which would have been like 5+ tablespoons, i.e. I tried to OD myself. But, after taking 1 tablespoonful, I dropped the bottle and the medicine spilled out onto my shirt. When I picked the bottle up it was empty. I had a firm grip on that bottle, and only God himself (sorry if I am being bad here) or some miracle could have tipped that bottle over and spilled all of it out. I feel lucky and amazed, knowing that I am still alive. 
To all of you guys, this is again a hard time I am going through.
I understand that I have to "talk it out," but sometimes I just find it hard to do that. I don't like telling people my problems, especilly if its suicide. I keep thinking I can take care of it, even though I can't. I will probably see a psychologist on Monday, so hope all goes well there.
Oh dear, what an emotional rollercoaster! Unfortaunately, I just can't seem to get off...
Matt
P.S. I am still here...
-- that attitude inside me changed and all the negativity got washed out of my system, thanks to a great church group in Starkville, MS. I know just how worthless, desperate, and hopeless one can feel when they're at the brink of suicide. And you don't feel worthy of God's love...or anyone's. But you don't have to change ANYTHING for Him to come into your heart. HE changes YOU.
