How would you feel if your son/daughter was gay?

[isobar]

The reason why is that I'm sure most of you here are in touch enough with your children's lives that you might at least have some inkling of a clue before they tell you.

Just curious as to what some of the clues might be and at what age might they begin surfacing? Any feedback is appreciated.

[JQ Public]

Well when i was at the Judy Shephard speech 2 weeks ago at my college she said that she noticed that "smthg" was different about her child for a long while. Not only til her child told her that he was gay did it click for her. Judy Shephard btw is the mother of MAtthew Shephard, the college student killed for being gay in wyoming..

[GulfBreezer]

I have to chime in on this thread as a moderator and let all of you know how very impressed I am with all of the responses so far!! You are making me and the rest of the staff so proud!! Oh.....gotta go.....getting a little teary-eyed!~!

Keep up the good work folks!! You are ALL awesome!!

[GalvestonDuck]

Well, since I'm not a parent, I can't really speak from that perspective.

But I'm sure some of it depends upon the child's age. Kids display their likes and dislikes early in life. I was only 8 when I thought Kelly was the most attractive of Charlie's Angels. Of course, the attraction wasn't sexual at the time (and sexuality is only a small part of it anyway). I was 10 when Grease hit the big screen and I first saw Olivia Newton-John. Xanadu was in 1980 (I was 12) and that one really got the fireworks going.

But being a young fan of a gorgeous blonde pop icon isn't really a good clue. Otherwise, parents of Britney-wannabe's everywhere would be burning her CD's. Then again, maybe Britney isn't a good example to use.

Dating habits might offer something, but there are plenty of people out there who "play it safe" and try to act straight for the sake of friends and family until they're ready to come out. However, some of the people I now know are gay actually dated gays of the opposite sex -- if that makes sense. They were protecting each other.

Who a child's friends are could be a clue. But not in my case. I have some gay friends. But I have and probably always will prefer to hang out with straight or at least straight-acting people. I'm actually sort of homophobic in that sense. I don't like the militant, left-wing, rainbow-flag-waving types. I get flack about it sometimes, but I don't care. I've been told that I'm "conforming to the straight agenda" and hiding who I really am. I don't see it that way. If anything, I'm being true to who I am -- and that's an ordinary-looking, white-bread, right-wing Republican American who likes Florida football, ER, and watching hurricanes.

Ah, there's another thing - sports. Who am I kidding? That's not a clue. I was on a swim team. But I didn't play basketball or softball or anything like that. And many girls who do are NOT gay. Guys who prefer Broadway plays to sports are not necessarily gay either.

Even when it comes to the big clue - sex - it's hard to know for sure. I've always been firm in my belief that waiting for true love is a good thing. And so I waited...until I was 27. Of course, I dated and had romantic relationships before that. Hopefully, no one's children will be doing anything (straight or gay) until they know for certain that they are ready.

So, basically, I guess what I'm saying it that there could be clues. But you don't necessarily want to jump to any conclusions too early. And you certainly can't go by any standard stereortypes to decide if your child, grandchild, or whoever is gay.

Gosh, I don't know if I helped or confused the situation.

[Lindaloo]

I am confused if that helps Duckie. LOL!!

[JCT777]

Shawn - your posts on this subject have been excellent and very informative. I think they are very helpful.

[GalvestonDuck]

LOL, Linda!

Thanks, Sandi, David, John, and the rest of the mods! ((((((Hugs)))))) I'm impressed, too. But hey, what'dya expect? We're all family here.

[coriolis]

My oldest brother is gay and my father did not take it well at all. My mother was much better about it. Can't say how I'd react. Probably a maelstrom of feelings to get sorted out. I won't have to worry about whether to disown or not, because I'll probably have nothing to leave behind.

[CaptinCrunch]

Try to understand and love him or her all the same

[Anonymous]

I would be devastated and search myself to see where I went wrong.

Perhaps you wouldn't have "gone wrong," in some cases (not all) it's likely a chemical/biological anomaly causing the homosexuality after all.

[GalvestonDuck]

I would be devastated and search myself to see where I went wrong.

Perhaps you wouldn't have "gone wrong," in some cases (not all) it's likely a chemical/biological anomaly causing the homosexuality after all.

So true, brettjrob. Of course, that's still a debatable area, but I agree with your take on it.

However, if that's a parent's only "concern" - that their child is gay, I'd have to say that they certainly did nothing wrong and they must be wonderful parents.

[Anonymous]

I would be devastated and search myself to see where I went wrong.

Perhaps you wouldn't have "gone wrong," in some cases (not all) it's likely a chemical/biological anomaly causing the homosexuality after all.

So true, brettjrob. Of course, that's still a debatable area, but I agree with your take on it.

However, if that's a parent's only "concern" - that their child is gay, I'd have to say that they certainly did nothing wrong and they must be wonderful parents.

Agreed... of course it's debatable, and any straight person proclaiming that it is all sociological and controllable and referencing a 2000-year-old scripture as support is out of line IMO. Until one gains access to a homosexual's consciousness they have no right or reason to decide what the cause of homosexuality is, especially if they are coming from it at a biased angle that already deems it "sinful" before the cause is known.

[Rainband]

We're taking the high road on this discussion. I agree, the responses are heartfelt and strong.

The responses from this question THIS time show the growth and maturity that has taken place since earlier days.

Let's keep it on the high road....and maybe we can have other discussions on topics heretofore better left unsaid.

Thanks to all...

Double amen

AMEN!

[Rainband]

I don't have any children either...but if I did...and a son or daughter was gay, at first I would be shocked and devastated but with the Lord's help would come to accept my child's lifestyle choice and continue to love him or her unconditionally. He/she and their partner would always be a part of family get-togethers (birthdays, holidays, etc) and if they'd like...a family vacation.

We love you Jonathan and Shawn and you're an awesome asset here at Storm2K and always will be!

Eric

We love you too... So are you Eric and thank you

[Rainband]

I must agree with the other comments and say thanks to everyone for taking the high road. Although we all may not always agree on everything we should always have respect for each other:wink: I am proud to be a part of this great community God Bless you ALL

[Pburgh]

Wow, these posts are terrific. ((Hugs)) to all of you.

I have always prided myself on being a very supportive Mom to my two daughters. Yes, they are both heterosexual. If they were gay, I would not love them less - not one little bit. I'd probably be more "loving" to them because of what they would have to endure from inconsiderate others throughout their life. I'd be concerned that someone would intentionally or even unintentionally cause them pain or hurt their feelings or hurt them. I'd be like a mother bear defending her cub.

I think kids are a product of their upbringing. So far mine are loving, kind and considerate and I am very lucky for that. I judge people by looking at the way they treat their fellow man and not by any sexual persuasion. I hope my daughter and grandchildren will always do the same.

[Rainband]

I agree karan. This is how I look at people. I liken it to a blind person looking at someone. You see whats inside, the soul, and thats all that matters. Or should anyway (((HUGS)))

[isobar]

Well, since I'm not a parent, I can't really speak from that perspective.

But I'm sure some of it depends upon the child's age. Kids display their likes and dislikes early in life. I was only 8 when I thought Kelly was the most attractive of Charlie's Angels. Of course, the attraction wasn't sexual at the time (and sexuality is only a small part of it anyway). I was 10 when Grease hit the big screen and I first saw Olivia Newton-John. Xanadu was in 1980 (I was 12) and that one really got the fireworks going.

But being a young fan of a gorgeous blonde pop icon isn't really a good clue. Otherwise, parents of Britney-wannabe's everywhere would be burning her CD's. Then again, maybe Britney isn't a good example to use.

Dating habits might offer something, but there are plenty of people out there who "play it safe" and try to act straight for the sake of friends and family until they're ready to come out. However, some of the people I now know are gay actually dated gays of the opposite sex -- if that makes sense. They were protecting each other.

Who a child's friends are could be a clue. But not in my case. I have some gay friends. But I have and probably always will prefer to hang out with straight or at least straight-acting people. I'm actually sort of homophobic in that sense. I don't like the militant, left-wing, rainbow-flag-waving types. I get flack about it sometimes, but I don't care. I've been told that I'm "conforming to the straight agenda" and hiding who I really am. I don't see it that way. If anything, I'm being true to who I am -- and that's an ordinary-looking, white-bread, right-wing Republican American who likes Florida football, ER, and watching hurricanes.

Ah, there's another thing - sports. Who am I kidding? That's not a clue. I was on a swim team. But I didn't play basketball or softball or anything like that. And many girls who do are NOT gay. Guys who prefer Broadway plays to sports are not necessarily gay either.

Even when it comes to the big clue - sex - it's hard to know for sure. I've always been firm in my belief that waiting for true love is a good thing. And so I waited...until I was 27. Of course, I dated and had romantic relationships before that. Hopefully, no one's children will be doing anything (straight or gay) until they know for certain that they are ready.

So, basically, I guess what I'm saying it that there could be clues. But you don't necessarily want to jump to any conclusions too early. And you certainly can't go by any standard stereortypes to decide if your child, grandchild, or whoever is gay.

Gosh, I don't know if I helped or confused the situation.

Thanks for your advice Shawn, uh, I think. LOL j/k Actually your answer is very helpful. Basically every child/person is different, and there is no definite set of clues or age range.

[azskyman]

One element of meeting people online is that we DO learn about each other from the inside, out. We learn who people are, what they stand for, how they react, how big or little their heart is, what their fears are, and much much more.

I suspect that many of us here at Storm2k would walk right by, maybe even dismiss a chance to meet, if we simply introduced ourselves physically first.

My point is this. Whether it be our sons or daughters, or just acquaintances along the way, we assign much more value to a person, gay or straight, black or white, young or old, thin or heavy, once we connect on the inside.

Our differences then become extensions to life's experience....not something we try to avoid.

And...once we have learned the more important aspects of each other as people, we are much more ready to embrace the outward appearance and behavior that goes with it.

Discovering someone from the outside, in, seems so much more treacherous and risky. And can be.

[Stephanie]

Very good post Shawn AND Steve.