'Twas the Night Before Christmas--A Woman's Point of View

mf_dolphin · #81 Postby **mf_dolphin** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 1:56 pm

Wife 1.0 Program Upgrade Problems

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER

Dear TROUBLED USER:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support".

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal.

The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Lindaloo · #82 Postby **Lindaloo** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 1:56 pm

LOL ticka!!!

weatherlover427 · #83 Postby **weatherlover427** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 1:58 pm

Since you slammed us pretty good, I'm gonna slam YOU pretty good... :lol:

Lindaloo · #84 Postby **Lindaloo** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 1:58 pm

ABOUT MEN

Don't imagine you can change a man ~ unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

If we put a man on the moon ~ we should be able to put them all up there.

Never let your man's mind wander ~ it's too little to be out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well ~ they never mature anyway.

Men are all the same ~ they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.

Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the boat …

Women don't make fools of men ~ most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.

Love is blind ~ but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you want a committed man ~ look in a mental hospital.

The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. See, even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in ~ tell him cheque books.

Remember: a sense of humour does not mean you tell him jokes ~ it means you laugh at his.

Sadly, all men are created equal.

southerngale · #85 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:00 pm

Reasons Computers Must Be MALE

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter

Lindaloo · #86 Postby **Lindaloo** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:03 pm

WOMEN:

Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

Women wait by the phone for a safe at home call from a friend after a snowy drive home. They are childcare workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes, and your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up for injustice.

They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools and for getting their family the right health care. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

MEN:

Men are good at lifting heavy stuff.

Lindaloo · #87 Postby **Lindaloo** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:05 pm

One day, a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously and a genie appeared. "I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job - a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."

"Done!" said the genie. "You're a housewife."

Guest · #88 Postby **Guest** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:08 pm

Now 'J' - how about you fetch me a beer hon....Any make sure there is no foam on top of it :-)

southerngale · #89 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:08 pm

Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?
A:Because they have nothing else to brag about.

Q:What is the best way to get a man to stop pestering you?
A:Stare at his crotch and laugh.

Q:If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A:YES!!!

southerngale · #90 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:10 pm

There were three guys on top of the cn tower, and they met a genie, the genie said I will give you one wish each, what you wish for you will jump off and land in it. the first guy wished to land in gold, so off he jumped and landed in gold, the second guy wished for lots of money he landed in money, the third guy said I wish for,,, Oh man I forget, oh crap, and with out Knowing he landed in a pile of crap.

southerngale · #91 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:10 pm

I think my wife is selling drugs! Yesterday I was running a little bit late for work and the phone rang. I answered it. Before I could say anything a male voice on the line said, Hey honey is that DOPE gone yet?

Lindaloo · #92 Postby **Lindaloo** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:12 pm

LOL SG!!

southerngale · #93 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:12 pm

Q. Why do men have slits in their underwear?

A. So they can get oxygen to their brains.

mf_dolphin · #94 Postby **mf_dolphin** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:14 pm

Q. How do you drownd a blond?
A. Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.

j · #95 Postby j » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:14 pm

Wow....this is tiring me. All this reading. Linda...will you please assist Patricia and help her open those beers?...I think she is getting a bit tipsy. Perhaps a little teamwork..she holds the cap, you spin the bottle, and the two of you ....no wait a sec...that's a different game.

Like Hank Jr. says, "A little less talk, and a lot more action".

Guest · #96 Postby **Guest** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:14 pm

ACTION.....put out or shut up !!!!

mf_dolphin · #97 Postby **mf_dolphin** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:16 pm

Why do men bring flowers to women when they're in the hospital?
Because a bale of hay is too heavy.

mf_dolphin · #98 Postby **mf_dolphin** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:16 pm

Why don't women need to wear watches?
Because stoves have clocks on them.

mf_dolphin · #99 Postby **mf_dolphin** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:17 pm

Why can't women ski?
Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom

j · #100 Postby j » Thu Dec 04, 2003 2:18 pm

ticka1 wrote:ACTION.....put out or shut up !!!!

LMAO....I think a fire has been lit somewhere.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas--A Woman's Point of View

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