Some giggles after yesterday's slugfest here in off topic...

[Guest]

After yesterday's slugfest in the off topics section - I thought everyone would need a laugh or two to get the day started off....thanks to Stephanie who sent me this via email.

1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a
> cigarette.
>
>
>
> 2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every
> minute of it.
>
>
>
> 3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on
> Me!
>
>
>
> 4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal
> to kill them.
>
>
>
> 5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>
>
>
> 6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out
> alive.
>
>
>
> 7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk
> to me.
>
>
>
> 8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>
>
>
> 9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
>
>
>
> 10) To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
>
>
>
> 11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are
> missing.
>
>
>
> 12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>
>
>
> 13) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ
>
>
>
> 14) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...
> not screaming and
> yelling like the passengers in his car.
>
>
>
> 15) God must love stupid people, he made so many.
>
>
>
> 16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>
>
>
> 17) It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to
> get you.
>
>
>
> 18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
>
>
>
> 19) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
>
>
>
> 20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>
>
>
> 21) CAT ~ The Other White Meat!
>
>
>
> 22) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!
>
>
>
> 23) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With
> Buttheads!
>
>
>
> 24) Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam"-seen on
> Cape Cod
>
>
>
> 25) "That's It! I'm Calling Nana!" - (seen on an 8
> year old)
>
>
>
> 26) "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to
> Be When I Grew Up"
>
>
>
> 27) "Procrastinate Now"
>
>
>
> 28) "Rehab Is for Quitters"
>
>
>
> 29) "My Dog Can Lick Anyone"
>
>
>
> 30) "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want
> Fries With That?
>
>
>
> 31) "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size
> shirt)
>
>
>
> 32) "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do What I've
> Been Doing Since 15"
>
>
>
> 33) "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING"
>
>
>
> 34) "West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last
> names"
>
>
>
> 35) "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with
> the software."
>
>
>
> 36) "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"
>
>
>
> 37) "A hangover is the wrath of grapes"
>
>
>
> 38) "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a
> cash advance"
>
>
>
> 39) "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
>
>
>
> 40) "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music"
>
>
>
> 41) "They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease"
> was already taken"
>
>
>
> 42) "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless
> dead"
>
>
>
> 43) "Time's fun when you're having
> flies.......Kermit the Frog"
>
>
>
> 44) "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have
> nothing to go on."
>
>
>
> 45) "FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped
> once."
>
>
>
> 46) "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN
> GOSH"
>
>
>
> 47) "A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS But it uses
> up a thousand times the
> memory."
>
>
>
> 48) "The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're
> through with it."
>
>
>
> 49) "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
> banana."
>
>
>
> 50) "HAM AND EGGS - day's work for a chicken;
> lifetime commitment for a pig.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 51) "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20
> years."
>
>
>
> 52) "The trouble with life is there's no background
> music."
>
>
>
> 53) "IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT
> KLEENEX?"
>
>
>
> 54) "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
>
>
>
> 55) "The original point and click interface was a
> Smith & Wesson."
>
>
>
> 56) "MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT"
>
>
>
> 57) "Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a
> bit."
>
>
>
> 58) "Computer programmers know how to use their
> hardware."
>
>
>
> 59) "MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile
> Island cleanup team."
>
>
>
> 60) "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy,
> why-the-hell-is-the-room spinning-medicine
> "
>
>
>
> 61) "Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is
> research."
>
>
>
> 62) " My husband and I divorced over religious
> differences. He thought he
> was God and I didn't!"

[firefighter16]

I liked #20.....

[Guest]

LOL Firefighter16 = NOT YOU!!!! what your all of 30 years old - you can't be forgetful at that young of an age

[firefighter16]

Not forgetfull.......

Just selective thinking.........

[Guest]

LOL...FF16 Selective Memory - hogwash Lol its old age...heheheheh



#36 is my fav for now...I'll reserve the right to change my mind later this morning ... LOL

[blizzard]

LMAO at #1.......

That was too funny

[deb_in_nc]

21- EEEWWWWW!!!!!

[j]

I vote for #45 ...painted a mental picture of that one

[TexasStooge]

LOL!!! Too funny!

[firefighter16]

j keep that gun away from ticka......

[Stephanie]

OMG!! You're right Ticka - that is a perfect thing to get everyone laughing again.

I thought that they were hysterical and I couldn't wait to pass them on.

You're right deb - #21

I think #3 is appropriate with the illegal immigrant situation

#14 -

[GalvestonDuck]

ROLFMBO @ #51!

[southerngale]

LOL!! A bunch of those are hilarious!!

[JCT777]

LOL!! Awesome!

[wx247]

Thanks for sharing... I enjoyed them