Hurricane Ivan Predictions (HUMOR ONLY)

al79philly · #1 Postby **al79philly** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 12:17 pm

Ok... My Hurricane Frances predictions http://www.storm2k.org/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=41611&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 on Saturday seem to have been well received. Since I will likely not have time to post this week, I offer my Hurricane Ivan predictions today...

(If you find this funny, please bump it, or it will get lost quickly...)

Saturday 9/11/04

8:00 AM - TWC "Meteorologist" Stephanie Abrams, reports gusty winds and dangerous conditions and advises residents to stay at home. However, the background behind her shows only sunny conditions with only a 10 MPH breeze.

10:00 AM - President Bush declares that Ivan is likely a WMD designed by Chechnyan terrorists. He pronounces Chechnyan differently each time he says the word.

12:30 PM - NCWeatherWizard confirms the suspicions of most of the people on this board, admitting that he is not really a meteorologist. He adds, however, that he did "stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night."

12:40 PM - TWC goes to "Storm Alert" mode. (For those of you who don't know, this means simply that male anchors are now required to wear Sportcoats.)

12:45 PM - The NHC realizes that naming a Hurricane Ivan was a bad idea, with Max Mayfield admitting that "Ivan is just a mean-sounding name." It quickly decides that all "male" hurricanes in the future will rotate between the names Lance and Bruce. Max Mayfield explains that he hopes Hurricanes named Lance and Bruce will have more of an eye for contemporary fashion and less of an eye for intensification.

3:45 PM - Stephanie Abrams screams "WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT!" and dives off-camera. The camera pans to show a dandelion blowing towards the spot in which she was standing. Fortunately, disaster is averted once again.

5:00 PM - Pebbles, citing popular demand after Hurricane Frances, posts a link to her webcam site so that everyone can see The HURRICANE IVAN DANCE.

5:07 PM - Thousands of visitors are disappointed to find out that the Hurricane Ivan Dance is nothing more than an awkward combination of the Robot, the Funky Chicken, and the "Ickey Shuffle".

6:10 PM - Thousands of men dressed in pink cut-off shirts protest at the National Hurricane Center with signs that read "Lance is a masculine name" and "Up with Bruce... Down with Hurricanes"

7:10 PM - For the 142nd time this week, Hurricane Lover posts his graphic showing Hurricane Frances wiping Florida off of the map... None are amused....

7:45 PM - TWC goes live to Mike Seidel.... For the eleventh time that day, Al Roker pops on screen and says "Hey Buddy" and proceeds to hug Seidel, who appears uncomfortable to say the least.

8:14 PM - During a commercial breaks, TWC "Meteorolgist" Hillary Andrews drops her pen and bends over to pick it up.

8:16 PM - The storm takes a sudden turn, leaving Jim Cantore well outside of any feeder bands... Cantore launches an obscenity-laced tirade on Live TV. Unfortunately, all producers on duty at the time are men. Each is too "embarrased" for some reason to stand up and walk to the Control Panel to take Cantore off of the air.

8:55 PM - President Bush grants Department of Homeland Security head Tom Ridge a medal of honor for "diverting the hurricane". He confidently states "Mission Accomplished." He also offers the following reasons for being able to divert Ivan... "We have an old saying in Texas - Fool me once, shame on you... Fool me twice, well...err...well...mmmmm...Well, we're not gonna let 'em fool us again."

9:05 PM - Geraldo Rivera reports live on FoxNews Channel... An incredible shot shows him maneuvering to duck the constant flow of debris heading his way. He would later resign, after learning that producers from Fox News were actually throwing the debris in his direction.

9:10 PM - President Bush, realizing that Ivan is now headed for the metro DC area, takes the medal back from Tom Ridge.

10:10 PM - Tommedic posts yet another plea to all of the multi-billionaires on the board to donate towards a mobile home replacement program. The request is well received by board members; unfortunately, none are multi-billionaires. He does, however, collect $12.47 in cash, 7 postage stamps, a bumper from a 1972 Volvo, and a Ken Griffey Jr rookie card.

11:27 PM - Brent sets a new record by posting the NHC's 2 AM advisory on this site before the NHC is able to post their 11 PM advisory on their own site.

11:32 PM - TWC "Meterologist" Hillary Andrews calls Hurricane Ivan Hurricane Yvonne on-screen. NHC personnel, overwhelmed by her devious Smile, officially change the name of Ivan to Yvonne.

11:45 PM - Mike Seidel, now off-camera taking a shower, decides to file for a restraining order against Al Roker, after Roker pops his head in through the shower curtain and says "Hey Buddy."

Sunday 9/12/04

12:15 AM - Cantore's four hour on-screen rant finally ends as he tires out. The tirade ends with "F Al Roker... F Seidel.... I hope you two are happy together. Directors and producers at TWC seek medical attention, as they realize that the "effects" of their Levitra have lasted longer than four hours.

1:30 AM - al79philly is permanently banned from the board by two of its moderators - Lance and Bruce.

Before I finish, let me offer the following heartfelt apologies to:
- Pebbles - I am sure you are a great dancer, but you're also a good sport....You can dance for me anytime.
- Any men named Lance or Bruce....
- Any kind-hearted men named Ivan (but you have to admit, it is a menacing name)...
- Any men who choose to wear pink cut-off shirts....
- Stephanie Abrams - Can you forgive me? Will you marry me?
- Hillary Andrews - (see Stephanie Abrams)
- The makers of Levitra... To the woman on the Levitra commercial - if Stephanie and Hillary say no, will you marry me? (Sorry - getting off-subject now)
- The fine people who work hard to maintain the Holiday Inn Express... I wish you the best as you clean up all of the Crayons and Coloring Books (err... Weather Maps) left behind in a certain someone's room.
- Al Roker's wife as she struggles to deal with her husband's strange obsession with Mike Seidel.
- Ickey Woods... (for those of you who don't know, he was the NFL player that perfected the Ickey Shuffle Touchdown Dance.)
- Texasblu - for not finding a way to fit you into this.
- Dubya - you still have my vote even if you cant pronounce "Chechnyan"

btsgmdad · #2 Postby **btsgmdad** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 12:21 pm

ROFL!!!!

ohiostorm · #3 Postby **ohiostorm** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 12:26 pm

11:45 PM - Mike Seidel, now off-camera taking a shower, decides to file for a restraining order against Al Roker, after Roker pops his head in through the shower curtain and says "Hey Buddy."

Thats some good stuff!!!!! Im losing it over here. Definately something to make people in this board have a good laugh.

DoctorHurricane2003 · #4 Postby **DoctorHurricane2003** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 12:28 pm

3:45 PM - Stephanie Abrams screams "WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT!" and dives off-camera. The camera pans to show a dandelion blowing towards the spot in which she was standing. Fortunately, disaster is averted once again.

11:45 PM - Mike Seidel, now off-camera taking a shower, decides to file for a restraining order against Al Roker, after Roker pops his head in through the shower curtain and says "Hey Buddy."

LOL!!!!!!

#5 Postby **HurricaneQueen** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 1:03 pm

Thanks for the great comic relief much needed at this time!!! Great job. Gotta love "Dubya"!
Lynn

#6 Postby **Canelaw99** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 1:06 pm

Texasblu · #7 Postby **Texasblu** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 2:30 pm

Too funny!!!! Yes, I accept your apology for not finding a way to fit me into that!!! BTW - - - are you by any chance a standup comedian????????? :lol:

Stormsfury · #8 Postby **Stormsfury** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 2:32 pm

OMG >>> ROTFLMAO !!!!

#9 Postby **wsquared77** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 2:51 pm

Very, VERY funny!

LilNoles2004 · #10 Postby **LilNoles2004** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 2:51 pm

That's some funny stuff! I'm still cracking up!

#11 Postby **Canelaw99** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 3:07 pm

#12 Postby **vbhoutex** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 3:10 pm

Success x 2!!!! The second is as good as the first. You are hereby nominated for the official Storm2k stand up comedian spot!!!

Lebowsky · #13 Postby **Lebowsky** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 3:20 pm

Superb.

hurricanefreak1988 · #14 Postby **hurricanefreak1988** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 3:33 pm

That's some funny stuff dude :lol:

#15 Postby **msbee** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 3:44 pm

al79philly
you are too funny!
that is some good stuff!
you need to start writing comedy routines for Letterman and Leno!

air360 · #16 Postby **air360** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 3:52 pm

that is great!!! i loved that....I could get used to reading a weekly version of that of some sort..haha..and the best thing about it is...its all (well mostly all) true:):)

btsgmdad · #17 Postby **btsgmdad** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 4:59 pm

For my 250th post, I will bump this extremely hilarious post back to the top of the board where it belongs.

#18 Postby **Roxy** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 5:05 pm

now that's some funny ____!

#19 Postby **george_r_1961** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 5:11 pm

Im laighing so hard my stomach hurts lol

wannabe4castr · #20 Postby **wannabe4castr** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 5:22 pm

Hillarious, may I share with some of my friends that don't read this board?

Hurricane Ivan Predictions (HUMOR ONLY)

Hurricane Ivan Predictions (HUMOR ONLY)

That is..

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