'Twas the Night Before Christmas--A Woman's Point of View

deb_in_nc · #181 Postby **deb_in_nc** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 10:53 pm

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.

On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because

they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!

Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

southerngale · #182 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 11:07 pm

What is the difference between garbage and men?
Garbage gets thrown out and stays out!

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.

How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
No one knows, the ex-wife always gets the house.

Why is dating like a game of cards?
Because if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Why don't women like basketball players as lovers?
Because they dribble before they shoot.

southerngale · #183 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 11:12 pm

What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?

You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.

StormCrazyIowan · #184 Postby **StormCrazyIowan** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 11:15 pm

ROFL!!! You go girl!! :lol:

weatherlover427 · #185 Postby **weatherlover427** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 11:21 pm

Well women would never go nude anyway

!

southerngale · #186 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 11:24 pm

hehe

How do you get a man on the roof?
Tell him the beers on the house.

Did you hear about the two men who went ice fishing?
They caught 200 pounds of ice, but drowned when they tried to cook it.

What's the hardest thing to teach a man?
How to operate a waste basket.

Why did the man sell his water skis?
He couldn't find a lake on a hill.

southerngale · #187 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 11:25 pm

Do you always tell your husband when you've had an orgasm?
No way! I'm not going to call home every time!

southerngale · #188 Postby **southerngale** » Thu Dec 04, 2003 11:32 pm

Woman: "I got a set of golf clubs for my husband"
Friend: "GREAT trade!"

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

stormy · #189 Postby **stormy** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 2:16 am

this is great, i am in. i believe the score is
women 300 men 20

behind every great man is a great woman pushing him.

why dont single women fart, because until they get married they dont have a a%$hole.

go girl u all r great.

JCT777 · #190 Postby **JCT777** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 10:13 am

Kelly - you have WAY too many male-bashing jokes in your collection! :eek:

I think I would need to spend the next 500 consecutive hours on the internet to find enough female bashing jokes to match them. :wink:

j · #191 Postby j » Fri Dec 05, 2003 10:58 am

well well well.....you ladies have been mighty busy.
I had was reading all of the male bashing jokes and I was suddenly jolted awake by more forhead smashing into the monitor!

The only important stat I read was David's extremely accurate tally.

We men thank you David for the truth...fair and balanced.

#192 Postby **Stephanie** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 12:15 pm

Kelly - I think you & I used the same site! :lol:

#193 Postby **bfez1** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 12:23 pm

Guest · #194 Postby **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 1:06 pm

OMG Bonnie that's too freaking funny... You go girl.

Duct tape rules..

Lindaloo · #195 Postby **Lindaloo** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 1:13 pm

LOL Bonnie!!

southerngale · #196 Postby **southerngale** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 1:22 pm

LOL!!

But I gotta wonder, ya think they'll take the hint? hmmm.....not so sure about that! :roll:

JCT777 · #197 Postby **JCT777** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 1:49 pm

If toilet seats weren't meant to be pulled up, they would not have been made that way. 8-)

GalvestonDuck · #198 Postby **GalvestonDuck** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 1:57 pm

JCT777 wrote:If toilet seats weren't meant to be pulled up, they would not have been made that way.

There's a simple way to resolve that problem -- everyone (yes, women too) can put the lid down when they are done. That way, the toilet is left in the same state for whoever who goes in next. No fussing about the seat being up or down because everything would be down.

southerngale · #199 Postby **southerngale** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 3:00 pm

Not all dumb men are mechanically inclined. A friend tells me a story about the guy who went to the hardware store and bought a chainsaw. The next day he brings it back.
"What's the matter?" says the clerk.
"You told me this saw would cut down ten trees in an hour. It took me all day yesterday to chop down ten trees."
The clerk says, "Let me look at it." He takes the saw and pulls the starter cord. The thing starts right up with a deafening sound, a loud angry buzz. The customer puts his fingers in his ears and shouts to the clerk, "What's making that noise?"

southerngale · #200 Postby **southerngale** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 3:05 pm

Some freshman college kids are sitting under a tree at their beautiful state university talking about their classes.
Says one young woman, "I can't believe it. My calculus course has to be the hardest course in the world."
"Get over yourself," says her girlfriend. "You should try my theoretical physics class."
"You have got to be joking," says a young man there on a football scholarship. "You call that stuff hard? You should try my class. Have you ever heard of something called subtraction?"

'Twas the Night Before Christmas--A Woman's Point of View

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