I'll be on and off for a while...

[Rainband]

Good addition Garrett

[yoda]

Thanks guys. You are all helping some. I guess I am just not used to it, that's all. Being suddenly "bipolar" (my pysch at GMU THINKS I may be... but says she needs a few more visits by me to make sure), suffering from insomina, the sudden and harsh mood swings from day to day... as well as thinking about that "thing that I could do" once in a while to make it all go away. No, I am not thinking of it right now... I am a happy person!

Anyway, in addition, maybe I am also not used to it yet. I mean, I had a 3.7 GPA going into my last semester at WSHS, before I took a sudden nosedive and crashed as my life fell apart quickly and rapidly. Its come back together some, but not all the way.

Oh well... we will see how it goes the next few days...

[OtherHD]

What is keeping you from telling your parents about seeing a psychiatrist? Don't you think this is something they'd like to know? Wouldn't they be more understanding of your grades if they knew exactly what you've been going through?

[yoda]

What is keeping you from telling your parents about seeing a psychiatrist? Don't you think this is something they'd like to know? Wouldn't they be more understanding of your grades if they knew exactly what you've been going through?

Hmm... I know I should, but I just don't want to. I can't bring myself to tell them. I feel guilty for some reason, as if it was my fault. My parents were not very receptive to my problems back in February and March when this all started.

[Stephanie]

With your mood swings, you could be bipolar. You need to be on medication, which also would mean that your parents need to know. You need to make them understand that you are having problems and you are trying to get help resolving them. There's no shame or dishonor in saying that you're having a problem dealing with things. It's an illness. The biggest step for you is admitting it and choosing to get help.

[yoda]

With your mood swings, you could be bipolar. You need to be on medication, which also would mean that your parents need to know. You need to make them understand that you are having problems and you are trying to get help resolving them. There's no shame or dishonor in saying that you're having a problem dealing with things. It's an illness. The biggest step for you is admitting it and choosing to get help.

That is what my pysch suspects, but says she needs further visits by me to make sure. I already have a meeting with the GMU Health and Wellness Dept. in late January, as they are the ones who help decide which meds I should be on, as well as with the pysch.

I have admitted it to a few select people... and myself. I know I need help. I guess I would rather for some odd reason do it myself. Yes, I know that is bad... but I just can't seem to shake it. I just seem to want to do it myself.

Another reason I guess I don't seek help from my dormmates or roommate is because I did not want them to know. Unfortunately, they joke about SI when playing games or they are just being funny about something. I try to laugh along, but I just can't cause it hurts so much inside. One of my friends who has been through the same thing as me, and is also been seeing a pysch and having treatment for two years told me that it is best not to tell many people. She said that it "changes" people around you, as in their attitude towards you, the way they speak to you, say things around you, etc.

Anyway, yes Stephanie, I will probably be on meds soon. However, for reasons I don't understand yet, I always get confused when my mood shifts. Its like I am not thinking straight. THAT is what frightens me. I am afraid of when I am in my "depression" mood or swingly wildly I think bad things. Right now, I am on a mental "high" so I am fine. I hope you understand what I am trying to imply.

-- Matt

[yoda]

Um... I am not doing well right now. I set up another visit with my pysch. It will be next week. I got a letter in the mail warning me of my grades. I am on "Academic Probation" until my grades rise above 2.0. It also states that it will listed on my sheet until I graduate... oh dear. I messed up here folks...

I am breaking inside... I can't take it much longer. Nothing bad, just a breakdown both emotionally and mentally. I wish this would all end and go away... I am not going to do anything... I just wish this stuff had never come to me.

Anyway, my parents have threatened to seize my account and my money in it. I am trying to fight that. I told them I was failing in school and they took it badly. I am really upset... and so confused, and lost inside. I don't know what to do. I did not tell them about the pysch and how I might be bipolar. I can't bring myself to tell them that.

Anyway... I am praying to God that he brings me through this... as He has done before on a few occasions...

-- Matt

P.S. Merry Christmas to all.

[banshee]

If God takes you to it He will bring you through it. I've heard it said time and again.

You mentioned your issues briefly on the political board once before and my heart went out to you. I know where you are; I've been there.

Depression and suicidal tendencies are extremely difficult emotions to deal with. You said it perfectly and may not have realized it, but suicide is not about death and wanting to die, its about wanting it all to stop and end. The mind and the body have threshholds and when they reach the threshhold point something will break.

When I went through my moment in time I knew something was wrong, the thoughts I had weren't normal, they were out of my character. I had just lost an extremely well paying job after 9/11, was raising a daughter alone without child support and didnt have a clue what I was going to do. I fell into a black hole and couldnt find my way out. Its only by the Grace of God and a 14 yr old beautiful child who keeps me grounded I'm here today.

I had the same symptoms as you, not sleeping, mood swings, irrational thoughts, chaotic behavoiur, extremely irritable; all the result of depression/anxiety/stress. I was never dx'd as bipolar but the symptoms are close.

There is a way out and the lights at the end of the tunnel. You cant see it now, but trust me, its there. The preacher said those exact same words to me in a sermon one morning, only he didnt know he was talking to me. Put one foot in front of the other, take it day by day, keep on keeping on and you will come out it. And when it gets bad, talk. Talk and then talk some more. Doesnt matter what the subject, but talk. Keep talking and as you talk the answers will come little by little and in the end you will be a survivor.

[yoda]

If God takes you to it He will bring you through it. I've heard it said time and again.

You mentioned your issues briefly on the political board once before and my heart went out to you. I know where you are; I've been there.

Depression and suicidal tendencies are extremely difficult emotions to deal with. You said it perfectly and may not have realized it, but suicide is not about death and wanting to die, its about wanting it all to stop and end. The mind and the body have threshholds and when they reach the threshhold point something will break.

When I went through my moment in time I knew something was wrong, the thoughts I had weren't normal, they were out of my character. I had just lost an extremely well paying job after 9/11, was raising a daughter alone without child support and didnt have a clue what I was going to do. I fell into a black hole and couldnt find my way out. Its only by the Grace of God and a 14 yr old beautiful child who keeps me grounded I'm here today.

I had the same symptoms as you, not sleeping, mood swings, irrational thoughts, chaotic behavoiur, extremely irritable; all the result of depression/anxiety/stress. I was never dx'd as bipolar but the symptoms are close.

There is a way out and the lights at the end of the tunnel. You cant see it now, but trust me, its there. The preacher said those exact same words to me in a sermon one morning, only he didnt know he was talking to me. Put one foot in front of the other, take it day by day, keep on keeping on and you will come out it. And when it gets bad, talk. Talk and then talk some more. Doesnt matter what the subject, but talk. Keep talking and as you talk the answers will come little by little and in the end you will be a survivor.

Good post Banshee. I agree. When I am either confused or really depressed, it is hard for me to control my emotions and things. BUt I really try to. Only problem there is the talking part. For some reason, I would rather isolate myself than talk about it. Whenever I become really depressed, I isolate myself from all my dormmates/roommates/whoever and just sit in my own world. I know that is bad, but I can't seem to break it. I have tried before, but they seem to laugh it off. I have once tried to bring it up while we were playing, but they started joking about SI during a game because of something that was going on, so I got upset and left. I just can't tell them.

[depotoo]

From what I gather yoda - mayber your parents are not the most supportive and that has got to be troubling to you. if this is the case, please remember, it is not you - there are just some that can not seem to look past their own problems or dreams. Remember you are the most important person right now. your health is what matters most mentally and physically. if your parents expectations are too high part of your failure this semester could be your own set up of feeling you NEVER can meet their expectations of you or you are totally worn out from always meeting their needs and not your own. You are at a stage in life where you have got to get a grip on what and who you are - not who your parents want you to be. this alone could help to relieve some of your symptoms I truly believe. Maybe it is time to move away from your parents lives for awhile and find yourself - please give this some deep thought. I may be totally off base here but really think they seem to be expecting far too much from you and may have for quite some time. a 3.5 your first semester, your fear of how they will react to anything less and your withdrawal from others all make me suspect of this. if i am wrong, forgive me, if not, please take heed of what i have said. good luck to you and please remember to be true to yourself first. you are in our thought and prayers, yoda.

[yoda]

From what I gather yoda - mayber your parents are not the most supportive and that has got to be troubling to you. if this is the case, please remember, it is not you - there are just some that can not seem to look past their own problems or dreams. Remember you are the most important person right now. your health is what matters most mentally and physically. if your parents expectations are too high part of your failure this semester could be your own set up of feeling you NEVER can meet their expectations of you or you are totally worn out from always meeting their needs and not your own. You are at a stage in life where you have got to get a grip on what and who you are - not who your parents want you to be. this alone could help to relieve some of your symptoms I truly believe. Maybe it is time to move away from your parents lives for awhile and find yourself - please give this some deep thought. I may be totally off base here but really think they seem to be expecting far too much from you and may have for quite some time. a 3.5 your first semester, your fear of how they will react to anything less and your withdrawal from others all make me suspect of this. if i am wrong, forgive me, if not, please take heed of what i have said. good luck to you and please remember to be true to yourself first. you are in our thought and prayers, yoda.

No, you sum it up quite well. What you state is true. It is the same with my friends and dormmates. Yes, I do remember to be true to myself. I just hate the mood swings which seem to be coming much faster and harder nowadays. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers Depotoo.