Interfering or Helping?

[azskyman]

We have a lot of interaction on these boards. Besides, if you work, go to school, have a family, ride a bus, answer a phone, play on a team, use the remote, play in a band, or otherwise do just about anything in life, you interact.

Here's an example. I have two grown sons. They live their life differently than I might, but they are guided by some very good principles that I have truly come to appreciate. They have opinions. I have opinions. I want to help. But I don't want to interfere.

Same thing on these boards. It's obvious some people are looking for approval. Maybe looking for help. Maybe looking to belong. Or maybe looking for guidance. I want to help, but I don't want to interfere.

So, what are the secrets that keep you, keep us, from crossing the line between helping and encouraging versus interfering and turning people off.

Through my eyes, I think it starts with an appreciation and acceptance that I can respect a person for who they are without having to change them into someone else.

What are some ways to help without interfering?

[mf_dolphin]

The thing that seems to work for me is just being there to listen. Most people signed my yearbook "Dear Abby" lol I didn't know how quite to take that then but as I grew older it kind of made sense.

[wx247]

You wouldn't know it from online, but "in the real world" I am everybody's confident. I know more secrets about my senior class than I could ever tell... but I don't tell them.

Even in college I have people who tell me I am one of the most approachable people they have ever met. I think that listening is the most important thing to do. So often that is all someone needs.

[Skywatch_NC]

The thing that seems to work for me is just being there to listen. Most people signed my yearbook "Dear Abby" lol I didn't know how quite to take that then but as I grew older it kind of made sense.

Marshall, at least that's better than being 'labeled' Quiet and never says much
by classmates who signed your yearbook...they ought to see me though at Storm2K!

And speaking of "Dear Abby"...I love that column...read it daily!

Eric

[ColdFront77]

Marshall, at least that's better than being 'labeled' Quiet and never says much by classmates who signed your yearbook...they ought to see me though at Storm2K!

How true, Eric... I got "Class Quietest" for the Class of 1996.

[weatherlover427]

On the contrary, I got loudest class member award in 5th grade, as well as messiest desk award *laughs out loud* ... I even broke the lock on the side door in 5th grade by sticking a twig in the key hole so the teacher couldn't open it.

[Guest]

It depends on the situation. I think like Marshall said listening is the best tool there is ...... it really depends on the person you are trying to help - if they want help or don't - then it could be either.

[timNms]

Joshua21Young, sounds like you were a lot like some of the kids I taught over the past few yrs. Gotta love 'em, but boy, can they be headaches sometimes! LOL.

[wx247]

Joshua21Young, sounds like you were a lot like some of the kids I taught over the past few yrs. Gotta love 'em, but boy, can they be headaches sometimes! LOL.

tell me about it.

[coriolis]

If someone asks for advice, I'll give it. If someone doesn't want advice, I'll let them learn the hard way.

[vbhoutex]

Listening is a very powerful tool. Many times if one will just listen to the other person and what they are saying, they will work out their "problem" themselves. As and Elder and "shepherd" in our church I have had occasion to be involved in some very tough and very delicate situations involving friends and other members of our congregation over the years. One thing I do a lot of is praying, especially if I am involved in a situation involving a family, that God's will be done in the situation I am dealing with. Sometimes those prayers are individual and sometimes they are with the family or group. Many times as I listen I will simply repeat back to the person(s) what they have just said with the addition of "so you think" or "so you feel" or some similar phrase to let them know I am listening and hearing what they are saying. If someone truly wants advice they will ask for it. At the same time it is important to listen to them and note their reaction to your "advice" so as not to intrude or to understand if they really do want "advice". But above all truly "LISTENING" and "HEARING" is one of the best and most powerful tools there is to help others without interfering.

[stormraiser]

I generally follow this, but sometimes I have something on my heart to communicate and it just comes out. Usually it goes well, but sometimes I have to pick shoe leather out of my teeth.

If someone asks for advice, I'll give it. If someone doesn't want advice, I'll let them learn the hard way.