]

That's some great stuff! ROTFL at all of those !

[stormy]

pburg too funny. texas thanks for the laugh.

[JCT777]

All of those were funny. LOL!!