I need a pick me up..

[Josephine96]

and maybe even a hug too I went to visit Mom today because she's in a rehab center now instead of the hospital and for the 3rd day in a row we got into a fight and it made me cry..

For anyone that's wondering what it was today.. Mom's other kids {my siblings of course} flat out refuse to come and see her and if they do I am willing to bet they will break her heart. I am tired of seeing her heart get broken. If I ever do.. I of course don't do it purposely.

So today she had to rub it in my face that my sister was coming to see her. SHE also proceeded to tell me that the only sibling I ever really loved out of all of them {my older sis} HATES MY GUTS NOW

I used to sit with my older sis all the time as I was growing up. She has always been an alcoholic. I was the only 1 who would even remotely talk to her even during her drunken tirades. I was the only 1 who would try to be friends with every guy she brought home. I was the only 1 there for her.

I believe she hates my guts now because her and my other sis have supposedly settled their differences. if my 2 sisters are getting along, that usually means they are bashing me from here to Tijuana..

Anyway.. I'm sorry I'm bashing. 1 more thing. While I was there.. Mom and I were speaking to a phsyco therapist and she actually told him "I think I'd be better off without him {me}". I know I am 21 years old, and probably shouldn't be home anymore anyway lol.. But this was not the right way to hear it..

Mom also bashed me yesterday because I let her know the church I now attend is a Baptist church and not a Catholic church. {She's a major catholic and can't stand Baptist's {myself included}..

Anyway.. I'll stop bashing.. I know I should just let everything go because I know she is depressed and frustrated.. But she has hurt me too much over the years..

Please be kind with your words. You guys may quickly be becoming only the 2nd family I have {besides my church family of course }

Thanks for listening

[bfez1]

(((((HUGS))))) ----hope you're feeling better soon.

[Skywatch_NC]

We love you, John! (((((HUGS)))))

My prayers and thoughts are with you, Bro.

Eric

[furluvcats]

John....((((hugs)))). Don't ever beleive that you are not loved, you are! You're family will pull it together, and you'll be happy then. Even though they may be acting mean towards you, I'm sure they are hurting also. Be better then them, and always embrace them with love. Before long, your love will wear off on them.

[sunnyday]

I'm sorry you're having these problems, and I will pray that things get better for you very soon.

[petal*pusher]

John..............parents sometime do things that they regret later; I'm sure your Mom's actions/statements are brought on by what she is going thru........but that doesn't mean you're not hurting. Please know you have lots of "shoulders" here that do not mind hearing your frustrations.

Working daily in a high school setting gave me a completely different understanding of young people's challenges..........they are very different than my "growing up" challenges were......and MINE were very different than MY parents! I'm so sorry you're feeling bad........but you were right to let us share your burden a little...............sending good vibes your way........p

[Josephine96]

Thanks everybody for the help. I just feel so bad.. and I feel like I am not good enough since she always talks to me about my other siblings and how she wishes they were there..

I wouldn't hate my siblings so much if they wouldn't had done the things to me or Mom and Dad that they have done.

I want to be happy for Mom that my siblings are supposedly coming to see her.. but they are just going to break her heart. I know I can't guarantee that.. but they have done it so many times that it's almost a given..

[JCT777]

John - I too hope things get better fo you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[stormraiser]

John, I know what it is like to have a family that blames problems on you. You have to take it with a grain of salt. Don't take it personally. When my dad was drinking heavy, I was the cause of his divorce, of all his problems, etc. Now, he's sober and things are going fine. I let things affect me heavily and I regretted my life, but I was there was forgiveness for him, because he didn't know what he was doing. Hope this helps.

[Josephine96]

Helps a little bit Stormy thank you.. I know I have to take it with a grain of salt.. I even try to tell myself that.. But it is so hard to do a lot of times

[Pburgh]

John, it sounds like you're a terrific son and sibling. Take pride in the fact that you have stuck by everyone thru thick and thin. That's what love and family are all about. I know some people are thoughtless and actually mean at times in what they say and do. You have no control over the fact that your siblings will break your Mom's heart. The only thing you can control is YOU making her happy. You can't even control how your Mom treats you or that your sisters are bashing you. It hurts but there is nothing you can do about it. Please try to give yourself a pat on the back for being such a good person and good son. Try to keep your chin up and know that these hard times will pass and God Loves You. We're all here for you. ((Hugs))
Take care my friend
Karan

[Josephine96]

Thank you Karan.. I must say.. since converting to the Baptist side instead of the Catholic side.. I have really found out how much God does love me {no offense to Catholics at all intended} I am a pretty good kid.. I know I can't control over what my siblings do or how my mom treats me, them.. or my sisters how they treat me..

I need to just take a breath and I guess be thankful for how good a person I am.. I know you guys all love me too

[therock1811]

Anyway.. I'm sorry I'm bashing.

You are NOT bashing...you're stating your feelings...you do, however, need to take a serious look at what has been going on recently...your mom is stressed...and does not really want you to be...but the way she did handle it is not right...point being, just chill...your family doesn't hate you...they're just really stressed out right now...you need anything, I, as well as everyone else here, am only a PM away...sorry you're going thru all this...

[Josephine96]

Thank you for that Jeremy.. I am glad to know I wasn't bashing..

[ColdFront77]

John - I too hope things get better fo you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

             Ditto!

[azskyman]

How sensitive you are John...not just to your mother's reasons for being this way now, but in trying to understand your family's own behavior toward each other. I know a lot of people much older than you who allow the anger and hatred to grow and control their lives. You are obviously attempting to do just the opposite. How proud we all are of you for the way you are handling this right now!

In between the lines, I can see that you don't hate your older sister...you just hate what she has done. You don't hate others at all...only the choices they have made and how it has impacted your mother.

I believe too that the frustration and anger that mom feels toward you is in response to all the other pain she has felt in her life. It just comes out in ugly ways while you are near her. Did you ever hear the phrase, "you always hurt the ones you love?" That is surely what is happening.

Even your family doesn't hate you...but instead are frustrated in how hard you are trying to change things that they, themselves, have struggled to change. You represent something good and they just don't know how to deal with that.

Pain visits all of us in different ways. Yours seems especially viscious right now. And it is. But pain has a way of helping us measure the other GOOD things in our lives. In this case, the caring and supportive responses to your call for a "pick me up" are just one of those good things that you can both see and feel.

You have so much good in you, John. We can see it, read it, and feel it. Believe me, when it is that clear to us, it is also something your mother knows and believes.

Stand tall and feel good that you are a good person. You are a caring person. And that all of the pain you are feeling will not change you to a bitter person, but instead keep love as a very important part of who you are.

I don't know you John, but I can see who you are. And that is a very very VERY good person.

Take care and give mom a hug.

[azsnowman]

John, first off, you ARE a VERY special young man, we ALL are in Gods eye, we are created in His image, can you believe that, WE are like God!

The squables your having with your mother and sisters, that's only natural given the set of circumstances.

Now, most of you know the whole story behind my falling out with my father 2 years ago and you know that that is behind me now and my father and I are speaking once again. John, my father was a HEAVY drinker, I can't even begin to tell you how many times my father told ME the same thing, it seemed like everyday, he'd tell me how worthless I was, I'd never make it on my own, blah, blah, blah....I knew it was the booze talkin'....that hurt and at the same time, it make me WANT to prove him WRONG, especially after I got out of the military (1980). I worked very hard to overcome my low self esteem, stutering and by God, I "PROVED" him soooooooo wrong, I've made, what I call a HUGE success out of myself and our realationship now is unbelievable!

Hang in there my Brother, ya ever need to talk, ya know where I am!

Dennis

[TexasStooge]

(((Hugs))) Hope everything gets better soon.

[Josephine96]

Thank you for all the kind words guys.. I'm going to go see her momentarily and try my hardest to end up not losing my temper know matter what she says...

I kinda need to try to control my temper as well.. But Mom knows which buttons to push.. that is why I sometimes lash out at her.. Plus on top of that.. As much as I love Mom.. I can't stand being under the same roof anymore.. But since the job market is horrendous... I am stuck for a little bit longer.. I just gotta tough it out

Glad to know you guys are here though

[vbhoutex]

I really can't add anything to the many wise words above John. I have a 21 yr old son who is still at home and would prefer to be that way even after her gets marrried(not my words, his)!!! He, of course, has been told that won't happen, not because we don't love him(and he has put us through hell in the past), but because we do love him. The wisdom you show at your age is AMAZING!!! YOU INDEED ARE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON!!! Hang in there and continue doing what you know is right and what God would have you do and ALL WILL BE WELL in the end. Prayers for you and your family in this stressful time are coming from W. Houston.

OOPS!!! Almost forgot the {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}!!!!!!