azskyman wrote:Over the years I have been lucky enough to have some gay and lesbian friends in my life. Not surprising, they have been among the most loyal and truthful people Kathy and I have ever known. I count on THEM for support many times when I need it. And they ALWAYS come through.
My sons are both heterosexual, and I'm glad that they are. But had their sexual orientation been different, I would have probably asked myself "why," as if I might have done something wrong. But no more than I do when I confront other aspects of their personalities and beings that don't always make sense to me.
Never, though, would the question of love and support have been part of the equation. They would never have to ask if my love was compromised because they know it would not be.
I suspect that those who would disown their own children simply struggle with their own identity and place in life. Hate and anger is easier to deal with than love, appreciation, and mutual respect.
Finding your place in this world is a tough tough assignment. We all want to make a difference, have real friends, be successful and beautiful, and have all the tools that make us important.
In the end, what makes us important is not our sexuality or opinions, but instead how well we can relate to others....bring the best out in them, no matter who they are.
Without ever expecting a single thing in return.
I would just want my sons to be good people, unselfish people, regardless of their orientation.
What a wonderful way to put it Steve. I agree, I want my girls to be good people, first and foremost. And care about others. If they announced they were gay someday, I'd accept it. And not disown them. Can't imagine my children ever doing anything that would cause me to send them off into the world w/o any contact from me. That is what parents are doing when they disown their own children - just opening that door, shoving them out and saying good-bye. How a person, and I refuse to use that word parent, can do that is beyond me. I've always encouraged my daughters to look back on each day as they say their nightly prayers or fall asleep. Ask themselves if they were kind to others, did they say anything hurtful to another, etc. If they did, apologize the next day and/or fix it. I should add that in Nina's elementary years she was bullied by one girl in particular. And it was a rough few years there. That sure taught us a lesson. Instead of Nina bullying right back, she interalized it. Struggled for a few years there on how to handle it. There was a time in 6th grade a 'slam book' went around the class. It was just a simple notebook but at the top of each page was a kid's name. You were supposed to write a nasty thing about that person and then pass the book on. Two girls got in big trouble for that, and one was Nina's bully. Nina came home from school that day saying - Mom, I know I had a page in that book. So we all discussed this situation at the dinner table. Laura blurted out - ya know what, if that notebook got passed to me, I'd write something nice about each person! And then turn it into the teacher. While we applauded her sweet gesture, we said she shouldn't write anything but still stand up for what's right - turn it in. You can either grow from hurtful things like that or dish it right back. We encourage compassion and understanding in our house. To this day, I often ask about that bully. I pegged her to be on drugs, pregnant, etc. by now. I'm half right. Sure got off track there but Steve that was such a nice post!
Mary
