Friends and such...

[azskyman]

Most of us had at least one or two close friends we grew up with. People who we missed when they went on vacation or couldn't be with us on weekends during the school year because they were sick or out of town or having to do other things.

But for those of you who have reached "adulthood" at least phsyically if not emotionally, I am curious where friends fit into your lifestyle and relationships.

I've been married since 1971. My wife is my best friend. My sons are great friends too. But over those years, I personally have spent little time with good guys in the neighborhood, people who might have been great fishin' partners or part of a golf foursome. I can probably count on my fingers the number of times I actually went with others somewhere for the day or on an outing since I have been married.

I try to rely as little as possible on friends or neighbors to help with needed projects. For example, I had 30 tons of landscaping rock brought in, dumped in the street, and then in need of distribution by wheelbarrow around the house. I did not, would not, ask a neighbor to help but instead put my boys to work with me to get it all done. It worked fine.

I don't like others to feel obligated to help me. Nor do I like others to call me for such tasks and ask my help.

That is not to say that I don't help. I have assisted many times when no one has asked...and I expect nothing in return. These are the ground rules I feel best with.

I work my projects alone...at my pace, and without the expectation of help.

My wife, like many women, needs more social interaction. She enjoys going places with other women. Shopping, theater, lunch, and even meets regularly with the neighborhood girls for a monthly "event."

My years in amateur weather and politics have been the exceptions. I have traveled throughout the country meeting folks who enjoy weather (with my wife, many times). Mostly that took place form 1983 to 1997. I sought out that camaraderie and enjoyed it a great deal. Hosting meetings, and talking weather was great.

And these days, like the last 25 years, I am involved in local politics and actually seek out time to sit down with others to discuss the challenges of the city, etc..

My question is this.

Is it a "guy thing" to be so guarded about developing close friends...the kind that show up on Saturday to see if you want to head to Home Depot with them, or is it simply that some people prefer their space and want to be unattached to the expectations of those kinds of relationships?

I've seen men who are cliquish and hang together in every decision they do. That is a big turn off to me. I prefer my own time doing something, or nothing.

I am far from antisocial and enjoy business and professional and weather interaction online or in person.

But no close friendships where recipricol expectations develop for me. I still feel "normal" but sometimes wonder why. I have many wonderful friends and acquaintances....but not even one who knocks on the door.

How about you?

[Lindaloo]

I have had the same 4 best friends for over 20 years. Although I recently lost one of them to an accident. We still do everything together and talk on the phone daily. When one has something bad happen in their life we are all there for comfort. Even our kids are best of buds.

My husband has his same friends from his teen years too. They all have raced together since the early 70's. I have to hear those "we did this in the 70's" almost every weekend. lol. They are always stopping by on the weekends to help each other out.

[Stephanie]

When I was growing up I had one close friend, Dorothy, who was my next door neighbor. Other close friends that I had actually lived miles away. My mother met their mother at bowling and stayed close with them for many years. Their names were Sandy and Susan. Sandy was a year older than me and Susan was a year younger. We grew up together, had alot of sleep overs, etc. My other really close friend was my cousin, Christine, who is 2 years older than I and lived even further away. Again, we did alot of sleep overs and got into our share of trouble. The funny thing is that I always enjoyed staying at their houses than having them come to mine - I thought that where they lived, they had more to do (which they did).

As I grew older, I hung out more with groups of friends. I've had many "close" friends over the years, but over time, we grew apart and went our separate ways. Marty is my best friend now. I have alot of friends at work and I've actually done the most travelling with this group than with any other. I've always been quite guarded with my feelings and emotions because I've been burned many times.

[pawlee]

i tend be a loner when it comes to the activities i am involved with however one needs friends and i do have a few in the area in can count on when it's time to get out and have some fun. above all else, i am grateful for the internet in that i can have countless friends from all walks of whom i will likely never have the time or opportunity to meet in person. likewise, i am grateful for the internet in having been able to reestablish old ties. case in point, a friend whom i lost touch with in 1991 after graduating high school came back into my life in 2003 as he has since started a skateboard manufacturing company. we now work hand in hand at developing his company for the sake of giving back to an activity that was the basis of our friendship when we were in our teens. this is just one of the many rewarding friendship opportunities i am active with due to the internet...

http://meskateboards.com/home.php

[coriolis]

It's different for women, as Linda and Stephanie attest. I am a lot like you Steve. I'll do it myself. For some, work can be a social thing, but then it's about being with the people, as much as it is the job. I'm very oriented to getting it done. I am reluctant to get into reciprocal friendships like that because I would end up being asked to help, more than I would ask for help - and often at times where I'd rather be doing something else. It might sound selfish, not wanting to help, but it's not in my nature to ask for help. So it evens out. The only exception was when we moved. Even then, I'd prefer to hire a mover.

I don't have many friends, and no close friends. Just family and co-workers. At this point, with the demands of family, it just doesn't work. I do get out on bike rides - usually solo, but occasionally with the local club. It's nice to socialize in that setting, but there's no relationships out of that.

By far, my closest friendships are right here. The conversations can take days to happen so it works out for everyone's schedule.

[Stephanie]

I do understand where are coming from Ed. I'm also not one for asking for help much, but I'm there for anyone else if they need it.

[Pburgh]

Well, I like to do things myself and not ask for help. Sometimes, being a woman, that's a very big task. I've built many, many muscles doing my own yard work and tending to my gardens. Since I lost my best friend several years ago, my closest friends are my family. I have a few others that I golf, camp and "hang out" with. I'm always willing to help others but find it very difficult to ask for help. I guess I'm just really picky about the way things are done and would rather do it myself.

I keep in touch with my friends and tend to do "fun" things with them rather than relying on them for any help with projects. They know I'm here if they need me and I feel the same about them.

I don't feel I'm antisocial, I just sometimes like being with "me" and like the way I do things. PITA

Yes, I think I'm a good friend and have maintained many of my relationships. Yes, relationships need to be maintained. Sometimes it take that extra effort!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[streetsoldier]

My oldest friends now gone, from untimely deaths to simply having moved on, HERE is the only place I find friendship on any level.

When I was healthy, I didn't need to ask for help; I was much more attuned to doing what needed to BE done by myself, trusting none to do it faster, with less expense and more accurately than I.

Now, I find that the "go it alone" attitude is mere "hubris"; the false pride, that goes before a fall. Sometimes, one has to throw that "pride" out the window, and ASK; no guarantees that anyone will respond, but far better to ask, than not know. And, I find nothing shameful in this...but I DO exhaust all possibilities locally first, before casting my nets abroad.