WOMAN TOLD TO MOVE CLUTTER FROM SONS GRAVE

[AussieMark]

Woman Told to Move Clutter from Son's Grave

By Greg Frost
BOSTON (Reuters) - A grieving mother said on Thursday she plans to fight after her town set a deadline for her to remove decorations on the grave of her 9-year-old son or have his remains moved to a different cemetery.

Lisa Armstrong said she is still racked with guilt over the loss of her only child, Christopher, who died in her arms at her Brewster, Massachusetts, home in August after a lifelong battle with epilepsy and cerebral palsy.

Armstrong decided to bury the boy in a nearby public cemetery but found it to be "cold and raw" -- and so she covered the grave with mulch, white stones, fencing, plants, toys, Halloween decorations, solar-powered lighting, prayer cards and other objects.

"If it was my choice I would have kept him in his bedroom or put him in my parents' back yard, but by law you have to cremate them or bury them -- and I'm certainly not about to burn my son's body," Armstrong said in a telephone interview.

But at least two families with loved ones buried in the same cemetery have since complained to the town, citing rules that give graveyard managers the right to remove items deemed "hazardous, unsightly or otherwise inappropriate."

Armstrong has so far refused to remove the objects, and the town has given her until Jan. 15 to decide whether to comply with the rules or move Christopher's remains to a different cemetery -- one that will allow such displays.

In a letter, town officials offered to pay all costs related to the exhumation, transportation and reburial.

"We in no way wish to imply that this is a preferred solution," the letter said. "It is our greatest hope you will be satisfied to keep Christopher's grave right where it is and to continue to tend and adorn it in a manner that is consistent with the ... rules and regulations."

But Armstrong, 30, said she will not give an inch.

"How do they think that will make me feel to see my son dug up and moved? My son is supposed to be resting in peace," she said.

Armstrong said the decorations -- especially the lights -- provide comfort not just to her son but also to her.

"I cannot sleep unless I go into that cemetery at night and sing him songs and kiss him goodnight," she said, sobbing. "Otherwise I cannot sleep, I can't sleep."

Town officials were not immediately available for comment, and Janine Trainor, one of those who complained to town officials about the decorations, declined to comment.

[Josephine96]

She is mourning over her son. Let her mourn. Let her sons grave be decorated

[sunnyday]

This behavior is so cruel that I could cry for that poor woman. What is wrong with people? Let her put what she needs to on that grave and grieve as best she can.

[Josephine96]

Exactly. Let her grieve and mourn. There is a roadside memorial where a friend of mine died almost 5 years ago.

Her memorial sometimes gets kinda "cluttered" but nobody ever says a thing We put baloons there on her birthday. I used to put a rose there once a week {they closed the stupid gas station that sold the roses {sniffles} } But her memorial has become like a place to mourn, or even celebrate.

I can't believe they would do this to somebody.

[GalvestonDuck]

Sheesh, he just died in August. She needs time to grieve and to do it in whatever way works for her.

[Josephine96]

Exactly Duck.. It's only November. This is heinous and disrespectful by those people.

[opera ghost]

On the other hand- while I understnad (I really do- if we had a burial plot for my mom in law we'd probably have some very strange things out there to give ourselves and her comfort) what aobut the people in the plots next to the boys? What if thier idea of peace for thier loved one doesn't include lights and fences and a lot of clutter? The cemetary seems to be trying to follow the rules for the comfort of other people who are also grieving- not just trying to rain on her parade. I can't imagine visiting my uncles grave next to the description of that one- he was a quiet loving guy who's idea of eternal peace would have been a newspaper and a pipe without any other disturbances. (and after being a single parent to two boys who both had ADD- death was probably the first peaceful rest he got in the years that I knew him)

I totally respect her. I also think she should have chosen a different cemetary- especially since there appears to be one where the decorations are perfectly within policy and appropriatness.