Co-workers and so called friends

[Miss Mary]

I shall echo Coriolis on this one, and I'm not trying to sound chauvinist, but I think this is a woman thing. Men have a different, more direct way of dealing with bad apples at work. My wife comes home in a tizzy sometimes about one particular lady at work. I listen time and time again, and although I feel her pain, I'm a little baffled why they don't take some action to put her in her place.

We have a guy here who gets on everyone's nerves. He's repeatedly late, always taking sick time, and it is felt that his taking advantage of his salaried priviledges, will eventually take some of them away from all of us.

Our action, was a calculated and organized attack. We made up a slogan: WWWD, which stands for "What Would Will Do". It is used openly to draw attention to his lousy work ethics. At first, it didn't work, but of late, I think it is actually eating at him because he has actually improved his arrival time (although he's not in yet ). Men will let you have it, but not in a way that makes enemies of one another. It's hard to explain, but interior conflicts, are few and far between in the male dominated workplace.

It's not hard to explain j. My fellow female S2K friends may blast me for this, but I've noticed men are just easier to deal with also - at work and in friendships. Men/guys don't hold grudges, don't play mean, sneaky little tricks. If they don't like you, they move on.

My oldest daughter has had trouble getting along with female friends. SO many times she's said to me - Mom, why are girls like this? All I can do is sigh and say I wish they approached friendships the way guys do.

Here's what it comes down to IMHO - guys are direct and girls are not always direct.

I recently learned this the hard way. I still smile each time I read Linda's topic title - "so called friends" - so true!

Okay, women, please don't blast me on this but this is a big difference between men and women. If you can remove sexual desire/harrassment from the equation, in the workplace, working with a man seems so much easier than working with a female. Sometimes!

Mary

[j]

Mary...if you worked with us...I think we'd make you an honorary member of the Men's Club!

[Miss Mary]

Mary...if you worked with us...I think we'd make you an honorary member of the Men's Club!

Shhhhh!!!! You're gonna get me in BIG trouble around here j....

I do have several, very good female friends from HS. They never play games, give me a hard time if we haven't talked in months. However, they are rare exceptions, IMHO. I can usually see thru female games a mile away, b/c I pride myself on NOT playing them. Usually, that is......someone just fooled me big time recently, another story, for another day. In other words, I'm far from perfect, but I try to be upfront in my relationships!!!

Mary

[Pburgh]

I work with all men. We do have a female administrative assistant who is great. Trust me, some men have ulterior motives and play games big time. I have, however, always enjoyed the company of men more than woman in the work place and everywhere else for that matter!!!!!!!!

Linda, don't play into her hands by playing her games or getting upset over them. SHE WILL hang herself and you will look sooooooo good for not letting her bother you. ((Hugs))

[j]

I work with all men. We do have a female administrative assistant who is great. Trust me, some men have ulterior motives and play games big time. I have, however, always enjoyed the company of men more than woman in the work place and everywhere else for that matter!!!!!!!!

Linda, don't play into her hands by playing her games or getting upset over them. SHE WILL hang herself and you will look sooooooo good for not letting her bother you. ((Hugs))

great advice Pb..give them enough rope, and they eventually hang themselves.

[Stephanie]

I work with all men. We do have a female administrative assistant who is great. Trust me, some men have ulterior motives and play games big time. I have, however, always enjoyed the company of men more than woman in the work place and everywhere else for that matter!!!!!!!!

Linda, don't play into her hands by playing her games or getting upset over them. SHE WILL hang herself and you will look sooooooo good for not letting her bother you. ((Hugs))

great advice Pb..give them enough rope, and they eventually hang themselves.

I couldn't agree more either. Actually, it can be fun to watch!

[sunny]

Oh, Linda - I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I, like you, believe that if you give a person enough rope, eventually they will hang themselves. They can make life difficult.

My nemisis is very insecure, extremely manipulative, very sneaky, and so petty it makes me batty. I have had to put our relationship on a "stricly professional" basis, because when she goes down, I do not want my name anywhere in it.

[alicia-w]

I guess I am SO lucky that besides the two secretaries, I'm the only the only woman in our office, i.e. there isnt another woman in our organization that does what I do...

However,

there ARE a few whiny guys who display the same kind of behavior Linda describes and they're equally reprehensible.

[isobar]

People like that are insecure, plain and simple. If there's any consolation Linda, it's that she has no peace in her life.

We can't control other people; we can only control our responses. If you can distance yourself as much as you can from the situation and keep doing what you know is the right thing, you can sleep well at night.

P.S. It's true, (generally) men are easier to work with.

[alicia-w]

P.S. It's true, (generally) men are easier to work with.

They come with their own set of problems and issues....

[pojo]

there are some people at my work that 'jealousy' rules their life.... or they don't like getting wet (I'm sorry... you chose to be a lifeguard/swim instructor... you are going to get wet!)

[Miss Mary]

People like that are insecure, plain and simple. If there's any consolation Linda, it's that she has no peace in her life.

We can't control other people; we can only control our responses. If you can distance yourself as much as you can from the situation and keep doing what you know is the right thing, you can sleep well at night.

P.S. It's true, (generally) men are easier to work with.

Wise advice Donna!!! I've learned this the hard way, many times, and just recently too. We cannot change how other people behave but we can change how we handle their behavior! Distancing works wonders if you can pull it off. If not, don't play their games. I've always told my daughters to take the high road in their relationships. It's difficult to do, especially girl-to-girl. I've had my share of teen tears in this household, but in the end, if you can hold your head up high b/c you know you treated someone well, even if they didn't treat you nicely, then you've nothing to be concerned about. This goes for friendships and/or work relationships.

I like you summed it up so simply too Donna!

Mary

[azskyman]

I sometimes explain it to my staff this way.

There are those who are achievers...who know that to move your way through the field and into your career, you have to work hard and still enjoy yourself. They have little time for politics, but when they do, it is usually a competetive spar, not a stab in the back.

Then there are those who see themselves as achievers...as the ones who bring the whole package to the table. Great skills, good looks, solid work ethic, even the ability to manage and lead others.

Trouble is, sometimes those people can only stay that perfect if they can find imperfections in others. In other words, in order to look THAT good, they have to make others look THAT bad. They spend their energy belittling others or bossing instead of building teams. Their mouth gets way ahead of their actions...and they then can't believe there is no respect.

I can surely appreciate the challenge you have. And while I have both men and women under my watch, I'd say the problem is often one of esteem and ego for either sex. They simply can't live up to their own expectations, so they work hard to diminish the worth of others.

Good luck with the process. Most times, they either move on "where their value will really be appreciated," or they wash out and are shown the door.

Usually they are not bad people...just people who aren't the answer they try to convince others they are.